


It's Not My Fault!

by shanisafan



Series: It's Not My Fault [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Drinking, Friendship, Gay, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Reddie, the losers are always together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 22:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 92,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12094596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanisafan/pseuds/shanisafan
Summary: “I want to be there for you when things get hard just as I know you will be there for me. Ben wrote his poem by me talking about how much I think I’m not good enough for you.”“Richie -“ Eddie squeezed the other boy’s hands.“I’m serious Eddie. I’m not. I’m selfish to take someone off the market who is as great as you. So I want to thank you for everything. Here’s to you and whatever happens next.”





	1. More Than A Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - More Than A Feeling by Boston  
> 

“COME ON GUYS! THIS ISN’T FUNNY!” Eddie yelled in exasperation. He pounded on the closet door with his fists.

“What? Don’t appreciate my company, Eds?” Richie grinned leaning against the hung up coats. “And here I thought we were best friends.”

Eddie spoke through gritted teeth, “It’s your fault they threw us in here.” He pounded on the door some more. “Also, you know I hate it when you call me Eds!”

“My fault?” Richie said in mock surprise. “You were the one picking a fight. I am but a simple victim in all this.”

“You’re the victim?!” Eddie rounded on Richie. The glasses wearing, smirking asshole put his hands up in defense.

“I’m just saying Eddie, my boy, that you only have yourself to blame.” Richie ruffled Eddie’s thick hair annoyingly.

He shook off the gesture. “Richie, you were the one making fun of me for having never been kissed. How was I supposed to fucking respond?”

“Well, yelling ‘FUCK OFF RICHIE’ then tackling me was quite a surprise. Especially to Beverly who got knocked backward, slamming into Ben’s mom’s favorite vase. So well done Eddie Spaghetti.” He grinned broader. Which only made Eddie’s face heat up in rage.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen!” Eddie yelled making his voice crack. “I just hate that no girl has ever kissed me!!”

Richie put both hands up to cover his ears, “Fucking hell, ow. Small space, Eds. Your yelling is hurting my ears.”

“Ben’s mom is gonna fucking kill him,” Eddie said quieter.

Richie put on a fake old timey accent. “That musteth be whyeth the other 5 losers saw fit to throw us in this lowly closet. So we shan’t break anything more…eth.”

“Beep beep, Richie. And I guess we deserve it.” Eddie sighed defeatedly. “But I’m claustrophobic and left my inhaler out there.”

“I’ve got your spare if you need it.” Richie reached into his pocket to retrieve it.

Eddie parted his mouth in surprise. “Thanks, Richie. I’m ok right now.” It meant a lot that Richie always looked out for Eddie, even if he had a funny way of showing it. Eddie knew he did not need his inhaler but kept it around still out of habit. Richie met Eddie’s eyes then they traveled to Eddie’s lips, “What?” Eddie raised a hand to his mouth wiping with his palm. “Is there something on my face?”

Richie looked away a blush spreading lightly across his freckled cheeks, “I could show you.”

“Show me what?” Eddie stared up at the taller boy frowning.

“I…c-c-could show you…”

“Spit it out stuttering Bill.” Eddie said, using the nickname for their friend who actually has a stutter. 

“Kissing. I could show you how to kiss.” Richie said breathlessly. 

Eddie’s eyes widened. It never occurred to him to practice kissing. He thought it would just happen and instincts would take over. Then he realized Richie must be kidding. So he started laughing.

“Yeah, very funny Richie. As if I’d kiss your ugly mug.” Eddie kept laughing but when he looked at Richie, his expression was serious. “You are joking? Right?”

Richie shook his head slowly and took a step closer to Eddie. The shorter boy did not move, he just gazed in wonder. “I…I wouldn’t know what to do. How to even start…”

“That’s ok. I’ve only ever kissed your mom, so my talents are limited.”

“Shut up you fucking ass…” Eddie didn’t get a chance to finish his insult because Richie leaned his head down and kissed him. It was short and sweet. Richie’s cheeks tinted pink, and Eddie’s face became red as a tomato from the boldness. As Richie started to pull away embarrassed, Eddie put his hands on both sides of the boy’s face and brought their lips together forcefully.

Richie almost lost his balance from the force. His hands landed on the door effectively entrapping Eddie, even though it was Richie who felt trapped. Trapped in a good way as Eddie experimentally ran his tongue along the bottom of his lip. The taller boy opened his mouth with a sigh and they sloppily deepened the kiss. Richie could smell the lavender soap on Eddie’s soft skin. Richie’s head was spinning and he felt butterflies in his stomach.

Eddie’s hands played with the curls at the base of Richie’s neck. Then he ran his fingers through the boy’s hair, knocking off his glasses. Eddie broke the kiss to apologize, but Richie silenced him going back to where they were before. Lips numb and faces flushed, their legs knocked into each other as they tried to move their bodies closer. Eddie’s back flat up against the door.

“W-w-wait…” Eddie said breathily. He put one hand on Richie’s chest to steady himself.

“Are you ok? Did I hurt you?” Richie whispered.

“No, just wait.” Eddie bent his head back against the door to look at Richie’s brown eyes. “Are we doing this right?”

Richie let out a chuckle. “I mean, I pretty much think you’re the cutest person now, so we must be doing something right.”

“You always say I’m cute.” Eddie scoffed.

“Cause it’s true.” Their foreheads met and they just stayed like that, silent. Which was crazy because the two had never been quiet around each other ever.

Richie kissed Eddie’s forehead. Eddie clutched onto him tight, “What will our friends think, Richie?”

“Eh, who fucking cares.” He went to kiss Eddie’s lips again with tenderness. Then the door swung open and they both tumbled out of the closet.

Their teeth knocked into one another. Eddie landed on his back with Richie straddling him.

“You two were being suspiciously quiet,” Ben said in a small voice.

“I thought Eddie had finally killed you,” Beverly smirked.

Stanley had a hand over his mouth suppressing giggles, “Apparently we were missing out on all the fun.”

“We put you in there to punish you. Not for seven minutes in heaven!” Mike bent over laughing.

“Yea-h-h, this seems more like a p-p-party to me.” Bill reached out a hand to help Richie up. Richie then grabbed Eddie’s hands and hoisted him to his feet.

“Well, there’s your answer Eds.” Richie slung an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. “They don’t mind”.

“Eh, who fucking cares.” Eddie placed a kiss on Richie’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written a fanfic in 10 years. That's how much trash I have become. Hope you enjoyed!  
> 


	2. Here I Go Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Here I Go Again by Whitesnake  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From a tumblr prompt! Eddie gets cast as the lead in a school play and he has to kiss the main female. Richie gets so jealous he does everything in his power to join the cast too and ruin the play. (In a world where they all go to the same school)

Richie was holding his stomach cracking up, “Romeo and Juliet?! You can’t be fucking serious.”

Eddie’s cheeks went bright red. He knew the guys were going to make fun of him the minute they found out about the school play. “Listen, I’m doing shit in AP English and Mrs. Lane told me that if I tried out for the school play, she would give me extra credit. They needed more guys!”

“Of course they needed guys. No one wants to be in that stupid play written by an old dead guy.” Stan cracked up.

Eddie punched Stan in the arm, “All you do is read a book by an old dead guy, Stan. Who do you think wrote the fucking Torah?”

"Who did write the torah?" Richie asked genuinely.  

Stan scoffed at him punching his shoulder, "Shut up, Richie." 

Bill stepped in between them before they started roughhousing, “I’m s-s-sure you’ll be awesome E-e-e-edie.”

“I hate it when you stutter my name, Bill. You sound like Elmer Fudd.” Eddie said in frustration. Then he lightened up, “But thank you, Bill. I doubt it will be a big part. I am the smallest guy in this fucking school.”

"That's not true. There are some freshman shorter than you." Stanley laughed.

"I will murder you," Eddie mumbled.

“Hey everyone! What’s shaking?” Mike came over with Beverly a couple steps behind him.

“Damn Mike,” She huffed out, “You are getting so tall. I can barely keep up with your strides. How’s it going, guys?”

Richie popped up next to Eddie quickly putting his arm around the boy’s shoulders, “Eds is trying out for the school play. I bet you’ll be cast as Juliet since you’re the cutest in the school.” Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek and Eddie smacked his hand away. Eddie did not want to be a lead character where he would have to kiss someone. The only person he wanted to kiss was Richie, but they hadn't done anything for weeks now. The kiss in the closet felt like years ago.

Beverly frowned at Richie, “Then I can play Romeo because I tried out too.”

“What?!” They all collectively said.

“You did? You mean I won’t have to suffer this torture alone?!” Eddie said euphoric. He squirmed out of Richie’s grasp and grabbed Beverly’s hands gratefully, “Thank fuck. I was really worried the next couple weeks were going to suck.”

Beverly gave him a bright smile and kissed Eddie on the cheek. Eddie felt his face heat up in embarrassment. He felt compelled to look at Richie who had a weird expression on his face like he had been hit by a truck or something.

“What? Eddie’s the only one who gets a kiss on the cheek?” Richie pointed to his cheek stupidly. This made Eddie more annoyed. Richie can't be serious for one second.

“You haven’t earned it,” Beverly smirked, poking Richie’s cheek hard.

“Bev! Beverly!” Ben came bounding over trying to catch his breath from running. “They…posted...they posted…” He took a deep breath, “They posted the cast list!”

“Oh no, not you to Haystack!” Richie threw up his hands. “I can’t believe almost half the group decided to become actors. Don’t forget us when you are rich and famous.”

“Please Richie, you’re the most dramatic one of all of us,” Stanley said shoving him.

“You’re right Stan the man. I will become rich and famous and forget you all!” Richie put an arm around Eddie’s shoulders again and steered him toward the cast list. “Except you Eds. You’ll live in my mansion and we will have a huge arcade room and eat our weight in candy.”

Eddie’s face flushed, “Don’t call me Eds!” The thought of living together made his stomach flutter.

The seven of them got to the list, which was crowded with other students looking at it. Eddie somehow ended up at the back and could not see over the other heads.

“I can’t fucking BELIEVE they gave Juliet to that slut!” Grete pushed her way through the gathered students. When she saw Beverly, the beast of a girl rounded on her in full rage. “Congratulations. I guess you can cross Eddie Kaspbrak off your list of people you fuck. Although, he’s probably already been there since you hang out with all these losers all the time.”

Grete slammed her shoulder into Beverly, who lost her footing and almost fell. Bill caught her before she fell, “Are y-y-you okay, B-B-Beverly?”

“Fine,” Beverly straightened herself out, eyes downcast. “Thanks, Bill.” She added quietly.

“Well, look on the Brightside. This means you're Juliet!” Mike said sweetly putting his hand on Beverly’s arm reassuringly.

“Oh god…but that means I am…” Eddie shoved his way to the front and scanned the list. His eyes did not have to go too far.

 

**_ROMEO………………….EDDIE KASPBRAK_ **

“Fuck me!” Eddie cried.

“Thanks a lot, Eddie” Beverly laughed.

“Oh no, no. You are great Bev. I just…Romeo. So many lines. I was hoping one of the fathers or the smallest role possible. Not the LEAD.” His breathing became staggered from the stress. He tapped his chest trying to keep the panic at bay. “What the hell am I going to do?”

He looked at the group.

“Quit?” Ben asked hopefully.

“We all know you wanted the role, Ben, try to be more subtle.” Mike bumped Ben jokingly.

“Ask for another role?” Stan suggested.

“It’s j-j-just a play,” Bill remarked.

“Hey! We had our first kiss in a play.” Beverly said mocked hurt.

“All of your suggestions are so weak…wait…it’s too calm and chill right now. Where’s trashmouth?” Eddie looked around and spotted Richie talking to Mrs. Lane. They all wandered a little closer to hear the conversation.

“I’ll play any part! Any at all! Or crew? I’ll work the crew. Please, Mrs. Lane!” Richie practically shouted.

“You should have come to the audition, Mr. Tozier.” Mrs. Lane would not even look at Richie. Eddie covered his mouth to hold back laughs.

“I will do anything!” Richie said desperately. Eddie stopped laughing and just stared at Richie. The boy was not kidding around, he was completely serious.

“Fine! You can be in the ensemble. Now stop bothering me.” Mrs. Lane hurried away so as not to be troubled by any more kids.

“Welcome to the cast, Mr. Tozier!” Beverly lightly punched Richie's shoulder.

“But why – ” Eddie began.

“I had a change of heart. Now the actors outnumber the Losers Club members.” Richie put his hands casually in his pockets and strolled off to class. Eddie watched him go suspiciously. 

* * *

Week 1 of Rehearsals:

 

Rehearsals got off to a rocky start. Eddie had a feeling he knew who the saboteur was but could not prove it.

It all started with his script. He lost it the first day, then asked Mrs. Lane for an extra. She told him he was killing trees and to not lose this copy. Then, after he took the time to highlight every line he said, he made the mistake of leaving it in the green room. When he came back, it was on the highest shelf, impossible to get to.

“Who the fuck put it up there?”

“Probably the theatre ghost.” Richie came up from behind putting his elbow on Eddie’s shoulder.

“What are you talking about dipshit?”

Richie lowered his face to Eddie’s ear and whispered, “Didn’t you hear? There used to be a nun that worked here and she died in this very theatre. So whenever people put on shows, she plays pranks on them.”

“Does she now?” Eddie said skeptically, crossing his arms. He was very aware of how his skin was tingling when Richie leaned or touched him in any way. The whispering in his ear gave him goosebumps. They had both been in such a weird place lately, well mostly Eddie was annoyed with Richie, that being this casual once more felt unnatural.  “Well, if I cannot get to my script, I will have to borrow yours.”

Eddie snatched the script from Richie’s other hand and walked off toward rehearsal. That night, he did his best to memorize as much as possible before he lost another script to this ‘ghost’. 

* * *

Week 2 of Rehearsals:

 

Eddie grabbed his throat pretending to gag, “O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.”

Eddie hesitated, looking at Beverly’s still face helplessly. He glanced around the stage getting more nervous by the second. The hesitation was turning into a really awkward pause but he could not bring himself to kiss her. 

“Eddie! For the last time, KISS HER!” Mrs. Lane yelled, throwing her script vigorously.

“I know! I know! But every time I go in for the kiss, the theatre ghost does something.” He put out his fingers to list off the incidents, “First, a light almost fell on my head. Second, the poison had lemon juice in it and let me tell you, swallowing that much lemon juice at once would give anyone a coughing attack and need to take a break. Third, my costume was covered in peanut butter and jelly. I feel like the ghost is trying to make me their next picnic meal!”

“Eddie, we have to get through this. We have not finished the show ONCE and we open next week.” Mrs. Lane sat heavily in a theatre seat throwing some aspirin in her mouth dry swallowing.

“Fine.” Eddie looked at Beverly who winked before closing her eyes.

“O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.” Eddie leaned forward hoping to get the kiss over with fast before anything happened. Suddenly a loud bell rang out indicating the fire alarm had been pulled. He heard the ominous sound of the sprinklers starting. “Oh shit!” 

All the kids started screaming and ran out of the auditorium. Eddie helped Beverly up and spotted Richie coming over to them. He was wiping his hand with a cloth but quickly hid it before Eddie could ask what happened.

While they were outside waiting to be let inside, Eddie noticed a spot on the sleeve of Richie’s sweater. Eddie grabbed his wrist.

“What the fuck man!” Richie protested snatching his hand back.

Eddie glared at the taller boy but didn’t say anything. It looked like ink from when you pull a fire alarm. 

* * *

 

Opening Night:

 

Eddie was pacing backstage quietly murmuring his lines. There were so many to remember that he was sure he would freeze up and not be able to go on. Beverly came out looking beautiful in her first dress.

“Are you ready?! I am so excited. Bill came early and saved seats for him, Mike, and Stan in the front row.” She was jumping up and down.

Eddie’s face paled. It was starting to get very real, “I’m going to throw up.” He whispered.

She put a hand on his head and turned him to face her, “You’re going to be great.”

“We haven’t even practiced our kiss! What if it all goes to shit?” He took deep, staggering breathes. 

“Don’t worry. We got this. I’m an expert now.” Beverly gave Eddie a quick hug then went to find Ben and Richie to wish them luck or ‘Break a leg’ as Mrs. Lane kept telling them to say. Why would he want to break his leg? Stupid theatre terms.

“Hey pal, you ready?” Eddie jumped at the sound of Richie’s voice, which made Richie laugh. Eddie quickly turned away from him; he refused to engage with him.

“What’s up with you?” Richie said kind of hurt.

“You are what’s up with me,” Eddie growled.

“What did I –”

Eddie cut him off immediately, “Richie, why do you keep sabotaging the show?!”

“I’m not –”

Eddie got right up in Richie’s face, “You are and I want to know why.”

“I’m just having a little fun…”

“It is not fun. I have been learning these lines, stupid fucking blocking, not to mention doing blocking while I say stupid lines, and so has the rest of the cast! If you do anything tonight, I swear I am gonna kill you.” Eddie raised his fist up as threateningly as he could be when he was so much smaller than Richie.

“I…I…” Richie looked so guilty and nervous.

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!” Eddie yelled. Someone nearby shushed him.

Richie took Eddie by the wrist and led him to a secluded area, “Because I don’t want you to kiss Beverly!” He whispered harshly.

Eddie yanked his arm away looking at him incredulously, “Who cares? It’s just a kiss.”

Richie's eyes flashed, “Yeah, but what if you realize you are in love with her and you guys get together and then I’ll never see you anymore and...and…” Richie said this at lightning speed.

“Rich…” Eddie watched his best friend astonished.

“I know I sound crazy. I just don’t want you guys to kiss.” He said barely audible. "We kissed and it fucking meant something to me, even if it clearly didn't to you."

Eddie moved closer to Richie and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He applied some pressure there before watching his hand slide up to the side of Richie’s head as if controlled by someone else. His hand cupped the boy’s round face and he ran his thumb over Richie’s cheek slowly. Richie leaned his face into the touch, cheeks going pink, and gazed into Eddie's eyes. Neither was sure who initiated the kiss but their lips bumped together.

Richie tilted his head to gain better access, his glasses jamming into the bridge of his nose from the interaction. Eddie let both his hands reach back and lock behind Richie’s neck. Richie could not control his thrill; he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and lifted the boy off the ground spinning them. Eddie squealed into Richie’s lips with surprise but smiled at his ridiculousness.

They pulled apart but kept holding onto each other. “It meant something to me too, ya idiot.”

“Thank fuck,” Richie responded breathlessly.

“Now, can I go on and do this stupid show without you messing everything up?” Eddie looked at him warningly. "I'll kiss you before and after my scene with Beverly. It'll be good practice since you made it impossible for me to get it right with her."

Richie returned the smile, “Yes…I just need to pour out the poison, replace the dagger, and fix one of the legs of the tomb.” Richie ran away.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Eddie stormed after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: This was so fun to write. I couldn't help making it long because I love writing dialogue. Let me know what you think friends!


	3. Pour Some Sugar On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From another tumblr prompt!  
> Reddie prompt: Eddie gives Richie the silent treatment for saying/doing something stupid and Richie lowkey has real bad issues with attention since his deadbeat parents don’t give him any, so he freaks out after trying everything to get Eddie to talk to him, and Eddie still doesn’t. then Eddie comforts him when he confesses his issues and yeah pls i need this fluff!!!

Eddie was so mad at Richie. As in HIGHEST LEVEL on that stupid arcade game he plays all the time.

Why was he mad? Because Richie fucking forgot it was Eddie’s birthday.

Eddie was a stickler for his birthday traditions. Every year since he was little, Richie would come over first thing in the morning scream “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EDS” and usually throw something at him. The first year he did this, Eddie almost killed him, but the annual tradition was one of his favorites.

Last year Richie got his hands on a blow horn, which promptly got him banned from Eddie’s house for a month. “I just wanted to blow your son, Mrs. K.” Richie had said innocently. Eddie remembered putting his hands in his face, red as a tomato. Somehow (And thank fuck for it), his mother did not get the joke and simply threw Richie out of the house.

That was before they even started dating, or making out, or whatever they were doing. They really had not said whether they were TOGETHER together but knew they didn’t want to be with anyone else except each other. So basically exclusive without saying the words.

Today, however, the last thing Eddie wanted to do was be around Richie. When Eddie woke up normal, without any disturbing wake-up calls, he thought he had gotten the date wrong.

So he got dressed in a yellow polo, jeans and a sweater, grabbed his backpack and fanny pack then ran downstairs. His mother had cooked all his favorite breakfast foods and there was a cake that read “Happy 16th Birthday” on it. Now he was starting to get nervous. Did something happen to Richie? Maybe he was sick. Eddie fought the urge to pick up the phone and call his house. He sat down, eating ravenously at the eggs, bacon, biscuits, and cake until he thought his stomach would explode. His mother handed him a lunch box with extra cake inside. He kissed her on the cheek and went out the door to grab his bike.

When he arrived at school, Bill was parking his bike at the rack taking out a container of coffee to drink. Bill had been drinking coffee since they were kids, so he usually had 2-3 cups day. He claims it calms his nerves. Bill saw Eddie approaching, “Happy Sweet 16, Eddie! Any chance you got a c-car so we can move on from bikes?” Bill had one of the sweetest smiles in their group. They always seemed rare that Eddie really appreciated receiving a genuine Bill Denbrough smile.

Eddie grinned back, “Thanks, Big Bill and no such luck for us!” Bill handed him a present that was poorly wrapped with a card on top. The card had a hand drawn picture of all the losers as superheroes. Eddie in front as still the shortest in the gang, his hair neat and a big E on the chest of his suit. Bill gave them all masks and capes except for Richie’s drawing, which had him without glasses on.

“If Richie truly didn’t have glasses as a superhero, he would surely get us all killed." Eddie laughed and he wondered again if Richie was going to be in homeroom.

“Yeah, but in this world, his g-guh-glasses hide his tr-true identity,” Bill looked at his handy work.

“Sure, give the asshole of the group Superman’s thing. That won’t inflate his ego more.” Eddie said sarcastically. He stuffed the present in his backpack unceremoniously, then grabbed one of his folders and placed the card inside so it would not wrinkle as much.

Ben arrived at the rack almost crashing into Eddie, then said a quick, “Hey guys!” Out of breath from riding super fast. He took a moment to calm himself, “So Eddie, I have a gift for you but some of the 12th graders started to chase me this morning and…” Ben pulled out a slightly squashed model of the Barrens. It had tons of detail from the rocks to the plants, to the miniature scale character pieces of the Losers Club.

Eddie was so touched. Ben had really come along way with his models, “This is amazing Ben! It doesn't even matter that it's squished.” Eddie turned it every which way to analyze the work. He did not have the patience to make something like this, let alone the organization that must go into perfecting every detail. Eddie was far too scatterbrained for that.

“Why the barrens though?” Eddie asked.

“Because that's where we became friends.” Ben looked a little embarrassed.

“T-technically, it was in an alleyway as Eddie p-p-patched you up before you died of aids.” They both looked at Bill, who just stared at them, daring them to prove him wrong. Then they all burst into laughter. Eddie’s sides were hurting from how much he was laughing.

The 15-minute bell rang and the boys headed inside. Eddie attempted to carefully put the model in his backpack. “Did either of you see Richie when coming in today?”

Ben shifted uncomfortably and Bill kept his eyes suspiciously away from Eddie’s face.

“Nope, didn't see him. I was being chased.” Ben said quickly, “Oh, I think I see those 12th graders, I'm going to hustle to class.” Ben proceeded to jog awkwardly down the hall.

“I should g-g-go,” Bill said unconvincingly. “Bye.”

Well, that was weird.

 _Is Richie keeping something from me? Oh god...does he want to break up?_ Bill and Richie are so close, he probably told Bill before telling Eddie. This would become the worst birthday if his thoughts were right.

“Eddie!” Mike came rushing down the hall, “I got you THE best gift.” Mike handed over an envelope with a sloppily written ' _Eddie is an old fart_ ' on the front. Before Eddie could open it, Mike burst out excitedly, “It’s a voucher to get 7 tickets to ANY movie you want at the Aladdin Theater!”

“NO WAY,” Eddie grinned at his friend, then looked at the stupid writing on the envelope, “Mike, I thought I could count on you to be the serious friend. The only one who won't tease me.” Eddie said dramatically.

“I think Richie’s flair for the dramatics is rubbing off on you.” Mike chuckled.

Eddie rolled his eyes skyward, “Oh fuck. Let's not let that happen.”

“I’ll be your personal ‘ _We can only handle one Richie in the group_ ’ check-in. Also, you know full well that I tease you one day of the year. Specifically about your age, always on your birthday. Why do I do this to you?” He gestured for Eddie to speak.

“Because I deserve the abuse at least once a year,” Eddie answered knowingly.

“Exactly!” Mike cupped Eddie on the shoulder.

Eddie’s knees buckled from the impact. Working at his family’s farm and sports was making Mike too strong. “Thank you for the incredible gift. This must have cost several weeks of allowance.”

“Not at all! Been working overtime for my pops, so he gave me extra this past month and I had some help. You just have to take us all with you of course.”

“Oh...this is awkward. I was going to take the other 6 friends I have that mean the world to me.” Eddie tried to hold a straight face but broke into a grin. Mike chuckled some more then looked at his watch.

“Homeroom is soon, we better go.” The boys continued down the hall. Mike picked up the pace and with his much longer legs, rounding the corner toward their class faster.

“And Mike, have you seen Rich -” But he was caught off just as he was about to turn the corner to catch up. He felt his arm being grabbed roughly. Eddie’s heart started pounding from the surprise. He was going to get beat up on his birthday, just great. He was pushed backward into the wall, his backpack cushioning the impact and definitely crushing Ben and Bill’s gifts more. His arm was pinned, and another hand grabbed his hip. He felt chapped lips hit his own and his eyes landed on the assailant.

Eddie relaxed into the kiss with relief, closing his eyes. Richie smelled of his usual cigarettes and candy. The candy seemed to be something fruity, which Eddie could only tell was cherry after Richie coaxed his mouth open. As they deepened the kiss, the usual butterflies swarmed in Eddie’s stomach.

It suddenly occurred to Eddie that Richie was just fine. Not sick or dying, completely normal. Eddie’s brain woke up before getting carried away and he bit Richie’s lip.

“OW EDS,” Richie said drawing back, he ran his middle finger over his bottom lip, and stared at the smear of red on it for several seconds. "You bit me," he said, sounding astonished.

Eddie crossed his arms in front of him. He glared opening his mouth about to tell Richie off for worrying him and forgetting a certain person’s birthday when he thought better of it and shut his mouth.

Richie kept looking at him confused, a flicker of a smirk coming on, “Are you mad about something?”

Eddie’s eyebrows rose incredulously, waiting for Richie to catch on. The taller boy just kept his face neutral and unblinking, trying to start a staring contest. Eddie could hit that stupid face if he was a violent person. Instead, he readjusted his backpack, combed a hand through his hair and walked away. Not speaking to Richie would be more punishment then yelling at him.

Richie would probably convince Eddie to forgive him immediately if he did speak and Eddie was not ready to be that kind. He preferred being petty sometimes.

He almost made it to class before Richie caught up with him. “You know,” He said with a teasing tone, “Not talking to me is pretty childish. Being short and the youngest of our group doesn't mean you have to behave like a kid.”

Eddie ignored the bait and opened the door to their class just as the school bell rang.

The rest of the day...WAS HILARIOUS.

Richie, being the attention seeker he is, was constantly and incessantly trying to make Eddie talk to him.

During homeroom, he tried flirting.

“Hey Eddie, what's that on your face?!” Richie exclaimed in a whisper. Eddie looked up from his book with a stony expression. “Oh my god! It's just your beautiful eyes!” Richie batted his long, dark eyelashes. Eddie took his book and hid behind it.

“Don’t hide your beauty from the world!” Then a student nearby shushed them and Richie fell silent.

As they left homeroom for their next classes, Richie moved onto his classic: your mother jokes.

“Your mother’s had the clap so many times her doctor treats her for applause.” He said raising his hand up to Mike for a hive five but keeping his eyes on Eddie. Mike shook his head laughing a little and did not return the gesture. Eddie kept on walking to get to his next class.

During lunch Eddie would converse with everyone except Richie, which proved hard since he sat so close to Eddie on the bench, he might as well be on his lap. In fact, one of his legs was slung over Eddie’s but he kept ignoring him.

“Stan and I baked you a cake!” Beverly said excitedly.

“You didn't…” Eddie looked at Stan who beamed at him, handing over a carefully wrapped package with a bow tied perfectly on top.

Richie laughed at the present, “I see Stan the man took advantage of wrapping the gift, but it's a cake. He's just going to tear it apart and eat it all.”

“I made sure to poison it on the section you give Richie,” Stan mumbled glaring at Richie.

“Oh he’s not getting any,” Eddie replied.

“OH, MY GOD! You all heard it. He spoke to me.” Richie pointed at the group who just tried to avoid the tension.

“I don't think that counts because he said it to Stan.” Beverly ventured with a hesitant smile. They were all trying to be cheerful but it was hard when Eddie’s enthusiasm was forced.

They all dug into the cake. Which was half chocolate and half vanilla. The icing was made from scratch, easily the tastiest thing Eddie had ever experienced. Richie watched everyone clearly hurt. He removed his leg from Eddie's and shifted over so that they stopped touching. Eddie stiffened at this, almost venturing to speak to Richie but he could not do it. Richie STILL had not acknowledged his birthday. Eddie had no idea what the kid was playing at but it was not fun or funny.

He rose from his seat and all eyes went to him, “I think I'll head to class early. I'll see you all after school and we can head to the park then grab dinner.” Eddie picked up his lunch box and pushed the rest of the cake toward Richie before leaving the group.

He got to his locker, did the combination, and got smacked in the face with confetti and glitter raining down on him.

“What the fuck?!” He sputtered and spit out the confetti. He removed the confetti from his hair looking at the explosion of birthday decorations in his locker. His eyes landed on a card.

He picked up the card and the front read:  _To my favorite superhero, you deserve to have your face plastered on every cereal box in town._

The writing was obviously Richie’s. He opened the card and taped to the inside was a gold cereal box ring. Eddie had lost the one he used to have years ago. He took it off the card, placing the ring on his right pinky.

“Hey, Eddie. Let's g-g-go.” Eddie turned around to see Bill.

“Bill, what's going on?” Eddie asked confused but with a huge smile on his face.

“Oh, you know Richie. He couldn't just throw you a simple p-p-party.” Bill grabbed Eddie by the elbow, closing the locker.

“We have class!” Eddie protested slightly.

Bill yanked harder on his arm, steering him away from the confetti-strewn ground. “Nope. Ben forged notes.”

“He did?!” This was so out of character, Eddie could not believe his rule-abiding friend would do such a thing.

“R-R-Richie promised to tutor him in math. He’s the only one with an A in the class.” Bill shrugged. Eddie let himself be taken down the hall and out of the school. They walked along for about 10 minutes before Eddie realized they were going to the Barrens.

“We haven't been down there in forever,” Eddie whispered nervously.

“It's ok, Eddie,” Bill squeezed his arm reassuringly. “We’ll keep each other safe like always.”

When they got to the Barrens, Ben was there with a banner that read _‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDS!’_ “Ben, how dare you hold _that monstrosity. Eds is not my name!” But Eddie was smiling from ear to ear without a real care. “He’s such a dick.” Shaking his head thinking about Richie painting this._

Ben grinned, “Fits since his name IS Richie.” With Bill’s help, they folded up the banner. Then Ben took out a piece of paper.

“Richie commissioned me to write this,” Ben said importantly.

Eddie laughed at that, “What could he possibly pay you with?”

“Mostly in candy and the promise of an A in math,” Ben cleared his throat,

_“I come with no wrapping or pretty pink bows._

_I am who I am from my head to my toes._

_I tend to get loud when speaking my mind._

_Even a little crazy most of the time._

_I'm certainly not perfect and don't care to be._

_You can be you and I can be me._

_I try to stay strong when pain knocks me down._

_And the times that I cry is when no one's around._

_To error is human or so that's what they say._

_Well, tell me who's perfect anyway.”_

Eddie stayed silent at first. His eyes looked up and blinked quickly holding back unshed tears. He managed to say a soft, “Thanks, Ben.”

“Your poetry is getting r-r-really good!” Bill said appreciatively. “Ok, next stop.”

“How long is this gift?” Eddie could not believe how much work had clearly gone into this.

“Oh, just wait,” Ben said excitedly. Eddie followed them away from the Barrens. Ben handed Eddie the poem and he placed it in his backpack.

They headed toward a park that was a usual hangout for all of them. Especially when Richie and Beverly want to smoke weed and talk about life. Eddie usually did not smoke unless he was really stressed out, those years thinking about how smoking is bad for your lungs when you have asthma does not go away. He may not actually have asthma, but he still carries around his inhaler out of habit.

In the distance, he could see Stan and Beverly running around setting up some kind of picnic. There was a blanket with an assortment of food. Beverly turned on Richie’s portable radio, while Stan meticulously set and reset all the food. As they approached, Stan looked up in alarm, he heard him say, “Abort the balloons! We are out of time.”

“What!” Shouted Mike from behind a tree, “I took the time to throw out the red ones and have been blowing up the rest as fast as I can! They are happening.”

“Ok, so where is Richie hiding?” Eddie asked laughing at his friends. Eddie felt a tap on his shoulder. When he turned around, Richie was dressed in a white button-up shirt and black slacks. He had clearly tried to comb and calm his curls, but they had not stayed contained very well.

“Hey Eddie,” Richie smirked at Eddie’s reaction, which he knew must be one of utter shock.

“You look...amazing,” Eddie said quietly. “You could have at least TOLD me to dress up too! I look like crap.” He looked down at his green shorts and yellow polo shirt in dismay.

“You always look great,” Richie shrugged. “Didn’t think it mattered. Anyway, not what’s important right now. Beverly if you would.”

Beverly came over to Eddie and handed him a shirt. He unfolded it. It was a replica of the superhero shirt, Bill had drawn of him with the E on it. There were gold flecks outlining the letter. The shirt was red with a purple E, his favorite color combination. “You made this?!”

“Put it on!” She urged. He quickly took his polo off throwing it at no one in particular, then put the superhero shirt on.

“Guys, this is all amazing. Thank you so so much.” Eddie felt tears coming on and quickly wiped at his eyes. “God, I’m so fucking sappy today.”

“Don’t become soft on us!” Stan told him.

Richie clapped his hands together, “Ok! Let’s eat, it’s getting dark.” They all gathered around and ate, laughing and teasing Eddie about being old. Mike laid out balloons around the group with pride.

“So did you all come up with this big charade?” Eddie finally asked.

“Mostly Richie, he wanted you to feel like a superhero,” Ben responded.

“Cause you’re my hero every day.” Richie grinned. At that, he took out a bottle of cheap wine he probably nicked from his parents’ and poured out cups for everyone.

“Raise a glass to Eddie,” Richie gazed into Eddie’s eyes. They were bright as the sun to him and kinder than ever. “You’re my best friend and in front of all our other best friends I want to officially call you my boyfriend, unless you object, but be warned I’m a fragile being.” Eddie shoved Richie but did not object. “It’s been hard to say boyfriend mostly because, at home, things aren’t great. I don’t tell you all too much about it because I WANT to be the friend who keeps it light and happy. I think the only person with any idea is Bill who has walked in on unfortunate family drama in the past. But -“ Richie put down his drink and took both of Eddie’s hands to hold. “I want to be there for you when things get hard just as I know you will be there for me. Ben wrote his poem by me talking about how much I think I’m not good enough for you.”

“Richie -“ Eddie squeezed the other boy’s hands.

“I’m serious Eddie. I’m not. I’m selfish to take someone off the market who is as great as you. So I want to thank you for everything. Here’s to you and whatever happens next.” Eddie kissed Richie full on the mouth while the gang took a drink, whooping and hollering. Richie smiled pulling Eddie’s head in closer. They parted and took drinks from the cups of wine.

The rest of the group started to pick up their various things giving Eddie hugs and asking him how the birthday turned out, “It was perfect, you losers are all perfect.” They eventually trickled away leaving Richie and Eddie to be by themselves.

Eddie said his last goodbye and slowly walked over to Richie with a big grin on his face. Richie was lounging on the blanket with his legs stretched out, finishing off Bill’s barely drunk wine. He made a sour face, “I should have grabbed something better.”

Eddie stood above him gazing down at Richie in a rare moment of sweetness, “Nah, then your parents would have noticed.” Eddie kicked Richie’s shoe, and the boy glanced up. He guessed what Eddie wanted and parted his legs. Eddie turned around and sat between Richie’s legs, leaning against his torso. Richie put down the drink and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s middle. He took Eddie’s hand with the ring and admired it for a moment, then kissed his cheek.

“Sooooooo, do I get an apology?” Richie mocked.

Eddie ran his hands over Richie’s arms softly, “And why, pray tell, would you deserve that?”

“Because you wouldn’t talk to me ALL DAY. It was excruciating.” Richie whined.

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Would you like some cheese with that whine, attention whore? You acted like you forgot my birthday. As you now know, I hate that shit.”

“My good SIR! I am no whore! I am a proper lady,” Richie said in a terrible southern belle impression.

“Beep Beep Richie.” Eddie said softly.

Richie chuckled then said in his regular voice, “I was going to come surprise you, as usual, this morning, but I got held up…” Eddie waited patiently for Richie to go on. He just kept running circles along the arms that surrounded him, looking at his gold pinky ring. This seemed to help Richie relax. “My mom got really really drunk last night. When I tried to wake her this morning...she would not move. As in, I was worried she was...ya know. I finally got her out of bed and in the shower when I realized you were probably already at school. Then I just turned it into a game because it’s fun to mess with you.”

Eddie scoffed as Richie put his chin on his shoulder. Eddie leaned his own head against the side of Richie’s face, “What about your dad?”

Richie sighed heavily, “My Dad doesn’t give a shit about me or Mom. He may as well move out for all I care.” Eddie knew he was lying by the amount of sadness in his voice.

Eddie brought Richie’s hands to his mouth to kiss them. “Why have you never told me any of this?”

“Because it’s my problem, not yours.” He confessed.

“Your problems are my problems. I want them to be. Or at least, want you to tell me so I don’t assume it’s something else.” Eddie turned his head so they were looking at each other. “Things go a mile a minute in my head.”

“Tell me about it.” Richie laughed pushing back a stray hair from Eddie’s face, “I can only focus when you are around.”

Eddie shook his head, “Lucky you. I’ve never been able to focus around you.”

Eddie’s eyes were glued to Richie’s golden brown ones like he had cast some kind of spell on him. For once, he didn't want to make a move. Eddie was content to just stare into his eyes if that was all he wanted to do. Eddie raised a hand so he could run it through Richie’s hair. “You know that line in the poem about ‘ _the times that you cry are when you’re alone_ ’?” Eddie played with Richie’s curls as he nodded in understanding. “Well, I don’t want you to ever feel alone, but if you do, you can cry to me. God knows I’ve cried to you.” Richie took a shuddering breath and then he was kissing Eddie.

Eddie readjusted so he was sideways on Richie’s lap. Richie drew him in closer; his mouth was open over Eddie’s, his tongue running gently along Eddie's lips for permission. He opened his mouth under Richie’s, pressed up against him, arms wrapping around his neck. Richie tasted like salt, his face feeling wet, and Eddie realized Richie was actually crying. Eddie stopped the kiss, kept his arms around Richie and let his head fall in the crook of his neck, and let him cry. Richie's arms tightened around Eddie's waist. His sobs were silent but heartbreaking. 

They didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but Eddie could have stayed for a lifetime and not notice.

At some point, Richie whispered, “Thanks, Birthday Boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: So I went overboard and wrote a long freaking chapter. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> *The poem is from a greeting card my dad sent me, lawlz.


	4. Don’t You Want Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Don’t You Want Me by The Human League  
> The losers check out Bill's new car. When they start to plan for a group trip, Eddie gets frustrated because he knows his mom will say he can't go. On top of that, Richie and him get into an argument about kissing in public. Something Eddie wants to do, but if his mom caught them, would mean the end of their relationship.
> 
> Warning: Homophobic slur and internalized homophobia

“Bill, what the fuck am I looking at?” Richie blurted out. The losers had all gathered to check out Bill’s new car. He was so excited that his parents agreed to get him a car, so he called everyone over for a big reveal. Richie and Eddie were hanging out already and arrived first. Bill insisted they wait for the rest of the group to come, so they waited on Stanley, Mike, Ben, and Beverly. The minute the rest arrived, Richie sprinted to the garage dragging a protesting Eddie with him. They opened the garage door to see a big blue van. Richie was disappointed, “It’s a Mom car.”

“Rich,” Eddie began with a _don’t be an asshole_ look, “Didn’t we talk about trying to think before we speak?”

“That only applies to hanging out with you. The rest of the world will take me as I am, you nag” Richie insisted.

“I’m not trying to nag you, just give a little perspective on your Trashmouth.” Eddie huffed.

“Fuck you very much,” Richie smirked at Eddie’s annoyance. “But it does, in fact, look like a Mom car.”

Bill touched his car affectionately then glared at Richie, “Don’t l-l-listen to him, Mama, he’s j-j-just jealous.”

“You named it Mama? It’s definitely a Mom car now.” Mike agreed. Richie turned to Mike for a high five and Mike obliged, perhaps for the first time.

“No! It’s a v-v-van that some women who are mothers d-d-drive. But it is not a car s-s-specifically for mothers.” Bill argued, almost shielding his car as if the insults from Richie and Mike were hurting its feelings.

“Are you a Mom, Big Bill?” Richie looked at him fake seriously.

“You don’t have a car, so you can’t talk Richie. Besides, Bill’s a better Mom to us than any of our parents.” Stanley defended. Stanley always either had a weird comeback or a great dry sarcastic response, there was no in between.

Bill looked at Stanley and smiled confusedly. “Um...Thanks, Stan. I guess?”

All of a sudden, Richie got really excited from the direction the conversation was heading. His eyes lit up under those huge glasses, giving him a bug-eyed expression, “If Bill gets to be the mom of the group then I am the Dad!”

Eddie, who was leaning into Richie’s shoulder absentmindedly, scoffed at this, “What makes you the Dad?”

Richie lowered his lips to Eddie’s ear, “Your Mom called me daddy just the other day when we -”

Mike punched Richie in the arm before he finished, “That’s wrong on so many levels,” Mike laughed.

“RICHIE! Don’t be fucking gross!” Eddie screeched turning around in an attempt at tackling him to the ground. His small hands were hitting every single part of Richie he could reach. The tiny jabs were powerful and calculating. Beverly and Mike were laughing at the exchange, while Ben looked wary of the fighting. Stanley whispered something to Bill that Eddie could not hear, but was sure it had something to do with ‘Get a room’.

Richie, being taller and stronger, got a hold of Eddie’s hands then flipped him around trapping Eddie’s arms to his side and encircling him in a vice grip. “Let me go!” Eddie yelled fighting as best he could but the arms around him were too strong. His feet left the ground for a moment kicking at the air.

“W-W-WATCH OUT FOR MAMA!” Bill cried exasperatedly.

Richie set Eddie down on his feet. “I can tell great Dad jokes,” Richie said obviously and he let go of the struggling boy. “Don’t you know me at all, Eds?!”

“Don’t call me, Eds!” Eddie went to try and hit Richie again but he dodged the blow by grabbing Eddie’s hand and twirling him around. Richie kissed Eddie quickly on the lips. Eddie blushed red, his breath always taken away from Richie’s affection. He anxiously looked out the open garage at the street below and prayed no one saw.

“We shouldn’t kiss in public,” Eddie grumbled but kept holding Richie’s hand reluctantly.

“Not into Public Displays of Affection, Eddie?” Beverly said as she ruffled his hair.

“We just shouldn’t.” He swatted her hand away and flattened out his hair.

Richie rolled his eyes not wanting to fight more, “Anyway, as I was saying, I deserve to be the dad of the group.”

“I don’t know Richie,” Beverly said knowingly as she tapped the edge of her chin. “Last week, when Stan and I went to the market to grab milk for baking, the cashier asked if we would like the milk in a bag and Stan said ‘No, just leave it in the carton.’”

Bill laughed remembering aloud, “And when I t-t-told him I was hungry the other day he said, “Nice to m-m-meet you, Hungry. I’m Stan.”

Ben jumped in, “Oh! Oh! And today when I said, ‘Hey I was thinking...’ before I even finished he responded ‘I thought I smelled something burning.’”

Richie turned to Stanley in surprise, “Stan...are you secretly funny?”

“My hilarity is no secret.” Stanley lowered his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s just not as up in everyone’s faces as yours tends to be.”

“There’s my grumpy, Dad.” Richie grinned broadly. Stanley’s lip twitched about to smile at his friend’s comments. Eddie suspected Stanley always feels a little outside of the group and that being considered the dad actually means a lot to him.

“So when are we doing our road trip?” Richie asked.

“Oh my god...I totally forgot about that deal,” Beverly’s eyes shining bright, “You HAVE to take us on a trip, Bill!” She grabs his hands, jumping up and down. He looks at her in alarm but smiles back sweetly.

“We must do this!” Mike added in quickly.

The group had agreed about a year ago that whoever got a car first had to take the losers on a road trip somewhere.

“Well,” Stanley piped in. The group looked at him, “My cousins live in Vermont and they are out of town next weekend. We could go there?”

“Really, Stanley?” Ben said happily, “That would be amazing, there is so much we could do in Vermont!”

Stanley nodded, “They are pretty relaxed people who most likely won’t mind a bunch of teens taking over their place...hopefully.”

“It’s December so we could probably go skiing!” Mike cheered.

Beverly came over and together they jumped up and down saying “Skiing! Skiing! Skiing!” Richie let go of Eddie’s hand to join their merriment. The three were being totally crazy that Bill, Ben, Eddie, and Stanley stood awkwardly before Bill finally said, “YES! Ok! J-j-jesus Christ guys.”  
  
They started whooping and hollering. “But first,” Bill began, “Mike and R-r-richie have to apologize to Mama.”  
  
Mike looked at the car, “I’m sorry, Mama. You are perfect.”  
  
Richie got on his knees dramatically and kissed the front wheel. Eddie and Stan gagged in horror. “Oh, dearest, darlingest, Mama. You deserve better than me in your life. Will you ever forgive my coldness?”  
  
“Alright get up, you f-f-freak.” Bill grabbed Richie’s arm and yanked him up. The two boys were almost the same in height, Richie thinner than Bill, who was much broader.  
  
“You’re brushing your teeth and washing your hands before touching me again today,” Eddie demanded.  
  
“Awwww, don’t want a smooch from me baby?” Richie made kissy faces in Eddie’s direction. The rest of the group braced themselves for an argument to break out.  
  
“I’m not a baby. Don’t call me that.” There was nothing Eddie hated more than being called a baby. As if his height and small build weren’t enough to deal with. Being called “cute” or “a baby” was the worst.  
  
“You’ll always be a cute baby to me, Eds.” Richie smirked. Eddie could not believe the nerve he had, calling him three things he hates in one sentence. Eddie opened his mouth to curse him out but felt Beverly’s hand clamp his lips together to cut him off.  
  
“And....scene!” Beverly gave them a deathly look clearly fed up with the fighting. She removed her hand from Eddie’s mouth, “Ok, Eddie? Let’s just go inside and talk about Vermont?”  
  
Eddie shook his head, “You know full well my mom will not let me go,” Eddie turned on his heels and began walking out of the garage. “I’ll talk to you guys later. Nice car, Bill.”  
  
As Eddie retreated he heard Mike say, “Ok but Bill hear me out. Can we call the car Big Bill’s Blue, instead of Mama? It’s so much cooler.”

“No Mike,” Bill responded. Eddie couldn’t help but smile at that exchange as he walked away from the house.

He stuffed his hand into his pocket to find the gloves he had worn earlier. Maine in December is freezing and snowy. He put the gloves on quickly and could hear someone’s crunching boots behind him. Richie put his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie would have pushed him off if his warmth was not so inviting. “I’m mad at you,” Eddie snapped.

“Seems like a normal day of the week situation,” Richie smirked.

“I’m serious Richie. I don’t want to be called cute or baby. It makes me feel like a little kid. I’m fucking 16 years old.” Their steps began to pace together easily. Eddie was hyper-aware of his surroundings. The last thing he needed was for his mom to see them walking so intimately.

“I know I know. I can’t help it when you’re the cutest in every room I’m in and my boyfriend who I want to call baby.” Richie let his arm fall to Eddie’s waist, so he could put his left gloveless hand in Eddie’s jacket pocket.

“Why do you never bring gloves, ya nerd?” Eddie said softer.

“Then I can’t do this!” Richie took his right hand and put it against Eddie’s warm neck. The sudden iciness made him yelp in shock.

“I hate you.” Eddie smacked Richie’s right hand away from him.

“Love you too.” Richie kissed Eddie’s soft cold cheek. His face heated up in that embarrassing way it always did. The red starting at his cheeks, spreading to his hairline and down his neck.

Eddie shoved him so they were walking a small distance away. “No. Kissing. In. Public.” He hissed out.

Richie went silent at this second rejection. Eddie could tell he was trying to take a moment to compose himself and not blurt out like he usually does. It’s a tactic he had been working on for Eddie, but could not get the hang of not speaking his mind. It was not a huge deal because Eddie loved that Richie could say anything with complete confidence. He just wanted Richie to stop getting so many ‘speaking out of turn’ detentions for avoidable offenses.

The moment lasted about one minute before he said, “What’s up with this new rule? No kissing in public. Literally, no one cares.” 

“Yes, they do. It makes people in this small ass town uncomfortable.” Eddie put his hand on his chest tapping it a couple times. This helped when his breath became short and panicky, “And we’ve always had an unspoken rule to not kiss in public. Empty hallways, classrooms, or if it’s dark outside, sure. But...I just...we shouldn’t Ok?”  
  
Richie huffed out a sigh, “I am not a mind reader like you are Eddie. I do not observe people and make calculating decisions depending on the company.” 

Eddie frowned staring straight ahead, “You make me sound like a shitty politician.”

“I’m just saying, I don’t care what people think. You shouldn’t either.” Richie branched off from Eddie, heading toward his house.

Eddie stopped in his tracks looking after him, “Aren’t we hanging out at my place the rest of the day?” He calls to Richie’s retreating back. He knew how Richie got during serious discussions with Eddie. He either makes an inappropriate joke or avoids the situation, but Eddie wanted to keep talking this out. He was not saying anything right to Richie today.

Richie turned looking at him with a sad smile, “You have to go and convince your mom to let you go to Vermont. Me being around will not help.” He took out a cigarette from his jacket and started searching his pockets for his lighter.

Eddie hesitated, watching Richie steadily then said, “Ok...right. I’ll try, but I’m not too confident about it. See you tomorrow?” Richie took a drag of his cigarette and blew it out nodding his head contemplating something.

Eddie longs to go up to Richie and kiss him without abandon. The curly haired boy’s cheeks were tinted pink from the cold. His eyes showing every emotion he was feeling without being ashamed. Eddie wished he could be carefree like Richie, but that was asking too much of him. Eddie looked at his feet and kicked the ground lightly.

“See you tomorrow lover boy.” Eddie looked up at Richie’s patient and kind face, ready to jump into his arms. He willed himself to be in control but it was so hard when Richie stared at him with those brown eyes of love.

“Bye...babe.” Eddie tried awkwardly, almost whispering it.

Richie grabbed at his chest, “I think my heart just tried to jump out of my chest!.”

“Shut up, asshole.” And with that, Eddie turned and walked away but not before giving Richie a wave goodbye.

* * *

 

 “NO EDDIE!” His mother screamed.

“Ma, it’s only for a weekend. We will be really responsible, I promise.” Eddie knew the conversation was not going to end well. He tried to stay calm because it was the only way to get his mother to hear him, but she was in fine form tonight.

“I am not letting you and your friends go on a trip alone. You are too young. You could get hurt! What would I do if something happened to you? Or what if something happened to me and I can’t get ahold of you?” She had started to cry at this point, which just made Eddie feel horrible. He used to cry when his mom cried, but now that he was older, realized it was a manipulation tactic that she uses. An effective one.

“Maaaaa, please don’t cry. I will go to the grocery store, prepare some meals, I’ll get your medication, I’ll leave notes with the neighbors to check in on you, and I will call morning and evening! All my friends are going, this is really important to me.” Eddie was pleading, an embarrassing sight that he was thankful no one else had to witness.

“So what? You go away for the weekend? What if you decide to never come back to me?” She wailed.

He heaved out a big sigh, “Ma, listen, I am coming back. it’s just a couple days. And besides, this is good practice. What about when I go off to college?”

She sniffed indignantly, “You can go to a college nearby and come home after classes, it’ll be like nothing is different.”

Eddie gaped at her in bewilderment. He was wracking his brain for how to approach this respectfully and with dignity but the only thing that came out was, “No, I absolutely will not!” He wanted to add a fuck in there but caught himself before a disaster happened. “I plan to get out of this town as soon and as fast as possible.”

“Eddie, HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME?!” His mother’s tears were rolling freely down her puffy face. It was a horrible sight.

“Ma, I’m going on the trip to Vermont. I’m not a baby anymore. You need to realize that.” Eddie went up the stairs toward his room. He wrenched open his door quickly and was going to slam it, but thought better of it closing the door normal. He closed his eyes, head leaning against the door. After composing himself, he turned to get ready for bed and saw someone on his bed.

He let out a silent scream because he was in so much shock nothing could even come out. Heart racing, he realized it was Richie.

“I love it when I can take your breath away, Eddie.” Richie grinned broadly.

Eddie quickly locked his door. “How did you get in here?” He asked horrified.

Richie shrugged, “You leave your window unlocked.”

“I live on the second story!” Eddie racked his hands through his hair willing himself not to pull it out from frustration.

Richie watched Eddie with a weird expression as if he was anxious about something. He sat cross-legged on the bed, leaning against the wall casually. His face was flushed and his eyes were really tired, almost like he aged in just the few hours they had been apart. Richie cleared his throat, “Easier climbing in then climbing out, trust me.”

Eddie nodded then bounded over to his closet. He took a step in to grab an extra blanket and pillow. “Eddie no! Don’t go back into the closet! Who will I make out with then?!” Richie yelled dramatically. “I guess Mike is probably my backup.”

Eddie shushed him, “Richie! Shut up. Mom will hear you. Also, Mike would never kiss your ugly face.”

“I am a fucking catch, don’t pretend otherwise.” Richie bragged, “And no she won’t. I’ve slept over many times and Mrs. K can’t hear a thing when the tv is on.” They went silent to listen, and sure enough, the only sound that could be heard was the tv blasting from the living room.

Eddie tossed the blanket to him and put the pillow next to his own. Richie wrapped himself in the blanket so the only thing that could be seen was his face. “Oh, my stars! Do I get to sleep in the same bed as the great Mister Kaspbrak?” His girly southern girl was getting a little better.

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Only if you want too.”

“I get to be little spooooooon!!!” Richie sang. Eddie was grateful for Richie’s ability to make light of any tension. “I feel so scandalous,” Richie wiggled his eyebrows in what he probably thought was a sexy way. Eddie would never tell him that it did look adorably hilarious.

“I’m going to brush my teeth and wash my face. Do you need a toothbrush?” Eddie walked over to his desk to see if he had extra toiletries.

“Nah, I’ll just use yours baby boy.” Richie wiggled his eyebrows again.

Eddie gagged at the thought, “You absolutely will not.”

“That’s not what your mom said when I-“

Eddie unlocked and opened his door quickly so he didn’t have to hear the terrible Mom joke.

He went across to the bathroom and began his evening ritual. He washed his face, put on lotion, then began brushing his teeth for 5 minutes. He took a look at his watch trying to stay focused on brushing every inch of his teeth but kept thinking about Richie sleeping in the same bed as him. They’ve shared beds before, up until 13 then Richie would take the floor and Eddie the bed. Even at Richie’s place, he always wanted Eddie to take the bed so he would feel comfortable. Now that they were dating, it occurred to Eddie they have not slept over at each other’s places in a while. _It will be fine. It’s just Richie._ Eddie thought, but he tapped his chest to keep the panic down.

When he went back into his room, firmly locking the door behind him, he looked over at Richie. The boy had taken his glasses off and was laying down with his eyes closed. He was not breathing heavily or snoring, which meant he was resting his eyes. His body was still cocooned in the blanket but his head was free. His dark curls were sprawled on Eddie’s pillow. Eddie swore Richie looked more like a movie star than a regular teen. Since he was not cracking jokes or making weird faces, he had a blissful expression. Eddie admired his long dark eyelashes. It was crazy to think he was ever not infatuated with this boy.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. _Focus Eddie._ He thought while going to his closet to grab pajamas and began stripping off his clothes to change.

“Nice undies,” Richie’s amused voice came from the bed.

Eddie blushed furiously, “Your sister thought so too.” To which Richie laughed.

“Not that I actually can see them. You’re more like a blurry blob from this distance.” Richie mused. “The most beautiful blob I know.”

“You flatter me,” Eddie chuckled putting on a baggy sweatshirt and pajama shorts. He came over to the bed. Richie got up so Eddie could turn down the sheets for them. Richie snuggled in and Eddie climbed in facing him.

He brought his hand to Richie’s face lightly caressing his cheek. Richie let out a contented breathe that was toothpaste minty fresh. He closed his eyes again. Eddie waited a moment then asked, “Do you want to talk about today?”

“Today was just like any day,” Richie said nonchalantly. “My boyfriend won’t be intimate with me in public because apparently, this small town is fucking uncomfortable with it.”

Eddie tried not to get offended at the unnaturally flippant tone, “Richie, I just don’t want…”

He continued speaking over Eddie keeping his eyes firmly shut, “So to prove him wrong, that in fact, no one gives a shit, I came out to my parents.” The gravity of this statement made Eddie’s heart pound and his ears ring a little. The hand he had on Richie’s face frozen.

“How did they…”

“They took it pretty horrible. Dad would not look at or speak to me and his face was disgusted. My drunk ass mother went on a long tirade about how if she had a daughter this would not be an issue. She wouldn’t have to deal with a faggot son.” Richie opened his eyes to stare at nothing in particular then added lamely, “As if girls aren’t gay too sometimes, that’s really not fair to the Lesbians.”

Richie’s expression was so heartbreakingly sad that Eddie thought the boy would cry. Instead, it was Eddie who started to tear up. The combination of the fight with his mom and now finding out his actions led to his best friend being hurt, it was too much.

Eddie went to retract his hand from Richie’s face. _How could he even want to be near me?_ But as his hand left, Richie grabbed it and planted it back.

Tears were falling heavily now as he said, “I’m so s-sorry, Rich. It’s all my…”

“Shut up. It’s not your fault.” Richie said furiously. He took his hands and locked them behind Eddie’s back to pull him closer. “Why are you crying? I’m the one who was called a fag today. By the way, why are cigarettes and gays called fags? They have nothing to do with each other.” Richie frowned thinking for a moment. Eddie took a shaky breath trying to stop his tears from becoming sobs. Then Richie added, “I want to be called something cool, like a vampire.” Richie made a ridiculous Dracula face: revealing his perfect teeth and mimicked going for Eddie’s throat.

Eddie gave a sobbing half-laugh pushing his face away. Then tried to bring them back to the situation at hand, “I just could not say the right words to you today. I saw the look on your face earlier and should have made us talk more before you went home.” He watched Richie press his lips to Eddie’s palm lightly. “I wish we could kiss in public, but until I get the courage to tell my mom. We just can’t.” Eddie tried to get his breathing under control. Richie began rubbing small circles through the fabric of the sweatshirt. In felt relaxing and sweet. “You are so carefree and the bravest person I know. I cannot believe you were able to just tell them like that.”

“You are plenty brave too. It took a lot of courage to stand up to your mom like you did,” Richie said quietly.

“Heard that did you?” Eddie chuckled waterily. He brought his head closer so their foreheads touched.

“I did. It was hot hearing you be so strong.” Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek. Eddie smiled at being called ‘hot’, it was a nice change from ‘cute’. Then Richie blurted out, “Can we stop feeling sorry for ourselves and fool around now?”

Eddie barked out a laugh, “We have school tomorrow, we should sleep.” Richie’s hands were starting to do distracting things as he ran them slowly up and down Eddie’s sides over the sweater.

Eddie gently ran his hands through Richie’s black curly hair, aware as he did that Richie was watching him through half-lidded eyes. It was so unusual to look at him without his glasses. He had big eyes already, but the lack of magnification was foreign. Those beautiful golden brown eyes getting darker as Eddie reached behind to keep both hands around the back of his neck.

“Fuck it. You’re right. I hate feeling sorry for myself.” Eddie leaned forward and touched Richie’s lips—not a kiss right away, just a brush of lips against each other. It was enough, Eddie felt Richie’s pulse speed up, and he leaned forward, trying to capture Eddie’s mouth with his.

Richie shifted to hover above Eddie, an intimate position they had never done before. Richie tending to be bolder than Eddie with everything. Richie’s hands slid around Eddie’s waist, up under his sweater. Eddie’s breath hitched a little at the cold hands on his back, but he did not pull away. He always loved the way Richie held him. Careful, but not too gentle, not so gentle that Eddie ever felt Richie was more in control than he was. Eddie liked that about their relationship, liked the way his heart hammered uncontrollably.

Richie’s hand went to Eddie’s heart, “Your heart’s beating so fast,” Richie whispered.

“It always does when you’re around,” Eddie said bringing their lips back frantically in case Richie was about to make fun of him.

He dug his fingers into Richie’s shoulders, into the fabric of his T-shirt, feeling the resistance of the muscles underneath, and kissed him with all the desperation of the day.

He took his hands off Richie’s shoulders, gripping the front of Richie’s shirt, and pulled him against his body. He let Eddie do it with no resistance, folding his body against Eddie’s until they were pressed together everywhere—chests, hips, legs—like puzzle pieces. His hands slid back down to Eddie’s waist and he kissed him, long and lingering, making Eddie shudder.

Their hearts were slamming together through the layers of fabric that divided them. Eddie was drowning in it, in the sensation of Richie kissing him; of letting his hands slide freely over his skin.

Eddie hesitantly slid his shaking hands under the hem of Richie’s shirt, and let his fingers slowly explore what was underneath: the tight, hot skin over his ribs, the angle of his hipbones above the waistband of his pajama pants. This was uncharted territory for him, but it seemed to be driving Richie crazy. He was moaning softly against his mouth, kissing Eddie harder and harder, as if it would never be enough.

Then Richie broke contact and rolled over. They were both panting. One of Richie’s hands had not left Eddie’s waist and the touch was enough to make Eddie explode inside.

“Why…” Eddie said between a big breath, “Did you stop?” He was suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Thinking that maybe he did something wrong. He could feel his flushed face redden even worse.

“I didn’t want to get carried away,” Richie said chuckling. “You get me hot and bothered, Eds.”

Eddie smiled, “How are you the more sensible person when we make out?” They both laughed. Eddie took deep breaths to let his face return to a normal shade. Richie removed the hand from Eddie’s hip and turned to his side. He reached over and grabbed Eddie’s hand to bring it around his waist.

Eddie intertwined their fingers as he snuggled against Richie from behind. “You weren’t kidding that you wanted to be the little spoon?”

“I never kid around about s-s-spooning.” Richie yawned through the last word. Eddie squeezed his boyfriend’s hand as he closed his eyes. It did not take long to drift into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS CHAPTER GOT SO LONG?! I spent two days editing and had to just post it because I cannot read it again, I have read it so many times. Also, I got an angst chapter out of my system. NEXT ONE WILL BE FUN FRIENDSHIP ROAD TRIP. As always I encourage your wonderful reviews or kudos.


	5. Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Heroes by David Bowie
> 
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> “We’re lost.” Richie guessed.
> 
> “We are not!” Stanley brought down the map to glare at Richie.
> 
> “Let go of your pride and give Eddie the map,” Richie said with a casual tone. He truly lacked any tact.
> 
> “I am not being prideful!” Stanley defended. "And we are not lost!"

“Eddie, my precious snicker bar! Let’s get going.” Richie implored. Richie’s new bit of the week was to call Eddie different candies. Eddie thought it was kind of funny and just proved Richie only ever thought about sugary sweets.

Eddie had spent the last 20 minutes packing what felt to Richie and Stanley like all his belongs. He was really worried about forgetting something important.

“I am just making sure I packed everything and did not miss anything,” Eddie said looking at his list for the billionth time.

“Eddie, you were very thorough in your packing,” Stanley said reassuringly. “You got everything on the list I made for all of you.”

“What list?” Richie asked lazily.

“Damn you, Tozier,” Stanley grumbled.

“We have to get on the road. WE ARE BURNING DAYLIGHT!” Richie shouted dramatically.

Eddie looked outside and could see Bill’s big blue van, affectionately called Mama, parked in his driveway. Beverly and Ben had gotten out of the car, so she could smoke. Stanley and Richie were supposed to be bringing Eddie’s stuff down so they could get on the road, but this was proving a challenge. “Shit!” Eddie went into overdrive grabbing the rest of his supplies.

“Richie’s right, Eddie,” Stanley said glancing at his watch. “Driving in the dark will not be fun.”

Richie and Eddie looked at Stanley horrified. Then Richie’s face broke out into a huge smile, “We all heard it. Stan the man Uris said I was right. Let it be known. Let it be written! Hell, tattoo it on my arm.”

“Shut the fuck up, Richie,” Stanley said. “But seriously, we have to get on the road. I scheduled out the trip down to the minute and you are holding us back 22 minutes now.”

“Yes, ok fine! Let’s go.” Eddie grabbed his backpack and toiletry bag, while Stanley picked up his suitcase. Richie grabbed Eddie’s dad’s skiing gear. Eddie wanted to rent his own at the skiing range, but his mom insisted he take them since they were collecting dust at this point. It was hard for Eddie to think about his father. Sometimes, he wondered how his life would have gone if his dad had not died. Maybe his mom would be less protective and they would be happier. Then he would feel guilty for feeling this way when his mom had tried to do the best she could with a terrible situation.

“I like your dad’s skis. They are so cool.” Richie said admiring the black skis with hand painted stars on them. Eddie smiled at him as they made their way downstairs. Fortunately, his mom was out today. They had been arguing every day about him going on this trip. She got fed up with a final plea last night. Eddie did not back down once, even if his mind wanted to give in. He knew Richie would be really disappointed if he did that to them.

Eddie held the door open for Richie and Stanley. “We are only going to be gone a weekend, Eddie!” Ben said shaking his head. “We still need to fit Mike’s stuff.”

“You’re our resident architect, Benny boy. So start architecturatoring and fit all the stuff in Bill’s car!” Richie put the skis under the tarp on the roof.

Stanley fixed him with an exasperated look, “Architecturatoring is not a word, you idiot.”

“How does Richie get better grades than all of us?” Ben teased.

“My theory is he has a photographic memory,” Eddie grumbled. “I call shotgun!”

“Challenge!” Richie yelled. The two of them flew at the passenger door handle. Bill’s head shot up to watch them shoving each other. He was sitting in the driver's seat looking at the map but raised it slowly to hide behind. Eddie wiggled his way in front of Richie and wrenched the door open, trying to climb in.

“G-g-guys...chill. Don’t hurt, Mama. She’s a sensitive car.” Bill said nervously at their squabble. Richie caught Eddie’s legs to pull him out before he could sit down. 

Eddie yelled trying to free his legs, “I get car sick!” Eddie complained while kicking at Richie. He had managed to turn Eddie around, but Eddie was holding onto the door frame for dear life.

“You lie, dear lollipop! You just get so nervous when others drive you that you make yourself sick.” Richie was grinning smugly because he knew Eddie would not be able to hold on for very much longer.

“Same difference!” Eddie could feel his hands start to slip. “Fuck.”

“This is not how I pictured getting between your legs for the first time,” Richie laughed crudely. Every single loser groaned at the horrible innuendo.

Eddie aimed a well-placed kick to Richie’s chest for revenge. The lanky boy stumbled back rubbing at the new pain. Eddie slammed the door and locked it, then rolled down the window to stick his tongue out. “HA! Suck it, Richie!”

“Buy me dinner first,” Richie choked out as Eddie flipped him off. “You kicked me! The jelly bean of my eye kicked me.” Richie was in total shock.

Stanley glared at them, “You deserved it.” He checked his watch again. “Get in the fucking car everyone. We need to get Mike. I’ll sit behind Bill since I am navigating.”

Bill and Eddie looked at each other anxiously from inside the car. Ben, Beverly, and Richie stood staring at Stanley in surprise.

“Stan...is that such a good idea?” Beverly said hesitantly.

He looked at her incredulously, “Why wouldn’t it be? It’s my family’s place, I know how to get there.”

Ben piped up, “Sure, it's just that...when you are under pressure...you kind of…” Stanley’s gaze darkened and Ben lost his courage to continue.

“That is to say,” Beverly tried to explain sensitively, “When you have to be in charge of directions you...it’s just…”

Richie interrupted because this was taking too long, “What Benverly are so eloquently trying to say is YOU have a terrible sense of direction, will get us lost, then freak the fuck out in a typical Stan the Man way. Eddie should navigate.”

“Don’t bring me into this,” Eddie said warningly from his seat.

Bill leaned over Eddie to speak out the passenger window. “Eddie can just do it, Stan. He’s a really good n-n-navigator.”

Stanley gapped at all of them trying to hide his hurt, “I will not freak out! And I can read a stupid map, Bill!” Stanley went to Eddie’s window and grabbed the map from Bill’s hand.

“I’m n-n-not s-s-sayin yuh-yuh-you can’t…” Bill always stuttered worse when people were upset at him.

“I will be perfectly fine to navigate, stuttering Bill. Let’s GO!” Stanley stormed to the other side of the car. Eddie saw Bill flinch at the harsh use of his usually endearingly spoken nickname. Bill leaned back in his seat looking straight ahead.

“So excited to spend the weekend with my besties!!” Richie cheered sarcastically. “We are so good at communication.”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Beverly said quietly. “I’m going to sit in the middle because I get a bit car sick on long rides if I can’t look forward.”

“I call next to Bev!” Riche yelled. They put the back seat down so Ben could climb into the way back. Eddie tried to glance at Stanley for reassurance that he was not too mad, but his face was hidden behind the map. Beverly gingerly sat down in the middle seat beside Stanley, as Richie squished next to her slamming the door.

Eddie saw Beverly slowly place her hand on Stanley’s arm. He tensed, then folded up the map taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry, Bill.”

“All good,” Bill shrugged and the subject was dropped for now. “Play some muh-music Eddie.” He started the car and drove out of the driveway.

Eddie went into his CD holder, “What do we want to listen too?”

“AC/DC!” Richie shouted.

“Joan Jett!” Beverly countered.

“Journey!” Ben said.

“I’d listen to some Journey.” Stanley agreed.

“Alright, Journey before Mike gets here and judges us.” Eddie popped in the CD.

“I’m judging us.” Richie pointed out.

“We’ve got 4 and a half hours in this car together. I will only be judging us.” Stanley said smiling as the rest of them laughed.

They got to Mike’s place and Ben worked to fit everything in the car. It was jam-packed with their bags, coolers for drinks, and snacks galore. They said goodbye to Derry and were off on their adventure.

 

HOUR 1:

“I want to listen to Michael Jackson.” Mike pretested. Currently, the car was filled with AC/DC music.

“No Mike, we always listen to Michael,” Beverly said. “How about Tears for fears?”

“ _THRILLER!!!_ ” Mike sang.

“That’s such a spooky song,” Ben said.

“ _It's close to midnight and something evil's lurkin' in the dark,_ ” Mike kept singing. Eddie turned in his seat so he could look back at Mike. He was giving Ben crazy eyes, which made everyone laugh.

Ben giggled nervously, “We should be listening to Christmas music, it is December.”

“That’s not fair to Stan.” Beverly pointed out patting his hand.

“It doesn’t matter much to me-”

Mike put his hands on Stanley’s shoulders, startling the poor guy. “ _Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart._ ”

“You just about stopped my heart,” Stanley put his hand on his chest.

“Gay,” Richie said.

Eddie smacked Richie’s leg and watched as Mike removed his hands from Stanley’s shoulders then unbuckled his seatbelt. Eddie shook his head about to say something when Mike sang louder, “ _You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it,_ ” Mike crawled half over the backseat between Stanley and Beverly.

“Mike!” Stanley yelled, “Put your seatbelt back on!”

“Sit down Mike!” Bill said harshly glaring at the rearview window. Eddie watched Ben struggle to pull Mike back but the taller and stronger boy would not budge.

Mike’s voice was drowning out the AC/DC music at this point, “ _You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes, YOU’RE PARALYZED!_ ” Everyone was shouting at Mike to sit down, except Richie who had joined in singing.

“JUST PUT THE SONG ON EDDIE!” Stanley shouted looking at him with terrified eyes. Stanley, Ben, and Beverly managed to yank Mike back into his seat. Stanley hurriedly buckled Mike as the guy just laughed at his friend.

Eddie went into his CD case, took out his Michael Jackson Disc and popped it in the player blasting Thriller.

“Don’t do that,” Stanley said berating Mike.

“Aw, Stan! You care so much for me. Now shush! The king of R&B is singing.” Mike and Richie sang thriller doing the dance moves in their seats.

They kept listening to Michael Jackson but when _Billie Jean_ came on, Richie was getting bored. “Why is every love song so fucking straight,” Richie complained.

Beverly laughed, “Rich, I keep telling you to give David Bowie a chance.”

“No, I refuse.”

“You have no reason to not like him. You just don’t because he’s different from other rockers.” Eddie huffed out.

“I am not that shallow, Eds.”

“Don’t—“

Beverly interrupted, “Richie you are a self-proclaimed bisexual man, you should try to listen to him!”

“Just because Bowie is bi doesn’t mean I’ll like his music,” Richie argued.

“I always thought Richie was Eddie sexual,” Mike said aloud.

“MIKE!” Eddie yelled horrified as he buried his red face in his hands. Everyone laughed and Eddie heard a hive-five behind his seat.

“Anywayyyy,” Beverly continued, “He’s so provocative and incredible. Please, let’s listen to one song.”

Richie considered it for a moment then conceded, “Fine. Put him on.”

“WHAT!” Eddie spun in the passenger seat. The seat belt prevented him from turning fully. “Ow,” He gasped rubbing at where the belt jabbed into his neck. He went to unbuckle his seatbelt so he could look at Richie properly.

Stanley reached forward and put his hand firmly over Eddie’s hand. Eddie glared at him viciously. “What the hell, Stan?”

Stanley did not back down or remove his hand, “You aren’t pulling a Mike. Only one of us can give heart attacks over seat belt behavior. Keep it on!” They kept staring daggers at each other until Stanley slowly removed his hand, ready to prevent Eddie from unbuckling if he had too.

Richie leaned over Beverly to make eye contact with Eddie and give a shit-eating grin, “Here’s my beautiful face for you to yell at, you tasty gummy bear.”

Eddie’s gaze sharpened on him, “I spent HOURS trying to convince you to listen to Bowie but you kept stubbornly refusing. Beverly barely even tried.”

“Beverly’s my best friend, you're my boyfriend. Not listening to you is my job. Keeps your ego in check.” Beverly laughed behind him. She pushed his head down so she could make innocent eyes at Eddie.

“Un-fucking-believable.” Eddie turned back to face front. Richie poked his side and he jumped reflexively.

“Put it on, marshmallow.” Richie cooed. “Give me some of that sweet Bowie sound.”

Eddie blushed as the rest of the car laughed at them. He grabbed his CD case and put in his David Bowie mix. He scrolled to the best song he could think of and let it play.

The smooth rock sound began with a clever rhythm. Everyone stayed silent to listen. Eddie lip-synced along to the words.

_“I, I will be king_

_And you, you will be queen_

_Though nothing, will drive them away_

_We can beat them, just for one day_

We can be heroes, just for one day...”

Eddie heard, “I love this songggg.” From Ben in the back but someone shushed him so Richie could really focus.

_“...We can be heroes_

_Just for one day_

We can be heroes…”

When the song ended Richie immediately said, “THAT IS LITERALLY OUR LOSER CLUB THEME SONG. PLAY IT AGAIN.”

Bill laughed, “You s-s-said _Africa_ by Toto was our them-m-me song last week.”

“I spoke too soon! I have now been blessed with Bowie’s Heroes. EDDIE PLAY IT AGAIN!” Richie grabbed his sides to poke him repeatedly.

“Do...Not...Richie...don’t!” Eddie was trying to hold back laughs as he was tickled. “I’m pressing play! Chill dipshit.”

 

HOUR 2:

“Beverly, did you pack cigarettes?” Richie asked worriedly.

“Yes, I...wait...Richie, I left them on my dresser.” Beverly moaned.

“Fuckkkkkkkk.”

“This will be good for you two,” Ben said encouragingly. “You both have talked about quitting.”

“Not cold turkey!” Richie whined. Eddie was watching the road carefully and saw as Bill drove past where they were supposed to merge.

“Hey, Stan…” Eddie said anxiously. He turned his head to look at Stanley. His curly head was buried in the map, hands shaking a little, and legs fidgeting. Eddie and Beverly made eye contact both thinking the same thing.

“What,” Stanley said barely controlled.

“I think we were supposed to get on the other highway just now.” He said with caution.

“We’re lost.” Richie guessed.

“We are not!” Stanley brought down the map to glare at Richie.

“Let go of your pride and give Eddie the map,” Richie said with a casual tone. He truly lacked any tact.

“I am not being prideful!” Stanley defended. "And we are not lost!"

“Get off here, Billy,” Eddie interjected. “We need to turn around.”

“How do you even know that?! I have the map.” Stanley huffed.

“Memorized it,” He really did not want to fight with Stanley but he was not going to let them get lost.

“You’re all against me!” Stanley roared.

“No we aren’t Stan,” Mike’s calm voice came from the back. “I trust you with my life and you are amazing at many things. Directions just aren’t your strong suit.”

Eddie expected another explosion but it was completely silent. Then he felt the map being shoved into his hands. He looked back at Stanley as the boy crossed his arms and stared out the window frowning.

“Let’s play a car game!” Beverly said to break the tension.

“What game?” Bill asked a forced cheeriness.

“Padiddle!” Richie yelled excitedly. “It’s the best game!”

“Padiddle only works if we can see taillights are out. The sun is still out, so you can’t really tell.” Stanley pointed out. There was only a little bite to his voice, maybe he did not want to stay mad.

“And I am not striping in front of everyone for padiddle,” Eddie added over his shoulder.

“Only for me,” Richie laughed.

“Shut up, Richie!”

“I’ve got one.” Ben jumped in. “I used to play it with my mom. You look into other cars and make up stories about what might be going on. Someone starts it then it goes to a new person to continue the story. Does that make sense?”

“Start us off Ben,” Beverly insisted.

Ben cleared his throat, “Alright, see the car on the right a little ahead of us? There are three teenage girls inside.” Eddie turned to see a red jeep with the three girls. “Tiffany, Tamera, and Tina decided to run away from home because everything was becoming too overwhelming...”

Mike spoke up, “So they packed up everything they could and took to the road not looking back. However, Tina had a secret...”

“That secret was um…” Stanley hesitated, “That she wanted to marry Tamera and Tiffany’s older brother Terri. He was planning to meet them in Vegas in a week so they could get hitched...”

Beverly continued, “Tamera and Tiffany would later be enraged that their friend would lie to them and make a plot to get even...”

“They would lure Terri and Tina into a false sense of security,” Richie said in a spooky voice. “By saying the wedding was a great idea but really they were going to kill them both for their treachery...”

Eddie piped up, “The murder would be slow and painful. However, Terri and Tina found out about the murder plot and decided to plan their own murder!”

“The wedding was a mess of murder and chaos and only one of them survived. The end.” Bill finished.

“Bill,” Ben said, “What the fuck, who survived?”

“Yeah!” Richie hit Bill’s shoulder, “You can’t leave it there.”

“You’ll never know.” Bill grinned.

Stanley laughed to himself, “I’m more concerned that we turned it into a murder spree. Do we need therapy?”

“Definitely,” They all said in unison.

 

HOUR 3:

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

“What about now?”

“Do you see us at the cabin yet?”

“When will we be there?”

“Richie, shut up.” Stanley and Richie had been going on like this for a couple minutes now. Richie’s constant stream of thoughts unyielding. “Eddie, make him stop.”

“If I knew how I would,” Eddie said lazily.

“Pull over Bill! I have to take a piss.” Richie said.

“Can you hold it another hour?” Stanley said frustratedly.

“No can do Stan the Man. When Mother Nature calls, you don’t ignore it. Just pull over—”

“Actually, can we go to a gas station so I can go?” Beverly asked.

“Sure,” Bill put the indicator on to get off the highway. Ben, Beverly, and Richie got out much to Stanley’s complaining.

“Get me skittles while you're in there!” Mike yelled to them. Richie gave a thumbs up.

“I feel like one of us should follow them,” Stanley said anxiously.

Eddie turned his head to look at him reluctantly. “By ‘someone’ do you mean me?”

Mike waved his hand dismissively, “Ben’s there, he’ll make sure they behave.”

“Ben has the backbone of a chocolate eclair,” Stanley said deadpan.

It took a moment for the joke to sink in but slowly Bill, Mike, and Eddie started laughing. They were cracking up so hard their sides hurt. Eddie was wiping away tears as he said, “You should have a fucking standup act, Stan.”

“B-but his only audience would b-b-be us.” Bill said turning in the driver's seat to smirk at Stanley.

“It’s the only audience he needs,” Mike put his hand on Stanley’s shoulder good-naturedly.

“Bunch of softies,” Stanley mumbled smiling.

Bill’s eyes shifted to Eddie’s window. He squinted with his mouth slightly agape. “Why are they running?” Eddie whipped his head to look out the window. He saw Richie yelling something; with Ben a little before him running faster than Eddie had ever seen him run; and Beverly taking up the rear.

“Richie is shouting something,” Eddie rolled down the window. His heart beating a little faster.

“START. THE. FUCKING. CAR.” Richie screamed. They were almost to the van.

Eddie looked to Bill, whose eyes were wide in confusion but he started the car saying, “Shit shit shit shit.” Over and over.

Ben got to the van first his momentum banging into the car then wrenching the back door open. He climbed into the middle seat saying, “COME ON BEV!” Out the open door.

Richie opened the front passenger seat door. Eddie was so confused he did not have time to process as Richie plopped onto his lap, slamming the door after him. Eddie made an “Ugh” sound at the surprising weight on his knees.

He tried to speak, “Richie! What the…”

Richie interrupted him, “Bill, put it in reverse, fucking be ready to go,” He leaned his back into Eddie’s chest putting his upper half to one side, so as not to squish Eddie. He could feel Richie’s heart beating a mile a minute.

“Babe, what happened?” Eddie asked trying to stay calm. He pushed back the curls sticking to Richie’s forehead, staring at him with concern. Richie leaned into the touch with his eyes closed taking deep breaths.

Suddenly, the weight of the car shifted as Beverly got in, “DRIVE BILL!” She screamed sliding the van door closed.

It was then that another voice could be heard through Eddie’s window. An angry vicious voice, “You shithead kids! I am calling the police!”

Bill was already putting the car in reverse then floored it out of the gas station and back on the highway. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist tightly. Richie had his right hand gripping the grab handle above the door frame and his left on top of Eddie’s arms holding on for dear life.

Bill accelerated the car, they hit a pothole and everyone screamed as the car got a bit of air. Richie’s body lifted off Eddie’s for a moment then smashed back down on his lap as the car landed roughly. Eddie’s eyes prickled with tears at the impact on his crotch and he tried to muffle a scream as he instinctively tightened his grip around Richie.

“Rich,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, “Motherfuckingshitballs shift over a bit. That fucking hurt my dick.”

Richie chuckled, “Now’s not the time for dirty talk Eds.” He shifted to relieve him. Eddie pressed his face into Richie’s back, to hide his pained face and let the familiar cologne calm him down from a potential panic attack. Acting as a seat belt for Richie was proving terrifying.

“Someone explain what happened immediately,” Stanley said in a tone reminiscent of an angry parent.

“Not telling you, dad.” Richie responded immediately.

“Beverly and Richie are...are...IDIOTS.” Ben said in exasperation sounding on the verge of breaking down. “Sorry Bev, I don’t mean it but what you did was so dangerous and frankly careless.”

“I know I am so sorry,” Beverly choked out. Eddie could hear the coming of Beverly crying, so he tapped Richie to tell the story.

Richie got the hint, “Well as you all know...Beverly and I have an addiction to cancer sticks.”

“Already don’t like where this is heading,” Mike said from the way back.

“So just like when we used to swipe cigarettes as kids, we did operation ‘Flirt and grab’,” Richie explained.

Eddie shifted so his mouth was free. “Beverly, I hope Richie didn’t pressure you to um…”

“Whore myself?” She let out a small laugh even though it sounded watery from tears. “Don’t worry Eddie, I was not doing the flirting. I was not the man’s type.”

Eddie groaned, “Don't tell me…”

“That’s right!” Richie said passionately, “I took one for the team and turned on the Trashmouth charm. My flirting was going great and...”

“I somehow doubt that.” Stanley interrupted.

“Yeah Richie, you can barely flirt with Eddie.” Mike laughed, “You are a garbage can of Mom jokes, innuendos, and saying Eddie is cute.”

“That’s cause he’s the cutest!” Richie turned to kiss Eddie on the mouth. He did not reciprocate, peeved that Richie was even trying to flirt with someone else. “Don’t be mad at me, Laffy Taffy, it did not go in our favor.”

Eddie made a disgruntled noise, so Richie turned back forward trying to get comfortable against Eddie’s chest. Richie let both his arms settle on top of Eddie’s arms, which were still clutching around his waist for safety. Eddie put his chin on Richie’s left shoulder, their heads leaning into each other. “As I was saying, I flirted then Beverly snatched cigarettes while the foolish man was distracted. However, we did not count on him propositioning me, so I tried to shut down the mission too soon and the guy looked at his camera screen to see Beverly stealing. So I did the only sensible thing, hit a display of snacks to distract, grabbed Benny Boy’s hand and screamed ‘HAUL ASS BITCHES’.”

Eddie placed a hand over Richie’s mouth, “Inside voice.”

Richie pulled his hand away, “Oh! And nicked candy,” Richie reached into his pocket and threw a pack of skittles toward Mike’s direction.

“Thanks!” Mike said cheerily.

Richie opened his own pack of starbursts. He took out a red one and tried to feed it to Eddie. He grimaced, “Did you wash your hands after going to the bathroom?”

Richie rolled his eyes, “Yes, gumdrop.” Eddie let him plop the candy into his mouth, savoring the cherry goodness.

“Bill?” Beverly said nervously, “You’ve been quiet.”

Eddie shifted his head to look at Bill. His friend’s eyes were slits, brows furrowed and hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white. He was breathing harshly through his nose trying to stay calm. “I’m really disappointed in you guys.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows looking over his shoulder to see Stanley’s surprised eyes and Ben’s hurt face. He could not see Beverly with Richie’s body preventing any more movement but assumed she was none too happy. No one commented on the fact that Bill did not even stutter.

“We are sorry, Bill.” Beverly said in a small voice.

“I’m not, we got the cigarettes,” Richie shrugged. Eddie rolled his eyes toward Bill’s enraged expression.

“Suh-suh-sorry about this, Eddie.” Bill seethed before taking his right hand off the wheel and aiming for Richie’s crotch. Bill hit home and Richie yelled in pain. His body convulsed on top of Eddie as he put his hands over his hurt manhood. Richie automatically tried leaning forward but Eddie’s arms were a vice.

“Fucking hell, Big Bill.” Richie put his hands on both sides of his legs taking deep shuddering breaths of rage. Eddie rubbed his hands in slow circles above Richie’s stomach making shushing noises. This seemed to help a little. Eddie definitely did not feel sorry for Richie, he was always getting himself into these situations.

“Ok. We are even.” Bill said cracking a smile. The rest of the car exploded into laughter. It was about 20 more minutes before Bill asked if they should pull over so Richie could sit in the back again.

“No, I like sitting in Eddie’s lap. He never lets me.” Richie nuzzled his face into Eddie’s neck brushing his lips over his skin. Eddie’s mind began to swim at the distracting lips.

“That’s because you weigh too much,” But Eddie realized this was a weak excuse. He actually really liked Richie being on his lap. Ever since he was a kid, people wanted Eddie to sit on their lap because he was “small and cute”. It was different having someone important to him sitting so close. It actually felt very adult. Richie started pressing his hot mouth against his throat making Eddie’s pulse quicken. Richie ran his teeth lightly over the sensitive skin by Eddie’s ear then trailed wet kisses across his jaw. Eddie wondered briefly if Richie knew what he was doing to him. Then the lips smirked into Eddie’s neck and it was all too clear...Richie was aware of exactly what he was doing. 

“Still think I weigh too much for ya?” Richie laughed into his ear. Then he shifted on his lap getting even closer to Eddie’s body making him gasp.

“Pull over,” Stanley mumbled. “Eddie and Richie are making me nauseous.”

Eddie felt mortified that he let Richie be so bold in front of their friends. His face was on fire.

“Just as I was about to give him a lap dance,” Richie laughed.

“Beep Beep Richie,” Eddie hissed.

 “Also, does the car feel unbalanced?” Bill wondered aloud.

“Probably the extra Richie weight in the front,” Mike shouted.

“Everyone stop roasting me about my weight. Fucking rude.”

 

HOUR 4:

“Yep, the tire has definitely lost a lot of air pressure,” Ben said with a sigh, his breath showing in the air. They all stood around the wheel shivering from the cold. Richie was hugging Eddie and rubbing his arms to keep him warm.

“P-probably the p-p-pothole we hit,” Bill kicked the tire. “Mama deserves better than us.”

“You gotta use a straw to blow air back into the tire,” Richie suggested.

They all ignored him, “You got a spare?” Mike asked heading toward the trunk.

“Under all our shit,” Bill said miserably.

“Let’s work together to get it then,” Richie followed Mike. Eddie looked at him in surprise. He must feel guilty for being the reason this happened. Together they took out all their stuff that was blocking the latch where the spare tire lived.

“Oh good, it’s the same as the other tires. So we don’t have to get a replacement.” Ben said as him and Mike heaved out the tire. Bill picked up the Jack and lug wrench.

“Bev, can you…” Bill began.

“On it!” Beverly went into the glove compartment grabbing the driver’s manual.

Beverly, Ben, Bill, and Mike went to the front to start replacing the tire. Stanley and Eddie went to work on putting everyone’s stuff back in the trunk. Richie stood around smoking a cigarette giving terrible directions such as:

“You have to put your head under the car to get a proper angle, Benny boy.”

“It’s lefty hefty, righty titties.”

“Those directions are in Chinese.”

“You have to remove everything then quickly throw the tire underneath and pray to God it latches.”

Most of these joke made Beverly and Ben laugh but the rest ignored him. When Stanley and Eddie finished putting everything back in the trunk, Stanley said, “Since I don’t know anything about cars...I’m going to sit in the car before my ass freezes.”

“Rich,” Eddie said getting the attention of the crazy boy. “Leave them alone and let’s wait in the car.”

“Coming my Reese's Pieces,” Richie cooed. He turned to Beverly, “The old lady needs me.” She put her hand up to her mouth stifling a giggle.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Eddie glared. “Just get in the car, you idiot.” Eddie got into the front while Richie hopped in the back.

Stanley was already sitting in the car reading his copy of  _The Shining_ _,_ his legs under a blanket he got from his bag. Richie scooted in the middle seat, grabbed half the blanket and snuggled next to Stanley, who promptly rolled his eyes but went back to reading.

“Stan the Man is so warm,” Richie said putting his head on Stanley’s shoulder. “Hope this doesn’t make you jealous, Eds. You are still number 1 cuddle bug.”

Eddie laughed, “I don’t get jealous when it comes to you.”

“Liar,” Stanley mumbled.

Eddie’s eyebrows raised, “Excuse me? What does that mean Stanny?”

He cleared his throat still not looking up, “Do you think Richie likes Bill better than me?” Stanley had raised his voice in a clear attempt to mimic Eddie’s voice. Eddie’s eyes went to Richie who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Oh come on,” Eddie said seriously, “I was like 10 when I felt that way.”

Stanley glanced up at him, “Stan, I think Richie has a crush Beverly. They always smoke and hang out. Richie knows I hate smoking, so they don’t invite me.”

Eddie crossed his arms, “14! I bet you can’t find a recent example.”

The trunk opened with a gust of cold wind, as Mike and Ben tossed the supplies and old tire in the back. Bill opened the driver’s side door and Beverly opened the back door to bring the seat down for the guys to pile in.

“Hey Bill, what did Eddie say to you a couple months ago about Richie being neglectful?” Stanley asked mischievously.

Bill looked at Eddie with a cheeky grin, “That Richie is neglectful b-because ‘he never hangs out with m-m-me anymore. I thought we were d-dating. He hangs out with everyone more than me. Don’t people d-dating see each other all the t-t-time? I miss him’.”

“That was at the beginning of our relationship!” Eddie said in horror. Richie had doubled over with laughter laying sideways on Stanley who had the biggest smirk on his face.

“But Eddie, you see each other every single day.” Beverly chimed in.

“I-I well...I mean…” Eddie did not know what he meant. This conversation was starting to be really embarrassing.

“I got one!” Mike said jumping into the way back with Ben following behind him. Beverly got in letting Richie stay in the middle seat. Bill started the car and they were back on course.

“Shut it Mike!” Eddie seethed glaring at his friend.

“No…” Richie said between laughs. “Please go on Mikey!”

“Last week, Eddie found out that a girl in homeroom likes Richie. So he made sure she knew you two were seeing each other by kissing in front of her locker the next day.”

“Traitor!” Eddie screeched.

“You said you were kissing me in public because I looked hot that day!” Richie said in mock hurt.

“Eddie thinks he plays it cool. It’s all an act.” Bill chuckled.

“I looked up to you once!” Eddie punched Bill’s shoulder. 

“Eddie, it’s funny come on…” Stanley said through tears in his eyes.

Eddie pointed at Stanley, “JUDAS!” Everyone’s laughter got stronger.

“That’s it, I’m going to make this weekend unbearable for all of you. You think Richie and I were gross earlier? Just wait.” Eddie turned forward and opened the map harshly to make sure they were on the right track. “Beware my revenge bitches.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Richie asked poking Eddie's side. Everyone had quieted down a little at Eddie’s threat but were still cracking up.

Eddie frowned, “No, you’ll take my PDA and like it.”

“Fine by me, my jawbreaker.”

“Gross, I hate you.”

“Whatever you say, sweet tart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a blast to write. I hope you all enjoy. And I know I know...it is sooooo long. BUT I CANNOT HELP IT. Love your reviews, kudos, and prompts on tumblr. You all are the best.


	6. Take My Breath Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Take My Breath Away by Berlin  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> “Richie gets more jealous with Eddie.” Mike pointed out. “Well, he gets needy is more accurate.”
> 
> “Mikey is right about that. But it is because I’m always needy and horny for you.” Richie pulled Eddie in to kiss his cheek. 
> 
> Eddie pushed his face away, “Don’t be gross.”
> 
> “What? You can be gross and couplely but I can’t? Double standard.” Richie protested.
> 
> “You make everything sexual,” Eddie complained.
> 
> “Also, couplely is not a word.” Stanley piped in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this from Richie's perspective, just to switch it up. Anything in italics is Richie’s beautiful ADHD mind at work.

Eddie’s lost his mind. Which Richie knew would happen eventually. His small and carefully controlled boyfriend ( _well, controlled compared to me_ ) was bound to go crazy sooner or later.

Eddie vowed to be a disgusting couple while they were in Vermont to punish their friends, which Richie did not take seriously. _Eddie will not even hold hands in public, there was no way he was going to KISS me too._

 _Wrong party of 1 under Tozier._ The first day at the slopes Richie and Eddie waited outside for the others to rent skiing gear or buy other supplies. Eddie was bundled in a blue ski suit that engulfed him, the hood popped up with his goggles around his neck. He was rubbing his gloved hands together and bouncing from one foot to the other trying to warm up. Richie went to hold Eddie’s hand ( _t_ _o test the waters of course_ ) and Eddie snatched it away automatically. _I knew he wouldn’t do it._ Then something seemed to click with Eddie.

“Shit...wait...we don’t know anyone here,” Eddie said gazing at Richie. Those brown eyes with flecks of grey in them darkened like he had a secret, a small smile played on his lips as his eyes flickered to Richie’s mouth.

Richie was about to make a crude comment ( _as one does_ ) when Eddie grabbed a fistful of his ski coat and pulled him down. All his words were lost against Eddie’s mouth. He tried to kiss Eddie gently, carefully, but it wasn’t gentleness Eddie wanted. Eddie knotted his fists in Richie’s coat, pulling him harder against him.

It was like something ignited in Eddie that had been bubbling right below the surface. It was exciting and terrifying for Richie. Eddie was trying to deepen the kiss and Richie willing obliged. He tasted minty as their tongues collided. He craved the moments when Eddie was this affectionate that it seemed dreamlike. _Almost crave it as much as when I get Eddie angry_ , _hee hee hee._

Eddie kept deepening their kiss completely taking charge. This exchange seemed to breathe life into Richie. He was usually the one initiating everything that he did not know what to do except give in and melt into it. He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s jacketed waist to gain a little control and sighed in content. Eddie always made Richie feel calm and focused. It was like nothing else existed, just Eddie and him.

Eventually, Eddie needed to pull away and catch his breath. His ski hood had fallen down revealing how flushed his face was. They were both panting, their breathing mingled together staring at each other in surprise and excitement. Richie sometimes could not believe Eddie and him were even together then a kiss like that reminded him how real they were.

“You smell like coconut?” Eddie said in confusion bringing Richie’s face forward to smell the top of his head.

“Oh, I borrowed Beverly’s shampoo this morning because I forgot to pack some,” Richie chuckled as Eddie hummed appreciatively releasing his face. Richie ran a hand through his curls smirking, “Do you like it?”

“I didn’t say that,” Eddie took a hold of Richie’s right hand refusing to look at him. Even through their gloved fingers, this made his skin tingle.

“You didn’t have too. Your face is an open book sometimes.” Richie brushed his lips lightly against Eddie’s cheek. Eddie tried to glare but he just laughed. “A book I could read all day, my peppermint.”

“You are seriously still doing candy pet names for me?” Eddie said rolling his eyes but with a cute grin plastered on his face.

“Of course lovely licorice.” Richie bopped Eddie on the nose which just made him crinkle his face in annoyance. “Fuck, you’re so cute.”

“Shut up you stupid sap,” Eddie said before kissing him into silence.

“You both make me want to kill myself,” Stanley said coming out of the ski store.

“Should have thought of that before you pulled a Judas,” Eddie said flipping Stanley off. Bill and Mike walked out next with bags of supplies.

“Just keeping you honest. You get jealous with Richie. Like a green-eyed monster.” Stanley smirked.

“Richie gets more jealous with Eddie.” Mike pointed out. “Well, he gets needy is more accurate.”

“Mikey is right about that. But it is because I’m always needy and horny for you.” Richie pulled Eddie in to kiss his cheek.

Eddie pushed his face away, “Don’t be gross.”

“What? You can be gross and couplely but I can’t? Double standard.” Richie protested.

“You make everything sexual,” Eddie complained.

“Also, couplely is not a word.” Stanley piped in. Richie rolled his eyes. _Spelling police._

When Beverly and Ben came out of the store, they all headed to the slopes. “I’m so excited! I haven’t gone skiing since...um...since,” Eddie could not get the words out.

“Your dad?” Bill finished quietly. Eddie nodded solemnly. Richie squeezed his hand and Eddie returned the gesture.

Eddie quickly tried to change the subject, “Oh Beverly, if you get motion sickness. Let me give you one of my pills. You might get nauseous going down the trails.”

"My boyfriend is so caring and perfect," Richie bragged. Eddie hip checked him but did not argue like usual.

“Thank you, Eddie!” Beverly said gratefully as he went into one of his pockets and handed her a chewable pill.

“Can someone do the easy course with me? I really don’t think I can do this.” Ben said nervously. He was holding his gear awkwardly, clearly anxious about learning to ski.

“No can do Benny Boy,” Richie said. “I want to do the black diamond course.”

“Richie, you should do an intermediate level and work your way to black diamond.” Eddie insisted. “That way you don’t get bored of the black diamond course.”

“You know me so well.” Richie cooed.

“He knows how to p-p-play you is more like it,” Bill said from behind them and Stanley let out a laugh.

“What was that Big Bill?” Richie shouted sarcastically. “Could not hear you over my love for Eds.”

“Don’t call me—” But Richie planted a kiss on Eddie’s lips before he could finish. Eddie kissed back then bit Richie’s lip.

“You bit me!” Richie said pulling away and licking his lip to see if there was blood. It was definitely tender but no blood. “That was so fucking hot.”

Eddie blushed furiously clearly horrified at what he had just done. “Shut up, I’m not hot.” _I beg to differ._ “Come on Ben, let’s go to the easy course.” Eddie let go of Richie’s hand, “Anyone else coming?”

“I will!” Mike said following the other two toward the beginner trail. Richie watched Eddie walk away already feeling a pang of sadness at being away from him. _I miss him when he’s not around. Is that a gay thing to think? Oh wait, I am gay._

Bill grabbed Richie’s arm to guide him toward the ski lifts that would drop them off at the intermediate course. Bill was laughing as he said, “Richie, don’t p-p-pine. You’ll see him in a c-couple of hours.”

Richie threw his head back dramatically. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MOM, I LOVE HIM!” Richie made a high pitched voice that echoed all around.

“He’s going to start an avalanche,” Stanley huffed out. “Well, as long as we lose him in it, then I guess that is alright.”

“You always make me feel so special Stanny,” Richie wiped away a fake tear as Stanley punched him in the arm.

When they got to the lifts, Beverly and Richie grabbed a chair together. They had their skis on, helmets fastened, and goggles secured on their faces.

“I like the pink goggles you have,” Beverly laughed at him.

“Eddie dared me to get them, so I bought matching ones for us.” Richie looked down as the lift slowly brought them up the mountain. The ground was getting further away and Richie’s adrenaline was kicking in.

“You two are cute when you don’t have to hide your relationship,” Beverly commented. Richie looked at her, but could only see his face reflected in her goggles. “I’ve never seen Eddie so relaxed and…”

“Happy.” Richie finished. “It feels really weird, but I am also completely obsessed with how much he has been kissing me and letting me kiss him.”

“Oh, I am sure you are.” Beverly bumped him with her shoulder and he bumped back.

“What are you implying?” Richie smiled innocently.

“That you are a Hound Dog,” Beverly accused pointing at him with the top of her skiing pole.

Richie shrugged, “I just know what I want and go for it.”

“At least you are careful with Eddie. He certainly wants to be a lot bolder than he actually feels comfortable with.” Beverly warned.

“Trust me, I know,” Richie said. _I am always the one to cool us down when we are going too fast. Eddie can’t control himself at all, which just makes him all the cuter._ A sign indicating they were almost to the top came in view. “Looks like we are almost there, race you to the bottom!”

Richie lifted the metal bar and was off. The rush of passing obstacles and speeding down the hill was giving him the biggest high. He felt weightless and free as if he had no problems. It reminded him of the first time he kissed Eddie. Or rather when he kissed him shyly and Eddie grabbed his face as he tried to pull away and continued the kiss. It was electric and he felt like he was flying.

Stanley, Bill, Beverly, and him did the intermediate hill three more times before taking a break. Richie went over to the bunny slopes to find the others. Eddie was still teaching Ben how to properly ski with some difficulty. Mike, on the other hand, was flirting up a storm with a teenage instructor. Richie tried to assist Eddie but was shooed away so he could concentrate on helping Ben. _Well, better go bother Mike._

“Oh hey there Mikey,” Richie came up behind him slinging his arm around his shoulders. “Who is your new friend?”

“Richie this is Eliza, Eliza this is Richie...the bane of my existence.” Mike poked Richie’s side and he retracted his arm.

“I think he means the best thing to come into existence.” Richie corrected with a toothy grin.

Eliza laughed at his antics, “Well, aren’t you a piece of work.”

“Best artwork you will ever see,” Richie made a Roman Statue pose stretching his arm out trying to look smooth. This made her laugh harder and Mike groan in embarrassment.

Mike shook his head, “Eliza was just saying there is a party at her place this weekend because her parents are out of town. She has invited us to go if we want too.”

“Fuck yeah! I will have to ask my other half first,” Richie turned to see if Eddie was nearby. He saw him picking Ben up off the snowy ground. “Hey, sour patch! Can we go to a party this weekend?” Eddie finished helping Ben up then started trudging over to them.

“Damn, you have a girlfriend? That’s going to disappoint a lot of my friends.” Eliza pouted. “You don’t have a girlfriend do you, Mike?”

“I don’t,” Mike’s voice wavered at her flirting. “And neither does Richie.”

“Then what does he mean by other half—”

Eddie came up next to Richie not even looking at Mike or the girl and pulled him down for a kiss.

“Oh my god is he your boyfriend?!” Eliza squealed. They both looked at her in alarm. “That is so cute. You two HAVE to come to my party.”

“What party?” Eddie asked warily.

“Eliza here is throwing a teenage rager and inviting us losers to come, my dear Eddie,” Richie said playing with the goggles around Eddie’s neck absentmindedly. Eddie looked at him clearly not interested in going to a party.

“I just realized you two have matching goggles, I want to cry.” Eliza put her hands over her mouth giddily.

Eddie gave her a sweet, slightly uncertain smile, “It is nice to meet you, Eliza. Why don’t you give Mike the details for your party and we will hopefully see you there?”

Eddie yanked Richie away to give Mike some more time with her. They walked over to a sitting area that allowed them to take off their footgear. Richie stretched out his legs, already sore from skiing.

“She was kind of weird,” Richie blurted out. “But I want to go to her party.”

“Don’t be fucking rude, she seemed nice.” Eddie hesitated a moment, “And also far too into us being a couple.”

“Maybe in Vermont, they actually like gay people.” Richie shrugged. Eddie leaned his head against Richie’s shoulder comfortably. Richie placed his hand on Eddie’s knee and watched all the kids ( _and Ben_ ) learning to ski. They stayed in a friendly silence just being happy they could show simple forms of affection.

“We can go to the party if you want to,” Eddie sighed out.

“Well, don’t hide your excitement from me,” Richie grinned as he kissed the top of Eddie’s head. _Lavender soap as perfectly usual._ He kept his face in his locks for a little longer nuzzling his face there.

Eddie moved his head away to look at him pointedly, “Are you trying to not so subtly smell my head?”

Richie grinned at him, “You smelled mine earlier! Can’t a guy bask in your scent without being judged?”

Eddie frowned at him disgusted, “Don’t say scent.”

“Would you prefer fragrance? Odor? Arrrrrroma?” Richie purred the last word bringing his face close to Eddie’s so their noses touched.

“None thanks, ya freak.” Even with the insult, Eddie brought his lips forward to lightly kiss him. Richie wanted more but felt a hesitancy, so let himself stare at Eddie’s kind face. He was smiling except it did not reach his eyes. Richie was trying to read what he was thinking but could not figure out why Eddie was not over the moon happy. _Unlike me, who has never been so thrilled._

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” Richie asked taking Eddie’s gloved hands in his own.

“Just wish this weekend could last forever,” Eddie whispered.

“Me too.” Richie smiled warmly, “I’ll never get the chance to do as much PDA with you again once you decide to stop punishing our friends.”

Eddie’s smile broadened and this time his eyes twinkled, “I kind of keep forgetting I’m doing it to punish them because I just like kissing your stupid face.”

“My stupid face is all about it.” Richie laughed kissing Eddie’s nose, forehead, and cheeks.

“Stop sucking face! There are children around.” Came Mike’s voice from a distance. Eddie kissed Richie full on the mouth both of them flipping off Mike as they did.

“Now, shall we do the black diamond trail?” Richie said when they pulled away.

Eddie shook his head vigorously, “No way in hell. I’ve already got an arm susceptible to breaking a second time.”  They started to put their gear back on.

“Come on candy corn, it’ll be fun!” Richie got up first and put his hands out to help Eddie up.

Eddie let himself be hoisted to his feet, “No Rich, I’m not comfortable doing it.”

“That’s not what your mother said last night,” Richie wiggled his eyebrows.

“And a sweet moment destroyed once more by Trashmouth. Bye asshole.” Eddie made his way over to Ben who had finally managed to stay on his skis long enough to do a bunny hill.

Richie went looking for Beverly before heading to the black diamond. He found Bill and Stanley talking while glaring at a small crowd of guys. “What’s up losers?” Richie asked looking at the Vermont boys curiously trying to figure out why they were glaring at them.

“See those guys?” Bill said still glaring.

“I do have eyes and can see them but why do we give a fuck—” Richie stopped talking when he realized Beverly was in the center talking to these strangers. She had taken off her helmet and was blushing a little from the cold. _Or maybe she was blushing for another reason._ A knot of jealousy formed in Richie’s stomach at seeing his best friend surrounded by anyone other than the Losers Club.

“Um, fuck no.” Richie breathed. He began to march over to his redheaded friend.

“Richie! Wait!” Stanley hissed. He ignored him and kept trekking. Richie could hear Stanley and Bill stumbling after him. _Good, the more back up the better._

Richie shoved his way through two of the guys. He heard a “What the fuck” from one of them.

“Hey Bev,” Richie threw his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

She looked at him in confusion, “Hey Rich, everything ok?”

He shrugged not taking his eyes off her to acknowledge the others, “Totally fine. Bill, Stan and I are ready to do the black diamond course. Shall we?”

“Absolutely!” She grabbed her helmet and began buckling it on.

“We were all going there too, Bevvie.” Chimed in one of the guys. _Desperate much?_

She seemed to debate something in her head. No one would have noticed if Richie did not know her so well. She smiled at the guy and said, “Oh! Cool. Why don’t you come with us?”

Richie turned his face toward them, “I’m Richie Tozier, and who the fuck are you?” Richie could feel Beverly’s gaze burn into the side of his face but she stayed silent.

“I’m Kyler—”

“Nice to meet you, Tyler,” Richie put out his hand to shake but the guy did not take it.

“It’s Kyler. Do we have a problem?” Him and his friends straightened up a bit, looking ready for a fight.

Bill stepped in between them like the leader he is, “D-d-don’t mind Richie, his n-n-nickname is Trashmouth for a reason. I’m Bill and this is Stanley.”

“What’s wrong with you?” One of the other guys said.

Stanley walked forward, “Nothing is wrong with him. He has a stutter. What’s wrong with you?” Bill placed a hand on Stanley’s shoulder to keep him calm.

Richie slowly stood next to Stanley in solidarity. Richie felt like he was in a movie where the action is slowed for dramatic effect. The other guys seemed older than them, but Richie and Bill were taller. _We could take them._ Richie waited for Bill to take the lead. None of them moved, they just stared them down.

Beverly poked Richie’s back so he would move aside. “Alright, now that everyone has shown off their dicks can we go to the black diamond trail?”

The scene came back to reality immediately. They all looked embarrassed, trying to shrug off the encounter as if nothing had happened. _Except me, I’m never embarrassed. I ooze confidence._ Richie followed Beverly toward the lifts, everyone walking in a deathly quiet.

The Myler guy broke the awkward silence, “We were telling Beverly that there is a party tomorrow, which you Maine kids can come too.”

“Same party hosted by a Miss Eliza?” Richie said keeping under control.

Beverly laughed, “Why am I not surprised that you’ve already been invited?”

“One day in Vermont and he’s already the most popular guy around.” Stanley drawled out from behind him. Richie turned his head and blew Stanley a kiss.

Bill bumped him good-naturedly, “Maybe he n-n-needs to be k-k-kicked out of the Losers Club. Clearly too good for us.” 

He grabbed his heart in horror, “You can’t kick out the President of the Losers Club!”

“Bill’s the president, not you,” Stanley argued.

“Rude,” Richie said.

“What’s the Losers Club?” Jyler guy popped in.

“The four of us plus three other losers. We are best friends.” Beverly explained.

“That’s cool.” Byler guy nodded trying to get next to Beverly. Richie made sure he was right up against her. Despite her clear frustration, she let him be protective.

“We are the farthest from cool, but thanks,” Beverly said. Richie could feel the tension from before ease a little and they settled into a banter with the Vermont boys.

When they got to the lifts, Richie surprised everyone by saying, “Are we racing down the mountain...um...I want to say, Wyler?” _Any way to keep him away from Beverly._

“It’s KYLER. And you are so on Maine.” They stood next to each other in line, ready to board the lift. The other Vermont boys went together. Stanley boarded with Beverly and Bill got a lift by himself.

They hopped onto the seat and brought the bar down. Richie pulled his goggles over his eyes. He took the chance to look over this guy. He had dirty blonde hair and fairly attractive features. Some acne on his chin, which he seemed to be trying to cover with a patchy beard.  _He is definitely a douchebag, I have a sense about these things._

Nyler guy looked over at him and asked, “So are you and Bevvie an item?”

“I wouldn’t call her Bevvie, man. And she’s basically my wife.” Richie responded.

“You’re married?!” He asked confused. "Oh man, I am so sorry I didn't know."

“What? No! I have a boyfriend.” Richie said. “The cutest guy here.”  _This guy is an idiot too._

Hyler guy let out a nervous laugh, “Oh you’re gay. Great.”

“I’m bisexual, but why is that great?” Richie asked glaring. _Not that he can see my glare through the goggles, but I know it is there. That’s what counts._

“Come on man, you must have guessed I am into her.” He said chuckling. They were almost to the top. Richie braced himself, ready to beat this jerk off.

They lifted the bar up and as Richie landed he said, “She’ll eat you for breakfast.” This guy would learn soon enough that Beverly is not to be messed with.

Richie zoomed down the mountainside. He knew his recklessness was coming out because he almost hit a tree and a person. He was going faster than he had ever gone before. His mind went blank for a moment as the feeling of blissfulness was so real and overwhelming. When he reached the bottom he started to do a victory dance.

_I won the race of course because I’m the best around. I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIENDSSSSS. AND I’LL KEEP ON FIGHTING ‘TIL THE END. Oh look, it’s my boyfriend._

“Hey eds!” Richie called as Eddie made his way over clearly laughing at his dancing. He gave Eddie a huge hug lifting him off the ground.

“Don’t call me Eds,” He tried to fight Richie but ended up laughing too hard. Eddie put his hands on Richie’s shoulders to gain some balance.

Richie adjusted his grip around his legs, so Eddie would not tip backward, “Whatever you say, Eds. I just creamed a guy on the black diamond course. It was amazing.”

“My champion,” Eddie grinned down at him.

Richie’s mouth opened in awe, “Ok, that’s super weird. I was just thinking about the Queen song.”

“I know Richie. I heard you singing it.” Eddie giggled then planted an open mouth kiss on Richie. Richie felt on top of the world.

“GET A ROOM!” Bill’s voice could be heard somewhere.

They laughed and when Eddie pulled away he patted Richie’s cheek, “Now put me down, I want food.”

Richie plopped him on his feet unceremoniously, “We have to get Ben ‘N Jerry’s every day we are here.”

Eddie gained his footing frowning a little, “It’s freezing dipshit.”

“It is never too cold for ice cream!” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand and dragged him along.

 

 

...To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I commissioned @slashpalooza to make the photo based on this chapter of my fic! Check it out here-  
> http://thetheatregal.tumblr.com/post/166829683786/take-my-breath-away
> 
> So what did you think? I think I write Eddie's perspective better, but it was fun to try a Richie centric chapter. Also, talk about double standard when Richie sees Mike flirting vs Beverly flirting. But doesn't that feel accurate to Richie? Let me know.
> 
> Anyone that kudos or bookmarks, you are literally so kind. I cannot believe how quickly I wrote this chapter...that NEVER happens. Love you all for reading!
> 
> I also want to start giving thanks to those who review. It honestly means so much and convinces me to keep writing!  
> So thank you to Chapter 5 reviewers:  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - Love you my dead lollipop Watson tumblr twin  
> kingpegg - I hope to continue making you laugh in the breakroom  
> AwkwardToastAndCoffee - You are a damn delight  
> Totodilebites - Your review reminded me to do lots of PDA haha  
> Starrya47 - I tried to give you Bill, Richie, and Eddie moments!  
> Naenae017 - You’re review was cute like you!  
> Codex_Winchester - I aim to make you laugh now haha  
> BulletBlaze - You’re freaking great


	7. Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Eddie looked down at his attire, “When did I put on your shirt?”
> 
> Richie grinned mischievously, “You forced me to give it to you.”
> 
> Eddie raised his eyebrows skeptically, “That sounds fake.”
> 
> “You did!” Richie insisted, “And refused to tell me why you wanted to wear my shirt.”
> 
> He put his hands up in defense, “Whatever you say, liar.”

Richie woke up to a harsh light shining on his face. _Fuck you sun._ He was really groggy from staying up late drinking with the Losers the night before. They had beers and Vermont ciders, but he was regretting not having his usual glass of water before he went to sleep. They watched 3 movies ( _Beauty and the Beast for Ben, Eddie, Beverly...and me_ , _An American Werewolf in London because I make them watch horror films_ , and _Back to the Future - the First one because the others SUCK_ ) before finally going to sleep around 4:00 am.

He shifted on the mattress wondering what he was hugging. There was a fluffiness tickling his chin. _That’s weird. I haven’t slept with a stuffed animal in years._

He rolled away and the stuffed animal moaned in protest. _Stuffed animals do not moan._ His brain was processing really slowly. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, everything extremely blurry. _Glasses Tozier, you are basically blind._ He reached for his frames on the nightstand, treasuring his ability to see once more then looked to the other side of the bed. _Oh, that’s right. Eddie and I are sharing a bed in Vermont. Is this real life?_

Richie took a moment to admire Eddie sleeping. His brown hair was sticking up everywhere, his pink lips slightly open as he breathed in and out slowly. He looked so beautiful.

Richie smiled because Eddie was wearing his Metallica shirt, which was too big on him. He had insisted he sleep in it when Richie took the shirt out to put on. The big "friendship reveal" which came out last night was that Eddie becomes EXTREMELY affectionate after just a few ciders. He kissed everyone’s cheek at least once. During one movie he hugged Beverly the entire time and whispered in her ear a bunch. Then he willingly sat on Richie’s lap for the whole third film in front of everyone. He kept one arm around Richie’s shoulders so he could play with his curls and easily kiss him. Any time Richie said something inappropriate instead of the usual ‘beep beep’, Eddie would laugh and say “You’re stupid, but you're my stupid.” Richie’s face would flush and he could not stop grinning.

Eddie passed out halfway through the last movie and Richie had to carry him up the stairs to their room because he refused to wake up enough to walk.

The comforter had fallen down only covering his legs and the Metallica shirt had ridden up exposing a sliver of his stomach. Richie fought the urge to poke him there. _Eddie would kill me if I woke him up that way._

So Richie got up and went around to the other side of the bed. He crouched down leveling his face with Eddie’s. They were inches apart. Richie ran a hand across the boy’s cheek and pushed his bangs away slowly. Eddie stirred a little, closing his mouth to smile. Richie leaned his face forward and kissed him.

Eddie grimaced into the lips then opened his eyes slowly, “Go brush your teeth, Trashmouth.”

“Go back to sleep, you were so nice to me then,” Richie responded still running his hand through Eddie’s hair.

“Not speaking to you is considered nice? I should do it more often.” Eddie slowly sat up stretching.

Richie stayed in his crouched position looking up at Eddie with a pout, “Why must you hurt me so early in the morning?”

“Because fuckkkkk mornings,” Eddie said through a yawn. _Even his yawns make my heart flutter._  Eddie looked down at his attire, “When did I put on your shirt?”

Richie grinned mischievously, “You forced me to give it to you.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows skeptically, “That sounds fake.”

“You did!” Richie insisted, “And refused to tell me why you wanted to wear my shirt.”

He put his hands up in defense, “Whatever you say, liar.”

Richie’s pout deepened, “First you reject my kisses, then you call me a liar. This is shaping up to be a miserable morning.”  

Eddie looked at him contemplating something. Then he tapped his lips in a gesture for Richie to kiss him. When he eagerly got up and brought his face forward, Eddie rolled sideways on the bed out of reach. Richie missed spectacularly and got a face full of the pillow. He stayed in the pillow for a moment, listening to Eddie’s laughter. Then he pounced toward him, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist, and bringing him tumbling on top of him. Richie started to tickle him and Eddie kept yelling “Mercy, Rich!”  They were a mess of laughing and limbs before hearing a knock on the door.

“Get moving you two!” Came Beverly’s voice. “Eddie, I need your cooking expertise.”

“Be right there!” Eddie called. He hoisted himself out of Richie’s arms, grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom.

Richie pulled out his AC/DC shirt from his bag and grabbed his jeans off the ground. He scanned the room trying to find his toothbrush when he realized it was in the bathroom. The shower was running so he figured quickly going in to brush his teeth would be fine.

He opened the door saying, “Need to brush my teeth, so you will make out with me later.”

“Richie! I’m fucking showering, get out!” Eddie yelled behind the curtain.

Richie ignored the request and began brushing his teeth. “How can I guarantee you think of me in the shower if I don’t surprise you once in awhile.”

“You’re the worst,” Eddie hissed. Richie spit out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth.

“See ya downstairs, pixie sticks!” Richie sang before shutting the bathroom door.

When Richie got downstairs he went into the kitchen to see Beverly furiously making breakfast. “No one helping you, Bev?” Richie asked as he grabbed a carton of Ben ‘N Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie from the freezer.

She pointed the spatula at him menacingly, “Put the ice cream back, it will ruin your appetite for the feast I am creating.”

“Blasphemy!” Richie shouted, but he put the carton back and grabbed the orange juice from the fridge instead. “Anything I can do to help?”

She waved her hand dismissively, “You’re a terrible cook. Better if you don’t help.”

“You’re not wrong. I blame my parents because they never fucking cook, so I just make Eggo waffles all the time.” Richie grabbed a chair from the table and spun it around to face her as he drank his juice. He shuddered at the combination of orange juice and minty toothpaste. _Should have waited to brush my teeth. Stupid Eddie not wanting to kiss me._

“All you have to do for Eggo waffles is put them in a toaster,” She teased while awkwardly flipping eggs in the pan.

“Stan the man can cook. Where is he?” Richie suggested.

“Stan, Bill, and Mike went to the slopes if you can believe that. Ben’s still sleeping. I wanted to make breakfast for you all but I am failing and need EDDIE.” Beverly shouted out the kitchen door as she mixed pancake batter.

“What are you, my mother? I am coming!” He countered back from upstairs.

“I’m sure it will taste fine,” Richie said. “I’m bitter the guys went skiing without me.”

Beverly shrugged, “Mike didn’t go on any actual slopes yesterday since he was flirting with Eliza. Bill and Stanley are morning people. You think Eddie would have willing gotten up this morning to go skiing on only 3 hours of sleep?”

“He’s the crankiest in the morning and that’s saying something because he’s always moody,” Richie said as he downed the rest of the orange juice. "So what was Eddie whispering to you during all of Beauty and the Beast?"

Beverly smirked, "That he thinks you're hot, duh." 

"I fucking KNEW it!" Richie laughed. "If only he would tell me to my face. He is the biggest tease."

Eddie strolled into the kitchen, “Stop talking shit about me, you assholes.” His hair was still wet from showering and his cheeks tinted pink. He wore a big red sweater with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and jeans. _He is so cute, it hurts._

“If you would just kiss me, I wouldn’t have to talk shit about you.” Richie countered with a smirk.

He went over to Richie, put his hand on the back of his head and leaned down bringing their faces together. Suddenly, the only thing in the room was them. Eddie definitely meant it to be a gentle kiss but it became heated very quickly. Richie put his hands on Eddie’s hips to bring him standing between his legs. Richie tilted his head to get better access as he sucked at Eddie’s bottom lip. Eddie opened his mouth and Richie plunged his tongue immediately to run across the roof of his mouth. Richie tried to hold back a moan but could not control his pleasure.

“Please don’t have sex in front of me,” Eddie’s mouth was plucked away as he was yanked backward by his sweater. Eddie yelped in surprise, his face going scarlet. Beverly let go of him and handed over the mixing bowl to take over making pancakes.

“We weren’t going to have sex, Bev. Jesus H Christ.” Eddie poured some of the batter into a heated pan. He had his back to Richie, but he could see his ears were still red from embarrassment. _I can fix this._

“Yeah, if we were going to have sex in front of you, you would have to get in on the action.” _Nailed it._

“BEEP BEEP RICHIE!” Beverly and Eddie both shouted. There was a moment of dead silence before they all broke into laughter.

“I want…” Richie began.

“Chocolate chips on your pancakes.” Eddie finished.

“And…”

“In the batter.”

“Don’t forget…”

“Whipped cream is in the fridge.”

Richie got up from his chair, grabbed Eddie’s ass as he passed him receiving a smack on the arm, then opened the fridge. He snatched the whipped cream container, removed the lid brought it to his lips and…

“RICHIE THAT IS SO GROSS!” Eddie shrieked, “Do you know how many germs there are in your mouth? Why couldn’t you put it on your finger or on a plate or anything else except right in your mouth? Maybe the rest of us want whipped cream?”

Richie swallowed, walked over to Eddie, put a little on his finger and placed it on Eddie’s nose then licked it off immediately. Eddie’s eyes bugged out in horror.

He ran over to the sink and washed off his nose. “BLEH! That was the least romantic thing ever. Don’t do that shit.”

Richie smiled at his small angry boyfriend, “So much complaining from the boy who never seems to mind when we exchange saliva.”

“That’s...not the same. I mean it is. But I don’t think about it because…”

“Because Richie distracts you with his sexiness,” Beverly smirked.

“Hey! That’s my line.” But Richie high fived her as they laughed.

“Fuck you both.” Eddie turned back around and kept making breakfast. “Richie, make yourself useful and go wake up Ben.”

“Ok, but I’m bringing the whipped cream with me.” Richie hurried out of the kitchen before Eddie could argue. He went down the hall to the room Ben and Mike were sharing for the weekend. There were bunk beds, luckily, Ben was on the bottom bunk.

Richie looked around the room and found a piece of paper and smiled to himself. He grabbed the paper and took the cap off the whipped cream shaking the bottle. He slowly turned Ben’s right hand over so the palm was facing up, then sprayed a ton of cream in his hand. Richie was holding in his laughter as best he could but almost snorted aloud. Using the tip of the paper, he lightly tickled Ben’s nose. It took a couple times of waving the paper before Ben brought his right palm to his nose. _Success._

“What the—“ Ben said groggily. He looked at his hand then at Richie, who was on the ground cackling.

“Richie! You idiot.” Ben threw his blanket off and tried to strangle him but he stumbled to his feet and ran out of the room.

Richie got back to the kitchen first, grabbed a startled Eddie by the waist and swung him around to hide behind. Eddie still had a spatula in his hand and was hitting Richie’s arms so he would let go. Ben got to the door frame huffing and puffing, he had tried to wipe away the whipped cream but it was covering his face and hair.

“The whipped cream really brings out your eyes, Benny Boy.” Richie grinned putting his chin on the top of Eddie’s head.

Ben‘s face was a mixture of livid and conflicted. _Priceless expression, where is Mike’s camera when you need it?_ Ben tried to get around Eddie but Richie’s arms were firmly locked around his waist preventing Ben from reaching him. He stomped his foot like a child, “No fair! You can’t use Eddie as a human shield.”

Richie pointed at Ben fake threateningly, “I can and I will use the cutest, most precious thing in the room to prevent you from hurting me. Even if I do deserve it.”

Eddie turned glaring up at him, “Shut up, I’m not cute and precious. Now, fucking sit down. Breakfast is ready.” Eddie wiggled out of his grasp. Richie quickly sat down at the table and began piling his plate with eggs, bacon, sausage, and potatoes.

“Nice PJ pants, Ben.” Beverly giggled as she too sat down to eat.

Richie looked up to see Ben turn bright pink. His eyes went to Ben’s pants which had Star Wars logos all over them.

“Excellent movie!” Richie exclaimed.

“I’m still mad at you,” Ben eyed him as he took a seat next to Beverly. She grabbed a napkin and wiped off the rest of the whipped cream from his face. Ben’s expression became horrified and appreciative as he said a quiet, “Thank you.” _Again, where is a camera when your friends are being adorable?_

Using only two hands, Eddie placed down three plates of different pancakes. He took a seat next to Richie and started to fill his plate. Richie kissed the side of his head, “Thanks for cooking, jolly rancher.”

“Yeah, thank you, Eddie. You’re my favorite.” Beverly said through a bite of pancake.

“Thank you so much,” Ben said seeming to forget his anger with food in front of him.

Eddie smiled at them, “No problem. I like cooking.” They ate as much as possible before cleaning up the place.

 

Mike, Bill, and Stanley returned around noon and the three of them took naps. Beverly, Ben, Richie, and Eddie played board games. Eddie getting competitive as usual.

“I cannot believe you bankrupted me. I thought we were dating. Do you want to keep kissing these lips?” Eddie huffed at Richie as he bitterly lost monopoly.

“Don’t make this another Janga situation, Eds,” Richie warned smiling.

“Don’t call me, Eds. AND YOU SHOOK THE TABLE!” He yelled furiously.

“Oh my god, you say that every time!” Beverly laughed.

“You are all so loud,” Stanley said shuffling into the living room plopping on the couch next to Richie. His tight dirty blonde curls were ruffled from napping.

Richie poked Stanley’s face annoyingly, “You’re so adorable when you just wake up, Stan the man.”

“I will murder you,” Stanley mumbled as he pushed Richie, who fell sideways into Eddie’s lap. Eddie ran a hand through Richie’s hair absentmindedly as he messed with the remote to put on the television. Ben and Beverly cleared up the game of monopoly.

“So what are we doing for the rest of the day?” Stanley asked.

“Well, you guys were gone and then slept for more than half the day.” Beverly accused.

“Let’s go get Ben ‘N Jerry’s!” Richie said from Eddie’s lap. Eddie pushed Richie’s curly bangs out of this face and rolled his eyes. It felt amazing when Eddie would touch his hair. His parents hated how long it would get, but Eddie always made him feel special for having long curly hair.

“You finished the one in the fridge, I am sure that is enough.” Beverly laughed at him.

“BLASPHEMY!” Richie yelled.

Eddie put his hand over his mouth, “Inside voice.” Richie licked Eddie’s palm in response.

“UGH! Damn it, Richie!” Eddie pushed him off the couch and ran to the bathroom to wash his hands. The room burst into laughter and Richie stayed laying on the floor clutching his stomach from his own giggles.

* * *

 

They woke up Mike and Bill, then got bundled up to go out for the remainder of the day. They walked around Burlington, the biggest “city” in Vermont. That is not saying much because Vermont is a small state in the United States. They went to a Ben ‘N Jerry’s ice cream shop to please Richie. _And please I was._ Then walked around trying to find a cheap pizza place for dinner. Richie kept his arm across Eddie’s shoulders the whole time, with Eddie’s arm snaked around Richie’s waist. A lot of people kept looking at them, which made him feel uncomfortable.

“Yeah, we are gay, keep walking dude.” Richie finally said after the fourth person looked at them. The guy apologized and said ‘congratulations’ before hurrying away.

“Richie, chill.” Eddie said squeezing Richie’s side.

“Sorry, it is just annoying. They wouldn’t look at us if we were a straight couple.” Richie squeezed Eddie’s shoulder as they walked a little away from the group. Eddie did not respond right away then looked at Richie with his signature secretive grin and twinkling eyes.

“No, they would look at us, want to know why?” Eddie cooed.

“Why?” Richie said glancing at him.

Eddie lowered his voice, “Because you are the sexiest one here.”

Richie moaned, “Alright, we need to ditch these losers and find a place alone right now.”

Eddie’s smile broadened, “Nah, let’s just actually give everyone something to look at.” Eddie kissed him and hugged him so hard Richie thought his back would break.

_Eddie is going to be the death of me._

* * *

Later that night, they showed up to Eliza’s house at around 10:00 pm. The party was in full swing when they arrived with about 80 teens packed in the house.

“First things first! Alcohol.” Richie said pulling Eddie along toward where he thought the kitchen might be.

“We should try not to get too drunk,” Eddie said nervously.

“Eddie, it’ll be fine. Come on Losers!” Richie shouted to the group.

When they got to the kitchen, there was a huge assortment of alcohol and a bowl with some kind of mystery punch.

“You made it!” Eliza, the girl who had invited them all, greeted cheerily. She went around and gave everyone hugs. “Eddie you look so cute in that sweater!” She rumpled his hair, which made Eddie flush and glare at her. She did not notice.

When Eliza got to Mike, she handed him a beer letting her hand linger on his for a moment. “Help yourselves, sweethearts.” Then gave a wink and walked out.

“She’s got it badddddd for Mike,” Richie sang.

“He’s just so lovable,” Beverly said hugging Mike, who did not respond just chuckled lightly.

Richie grabbed two beers handing one to Bill, “Let’s shotgun them.”

“Oh Rich, I sh-sh-shouldn’t.” Bill tried to hand the beer to Stanley.

Stanley pushed the beer back to him. “I’ll drive, Bill.”

“Are you sure?” Bill said worriedly.

He nodded, “Yeah, I don’t like alcohol.”

“Blasphemy!” Richie and Beverly said at the same time. Richie looked at her and they laughed.

Bill handed his keys to Stanley then took the can from Richie. They shotgunned the beers, Richie downing it fastest. He wiped his mouth and gave Eddie a cheeky grin.

Eddie blushed averting his eyes as Beverly handed him a cup of the mystery juice. He grimaced, “We have no idea what’s in this.”

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want too.” Beverly went to take it back but Eddie pulled it toward him to sniff the cup.

“Heyyyyyy! It’s the Maine kids!” A voice came from the door. It was the guys from the black diamond course. They came over and gave high fives to all of them except Eddie. Richie thought it was a little weird, but let it slide.

“Shall we do shots?” Said the guy who Richie thought was named Plyer? _Eh, who cares. More fun to not care._ Ryler guy started pouring out vodka shots and handing them out then purposely skipped over Eddie. “Sorry kid, you have to be 15 or older to drink with us.”

Richie opened his mouth to tell the guy off but Eddie cut in viciously, “I’m fucking 16 years old.”

“Damn. You look like a little kid,” One of the other Vermont guys said drunkenly. Richie thought Eddie was going to start screaming with how red he turned.

Lyler guy started laughing, “Oh shit man! I thought you were like 13. Here ya go.” He handed a vodka shot to Eddie, whose frown deepened. They all downed the shots and Eddie used his mystery drink as a chaser. Richie watched as he chugged the whole cup.

“Um...Eds,” Richie cautioned.

“Don’t call me Eds,” He said flippantly. He then snatched the vodka bottle from the table and drank straight from it. The Vermont guys were cheering and egging him on. Richie’s mouth parted, he was frozen in total shock.

“Eddie!” Stanley grabbed the bottle away, glaring at Richie’s lack of intervening. “Take it easy.”

“I can drink a little vodka, Stan.” Eddie insisted. His eyes were stinging from the bitter drink. Richie rubbed his back trying to get Eddie to look at him. He shrugged off the gesture refilling his cup with the mystery drink refusing to meet Richie's eyes.

Beverly grabbed his hand hurriedly, “Hey, let’s go dance, Eddie!”

He forced a smile on his now flushed face, “Ok, yeah.” Richie watched them go and turned to see the rest of his friends staring him. Stanley punched his shoulder.

“What?!” Richie looked back in confusion holding his arm. “What did I do?”

“Richie, you should have said something to those jerks.” Mike scolded.

“And he’s d-d-drinking too much too fast.” Bill added.

“Eddie can take care of himself.” Richie waved them off.

“He’s so small and doesn’t drink that much,” Ben said looking at Richie sympathetically. “I also think those guys hurt his feelings.”

“Which means he is going to spend the night proving he can drink anyone under the table.” Stanley flicked Richie’s forehead. “You idiot.”

Richie rubbed the spot where he was flicked, “You think it’s that bad?”

Ben nodded gravely, “Last time he looked that determined, he kicked our asses at arcade games and said, ‘If any of you ever say my small hands will prevent me from winning at games again, I’ll slice your balls off’.”

“I know I’ve said this before...but how can Eddie be both an angel and the devil incarnate?” Mike pondered aloud. Richie poured them all more vodka shots, which everyone took except Stanley.

“I’ll go check on him,” Richie grabbed another beer and headed into the living room. The alcohol was making him feel warm and excited. It took him a while to find Beverly and Eddie but when he did he maneuvered his way through the crowd toward them. Eddie was grinding up against Beverly laughing and singing at the top of his lungs. His hair was sticking up all over the place.

Richie came up behind him and placed his hands on Eddie’s hips. “Richie?!” Eddie asked dazedly.

“Hey, pop rocks,” Richie whispered in his ear. Eddie relaxed against him and soon he was in the center of a Richie and Beverly dance sandwich. Bill and Ben showed up making them create a dance circle, where they jumped and sang along to the music.

“OH MY GOD!” Beverly yelled over the music. “IT IS A JOAN JETT SONG. I could cry.”

Eddie grabbed her hands so they could dance together swinging each other back and forth. Richie could not help but smile while he drank his beer.

“ _We've been here too long_

 _Tryin' to get along…_ ”

Eddie grabbed Richie’s beer and finished it off quickly then threw it on the ground. Richie pouted, “Eds…l was drinking that!” Eddie just grinned drunkenly, getting on his toes to plant a kiss on Richie’s mouth. _That’s one way to shut me up._ They danced together with Eddie’s arms around Richie’s neck as they belted the lyrics.

_“Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch (Yeah)_

_Do you wanna touch me there, where”_

Richie got on his knees dramatically as they kept placing their hands on different parts of their bodies at the word ‘touch’. Richie touched Eddie’s face while Eddie touched Richie’s chest. It was making them laugh so much they could barely breathe.

Richie got to his feet grabbing either side Eddie’s face trying to get his to focus. “You take my breath away, Eddie.”

“Gay,” Eddie laughed kissing him.

“That’s my line!” Richie said between kisses.

“I’m going to go dance on the table!” Eddie said sprinting away. Richie just grinned at his retreating back.

“Eddie! No!” Ben ran after him.

Bill slammed into Richie, distracting him from following. Beverly came over putting her hands on Bill’s shoulders, “Whoops! Sorry, Bill. Too much spin!”

Bill flipped around to look at Richie, “RICHIE RICH THE BITCH! Dance with me dudeeeeee.” He swayed a little.

“You alright there, Big Bill?” Richie laughed steadying him.

“Yes! Now dance!” Richie danced with Bill and Beverly. At some point, someone handed him another beer. He knew he should slow down, but was having too much fun to care. Eddie came back over only to jump on Bill’s back and demanded a piggyback ride. Bill rode them away and Richie knew he was safe for now. As Beverly and he got to the 10th song of dancing, Richie’s legs were killing him.

“Bev! I’m gonna sit down.” Richie shouted over a Queen song.

“Ok!” She said, perfectly content to dance by herself.

Richie walked into a side room that was a lot quieter. He sat heavily on an open Lazyboy chair in the corner. The dancing had worn him out. _I need a smoke._ Just as he was about to get up, a body came crashing onto his lap.

“Oh hey butterfingers, hows your night going?” Richie laughed at Eddie’s complete drunkenness.

“IT’S MY BOYFRIEND!” Eddie yelled. He swung his legs around to straddle Richie’s lap. Then he put his hands on either side of Richie’s face and in a deadly serious drunken haze said, “Your hair is my favorite,” Eddie ran his hands through Richie’s hair. “It’s curly, black and pretty. Richie, you are so pretty. Stop being sssso pretty.”

“I can’t, Eds.” Richie laughed as Eddie played with his curls. Then he brought his face down to sloppily kiss Richie. He kept kissing every part of Richie’s face then grabbed his glasses and threw them behind him so he could get better access.

“Eddie!” Richie went to get up but Eddie locked his knees so he would not be able to rise without knocking Eddie off.

“I got them, Richie!” Mike shouted from somewhere. _Not that I can see a fucking thing._ He felt rough hands place them back over his face. Eddie grinned at Mike unfocused and kissed his cheek.

“So affectionate when you are drunk Eddie,” Mike laughed petting his head.

“You make out with that girl yet?” Richie asked him.

“I’m a gentleman, thank you very much,” Mike walked out of the room.

Eddie turned back to Richie. The flecks of grey in his eyes were dark like thunderclouds. He scooted even closer to him. It made Richie’s breath hitch and he tried to keep his darker thoughts down. _Eddie’s red kissable lips. Nope, stop it. Eddie moaning in his sleep. Tozier keep it cool. Eddie wearing shorts. Fuck._ He could feel an uncomfortable tightness in his jeans. _Oh god, my teenage brain is a traitor._

“Richie,” Eddie put his arms back around his neck and played with the curls at the nape of his neck. “Do you think I look 13?”

This caught him off guard then he remembered what that asshole Dyler guy said to Eddie. “No of course not. 13-year-olds are not 5’5 and sexy as hell like you.”

Eddie scoffed slurring his words, “I’m not sssexy.”

“You are to me,” Richie kissed his nose. Then to his horror, Eddie began to cry.

“Eddie, why are you crying?” Richie could not help but laugh a little at the absurdness. He wiped away the flowing tears on Eddie’s face.

He seemed unable to answer why he was crying, which made him sob harder. “Richie you are so-so-so beautiful.”

“I try.” Richie shrugged.

“Nooo, you aren’t listening. You are so beautiful.”

“Is my beauty making you cry, gingersnap?” He smiled pushing Eddie’s hair back. To Richie, Eddie was the most beautiful person in the world. He was like a priceless painting. Richie was nothing compared to the freckle-faced, button-nosed, brown haired, brown with a hint of grey eyed, cute, spitfire that sat before him. He was the luckiest person in the world to be around this work of art every day. _He’s like a Vincent Van Gogh masterpiece, which fits because that painter was absolutely gay._

Richie went into Eddie’s back pocket and found a packet of Kleenex. He used them to brush away the remaining tears. Eddie giggled to himself.

“What are you laughing at drunky?” Richie smiled.

“Because I’m always needy and horny for you,” Eddie laughed again. Richie could feel his cheeks heat up. _Eddie talking dirty talk is both the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. How is that possible?_

“Did you just use my own words from yesterday against me?” Richie gasped. “That’s not fair.”

Eddie hummed sweetly as he removed his hands from Richie’s neck and gripped his shoulders steadying himself. Their faces were so close, Richie could count the number of freckles that peppered Eddie’s nose and cheeks. _There are 25._ Then Eddie slowly slid his hands down to Richie’s chest. His heart was pounding and Eddie kept his palm there smiling to himself. _This little shit._

Eddie’s eyes flashed to Richie’s then he dipped his face forward smashing their lips together. Richie tried to just focus on the kissing because Eddie’s distracting hands kept sliding down toward his stomach where a dangerous heat was building. Eddie was drawing slow circles as he went then he lifted the edge of Richie’s shirt a bit to hook his fingers around the top of his belt. Richie groaned softly, low in his throat, and his arms tighten around Eddie’s waist.

They were still heatedly kissing, tongues battling, teeth clacking. That small voice of reason in the back of Richie’s head was telling him to stop this but it was quieted by his alcohol induced state. It wasn’t until Eddie tried to dip a hand lower that Richie broke the kiss. He grabbed Eddie’s hands and pinned them to either side of his body.

“Eddie we can’t do this,” Richie bit out breathily. Eddie made a protesting noise then his head fell backward like he was going to pass out.

“Eds?” Richie said holding Eddie’s face. “EDDIE!” Eddie slumped forward into Richie’s arms grumbling incoherently. “Fuck! How much have you had?” He did not respond.

“Can you walk?” Eddie shook his head lightly. Richie put Eddie’s arms around his neck and adjusted him so he could carry his body fireman style. He ran into the crowded living room.

“Bev! Beverly!” Richie yelled over the dance music. She was dancing with Vyler guy. _I’m going to give her shit for that later. Also, I am running out of alphabet letters to use for him._ “BEVERLY!” He saw her redhead whip in his direction and her drunk eyes widened at seeing the state Eddie was in. “Find Stan! I’ll meet you outside!” She nodded trying to escape the Vermont guy.

“Richie, wanna go home.” Eddie moaned upset.

“We are babe. Fucking hell.” Richie tried to shove people aside. “Get out of the fucking way thanks.” Richie literally kicked at legs and used his shoulder to push forward. People started to make a path for fear of getting stepped on or hit by this crazy boy. He heard the sound of a punch behind him but did not have time to see what happened.

He finally made it outside and the cold sobered him up. He ran over to the car, tried to open it, but of course, it was locked. Eddie shivered and Richie realized he left their jackets in the house.

“Come on Bill!” Stanley said from behind. Richie turned to see Stanley dragging a protesting Bill with him.

“Stanny, I want to dance and hit that Vermont guy’s asshole face again.” Bill protested like a child.

“You can dance in the car ok? As for punching people, let’s not do that” Stanley looked really mad.

“Unlock the fucking car!” Richie yelled. Stanley let go of Bill to grab the keys. He unlocked the car, realizing Bill had left his side. “Fuck! Bill!”

“I got him!” Beverly could be heard saying from the front door. “Bill, I cannot believe you punched that guy. It was amazing.”

“Thanks, Bev.” Bill grinned drunkenly and latched onto her throwing his arm around her waist. “I’d punch anyone for you.”

Beverly grinned at him in wonder, then turned in Richie’s direction, “And I got your jackets, Rich!”

Richie opened the back door placing Eddie on the seat carefully. He was trying to unhook his hands from behind his neck but that weird vice grip Eddie has was tight as ever.

“Eddie, hun, you have to let go of me so I can buckle you in,” Richie said soothingly rubbing circles on his back.

“No, I’ll never let go of you!” Eddie cried horribly. Richie’s heart broke. He picked Eddie up carefully then sat in the back with Eddie cradled on top of him. He reached to close the door but one of his friends had shut it for him.

It took another couple minutes for them all to pile in.

“Is he ok?” Mike asked patting Richie’s shoulder from the way back.

“I hope so,” Richie’s eyes started to prickle with tears. _How could I let him get so drunk? I should have been paying attention. He doesn’t drink that often._

“Rich, he’s going to be ok,” Beverly said from the front passenger seat. “Stay out of that head of yours. It’s not your fault. He was sad tonight.”

“I didn’t know he was that upset! God, I could kick those guys asses.” Richie hissed.

“I’d kick anyone’s assssssses for you all!” Bill chimed in. “In fact I did!”

“Yeah you did buddy,” Mike laughed.

Richie shifted awkwardly in his seat. Eddie’s full weight was on him because he had passed out entirely and it made his arm fall asleep.

“They weren’t worth it,” Stanley said evenly as he drove carefully. “You shouldn’t have done that Bill. I bet it will get back to my family.”

“Sorry about all this Stan,” Richie said genuinely.

They made eye contact in the rearview mirror, “Don’t worry about it. I figured someone would have to be carried home. I just thought it would be you or Bill.”

“Hey,” Bill said with no enthusiasm. “I’m an e-e-easy drunk.”

“You tried to take off your clothes at one point,” Stanley grumbled.

“You all just wish you h-h-had this bod.” Bill bragged.

“Bring back humble Bill,” Ben said annoyed. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“NOT IN MAMA!” Stanley shouted.

When they got back to the house, Richie rushed Eddie to the bathroom in their room upstairs. He splashed some water on Eddie’s face to wake him up properly. Stanley brought a glass so Eddie could drink water. This seemed to help him get his bearings.

“I’m going to be sick,” Eddie promptly emptied his stomach into the toilet. Richie rubbed his back and murmured that he would feel better soon. “Richie,” Eddie whispered. “I’m going to die.”

Richie could not help but laugh. “You’re not going to die. I’d have to kill you if you died.”

“That makes no sense you idiot,” Eddie said before getting sick again. _There’s my boyfriend._

Once Eddie was feeling up to leaving the bathroom. Richie helped him brush his teeth and grabbed him pajamas. Eddie let Richie dress him in the Metallica shirt but when he tried to put pants on him, Eddie pushed them away saying, “I’m too hot.”

“Yeah, you are,” Richie responded immediately.

“Shut up, Trashhh.” Eddie did not bother to finish calling him Trashmouth.

“Alright, but at least take off your jeans,” Richie suggested calmly. Eddie unbuttoned his pants and slowly kicked them off. He had to help him step out of them, which proved a challenge when Eddie kept playing with his hair. Richie tried not to let his eyes linger on Eddie's cute plaid boxers.

Finally, Richie got him over to the queen bed and he crawled in closing his eyes immediately. Richie placed a glass of water and bucket by the bed. He tried to tuck Eddie in, but Eddie smacked his hand away not wanting the blanket over him.

“You’re always cold though!” Richie argued.

“No, hot,” Eddie mumbled.

Richie rolled his eyes and left the room. He went down to the kitchen in the hopes of finding aspirin, which Eddie and he would definitely need tomorrow. Stanley was sitting in the kitchen making coffee.

“You staying up?” Richie asked concerned.

Stanley grabbed sugar and milk for his coffee, “Ya, I’m going to check on everyone for a couple hours until I’m sure no one has alcohol poisoning.” 

“We don’t deserve Stan the Man,” Richie said affectionately patting him on the shoulder.

“Yeah yeah,” Stanley grinned tiredly, “How’s Eddie?”

“I think he’s ok. Threw up most of the poison.” Richie opened a cabinet and grabbed a bottle of aspirin.

Stanley shook his head, “He drank so much. I should have cut him off but he kept running away and taking people's drinks. I couldn’t keep track of him, Bill, and Mike.”

“Don’t worry about it, Stan.” Richie sighed. He poured himself some water and downed it.

“STAN!” Mike shouted from the living room.

“I’m coming! Night, Rich.” Stanley grabbed a small trash can and a glass of water before exiting the kitchen.

Richie heard Mike say, “I can’t sleep without my sheep, Stanny!” Richie stifled a laugh as he went upstairs.

He opened the door quietly and placed the aspirin next to the water on Eddie’s nightstand. He got into the bed on his side and left a gap facing away from Eddie, not wanting to touch him if he didn’t want it.

Richie felt an arm around his waist as Eddie snuggled into his back spooning him. His skin was a little feverish. Richie placed his arms over Eddie’s, turned his head to kiss his lips then settled into his pillow.

Eddie sighed contentedly, “I luv mu.”

Richie smiled feeling so much affection for Eddie that he thought his heart would burst. Then that feeling changed to a tightening in his chest. It became hard to breathe and his head felt dizzy. _Wait, did I hear that correctly?_

_Eddie just said…_

 

_I love you._

 

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, LONG ASS CHAPTER. But hey, you all stick around so I hope I am doing something right. THANK YOU FOR KUDOS AND COMMENTS! I love them so much. 
> 
> The janga joke is from a tumblr post I saw that I laughed about for 20 minutes. 
> 
> Anonymous - Thank you for loving my Richie POV writing!  
> winchesters221b - I adored your story and review!!  
> TheSapphireCirclet - Your review was a gift to my heart!  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - My tumblr twin, Your review was long and perfect. I thrive on your love for this fic. You are the reason I post as quick as I can. Did you catch my subtle hints about something you do?  
> IWriteSinsNotEssaysOk - Your username is amazing. Thank you for reviewing!  
> Naenae017 - I’m so glad you love Eddie because I love Eddie. Everyone just needs to love him.  
> Starrya47 - Thank you for loving the chapter! Whoo!  
> Totodilebites - Your review was great. AND ALL THE PDA!


	8. With Or Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - With Or Without You by U2  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> “Richie is about as good at communicating his feelings as a wet sponge,” Stanley argued.
> 
> Bill grinned and turned to look at Stanley, “I’m telling him you said that.”
> 
> Stanley laughed, “Do it. He’ll get a better understanding of himself.”
> 
> “Should I wait to talk at school tomorrow? Or go to his place tonight?” Eddie cut in.
> 
> “Wait for school tomorrow,” Bill said immediately. His car pulled into Eddie’s driveway and he parked the car. “He juh-just needs space.”
> 
> “He was probably tired on top of being moody. Richie only has two modes: Completely obsessively invested or avoids the situation entirely. There is no in-between.” Stanley said knowingly.

Eddie did something really horrible. As in catastrophically terrible. He should be kicked out of the Losers Club and be forced to live a hermit life. The only problem was...he had no idea what he did.

Upon reflection, finishing off random alcoholic drinks was certainly not his finest moment. Considering those drinks brought him to a state of being blackout drunk. He could remember the Vermont guy calling him a 13-year-old and a switch in his mind got flipped. An aggressive switch he kept at bay when he could but may be slammed on high at any time.

He knew he danced with all the losers at some point. Made Bill give him a piggyback ride and then told Mike to catch him as he ran full speed into his arms. Mike poured his drink all over that girl he was flirting with, which probably ruined his night a bit. He remembered straddling and making out with Richie on a couch in public. Eddie shuddered at this memory because it was the most embarrassing thing he has ever done. It was also amazing, but mostly cringey.

The only reason he knew he did something bad, was because Richie would not look at him.

Which was very disconcerting because Richie prided himself on staring at Eddie whenever he wanted too. Half the time, Eddie had to tell him to stop because it made him want to hit him or make out with him. Richie is the most distracting person in his life for a reason.

Eddie had a feeling something was off when Richie did not wake him up in a cute way Sunday morning after the party. He had already packed all his bags and spent the morning smoking cigarettes outside. Eddie was annoyed because Richie had cut back on cigarettes considerably since they started seeing each other. It was really weird.

He got a little anxious as Richie responded to anything he said with ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘hmmm’. He was doing it to everyone, so Eddie thought maybe he was hungover. Eddie was certainly tired and his head was pounding even with the aspirin.

He was really worried when he finally asked Richie if he was ok and he responded with, “I am fine, Eddie.” His stomach clenched because there was no nickname, no candy pet name, just ‘Eddie’.

He knew he must have fucked up when Richie spent the entire ride home with his headphones on sleeping in the way back. Ben was really confused when Richie sat in his seat. They all were confused.

He almost had a full-on anxiety attack when Richie was dropped off. He grabbed all his stuff then came over to Eddie’s window. He went to give a goodbye kiss and Richie dodged his mouth, kissing Eddie’s cheek. He watched Richie’s retreating back as he opened the door to his house and disappeared behind it. His breathing becoming panicked as he whipped his head toward Bill.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO LAST NIGHT?!” Eddie screeched trying to get his breathing under control but there was a tightening in his chest that would not ease.

Bill flinched at Eddie’s high pitched yell and shushed him. It was just Stanley, Bill, and him. Eddie had a feeling Bill did this on purpose. As Eddie’s best and oldest friends, they were very attuned to what he needed and right now he needed someone to help him figure out what happened. Stanley moved to the middle seat so he could rub Eddie’s back soothingly and keep his panic attack down.

“W-well, you got drunk,” Bill said slowly as he started the car to take Eddie home.

“Yes, Bill. I think he figured out that much.” Stanley said frustratedly.

Bill’s face turned a little red in embarrassment, “Suh-suh-sorry, I was really drunk so I am useless here.”

“How did he seem when I came home though?” Eddie pressed on.

“He was scared,” Stanley said steadily. “He was definitely blaming himself for not watching you or realizing how upset you were.”

Eddie crossed his arms staring straight ahead, “I wasn’t that upset.”

“Yes, you were.” Stanley and Bill said in unison.

Eddie paused and glared at each of them. He was probably the second most stubborn of their friends, Stanley taking first place. He hated admitting when anything upset him because people think he is weak already, thanks to his mother.

“Alright,” Eddie gritted through his teeth. “I was upset and got wasted in retaliation.”

“That wasn’t so hard.” He could hear Stanley’s smug voice without even looking at him.

“Fuck you.” Eddie snapped. “We have to figure out why he is upset with me.”

“Eddie,” Bill said patiently. “Do you think all your drinking may have reminded him of…”

“His mom.” Eddie finished sadly. The three of them let that sink in for a moment. It made Eddie’s stomach churn horribly. “Maybe...we have just been getting better at communicating lately, I assumed he would tell me.”

“Richie is about as good at communicating his feelings as a wet sponge,” Stanley argued.

Bill grinned and turned to look at Stanley, “I’m telling him you said that.”

Stanley laughed, “Do it. He’ll get a better understanding of himself.”

“Should I wait to talk at school tomorrow? Or go to his place tonight?” Eddie cut in.

“Wait for school tomorrow,” Bill said immediately. His car pulled into Eddie’s driveway and he parked the car. “He juh-just needs space.”

“He was probably tired on top of being moody. Richie only has two modes: Completely obsessively invested or avoids the situation entirely. There is no in-between.” Stanley said knowingly.

“You’re right.” Eddie stayed a little longer in the car. He was playing with the edge of his shirt ringing it in a slow rhythm.

Bill placed his hands over Eddie’s. “It will be fine. Talk to him tomorrow.”

“And if it’s not fine, we will get you through that too,” Stanley added matter of factly.

“Not helping Stan,” Eddie grumbled. He got out of the car and the three of them grabbed all his stuff to take inside.

Eddie opened his front door and saw his mother in the living room, “Hi Ma!” He greeted her in his usual fake cheeriness.

“EDDIE BEAR!!!!” She said gleefully. Eddie smiled, secretly loving how much his mom seemed to miss him. Stanley and Bill said a quick hello, left Eddie’s stuff by the front and closed the door behind them. He went over to his mother’s chair and kissed her cheek lightly.

“How was this weekend, Ma?” Eddie asked. He took a seat on the couch ready to politely oblige her.

“I missed you so much. This weekend was hard without you. But…” His mom looked at her son steadily. “I did it, Eddie. I got through it.”

Eddie’s face broke out into a genuine smile, “I am so proud of you, mom. Did you do anything fun or have anyone come over?”

“I did actually! A friend from when we used to go to church…” Eddie listened and smiled as his mom talked about her weekend. She eventually asked him about how his was and he told her it was a really special experience. He expressed his appreciation that she let him go and how kind it was to let him use his Dad's old skis. She teared up at that nodding kindly. They spent the night enjoying each other’s company for the first time in a really long time.

* * *

“Where is he?!” Eddie asked checking his watch obsessively. They were all waiting by their usual spot outside of the school and Richie had not shown yet.

“Eddie, don’t worry. Maybe he went to class already?” Mike suggested.

“Or maybe he is avoiding me,” Eddie said in such a dejected voice that Ben put his arm around his shoulders.

“It will be alright, Eddie.” Ben said kindly rubbing his arm comfortingly.

“What if he wants to break up with me?” Eddie could hear his voice get small and scared. “I must have been really bad on Saturday.”

They all looked at him with so much sympathy his heart hurt. Beverly spoke up, “I really don’t think it was that bad. I don’t know why he is being weird.”

“Can you find out please?!” Eddie said pleadingly.

“You are seeing him first in homeroom,” Beverly reminded him. “But I will, of course, talk to him. Breathe Eddie!”

Eddie did not realize his breathing was coming in shallow and panicked. He was so anxious about Richie that his stomach hurt. He was desperately trying to keep his breakfast down.

“You’re right...you’re right. I’m sorry.” Eddie took deep breathes. Mike walked over and took Ben’s place slinging his arm around Eddie’s small frame.

“Let’s go to homeroom,” Mike said kindly. When they got to homeroom, Richie was sitting in his seat reading.

“Richie…” Eddie sighed in relief. Richie looked up smiled hesitantly then went back to reading. That relief quickly turned to anger. He lowered his voice and poked Richie’s side, “What the fuck.”

“What?” Richie jerked at being poked but kept his eyes down.

“Why are you acting weird?!” Eddie asked annoyed.

“Let’s talk later.” Richie said shortly.

Eddie kept glaring at Richie every chance he got during class. Mike ended up throwing a paper ball at the back of his head to get him to stop. He threw it in a rage, without thinking, back at Mike and the teacher caught him.

“Detention Mr. Kaspbrak! Report there after school!” Their teacher yelled.

“Shit…” Eddie whispered under his breath. “Mom’s going to fucking kill me.”

“Tell her it was my fault.” Richie whispered.

Eddie frowned at him, “You want her to hate you?” Richie shrugged nonchalantly.

This made Eddie so angry he could not speak. His face was on fire with embarrassment and rage. The rest of class went by with Eddie slowly but surely losing his mind. He could feel Richie distancing himself which freaked Eddie out.

They had their second class together and Eddie could not even focus. He decided to try grilling Richie on his behavior.

“What is your fucking problem?” Eddie hissed.

“It’s not a big deal, Eddie. Chill.” Richie tried to say evenly but his voice gave away the lie.

“You are lying. Why are you lying to me? I thought we weren’t doing that bullsiht.” Eddie said barely containing his emotions.

“Later!” Richie insisted.

“No, Richie! Now!” Eddie banged his hand on the desk. Some of his classmates looked at him but he ignored them.  

Richie shook his head, “Always such a spitfire.”

“Can you just fucking tell me what is going on?!”

“Eds...I will later. Please stop.” Richie’s eyes were starting to shine and his hands were clenched.

Eddie knew he should let it go for now, but could not get himself to do it. “Why can’t you just tell me? You are being such an ass right now.”

“Eddie, just FUCKING STOP!” Richie’s voice rose and the whole class went silent looking at him.

The teacher glared at him indignantly, “Detention after school, Mr. Tozier.”

“Fuck,” Richie sighed putting his face in his hands.

They did not talk for the rest of the day. Even at lunch, they would not talk or look at each other. Eddie was so angry he could not form sentences and Richie just looked depressed. Their friends tried to act normal talking about the weekend.

“But oh my god, Bill was such a fucking HERO on Saturday night!” Beverly said proudly. Bill turned a little pink letting her tell the story. “I was dancing with the guy from Vermont, Kyler, and he was absolutely getting handsy. I probably would have walked away soon, even if Richie had not yelled at me to find Stanley.”

“I cannot believe he was such an ass to you.” Mike shook his head disapprovingly.

“I can.” Ben grumbled.

Beverly put her hand over Ben’s, “I’m ok, really.” Ben smiled at her sweetly. “Anyway, I tried to get away from him to find Stanley and he snatched my wrist saying shit like ‘Come on baby stay with me’. I stomped on his foot but he grabbed my waist pulling me into him. It was horrible. Then Bill comes FLYING out of nowhere and lands a punch to the guys face. I was in complete shock. He was literally knocked out cold.”

“Good thing too. It made the fight end sooner.” Mike said appreciatively. “It was amazing.”

“It was not amazing for those who had to pry him off the guy,” Stanley mumbled.

Eddie let their voices wash over him stuck in his thoughts about everything that happened on Saturday night. He must have said something when he was blackout. He wished he could remember.

At some point, Richie asked Beverly if she wanted to go for a smoke. Her eyes flickered to Eddie’s then she followed him out of the cafeteria. Eddie left for class shortly after them because he could not stand the rest of the guys staring at him.

* * *

Richie and Eddie did not talk until detention. The teacher watching them for roughly 20 minutes before making an excuse to leave the classroom. He locked them in not specifying when he would be back.

Eddie took the opportunity to properly talk with Richie, “We need to talk.” He said seriously from the desk he was sitting at.

“Ok...what do you want to talk about?” Richie asked casually putting his hands in his pockets and slouching in his seat.

Eddie got up from the desk and went to hover in front of Richie. He put his hands on the desk staring down at him. He took a deep breath then let it out through his mouth making a wheezing noise, “I want to say I am sorry.”

Richie was silent for a moment then a frown slowly formed on his face, “What are you sorry for?”

“For...for getting drunk on Saturday.” Eddie said obviously.

Richie shook his head a little, “I don’t care about that.”

“You don’t? I was worried...because of everything you deal with your mom…”

“Fucking hell, Eddie, I don’t care. I mean I do care. But you being drunk is cute and you are so affectionate.” Richie said in exasperation. Then added dismissively, “I was drunk too so it would be hypocritical to be mad about that.”

“I’m not cute,” Eddie responded automatically. Richie rolled his eyes. Whenever they fought in such a real way, it seemed like they went to their base emotions. Richie keeping everything hidden just like he does with his family and Eddie being aggressively pushy. It terrified Eddie because it was reminiscent of his mother. “Ok, then tell me what happened on Saturday night?”

“A lot.” Richie kept his gaze anywhere but toward Eddie. His cheeks tinted pink as if he was embarrassed.

Eddie would not be tolerating any skirting around the situation. “I mean fucking obviously. Jesus Richie, talk to me.”

Richie cleared his throat, “You really want to fucking know?”

“I really FUCKING do.” Eddie said harshly.

Finally, Richie met his eyes defiantly. “Well, you made out with me in public and it was sexy as hell.”

“I’m not sexy.” Eddie blurted out immediately his face heating up.

Richie’s mouth almost broke into a smile. “You said you were horny for me always.” He said proudly. “Using my own words against me like a monster.”

Eddie gaped at him. This conversation was making his stomach turn horribly. He could not believe how stupid his drunk self-behaved. “This is so horrible.”

Richie continued ignoring Eddie, “You straddled me and tried to put your hands down my pants.”

Eddie felt himself turn fully red, gulping loudly, “Oh my god...I did?”

“But I stopped it, knowing you would never do that sober,” Richie said sympathetically.

Eddie’s eyes stung with unshed tears at the realization that Richie truly understood him like no one else. He was dating the perfect person for him. At least, he hoped they were still dating. “I’m sorry if I pressured you in any way. That was completely unacceptable of me.”

“You were drunk.”

“That’s not an excuse.” Eddie insisted.

“Eddie, I wanted it. I always want more with us.” Richie said softly.

Eddie’s eyes searched Richie’s with curiosity. They never had any kind of talk about going further in their relationship than kissing or some touching with shirts off. They had only been dating a couple months but had been best friends forever. Everything felt so much faster when you were with someone who knew you from the inside out.

Eddie’s inexperience made him nervous beyond belief and he constantly worried this hindrance would make Richie bored. Except Richie never seemed bored, only desperate to be closer. Which is exactly how Eddie felt right now. While they were in Vermont, it was freeing to be a couple that kissed and held hands. Even just simply letting their eyes linger on each other without abandon. It made Eddie need, no, CRAVE Richie’s affection. Eddie had spent so much time suppressing these feelings, he convinced himself he did not need them. Right now, he wanted to touch, kiss Richie, and be as close with him as two people could be.

“We’ll um...circle back to that. So what the hell did I do to make you internally freak out all day?” Eddie pushed.

Richie looked conflicted then he stood up pacing for a little bit. Eddie watched him, waiting for an answer. Finally, Richie took a deep breath, “You said ‘I love you’.”

Eddie’s whole being froze, “No...no way.”

“It was slurred but you definitely did.” Richie insisted firmly. There was a seriousness in his voice that was completely unfamiliar. Then Eddie’s head started to throb. His breathing quickened as his heart thumped uncomfortably. He tapped his chest to stop the incoming panic attack. Richie waited patiently for him to calm down enough before continuing.

Richie lowered his voice to almost a whisper, “And Eddie, I know I love you too.” 

The panic was coming in full. His eyes were prickling with tears as he took gasping breaths. Richie stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. His warmth and strength seeming to pass right into Eddie’s very being. Eddie returned the hug taking shaky breathes with his head buried in Richie’s shirt.

Richie spoke softly but clearly in his ear, “I have been freaking out since you said it because I can count on my hand the number of times my parents have told me they loved me. None of those times are within the last several years.”

Eddie’s heartfelt cold thinking about the Toziers treatment of Richie. Someone willing to bring laughter and joy to whoever he met, even when it was entirely inappropriate, should only receive happiness.

“And I have joked plenty of times about you being the love of my life but I used the humor to hide behind the truth.” Richie plunged forward without a care, “I am terrified. How can you possibly love me when I have never truly felt it and how can I love you when I don’t know what love is?” Eddie’s heart switched to warmth at his honesty. He could always count on Richie to be the most real thing in the world.

Eddie pulled his face away not looking directly at Richie but still clinging to him. “Rich, you do know what love is. You’ve shown me love every moment of every day since we were kids.” Eddie let his eyes slowly meet Richie’s.

Richie stared back skeptically, “You always hated it though, I just assumed I wasn’t doing it right.”

Eddie tightened his arms around Richie as if he could lose him at any moment. “You show love exactly the way I need it.”

They were silent as those words sunk in. Eddie wanted to kiss Richie more than he could say but knew it was not the right moment.

Eddie took a shaky breath, “I want to say something romantic as fuck like that loving you comes as easy as breathing, but we both know I can’t breathe for shit.” Eddie said in exasperation. Richie looked at him, his eyes widened, then he laughed.

“Oh, me confessing my love to you is funny?” Eddie pulled away crossing his arms. He was trying desperately to keep a straight face but could not stop a smile from forming. Richie was bent over in hysterical laughter grabbing his side. His laughter was like loud beautiful music to Eddie’s ears. He slowly calmed down wiping at the tears of mirth that had fallen.

"You are truly the funniest person I know," Richie said fondly. 

Eddie's stomach did a backflip. He felt the need to touch him again, to make sure they were truly going to be alright. He went to reach for him but Richie caught his wrist. His eyes flicked to Richie’s and he could see his defenses completely fallen and be replaced with a panicked desperation.

He didn’t know if he leaned into Richie first or if Richie pulled him closer. Most likely both, but they smashed together and Richie was kissing him.

All of Eddie’s fears and insecurities faded into the background. There was just Richie’s familiar taste of candy and cigarettes. Eddie moaned, not being able to control himself because every part of his body was tingling with excitement.

“Richie,” He murmured against his lips, not taking his mouth away for fear he would never get them back. Richie leaned into him kissing harder, his hands burying themselves in Eddie’s hair.

Eddie found Richie’s hips letting his hands slide up under Richie’s shirt. Richie jerked with surprise, then relaxed. Eddie ran his fingers lightly over Richie’s sides giving them both goosebumps. Richie brought his own hands down Eddie’s arms, over his chest, his torso, finally finding Eddie’s belt loops and pulled him closer. The close contact made Eddie gasp and Richie deepened their kiss.

Richie’s mouth left Eddie’s and Eddie felt the hot pressure of lips trailing down his chin, throat, and neck. Richie started to suck and lick leaving a mark at the base of his neck. Eddie sighed contentedly trying to will his legs not to give out.

“Where did you learn to do this?” Eddie said breathlessly. Richie detached his lips from Eddie’s neck with a loud pop. He blew on the mark making Eddie shiver.

Richie’s eyes met Eddie’s seriously, “Your mom taught me.”

“Fuck yo-“ But Richie’s lips went back to Eddie’s effectively cutting him off. Eddie bit down on Richie’s lower lip making the taller boy gasp for once. Eddie ran his tongue along the bite.

Richie’s hands moved from Eddie’s belt loops to his hips then slowly over his behind. Eddie broke into a grin then was giggling into Richie’s mouth. Richie pulled away smiling but completely confused.

“Sorry Rich - “ Eddie kept giggling. “ - you putting your hands on my ass is just so weird.”

“I grab your ass sometimes!” Richie said defensively as he added pressure to Eddie’s behind.

“And it always makes me laugh!” Eddie chuckled breathlessly.

“Beverly was right that I needed to just talk it out with you.” Richie confessed as Eddie kissed his cheek.

Richie smiled goofily at Eddie, “I love you so much, Edward Kaspbrak.”

Eddie made a face at being called by his whole name but brought his hand up to run through Richie’s hair.

“I love you too, Richard Tozier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to read the mature ending to this chapter go here - http://archiveofourown.org/works/12716508
> 
> And yes...I changed all the titles to my chapters because songs are more fun!
> 
> THANK YOU AS ALWAYS TO ANYONE THAT KUDOS, COMMENTS, OR READS! You are all amazing. 
> 
> Special thanks to:  
> MCRmyGeneral - Lots of Stan the Man just for you!  
> PostApocalyptic1998 - Thank you for enjoying my story!!  
> Fanfic_Dandilion - YOU ARE MY FAV!  
> aleyrain - Your review cracked me up!  
> Significantalliance - Your comments brought me so much joy and encouragement. Thank you so so much!  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - My dear dead lollipop I am forever grateful for your long reviews and love!  
> pamela_m - Thank you so much for taking the time to read my fic! I loved your review.  
> M - I agree that “gingersnap” makes one feel all the feels.


	9. Lonesome Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Lonesome Day by Bruce Springteen  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Snippet:
> 
> “Eddie! Be calm! It will be fine just - “
> 
> “Bill! I can’t! I’m going to hit someone.”
> 
> “No you’re n-n-not just wait until they –”
> 
> Eddie slammed on the accelerator and flew through the intersection turning the wheel harshly. Every car braked and honked at him. Bill and Eddie barely noticed because they were screaming. Bill gripped the dashboard desperately and Eddie closed his eyes as the van made a hard left.
> 
> “EYES OP-OP-OP EYES EYES!” Bill managed to barely get out. After making the dramatic turn, Eddie pulled over.

Eddie was sitting at his desk trying to finish his homework. It was the first day of winter break and he desperately wanted to get everything done, so he would not have to worry about it later. He was taking almost all AP courses and his teachers were merciless with their assignments. His friends tried to get him to hang out that night, but he turned them down. A couple hours into studying, he heard the phone distantly downstairs and wondered who might be calling.

 _Probably one of my aunts._ Eddie thought vaguely. He stared at the Calculus problem in front of him and cursed because he could not find his notes on how to solve it. He would have to call Richie or Stanley later for help.

“Eddie bear!” His mother called.

“Yeah, Ma?!” Eddie yelled back still looking at his notes.

“Tozier is on the phone!” She shouted back.

“Ok! I will be there in a minute.” He put his pencil down and got up stretching.

“You shouldn’t keep people waiting, even if they are a Tozier.” He could hear her say. Eddie smiled to himself. As much as his mother hated to admit it, she was a little entertained by Richie. He probably chatted her up in that charismatic way he does before she finally called Eddie down. She did not like Richie per se but thought he was goofy.

Eddie grabbed a sweater from his closet because he knew the kitchen would be freezing. He put on socks and took a blanket to sling around his shoulders. He bounded down the stairs and sat at the kitchen table picking up the phone.

“Hey Richie,” He said trying to keep his excitement down.

Richie’s loud voice came through the receiver, “Hey Candy Cane! Keeping me wanting and waiting as usual. You are the biggest tease.” Eddie rolled his eyes but his stomach did backflips at hearing Richie’s voice.

“It is cold in my kitchen, so I had to put on some fucking layers, you idiot.” He could not keep the smile out of his voice even if he tried.

Eddie knew Richie had a smirk plastered on his face as he said, “Is that so. What are you wearing, Eds? Something sexy I hope.”

“Don’t call me, Eds.” He grumbled lamely.

“I bet you are wearing a sweater that drowns you and fuzzy socks. My favorite look for you. It is so cute.” Richie started making kissy noises that Eddie could only imagine made him look like a doofus.

“You don’t know my life and I am not cu - ” Eddie stopped himself from saying ‘cute’ in case his mother could hear him.

“You are a terrible liar.” Richie sing-songed.

“Alright, I have math to get back too. Did you call for a reason?” Eddie asked impatiently. He started playing with the cord of the phone. He wished his mother would get a wireless phone that he could take upstairs. It would allow him to speak with Richie properly.

“Are you serious?! You are doing homework.” Richie whined. “You are such a loser!”

“So are you.” Eddie accused.

“Touché baby,” Richie rhythmed laughing. Eddie listened to his laugh with a warmth that spread all over. Richie always spent so much time trying to make everyone else laugh, but Eddie loved when he let go. It was the most beautiful sound in the world.

“How’s your day been so far?” Eddie asked not really wanting to get back to work when he could talk to Richie.

“Eh, fine. Lame without you around.” Richie responded. Eddie could tell he was a little distracted, which was never unusual with him.

“Are you hanging out with everyone tonight? I am going to pass until I finish my work.”

“No, I’m not,” Richie said with a weird seriousness.

Eddie frowned, “Why not?”

“I don’t feel like it and you won’t be there so what’s the point?”

Eddie could immediately sense something was off. Richie never ditched their friends unless he was dealing with a family issue. “Rich...what’s up?” Eddie asked patiently.

Richie paused then let out a sigh, “Mom got a fucking DUI.”

Eddie’s hand went to his mouth in surprise, “Are you shitting me?”

“Unfortunately, I’m not. Her license has been suspended and guess who is stuck parent-sitting her?”

Eddie’s rage began to bubble to the surface, “I’m so sorry, Richie. That’s a horrible start to the Winter Break. Where the fuck is your dad?”

“Wentworthless and I got into a huge fucking argument about giving up my winter break for this bullshit. Mostly me shouting and him ignoring. Mom joined in to scream that he is the reason I am gay, although she didn’t use such a kind word as gay and it really had nothing to do with the fight.” Richie’s voice sounded so defeated. If Eddie had to guess, he had probably stayed up all night thinking about his family problems.

Eddie’s heart hurt, “I wish I could help, you deserve so much better.”

“It’s ok. I’ve accepted that the best I’m going to get is being with you.” Richie said with utter sincerity. “Which is so great that it outweighs my family crap. Actually, I probably have it so good with you that God decided I can’t have it too amazing, so she gave me a perfect best friend/boyfriend but shitty family issues.”

“Did you just call God a she?” Eddie heard the breathiness in his voice. It felt so bizarre that Richie’s complete lack of a filter could take his breath away.

“God is obviously a woman. Only a woman could make someone as drop dead gorgeous as you.”

Eddie put the back of his hand against his face which was on fire. He was starting to feel desperate to be near Richie at that moment. To kiss him and tell him that he was the gorgeous one, who deserved the world. Eddie was nothing compared to Richie. Eddie had nothing without Richie. These emotions were becoming overwhelming.

“No more compliments, they are making me lightheaded.” Eddie blurted out.

“Wait! One more, one more.” Richie demanded. “God has to be a woman because only a woman has the delicate hands to sculpt an ass as good as yours.”

“And with that, the moment is gone and I’m hanging up.” Eddie groaned in annoyance.

“There is one bit of good news...I guess,” Richie said stopping Eddie from ending the call. “Wentworthless is giving me mom’s car.”

“Are you serious?!” Eddie questioned trying to stay respectful but could not help his thrill. Now that Richie had a car, they could hang out more easily and have adventures outside of town. This was incredible news.

“Yeah! He says it is all mine. I have to run all our errands but I can drive us to school!”

“And we can go on actual dates!” Eddie chimed in then looked at the door, nervous that his mother may have heard.

“Wow! So much better than school. What was I thinking?! This is going to be fucking amazing.” Richie’s voice brightened significantly. “I can totally teach you to drive too!”

“I can drive!” Eddie countered.

“You drove one time which made you and your mom get into such a big fight that you barely went home for a week. That does not count.” Richie reasoned.

“True...I hate that all of you have your licenses and I only have a permit.”

“Well, you just turned 16 last month and the rest of us have been 16 all year. Except for Stan who is a year older. Maybe that’s why he is such a grump all the time. Grumpy old man.”

Eddie clicked his tongue disapprovingly, “Don’t say that to him. Being a year older and in our grade is a sore spot for him.”

“I’ll give him a call after this and tell him then.”

“Oh my god, you are so immature...” Eddie complained. 

“And you are the baby of the group.”

“I’m not a baby!”

“Just my baby.”

“Gross. Goodbye.”

“Thanks for listening, Eddie. I love you.” Richie said with all the causality in the world. It made Eddie’s heart beat faster.

“That’s what I’m here for.” Eddie lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “I love you too. Bye.” They hung up and he stared at the phone. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly then picked up the receiver again.

He dialed a number and listened to the ring. A familiar perpetually sad voice answered. “Hello, you’ve reached the Denbroughs.”

“Hello Mr. Denbrough, this is Eddie Kaspbrak. May I speak to Bill?” Eddie heard a distant ‘Bill!’ and after a couple minutes, his friend answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi Big Bill, I have a huge favor to ask.” Eddie decided to get right to the point.

“Sure Eddie, what do you n-need?”

“Um...it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Alright…”

“And I don’t want the other losers to know. Especially Richie.”

Bill sounded immediately anxious. “Eddie...you aren’t going to ask me ab-b-bout the gay b-birds and bees are you?”

“WHAT! NO NO OF COURSE NOT.” Eddie felt himself blushing horribly. “Oh my god, I would never.”

“Thank god.” He said with relief.

“I want to learn to drive.” Eddie stated firmly.

“Oh!” 

“I am finally 16, all of you have your fucking licenses but I don’t and it’s really frustrating.”

“Your mom doesn’t have time to teach you?” Bill questioned cautiously.

“My mom doesn’t want me to get a driver’s license.” Eddie made his voice higher and more nasally to mimic his mother, “ _Eddie bear, 40,000 people die by automobile accidents each year. I can drive you anywhere you need to go._ ”

Bill laughed in that light way he does, “That’s rough. I will, of course, teach you!”

* * *

Bill came to regret teaching Eddie almost immediately. He could keep his stutter under control most of the time, perhaps a word or two that did not come out right. However, when he got stressed out, words were almost impossible to get out.

“Eddie, turn left here.” Bill said as calmly as he could. Eddie was gripping the steering wheel for dear life, eyes scanning the road crazy.

“But there are cars coming! I can’t turn left while they are coming!” Eddie said fearfully.

“Eddie! Be calm! It will be fine just - "

“Bill! I can’t! I’m going to hit someone.”

“No you’re n-n-not just wait until they –”

Eddie slammed on the accelerator and flew through the intersection turning the wheel harshly. Every car braked and honked at him. Bill and Eddie barely noticed because they were screaming. Bill gripped the dashboard desperately and Eddie closed his eyes as the van made a hard left.

“EYES OP-OP-OP EYES EYES!” Bill managed to barely get out. After making the dramatic turn, Eddie pulled over.

“M-maybe I shouldn’t be t-t-teaching you.” Bill said clutching his chest.

* * *

The next day, Ben tried his luck. Ben was the nicest one in the friend group and people never yelled at him. So when he asked Eddie to try parallel parking he did not expect to be exploded at.

“You have to tell me how!” Eddie shouted.

Ben winced but explained easily, “Eddie I did. Pull up next to the car in front of us, then a sharp turn into the spot behind then wait until you see the far side of the other car and - "

“None of that makes any sense! Why can’t you explain it better?!” Eddie was hyperventilating as he tried to go forward and back up into the spot.

His face was pale and he could not stop shaking. Ben went to touch his shoulder and Eddie hissed at him, “Do not fucking touch me. JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO.”

Ben sank into the passenger seat and when he spoke it was barely a whisper, “You have to pull forward and…”

“WHAT? Speak up, Ben. I can’t fucking hear you.”

Ben ended up curling in on himself and Eddie had to take them back to Bill’s apologizing profusely the whole time.

* * *

Mike and Eddie almost had an easy time. Mike had a calming presence and explained everything clearly to Eddie. They were approaching a busier part of town and Eddie was driving at a glacial pace.

“You can speed up a little Eddie.” Mike instructed.

“No, I’m too nervous to go any faster.” Eddie whined. He kept his eyes glued to the road trying to stay in his lane.

Mike chuckled lightly, “You are going a little too slow and can actually get a ticket for going below the speed limit.”

Eddie looked at him in fear, “I CAN GET A TICKET FOR GOING TOO SLOW?!”

Eddie pressed on the accelerator and started zooming down the street. Their backs hit the seats at the force of how fast they were going.

“No wait! Slow down! Eddie!” Mike was quickly losing his composure.

They were approaching a four-way intersection. The light turned yellow and there was no way they were going to make it.

“BRAKE! BRAKE!”

Instead of breaking, Eddie floored it and he blew through a red light. All the cars were honking and one almost hit them but swerved just in time.

“Pull over! You are done!” Mike shouted. “I did not plan to die today, Edward!”

“Fucking hell,” Eddie cursed in rage.

* * *

Stanley outright refused to help. 

"But Stanley, please?!" Eddie asked desperately. "You probably know how to teach the best!"

"No Eddie, I know you. If I try to teach you, you are going throw something at me." Stanley said seriously.

"When have I ever..."

Stanley interrupted him, "Two days ago when I tried to explain that math problem to you. You got mad and threw a pencil at me. Who knows what would get thrown at me if we were in a car."

Eddie looked at him with a miserable expression. Stanley sighed deeply, "What about Richie? He's usually the only person that can teach you anything."

"Trapped at his house and I don't want him to know!" 

"Try Bev."

* * *

Beverly attempted a harsher tactic of yelling back at Eddie whenever he raised his voice. She would cut him off every time he sassed her until they eventually started full on shouting over each other.

“You are all HORRIBLE teachers,” Eddie screamed. “None of you know how to properly instruct me!”

“NO!” Beverly responded screeching so loud it hurt both their ears, “You are a HORRIBLE FUCKING STUDENT!”

“NO I'M NOT!”

“YES YOU ARE!”

“NO I'M NOT!”

“YES YOU ARE!”

“NO I'M…”

“WATCH OUT FOR THAT KID!”

Eddie braked and the seat belts dug into their chests painfully. Beverly did not even bother taking over the car after that. She opened her door and stormed away. Eddie pulled over to the side thinking about how much he hated himself at that moment.

Bill later came and picked up his car. Eddie sat in the passenger seat seething. He did not speak, just stayed still trying to keep angry tears from falling. He was being a nightmare, he knew that. He really did want to learn to drive, it was just hard when he kept panicking or getting mad.

When Bill dropped him off at home he finally broke the silence. “So Eds...is everything ok with you and Richie?”

“Yes, of course.” Eddie looked over confused.

“I am j-just wondering if you had a fight and that’s why y-y-you are so on edge.” Bill raised his hands up to ward off possible punches.

“Put your hands down Bill, I am not going to hit you.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “I guess it is a little because I may not see Richie until we are back at school. It is stupid, but I miss him.”

“You talk on the phone every day.” Bill laughed.

“Sure! But it isn’t the same as seeing his stupid face.” Eddie mumbled.

Bill shoved Eddie lightly, “I miss you yelling at him instead of us.”

“Yeah, my panicking is preventing me from learning to drive.” Eddie opened the door to get out.

Bill stopped him to say, “We’ll figure it out. Tomorrow’s another day.”

“Ok.” Eddie closed the door and went into his house.

His mother was not home, so he went into the kitchen and dialed Richie’s number.

As soon as he heard Richie’s voice, Eddie said, “I miss you.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my Eds?” Richie said fake seriously. “He would never purposefully be nice to me or are the candy nicknames finally making you sweeter?”

“See that’s what I miss. The way you make me angry but flattered at the same time. How the fuck do you do that?” Eddie said with malice.

Richie hesitated before responding, “What happened today?”

“It’s just been this whole week really. Just shitty and frustrating.”

“You know what I do when I am frustrated?”

Eddie frowned, “If you say an inappropriate joke right now, I am not talking to you for the rest of break.”

“I think about how the most important person in my life loves me, inappropriate jokes and all.”

Eddie let out a sigh and could feel his body getting warm, “If you were here, I would totally kiss you right now.”

“Yeah? Well, I would kiss you back and probably grab your ass.” Richie stated matter of factly.

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Oh my god, shut the fuck up.”

“Let’s talk dirty over the phone.” Richie suggested in a husky voice.

Eddie opened and closed his mouth several times before being able to form a proper sentence. “Ew, no! Your parents could be listening on the other line or my mom could get back from wherever she is and walk in.”

Richie completely ignored Eddie’s protests, “Alright I’ll start. My hands grip your tiny waist and bring it closer to me as your tongue does naughty things to my…”

“GOODNIGHT RICHIE!” Eddie shouted down the phone.

“Goodnight! Love you!” Richie responded laughing like a lunatic.

Eddie put the receiver down as he laughed to himself. How could he miss someone who drove him so crazy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so ashamed that I let my fic get to almost a whole month without an update. Thank you all for your patience. Work was crazy and then lack of inspiration did not help me. Let me know what you think of the chapter! Sorry if I am making anyone crave more reddie but you will just have to read the next chapter to get it :)
> 
> Thank you for kudos, comments, and reading!
> 
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - What would I do without your novel written comments to give me life?! Thank you soulmate!
> 
> M - Thank you for coming back and reading my story. I love that you love my writing. Thanks, gingersnap!
> 
> Kingpegg - I am so happy I could make you cry, laugh and scream all at once! Thank you for reading.
> 
> TrashPanda - Your user name is great. So is you appreciating my favorite line I wrote in the last chapter.
> 
> Totodilebites - I am glad I could bring you back alive to write me a fabulous review. 
> 
> PostApocalyptic1998 - I have supplied you with MORE! Thank you for reading.


	10. Landslide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Landslide by Fleetwood Mac  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Snippet:
> 
> “What do you know about it? And since when has Richie been embarrassed about anything?”
> 
> Beverly did not say anything right away, so he looked over to meet her disbelieving eyes. “Eddie, come on. His mom has hit rock bottom and he is trying to salvage what is left on his own. He is probably really vulnerable right now.”
> 
> “But why can’t he be vulnerable to me?” Eddie huffed out. "Instead, we have been snapping at each other over the phone. I am tired of it."

Eddie woke up on December 31st feeling frustrated. Richie and he had not seen each other in almost two weeks, which made him concerned if he was eating enough and resting. When you see someone every day, you do not worry about them as much but Eddie’s imagination always made him see Richie practically dead in a ditch all the time.

That morning he initiated the phone call to speak with Richie trying his best to not seem needy.

The phone rang a couple times before Richie finally picked up. “You’ve reached the Tozier residence, ‘the accident’ is speaking.”

“That will never be a funny bit.” Eddie groaned out. 

Richie laughed, “I just like to make people feel uncomfortable.”

“Well, for the record, I don’t think you are a mistake.” Eddie responded sternly.

“Awwww, thanks, Eds. Neither did your mother when we got it on last night.” Richie could barely get through the mom joke before he started laughing.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie growled.

Richie’s laughter died down and it switched to a more serious tone, “I was actually planning to call and tell you something about tonight, but please don’t get mad.” Richie’s voice was beyond tired on the phone, Eddie wondered how long he had gone without sleep at this point.

“I am always mad but go ahead, what is it?” Eddie asked trying to lighten the mood with a joke.

He could hear Richie let out a breath as he said quickly, “I can’t go to the White Elephant party tonight. I have to stay at home.”

“You aren’t coming to the party? Richie, come on!” Eddie pinched the top of his nose in frustration. “I literally haven’t seen you all break. You really can’t come out for one fucking night? It is New Years!”

“I would if I could but Mom needs me right now. I have never seen her like this Eds.” Richie sounded sincerely scared. “Dad hasn’t been home at all. I’m worried she is going to hurt herself if I leave the house.”

“Richie...Oh my god. Maybe you should call the police?” He nervously suggested.

“No, she already has a fucking DUI. Who knows what the cops would do if they found out she was in this state.” Richie hesitated before continuing, “They might bring in child services. I’m 16 but still a minor in the eyes of the law.” 

“Fuck.” Was all Eddie could say. They both stayed silent on the line for a few moments.

Eddie eventually broke the silence to keep pushing the subject, “But what if you just talk to the police? You don’t have to report it.”

“I’m not doing that,” Richie said with finality.

“It was only a suggestion.” Eddie tried to keep his anger down since he knew Richie was exhausted and not thinking straight. “I’m worried about you. You shouldn’t be taking care of a grown ass woman, you are a kid.”

“I’m not a kid and she fucking needs me. You don’t understand.” Richie’s voice was so deadly serious that Eddie thought for a moment he was talking to someone else.

He gathered his wits, “So help me understand, please Rich. I can come over and help if you -“

“No, don’t. I got this.” Richie interrupted rudely.

Eddie looked at the kitchen door then turned away to whisper harshly into the receiver, "I am tired of having a relationship with my phone." 

"You've got a right hand to help you." Richie said coldly. 

Eddie hesitated, feeling his stomach turn violently in hurt. "Rich...what the fuck." He could hear the upset in his words.

“I'm sorry, that wasn't funny." Richie rushed out apologetically, obviously ashamed. "We should just talk later. Ok? Love you.”  

“Love y-“ He hung up before Eddie even finished his sentence. “Well, that could have gone better.” He sighed sadly putting the phone down.

“What could have gone better?” Eddie jumped a little at the sound of his mother’s voice.

“Nothing Ma, just an argument with a friend.” Eddie quickly went to the fridge to grab the orange juice. He poured a glass for him and his mother then started making breakfast.

His mother sat at the kitchen table with the newspaper, “Was it with that Tozier boy? I haven’t seen him at all during your break, which is nice but surprising.” Eddie got the eggs started in a pan and threw some bread in the toaster.

“He’s stuck at home dealing with family issues.” Eddie tried keeping his voice as neutral as possible. The spat with Richie was ringing in his ears like a raging waterfall. 

His mother clicked her tongue but did not comment aloud. It was not a secret in their small town how the Tozier house was problematic. She had asked him on more than one occasion if he was being pressured to drink by Richie at all. It always made him laugh because Eddie and his friends had been drinking for a year now. Not to mention the thought of Richie pressuring him in anyway was ridiculous.

“You are going out for New Years tonight?” His mother asked firmly.

Eddie flinched a little as he finished up the eggs and placed two pieces of toast on his mother’s plate then sat down to join her. She knew his friends did this every year but it sometimes took a lot to get her on board with him sleeping over at Bill’s. “Yes, we are doing our White Elephant gift exchange. Where we all bring a random gift, then each person gets a number and you pick a gift in that order. But the fun part is swapping gifts you like that someone else got first. After a couple trades, the gift is locked and no one else can take it.”

She eyed him while eating her breakfast, “That’s why you have that silly miniature leg lamp from that movie  _A Christmas Story_ in your room?” 

“Richie always buys the weirdest ones, but of course he will not be there. It won’t be the same without him.” Eddie froze at his words mid-bite. He slowly brought the eggs to his mouth but they were tasteless at the deafening silence. His hands were getting sweaty with the anticipation of how she would respond.

She seemed to either ignore what he said or did not hear it because she responded, “Well, I hope things get better at his home.” Eddie looked at her questioningly then went back to eating.

When Richie tried calling later in the day, Eddie told his mom he did not have time to talk. 

* * *

 

Later that night, he went over to Bill’s early to help cook dinner and set out snacks. Eddie was trying to fake his enthusiasm but he was not fooling Bill.

He kept thinking about the spat and how he should not have pushed Richie. Everything going on in that house felt really scary to Eddie and he had no clue how to help. It made him feel restless and spacey. Sometimes his nerves consumed his very being making everything around him foggy. Including when people try to speak to him.

“Earth to Eddie!” Bill’s raised voice broke through his thoughts.

“Huh? What did ya need, Big Bill?” Eddie replied dazedly.

“Are you alright? I was asking if you have seen Richie at all over break?” Bill asked cautiously.

He let out a big sigh, “Not really. We are having a thing. And no, I haven't seen him. Anytime I suggest coming over, he says I shouldn’t trouble myself. It’s so weird.”

Beverly walked into the kitchen just as he said that with some bottles of soda. She shook her head at him, “No it’s not, Richie is embarrassed.” 

Eddie frowned into the brownies he was making, “What do you know about it? And since when is he embarrassed about anything?”

She did not say anything right away, so he looked over to meet her disbelieving eyes. “Eddie, come on. His mom has hit rock bottom and he is trying to salvage what is left on his own. He is probably really vulnerable right now.”

“But why can’t he be vulnerable to me?” Eddie huffed out. "Instead, we have been snapping at each other over the phone. I am tired of it."

“It’s different when your parent has a substance problem. You worry about them a lot and fight for their approval, which almost never comes. It’s...hard to explain.” Beverly broke their eye contact to sadly set out drinks. “You will have to go to him.”

Eddie let out a frustrated noise, “I am always the one that goes to him. Can’t he for once come to me?” He took out a pan to place the brownie mix inside. 

“Are you dating a different Richie Tozier? Because the one I k-know is a m-mess.” Bill said it seriously then smiled. Eddie tried to grin back but it felt forced.

“I just wish life wasn’t such shit to him,” Eddie admitted.

Beverly and Bill looked at him with sympathy. “I wish it wasn’t shit to any of us.” He mentioned quieter. He placed the pan in the preheated oven closing the door a bit harsher than necessary. Beverly came over wrapping her arms around his shoulders. His arms snaked around her waist in return. She was warm and friendly as they hugged.

When she pulled away, she brushed Eddie’s bangs to the side. “You make life less shitty for Richie and us.”

“Thanks, Bev. I love you guys.” Eddie smiled and they all got back to work.

The group spent the night eating, watching a movie and then doing the gift exchange before midnight when they would toast to a new year.

“Eddie! No! Don’t take it. Please?” Ben was begging as Eddie got to his turn for picking a gift. 

“Well, that just makes me want it now.” Eddie smiled as he eyed the miniature helicopter that Ben was cradling. Ben stole it from Stanley and one more steal meant the gift would be locked.

"You might have met your match, Ben!" Mike laughed. 

At this point, Ben, Stanley, Beverly, and Mike had all grabbed gifts. Eddie slowly smiled, “I will take pity on you, Ben. Bill on the other hand, probably won’t.”

Eddie was in a much better mood since the party started. This was probably from the couple of drinks he had but beggars could not be choosers.

He looked at the remaining gifts and saw one tucked away behind the rest. It was tinier than the others but sometimes the best presents are the smallest. He picked up the poorly wrapped gift and said, “This looks like Richie wrapped it.”

Everyone laughed as Stanley said, “Trashmouth did! You weren’t supposed to see that gift yet, he wanted me to bring it to you.”

“Wait, really? Can I open it?” Eddie shook the box trying to guess what it might be. It made a light rattling noise. 

“Do it, little man!” Mike said encouragingly.

Eddie unwrapped the gift and took the lid off the box. His heart shot up into his throat and he sat gapping at the gift. Inside was a keychain that had two gold letters attached to it “R” and “E” with a heart pendant dangling in between.

“Wow...this is…” Eddie was speechless. He grabbed his keys and attached the keychain never taking his eyes off it.

“I am so sorry you guys.” Eddie began, “But I need to go.”

They all smiled and nodded at him as he gave hugs sprinting out the door.

* * *

 

Eddie did not actually think this plan through properly.

It was almost 11:00 pm and most of the lights were off inside of Richie’s house. He went around to the back, praying his lights were on. _Success!_ He thought as he saw the faint glow behind the blinds.

Eddie went over to the window and knocked lightly. He was very thankful that Richie lived on the first floor of his house. Climbing a tree or something to get to the second floor would not be ideal for him.

Richie pushed back the blinds and his eyes widened. He pulled them up and opened the window.

“Eddie?!” Richie was grinning from ear to ear.  “What are you doing here?”

“Richie, oh Richie. Won’t you let your hair down to me?” Eddie sang stupidly. Seeing Richie made him feel drunk with excitement.

Richie started laughing, “Come on in, Prince Charming!”

Eddie put his hands on the window pane and hoisted himself up. He had pretty good upper body strength but his height prevented him from getting a proper jump in. Richie watched him struggle for a moment then grabbed him by the waist flinging him into the room. Eddie was not expecting the added help so he lost his footing and tumbled on top of Richie.

They fell to the floor in a pile of limbs and laughing. Eddie repositioned himself so he was laying with his legs between Richie’s and their chests flushed together. “Hey,” Eddie whispered running a hand through Richie’s hair. 

“Hey yourself,” Richie responded bringing his face forward to kiss him. Eddie smiled into the kiss. He tried to convey every emotion he was feeling. His hurt at their argument, the sadness of being away from each other, but mostly the happiness that seemed to surround him whenever Richie was around.

Eddie parted his lips, to breathe Richie in. He tasted like he always did, candy and cigarettes. The cigarettes were overpowering his sweeter side which was a tell-tale sign he had smoked a whole pack that day. Richie nipped at his lower lip and there was a clash of tongues and teeth, both of them pressing as hard as they could to each other. He was sucking Eddie’s lower lip, Richie’s tongue sweeping inside his mouth to duel with his, tasting, and exploring.

It was the most passionate kiss they had ever shared and it seemed to go on forever. They both only broke to breath. Eddie’s hands were still in Richie’s hair while Richie’s were gripping his hips so tightly he was leaving bruises.

“Wow–” Richie panted out gazing into Eddie’s eyes. “I thought I was being Rapunzel but you just brought me back to life like I’m Snow White.”

Eddie chuckled lightly as his body hummed on top of Richie. “Well, you have the pasty white skin and black hair to be Snow White.”

“And blood red lips after that make out session.” Richie said while peppering Eddie’s face with sloppy kisses to make him laugh.

Eddie played with Richie’s curls in silence for a minute. He missed being near Richie like this and started to get overwhelmed by it. He rolled off and sat cross-legged on the floor. “Where are you going?” Richie smirked and sat up trying to grab at the front of Eddie’s shirt and bring him back.

Eddie put his hands over Richie’s to halt him, “I’m sorry for earlier today. I just couldn’t stop thinking about our dumb argument and was being stubborn. Your gift was so thoughtful. I made you a mixtape which is super lame in comparison. Anyway, I wanted to see you and...Richie, you look so tired.” Eddie let go of Richie’s hands to caress his face. He ran his fingers lightly over the bags under Richie’s eyes, which were prominent and dark. Almost like he had two black eyes and his cheeks were sunken from clearly not eating enough.

“Yeah, I haven’t gotten a whole lot of sleep and I can’t remember my last real meal.” He leaned his face into Eddie’s hands closing his eyes. "Sorry if I am a little out of it right now."

“I’ll order some food for you.” Eddie kissed Richie quickly on the lips and got up. He went to the phone on the messy desk and picked up the receiver dialing their favorite pizza place. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Richie said softly. He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist kissing his cheek.

Eddie smiled goofily as he ordered, “Hi can I get 3 large pizzas, a salad, garlic bread, and a giant bottle of soda?” 

“Can I get dessert too?” Richie whispered, weirdly seductively in Eddie’s ear.

Which made Eddie add quickly. “...And one of everything on your dessert menu?” Eddie laughed as Richie did a raspberry on his neck.

“Get off asshole!” He tried to push him back with his behind but that just made Richie grind up against him playfully then realized the pizza people were talking to him. “No, sorry sir. My boyfriend is being a jerk. Oh...thanks. Yeah, I like him sometimes. So how much will it be?”

Eddie finished the call with Richie still hugging him from behind. He took out money for the order from his pocket with some difficulty as Richie’s arms were in the way. “So just give this to them when they get here.” He turned around so they were facing each other and tried to give Richie the money

“Eds, that’s your money from babysitting. You don’t have too.” Richie argued pushing the cash back to him and leaning so their foreheads touched. 

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Let me do this small thing, please?”

Richie looked down at him then at the money and put it in his pocket. “Thanks, Eddie. I’ve basically been living off the three vital food groups: cigarettes, old Halloween candy, and chips.” He said with a hint of embarrassment but mostly grateful real food was coming. His hands were tapping lightly on Eddie’s lower back, which felt really calming.

“I can tell. You should go shower since you smell like an ashtray.” Eddie pulled out of his embrace to take his shoes and winter gear off. He completely forgot he was wearing it. "I honestly don't know how you function on your own." 

"I fake my way through it." Richie laughed taking Eddie's coat and throwing it on the back of a chair. Then wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist again, obviously desperate to keep holding him. 

Eddie brought his arms to Richie's shoulders, “Oh and the extra box of pizza is for your mom. Tomorrow I will go grocery shopping for you both.”

“That’s really not necessary...” Richie started to protest. 

Eddie put his hand over Richie's mouth, “I insist, Rich.” Then brought it back down.

“Thanks.” Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek and nipped his ear. “Hey, want to join me in the shower?”

Eddie’s face immediately blazed red. “Get out of here.” Eddie pushed him away and Richie hummed walking out of his room.

Eddie went over to Richie’s cassette player and pressed play. “Bastards of Young” by the _Replacements_  started playing.

“Well, this song is about as Richie as it gets,” Eddie mumbled to himself. He went over to the record collection to skim through. He preferred vinyl which Stanley loved to tease him saying he was an ‘old soul’ and born in the wrong era. 

He grabbed a Frank Sinatra one and searched for Richie’s portable record player. It was located under a bunch of report cards. He sorted through the mess, shaking his head at how trashy Richie‘s place was. He glanced at a report card and his jaw dropped. Richie had a 4.7 which was even higher than him.

“That’s so not fair. He never studies in any of our AP classes…” He threw the report card down, thankful he would never have to worry about whether Richie was graduating. Eddie opened the record player setting it up. He headed over to the bed and laid down closing his eyes. Even though the room reeked of cigarettes, Eddie was happy to be surrounded by everything Richie.

When Frankie's song “L O V E” started playing, Eddie could not help smiling to himself. He believed it was one of the most romantic songs even with its simple melody and lyrics.

He sang lightly along with Frank’s sultry voice:

“ _V is very, very extraordinary_

_E is even more than anyone that you adore can_

_Love is all that I can give to you_

_Love is more than just a game for two_

_Two in love can make it_

_Take my heart and please don't break it_

_Love -_ “

“Richie! I love that song. It was your father’s and my song for our wedding...” Mrs. Tozier barged into the room. Eddie sat up immediately, panic rushing through his blood. They stared at each other in surprise. Her face went from a sweet smile to confusion. It had been a while since Eddie had seen her and it shocked him how much Richie looked like her. They had the same curly black hair, hers longer and with more tangles. Their chins had the same shape but most strikingly, their eyes were identical. 

“...um...you are not my son.” She said as a frown slowly formed on her face.

“Hello, Mrs, Tozier. I’m Eddie.” He got up to shake her hand. She watched him with a withering expression but took his hand.

“I know who you are. You’re my son’s...friend.” She said friend in a menacing way that suggested if they were more than that she would bring hell upon him.

A flare of irrational anger boiled in his stomach, “Best friends since we were 7.” He had no idea where the strength in his voice came from, only that he needed it to stay until Richie came back.

“What are you doing here? Where is Richie?” She glanced around the room as if he was standing behind her ready to do a jump scare.

“Showering,” Eddie explained, “I decided he shouldn’t spend New Years alone with his crappy punk rock music. We ordered a pizza, one for you too. Also, a ton of dessert because your son is determined to get cavities.”

Her mouth twitched about to smile, “I think he eats all the sweets to defy his dentist father.” Her expression softened a tiny bit at the mention of food coming for her. “Well...thank you for getting food, did you already pay? I can go grab -“

“No, no,” Eddie interrupted her. “It’s on me. Richie’s mentioned things have been hard and I want to help.”

Mrs. Tozier’s expression darkened, “What has he been telling you?”

Eddie put his hands up in a surrendering position, “Nothing! But I haven’t seen him all break so I assumed…”

“Assumed that we need your sympathy?” She practically spat in his face. “We aren’t a charity case. My family is fine without any of that.”

“Mrs. Tozier that’s really not what I meant...I just want to help…” The strength from before was quickly leaving him as his voice shook with nerves.

She got right in his face. He could not smell it before, but the alcohol was on her breath. The term ‘functioning alcoholic’ finally made sense to him. “Who do you think you are coming into my home and parading as if you need to save us? We don’t need it!” She jabbed her finger roughly into his chest. His breathing was picking up rapidly. “You are not fucking welcome here.”

“Mom! What the fuck?” Richie was in the door frame in nothing but a towel. His normally curly hair flattened and dripping.

Utter relief washed over Eddie at seeing him, “It’s fine, Rich. Just a misunderstanding.”

He left the door frame to stride in between Eddie and his mother. He spun her around and guided her out of the room, not saying a word. Mrs. Tozier, on the other hand, was yelling about being disrespected, how she could take care of herself, and how she did not need Richie.

As they left the room, Eddie sat heavily on the bed. He put his face in his hands. He had no idea how that conversation went poorly. His hands would not cease shaking and his breathing was erratic. He began to worry Richie would come back and yell at him, which would be the cherry on top of their issues.  

It seemed ages before Richie came back into the room. He was dressed in pajamas and he had the pizza with a bag full of desserts. Eddie had not even heard the doorbell because he was too busy hating himself. Richie swiftly locked the door not looking in Eddie's direction. 

“I’m so sorry, babe,” Eddie said miserably staying glued to the bed. “I didn’t mean to offend her. I’m not even sure how I did. I feel horrible that I upset her.”

Richie put the food on the ground and got on his knees in front of Eddie. He rubbed languid circles on his thighs, looking up at Eddie with an abundance of love.

“Eddie, my mom is sick in the head. I’m not excusing her behavior but until she accepts that she has a problem, she will never be the person I need her to be.” Richie crossed his arms over Eddie’s knees and put his chin on top of them.

"I wish you weren't going through all this, but I want you to know you aren't alone. I love you, Richie. I want to be here for you." Eddie ran his hand through his still damp hair which made Richie sigh. "Please let me be here for you." 

"I'm scared," Richie whispered through a shaky breathe.

"I'll be your strength." Eddie kissed the top of his head.

A small shudder ran through Richie then his eyes rose to meet Eddie's. “I’m sorry she spoke to you like that. She has said much worse to me, so don’t take it too hard.”

“We’ll feel better when we eat some pizza,” Eddie suggested.

“Pizza’s not the only thing I’m hungry for,” Richie smirked while slowly trying to part Eddie’s legs. Eddie’s eyes grew wide but he did not halt the motion. He could not imagine what was going through his boyfriend’s mind but knew Richie always wanted distractions when he was upset.

His eyes stayed focused on Eddie and he cocked one eyebrow, waiting to be told to stop. Except Eddie did not want him to stop. Richie scooted between Eddie’s legs and lifted his shirt. He kissed his stomach, which gave him major goosebumps.

“You know mom asked if anyone turned me gay,” Richie said between slow kisses down his stomach.

“If you are about to tell me you told her it was me, then I am fucking leaving.” Eddie went to get up but Richie kept a firm hold on his thighs.

“No, I said it was witnessing her and Wentworthless’s failed marriage. It’s enough to turn anyone gay or bisexual in my case.” Richie replied.

Eddie’s watch went off and he looked at it. He grinned putting both his hands on either side of Richie’s face leaning down to capture his lips.

“Happy New Year, Richie,” Eddie whispered into his lips.

“Let this New Year suck less than usual,” Richie responded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature ending: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12716508/chapters/29861913
> 
> I wanted to post this today because IT is out digitally and I am so fucking happy about that.  
> ALSO WOW! 1000+ kudos and 100+ bookmarks and I am on Chapter 10!! I hope you all know I am weeping from the amount of love I get for this fic. It makes me want to write write write! Thank you so much you beautiful readers!
> 
> Also, love comments because they keep me going. 
> 
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - You know this, but you convince me to continue this story. Thanks, Soulmate. 
> 
> KhaBrow - Thank you for commenting! Eddie, our nervous lad, needs a chill pill.
> 
> Elisabetkk - Thank you for reading! And welcome to my crazy story!


	11. Piece of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song title - Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Richie is going through a lot at home and Eddie is trying to help with as much patience as he can muster. This chapter is told from Richie's perspective and anything in italics is Richie's thoughts.
> 
> Snippet:  
> Eddie shivered and clung to the sweater a little tighter. “Fuck, I am so cold.”
> 
> “Me too. Mind if I use your thighs as earmuffs?” Richie grinned at Eddie’s horror.
> 
> He managed to choke out an indignant, “Richie!”
> 
> “We haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I have about 50 plus pickup lines to catch up with.” Richie ducked as Eddie threw a bagel at his head, which made them laugh until their sides hurt.

Richie woke up spread out on his bed in just his boxers. His head felt groggy and his body exhausted in a great way. He had easily had the best sleep in weeks.  _ Did I dream that Eddie and I got busy last night? We definitely didn’t have sex but he still blew my fucking mind.  _

He slowly rose out of bed, grabbed his Rolling Stones band shirt from the floor then walked out the door to his bathroom.

He stopped in the middle of the hall because his house smelled delicious. Someone was cooking an incredible breakfast. 

He bounded into the kitchen and stopped abruptly in the door frame. Eddie had his back to him, cooking bacon furiously. There were eggs, hash browns, French toast, fruit, and bagels. He was wearing Richie’s favorite blue sweater and it went to his thighs. The sleeves were rolled up 3 or 4 times. He also wore a pair of old pajama pants that did not fit Richie but looked great on Eddie.  _ Everything looks perfect on Eddie.  _

Richie’s mother was drinking coffee and reading a book, her breakfast plate halfway finished. Richie’s jaw opened in shock.

“Am I in an alternate universe?” Richie blurted out.

His mother looked up and rolled her eyes. “Hello, Richie.” Then went back to eating.

“Hello mother,” Richie responded slowly, “If that is your real name. You seem to be looking...sober.” His mother shot him a nasty glare but did not retort.   

“Good morning, Rich!” Eddie said cutting through the tension with extra cheeriness. He did not turn to look at Richie which made him anxious.  _ How do I play this? Be cool. Don’t show you are in love with him or he will kill you. _

“Morning, DUDE. Making breakfast for my mother? She’s a married woman, Eddie. Even if the ass is never around.” His mother scoffed and Richie saw Eddie’s shoulders tense. He went to stand next to Eddie and picked a piece of bacon straight out of the pan. “OUCH FUCK!” He dropped the bacon and cradled his fingers to his chest.

“Richie! You idiot!” Eddie turned off the stove, grabbed Richie’s hand and pulled him over to the sink. He shoved Richie’s hand under the faucet and ran warm water over it.

“Should I grab anything?” His mother asked awkwardly.

“I just stocked your first aid supplies in the cabinet over there.” Eddie pointed behind him. “There is burn cream and bandages inside.”

Eddie inspected his hand as they kept the water running over it. “What’s the damage Dr. K?”

Eddie clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Imbecile disease and a burn. The burn we can treat. The disease not so much.”

Richie laughed and reached across the counter with his not burned hand to grab a piece of French toast. “That’s alright. I’ve lived with the disease my whole life.” He shoved it in his mouth and immediately groaned in delight. “This tastes fucking amazing.”

“Here.” His mother handed Eddie the supplies, picked up her plate of food and left the kitchen.

“Helpful bitch.” Richie mumbled.

Eddie did not respond but his expression softened. He turned off the water and dried off Richie’s hand. He glanced at the kitchen entrance then brought Richie’s hand to his mouth to kiss.

“You alright?” Eddie whispered his cheeks tinted pink. Richie smiled then kissed his cheek quickly, which only made them turn redder.

Richie sighed, “Hey Eds?”

“Don’t call me Eds. I don’t call you ‘Chee’.” Eddie said wittily.

Richie did not answer right away, his mouth had gone dry and his eyes were scanning Eddie obviously. Eddie looked at him with a raised eyebrow waiting for him to say something.

“I was just so turned on at the thought of you calling me ‘Chee’ that I completely forgot what I was going to ask you.” He responded.

Eddie glared at him and let go of his hand. “I’m not fucking calling you ‘Chee’. Get out of my house.”

Richie laughed, “This is my house!”

“What’s your point?” Eddie huffed out. Richie knew he was not actually mad because he made a plate of food for him.

“Thanks! Everything smells fucking amazing. I don’t think I have ever seen this much food in my kitchen in...ever.” Richie began shoving food into his mouth barely taking time to chew or breathe.

“Slow down, Richie! You are going to make yourself vomit.” Eddie grabbed a plate for himself and sat across from him. “And eat fruit, it’s good for you.”

“Yeah yeah.” Richie snagged a banana and peeled it slowly. He made the hardest contact with Eddie as he did it. Eddie’s eyes widened. Then he licked the side of the banana slowly bringing his tongue to the top and took a vicious bite out of it.

Eddie’s voice shook as he said, “I have officially decided you are never coming near my dick with your mouth. Honestly, I don’t know if I want you to kiss me ever again.” 

“We’ll see,” Richie smirked. “Oh! You know what we should do today?! Practice driving! Since we have MY car now.” Richie said ‘my car’ with so much pride, it made Eddie smile.

That smile faltered a bit as he answered, “Oh...um...about that…” Eddie began hesitantly. “The others tried to teach me and it went horribly. I had a panic attack just about every time. Even made Ben cry.”

“Shit Eddie. That’s hilarious.” Richie put eggs, bacon, and potatoes in between a bagel. He took a comical bite with almost all the food falling out.

“I cannot handle you.” Eddie shook his head.

“Wont no unless ve try.” Richie said with food spitting everywhere.

“Attractive,” Eddie said dryly.

Richie swallowed quickly, “I think it will be different with me teaching. I’m calmer than the rest of them.”

“I don’t think I would use calm to describe you. Undiagnosed ADHD probably. Calm, not so much. But we can try it though.” Eddie shivered and clung to the sweater a little tighter. “Fuck, I am so cold.”

“Me too. Mind if I use your thighs as earmuffs?” Richie grinned at Eddie’s horror.

He managed to choke out an indignant, “Richie!”

“We haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I have about 50 plus pickup lines to catch up with.” Richie ducked as Eddie threw a bagel at his head, which made them laugh until their sides hurt. 

They kept eating and enjoying each other’s company. Richie began picturing this as what living together would be like. After they went to Vermont, he wondered where he and Eddie would end up when they graduated next year. Even when they were just friends, he always loved the thought of them being together forever.  _ Would we get a house? Or an apartment in a city? Do we go to the same college? I may not even go to college. Could we be together in that way? Like a regular couple. We are two guys in love but what’s next… _

“Did you hear me Richie?” Eddie’s voice slashed through the daydream. Richie shook his head apologetically. 

Eddie gave him an exasperated expression but continued anyway, “I restocked your kitchen this morning with food and most of your house with cleaning supplies. I was thinking we should clean it up. It is looking pretty shitty.”  

“Can we do it later?” Richie whined like a 5-year-old. “I want to hang out, we haven’t hung out in forever.”

Eddie tapped the top of the table with his hand contemplating then sighed, “Alright, we can hang out. Do you want me to call the rest of the Losers?”

“No, I see them fucking plenty and school starts up again tomorrow so I will see them then. I want to hang out just us.” Richie brought his hand forward to hold Eddie’s small one. Eddie glanced at the kitchen entrance again but relaxed into the touch. The ring he gave Eddie for his birthday was still there on his pinky.  _ I wonder what it would be like for it to be on his ring finger. Probably would not fit because it’s so small and...did I just legitimately think about marriage to Eddie?  _

Richie’s eyes flicked to Eddie’s brown eyes. He always loved looking into them because they were so unique with silverish grey flecks sparkling in them. He loved when they turned dark like storm clouds any time he was angry.  _ Or horny _ .  _ Hee hee. _

Richie was about to bring his face forward to kiss him but Eddie shook his head and removed his hand. “Sorry, Rich.” 

“Me too.” Richie said in frustration. It drove him crazy that they could not be affectionate except behind closed doors. What he would give to just hold Eddie’s hand in public or kiss him whenever. 

“Alright, well, I need to go home and change. Also, to check in with ma, so she knows I am alive.” Eddie picked up their plates and started washing the dishes.

“I’ll quickly shower and drive you over.” Richie stood behind Eddie placing his hands on his hips. 

“Richie…” Eddie warned.

Richie smirked and moved to flush his body against Eddie’s back. 

“I’m serious...” Eddie tried to wiggle out of the grasp but Richie was too strong.

He lowered his lips to Eddie’s ear whispering, “Call...me…’Chee’ and I’ll stop.” 

“Not on your life.” Eddie put the plates down and went to spin his body around. Richie put his hands over Eddie’s arms trapping him up against the counter. 

“Your mother could fucking walk in!” Eddie angry whispered struggling to free himself.

“So what if she does?” Richie argued. “She already knows about me.”

“But not about me and I don’t want it to get back to Mom!” Richie let go of Eddie at that. Eddie spun around glaring up at him.

“So how long until you tell your mom?” Richie asked boldly. Eddie’s eyes widened in confusion. “Next month? Next year? When we graduate? When we move in together? When we get married and have kids? Never?” He said every question mockingly in about as nasty a tone as Richie could make. It was working because Eddie looked like a beat up pup. 

Richie turned and left the kitchen. He all of a sudden felt mad and upset at himself.  _ That was cruel. I shouldn’t have said those things. _

“Rich, wait.” Eddie’s nervous voice called from down the hall. 

“I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.” He said harshly as he rushed into the bathroom and closed the door.

* * *

The drive to Eddie’s house was not silent but there was obvious tension between them. Richie tried cracking jokes but none of them quite landed correctly. Eddie would laugh at them except it was like he could not really hear him and was just going through the motions.

He parked in front of Eddie’s house and Richie went to unbuckle his seat belt to go with him but Eddie stopped him. 

“Babe, can you um…stay in the car. I just...you know how Mom can be…” Eddie was stroking Richie’s arm in a soothing way.

The earlier rage was bubbling to the surface again. “Sure, whatever. I already gave her some good loving last night. Oh wait, that was her son. Easy to get them mixed up.” He tried to smile to show it was a joke but he knew it came out a sneer.

Eddie punched Richie’s shoulder hard, “Beep beep, asshole.” He opened the door and slammed it shut.

Richie rubbed the now bruising spot on his arm watching Eddie march into his house.  _ I need to cool it or else this day is going to be shit. We literally go two weeks without seeing each other and it’s like I don’t know how to talk to him.  _

Those two weeks were just as painful for Richie as he knew they were for Eddie. Stuck in his house, desperately forcing his mother to eat food or drink water. He would talk to her constantly even when she told him to shut up and go away. On a particularly drunk night, she said Richie would be better off without her. This confession scared him shitless, he tried to get ahold of his dad but his work had no idea where he was fucking around. Richie just wanted to be held by Eddie and told everything was going to be alright but instead, he was trapped in a personal hell. He wanted to tell Eddie all this except the burden belonged to him and him alone.

Eddie came back bundled up in a big coat. He opened the door and went to hand over Richie’s sweater but Richie pushed it back toward him.

“Rich, I’m not taking your favorite sweater.” Eddie demanded.

“I want you to have it my twizzler.” Richie said softly gazing at Eddie apologetically.

“Ok.” Eddie paused for a moment, then removed his winter coat and sweater to put the blue one instead. They grinned at each other, Eddie still standing outside the car.

“That sweater looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.” Richie wiggled his eyebrows which made Eddie’s nose wrinkle in disgust. “God, you are so cute.” Richie said in wonder.

“Shut up...” Eddie mumbled but a blush was sprinkling his cheeks. “I like that the sweater smells like you.”

Richie beamed at him letting his irrational anger ebb away. “So! Let’s start your driving lesson!” Richie got out of the car and headed over to the passenger side. 

Eddie stared at Richie then at the car in alarm. “Now?! No, no, I’m not ready.” 

Richie stood in front of him smiling. “There is no ‘ready’ or ‘not ready’ with driving. You just do it. Let’s go! To the driver's side with you.”

“Fuck me…” Eddie sighed.

“Maybe later.” Richie replied laughing at the glare Eddie shoots him.

“If this doesn’t work...I mean, who gets this anxious driving? what is everyone going to say?” Eddie took a step closer to Richie as if he wanted to be physically comforted but he stopped himself from touching Richie.

Richie quickly pushed Eddie’s bangs to the side to give some lite contact then removed his hand. “I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...‘Nice ass!’”

Eddie tried to look angry but broke into a huge smile. “You are an idiot.” Then trekked over to the other side of the car. Eddie sat in the driver’s seat trying to adjust the seat, steering wheel, and mirrors to his exact liking.

“You are so fucking tall, it is not fair.” Eddie complained as he brought the seat much closer to the pedals.

Richie grinned at his struggle, “I like being taller than you. Makes me feel like I can protect you from anything. Even though you are usually the one protecting me.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, “Protecting you from what?”

“Myself.” Richie shrugged.

“I don’t know Richie. Remember when I spilled popcorn from the balcony of the movie theater onto Bowers' head? You were the one that poured soda after so it looked like it was your fault.” Eddie recalled. “You have always protected me.”

Richie barked out a laugh, “That was a fucking fantastic day! The look on his face was priceless. But you protect me from my own mouth and accept me for all my glaring flaws.” 

“When you love someone, you barely notice they have flaws.” Eddie admitted biting his lower lip subconsciously.

Richie felt his heart clench and could not take it anymore. He put his hand on the side of Eddie’s face and brought their lips together. Eddie let him returning the kiss but broke away quickly glancing out the windows to make sure passersby had not seen them.

“And when I am going through shit...like now...you try to help.” Richie breathed out slowly still holding onto Eddie’s face to ground himself. “The only reason I felt safe leaving the house today was because Mom actually ate food. She was drinking coffee, Eds?! Without added whiskey to make it Irish. I honestly thought I walked into someone else’s house.” 

“She was a lot nicer to me than last night.” Eddie smiled anxiously. “That may have been because I handed her Tylenol and water the minute she walked in. Then fixed her a plate of food fast so she would not argue.” 

“She probably doesn't remember last night and oh my god...you asshole.” Richie smiled. Eddie grinned mischievously which confirmed his suspicions. “You used to do that with me!”

“You were starving yourself!” Eddie complained.

“Listen, I just went a couple days without lunch in 9th grade. It wasn’t a big deal.” Richie shook his head.

Eddie pointed his finger threateningly, “No, you went without lunch practically every day for 2 years because your family couldn’t be bothered to stock your fridge.”

“Well, my job at the record store helps pay for my lunches now.” Richie shook his head. “I can’t believe you tricked my mom the same way you used to trick me. Put food in front of a hungry person before they can refuse.” 

“You Tozier’s are easily manipulated.” Eddie joked. Richie’s face fell a little. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t meant to be mean. Rich...I…”

“Eddie, it’s fine. It is true. My mom is manipulated every day staying with my dad.” He looked out the window and added darkly, “Drinking herself into an early grave.” 

Eddie took his hand. “Hey,” he waited until Richie slowly met his eyes, “We will figure this out. Together. No more doing it alone shit. Promise me?” 

Richie nodded slowly. 

“Great! Now, show me how to drive this screaming metal death trap.” 

* * *

They started out slowly driving through the neighborhood. Things were going alright even though Eddie was extremely tense. He was doing a really good job but kept arguing with Richie the whole time. Richie ignored him and just continued giving instructions which Eddie obeyed automatically.

“Turn left here. Don’t forget to indicate.” 

“Oh god oh shit oh Jesus…” Eddie repeated under his breath.

“You are doing so well, Eds.” Richie reassured.

“No, I’m not. I am so bad at this. I hate it.” Eddie turned the wheel slowly as he crossed the intersection and made a perfect left turn.

Richie smirked, “If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.” 

“Why can’t you be serious?!” Eddie whined as he kept driving through the streets with no problem.

“Oh! I got another one! Are you a parking ticket?” Richie looked at him seeing if he knew what was coming. Eddie kept his eyes forward as Richie said, “Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.”

“You are a monster.” Eddie groaned.

“Hey, I’m pretty and you’re cute. Together we’d be Pretty Cute.” Richie grinned delightedly. 

“Alright, that one was actually nice.” Eddie said begrudgingly. 

“I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it’s too long!” Richie had already started to laugh as he said the last terrible pickup line. 

“Fuck you, Richie! GOD!” Eddie yelled. 

“Ok parallel park into that spot there.” Richie pointed to the curb.

Eddie shook his head, “This is not going to work Richie, you are just too distracting and...” 

“Great parking job, Eds!” Richie cheered.

“You aren’t listening to me, Rich!” Eddie claimed. 

“Alright, put it in reserve and backup.” Richie coaxed. Eddie immediately did what Richie asked still rambling on. “And put the car in park! You did it!”

Eddie ceased talking and looked at his parking job. It suddenly occurred to him that he had driven, done an unprotected left turn, parallel parked, and backed up perfectly. 

“Richie! You are a fucking genius!” Eddie squealed with delight.

Richie shrugged, “It was all you. I merely gave directions.” 

Eddie leaned over grabbing Richie’s face to capture his lips in a kiss. Successfully driving seemed to make Eddie euphoric. He broke contact to climb over the console and straddle Richie’s lap. 

“Holy shit Eds!” Richie said excitedly. “I'll need to teach you things more often.”

“Shut up and kiss me.” Eddie breathed.

“Fuck yeah,” Richie kissed Eddie hard and when Eddie moved his lips to Richie’s neck he moaned. He reached up under Eddie’s shirt, his cool hands on Eddie’s bare sides. Eddie unbottuned Richie's shirt preventing him from thinking straight, he could only breathe. They found themselves getting lost in making-out. Forgetting where they were. Just being normal teenagers for once.

Eddie eventually slipped back into the driver’s seat. Richie slowly buttoned his shirt back up. They were quiet for a little bit, then Richie laced his fingers with Eddie’s. “Hey,” Eddie looked over at him with a smile. “I missed you so much during this break.”

“I missed you too, Richie.”

Richie shook his head, “No, like. I miss you all the time. When you are gone, when you talk to someone other than me, when you fall asleep first...it is hard to explain. So even if it did not seem like it, I really did miss you these past two weeks. I love you, Eds.”

Eddie’s eyes welled up as he leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. Then he patted Richie on the chest, “Dude,” he said, “I just have to tell you that you buttoned your shirt wrong.” 

Which in Eddie Kaspbrak language clearly meant, ‘I love you, too. Maybe forever.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature ending: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12716508/chapters/30392079
> 
> Sorry for a long wait friends! Thank you for your patience. Please leave comments about what you thought! Also, suggestions for future chapters would be amazing! You can leave any requests in my Tumblr asks. 
> 
>  
> 
> Elisabetkk - Thank you for the comment!  
> Reddieboii - Thank you for commenting! Glad you were happy I updated. So was I. Haha  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - You are a queen in my life. Thanks babe!  
> mel - I hope you enjoy the new chapter!


	12. Addicted to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song Title - Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Eddie's mom confronts him about a sensitive topic and he has a movie night with the losers. 
> 
> Snippet:  
> “You...can’t...kiss...away...anger…” Eddie said between heated kisses not pulling away. If anything he was trying to get closer.
> 
> “Just did,” Richie said smugly. Eddie did not care as their frenzied kisses turned gentle.
> 
> Then a voice pierced through the moment. “Do you remember fights when they weren’t dating?”

The first week back at school flew by and it was already the weekend. Bill scheduled their weekly group movie night to Saturday. This allowed Eddie to spend the day with his mother and keep her in a good mood to let him go out.

“I’m heading to Bill’s now, Ma,” Eddie grabbed his bag, then walked over to his mom and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be home late.”

His mother did not turn her head from the television. “Eddie, is the Tozier boy going to be there?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said cautiously. “Um...why?

“The two of you worked out your differences?” His mother asked. Even to this day, it was impossible for Eddie to get a full read on her. The best he could figure out was her motivation for anything she said and did, that was easy. Everything revolved around Eddie's complete safety. Whether that was safety from emotional or physical pain. For more than half his life, any pain he received was caused mostly by her overbearing personality and not to mention the lies she made him believe about himself.

He hesitated for too long before responding, “Yes, we are ok now. Why?”

Her eyes left the mindless show and met his gaze steadily. The light from the television bounced on her features in a haunting way. “I just want to know about your friends. You never invite them here.”

Eddie resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He could feel the incredulous expression forming on his face, “Ma, you hate my friends.”

“I’ve always been concerned about the company you keep. I don’t hate them.” She informed him like a professor teaching a simple-minded student.

“Beverly?” He immediately accused.

“Yes, well, I had heard things about her.” His mother defended. She sat a little straighter in her armchair as she breached the topic he had been dreading. “Speaking of things I’ve been hearing...Richard Tozier...”

Eddie desperately tried to stay patient but could hear the frustration in his voice. His hands were getting sweaty and twitchy. “What do you want to know about Richie? No need to beat around the bush.”

“Watch your tone,” She warned with a stern glare. His breathing was definitely coming in shorter puffs. The last thing he needed was a panic attack. His mother scrutinized his every change in demeanor. “I heard that he is a...well, a...” She hesitated, seemingly unable to finish her thought delicately.

“A ‘what’ mom?” Eddie’s throat was drying up with nerves but he felt determined to stand up for Richie if he needed too.

She eyed him warily and said in a whisper, “A homosexual.”

Eddie took a deep breathe and let it out slowly. There it was, all his fears crashing in on him. She was so scared of even saying the word, how will she ever accept him? He wanted to ask how in the world she had heard this news. However, Richie’s mother frequented the local bar and could have easily told people there. Any gossip in their town was bound to get back to his mother. Eddie had the sudden desire to fling himself into a pit of lava. 

“If he is, it doesn’t matter and it is none of yo...our business.” He wanted to say ‘your’ but figured that would raise a ‘rainbow’ flag, as it were.

She huffed with her voice rising slightly, “You need to be careful around that family.”

Eddie frowned, “No, I don’t. If anything that family needs help.”

His mother’s eyes widened in surprise, “What are you talking about, Eddie?”

“Nothing. Nevermind. It’s not important. I need to go.” Eddie rushed toward the door, ignoring his mother as she called his name to come back.

Eddie took his time getting to Bill’s house. He listened to the crunch of his shoes against the snow and thought about how much trouble he was bound to be in for his attitude. It did not occur to him to worry about her finding out Richie's sexuality, which could lead to her finding out his own. He had been more concerned about her discovering he was going over to the Tozier’s every morning and after school. For school mornings, he was always out the door before his mother woke up. With after school, he convinced her he was tutoring people. After that argument, she was sure to watch him more closely and try to control his life more.

All he knew was that his presence seemed helpful for Richie and Mrs. Tozier. He prepared a week's worth of food for them, then started cleaning and reorganizing their house each day. Richie’s mom was not going as hard on the drinking and even Richie was down to one cigarette a day.

Richie finally got a hold of his father too. Mr. Tozier claimed to be coming back tomorrow. Eddie asked if he gave any explanation for his absence but Richie had not bothered to question him. He claimed ‘not to give a shit’. The whole situation made Eddie sick to his stomach.

When he arrived at Bill’s place, he took a deep breath trying to forget all his troubles. As he opened the door, he was greeted with lots of cheers. Mike clapped him on the shoulder almost knocking him over, “We thought your mom had decided to make you stay at home.” 

“Oh, she was almost successful,” Eddie chuckled through his anxiety.

“Richie, the love of your life is here!” Beverly shouted toward the kitchen.

Eddie could not help the thrill that ran through him at the thought of seeing Richie. It made him wonder if he would always feel that way. Constantly excited to see someone he saw every day. Richie bounded into the living room and stopped dramatically, “You’re not Mrs. K!”

This was a normal greeting but something about hearing his mother’s name did not sit well with Eddie. He glared at Richie then said just as over the top, “That’s it. I break up with you.” Eddie looked around the room. “Stanley, shall we give it a go?”

“Betrayal!” Richie shouted.

Stanley kept his face deadpan. “How dare you, Eddie. I am no one’s sloppy seconds.”

The room started laughing as Bill piped in, “You’ll g-get the chance to upset Richie like you have always d-dreamed.”

“Et tu Bill!” Richie yelled while clutching his chest. He fell to the ground, crumpling in on himself. Mike laughed toeing his stomach with his foot. This made Richie laugh as a pretty ticklish person.

Stanley gave it some thought looking between Eddie and Richie then back at Eddie, “Alright, we can date.”

Richie chuckled getting up from the ground to make his way over to Eddie. He pushed past Stanley a little harder than necessary, “I don’t like this joke anymore.” He admitted with a tight smile.

Before Richie could wrap his arms around Eddie, Eddie took a couple steps back with one hand up. “I didn’t like your joke about my mom being your true love.”

Richie gave him a confused expression, “I’m joking, you literally know I am kidding. Bill is obviously the love of my life.”

Eddie threw his arms up in exasperation, “There you go again. Maybe I want to be greeted by my boyfriend in a normal matter for once.”

“G-guys chill.” Bill said softly from behind Richie. 

“Marital problems it seems.” Mike mumbled as he steered Bill and the rest of the losers out of the room.

It was silent while Richie and Eddie stared at each other. Both were fuming in their own way. Eddie’s anger was always powerful and fiery in a way where he commanded the room’s attention. Richie had an almost detached look on his face as if he did not care and wanted to be invisible.

“I had a fight with my mom so I didn’t really like the joke today.” Eddie growled through gritted teeth.

“What was the fight about?” Richie took a couple steps forward not backing down this time. 

Eddie held his nonplussed gaze as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, “That’s neither here nor there.”

Richie raised his eyebrows, “You’ve brought the problem here instead of leaving it there.” He threw back, “Which means it was about me.”

Eddie glanced away, biting his lip before he could stop himself. His automatic tell to anyone who knew him. “That’s not true.”

“You’re lying.” He kept advancing until they were almost nose to nose, “Were you defending me? Perhaps lying to her about us some more?”

Richie’s breathe washed over Eddie’s face. He could not control his hurt as his voice wavered, “That’s so not fair, Richie.”

“Then tell me what is bothering you about this particular fight with her.” Richie kept his voice steady but clipped, “I can’t make it better unless you tell me”

“I don’t want to talk about it! I need water.” Eddie yelled and made to push past Richie and head towards the kitchen but Richie grabbed his arm before he could go far.

He brought Eddie spinning into his chest and smashed their lips together. Eddie would have protested but his body betrayed him as he melted into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, hands fisting into his shirt. Richie ran his fingers through his soft hair completely focused on channeling his feelings into this moment. Eddie’s stomach fluttered wildly, his anger flowing away.

“You...can’t...kiss...away...anger…” Eddie said between heated kisses not pulling away. If anything he was trying to get closer.

“Just did,” Richie said smugly. Eddie did not care as their frenzied kisses turned gentle.

Then a voice pierced through the moment. “Do you remember fights when they weren’t dating?” It was Ben. Richie and Eddie broke apart. Eddie felt embarrassed but Richie was smiling brightly at him, his lips swollen and red.

Mike laughed, “They could argue for hours before making up.”

“Now all it takes is Richie’s tongue down Eddie’s throat.” Beverly said while grabbing their arms to pull them toward the living room. They were both laughing.

Eddie hurried to snag his favorite armchair at Bill’s place. It is a seat he claimed every single time he came over to Bill’s. He jumped into the seat, crisscrossing his legs. Richie followed and stood in front of him expectantly, “Scoot, Eds, let’s share the seat.”

“No,” Eddie said smiling slyly. 

“I’ll sit on you.” Richie warned.

“I’d like to see you try.” Richie turned around getting ready to sit on him. Eddie brought his feet up and kicked Richie’s butt hard.

“Ow! Not the kind of foreplay I’m into.” Richie complained rubbing his behind. Eddie stuck his tongue out at him like the mature teen he was. “Fuck you. Fine, I’ll cuddle with Beverly.”

Beverly spread her arms out, “Come here baby boy, I’ll give you the love Eddie denies you.” Richie jumped onto the couch next to her and they held each other in a tight goofy embrace. Richie slung his leg over Beverly’s as she snuggled into his chest more.

“Beverly, why did we never date?” Richie said thoughtfully. “We would have been a great couple.”

Eddie rolled his eyes getting ready to argue again about how not funny this joke is, but Beverly cut in quickly, “Richie, you would have a hundred percent cheated on me with Eddie. We would be a terrible couple.”

“That’s true,” Richie laughed kissing her cheek. “I have always loved him.” Eddie blushed in surprise and Richie winked back.

“Hey losers, shut your traps.” Stanley demanded. “Bill, movie please.”

Bill stood in front of everyone, presenting each of the movies. “Alright, we have narrowed it d-down to _The Shining_ , _Clueless,_ or _Back to the Fuh-future._ _”_

Beverly and Richie started chanting _The Shining_ , as Ben and Mike begged for _Clueless_.

“I really don’t want to watch a scary movie tonight.” Eddie admitted.

“Eds, I can come over after and protect you or distract you from any fears.” Richie said wiggling his eyebrows.

Eddie blushed wishing he could control his embarrassment, “Beep beep, Richie. Whatever movie is fine with me.”

“How dare you hit on your boyfriend while in my embrace.” Beverly said pushing Richie away to snuggle up with Ben on her other side. Ben grabbed the blanket around his knees and spread it over both of them.

Richie pouted, “I try so hard to spread my love around equally in this group and yet I am treated like trash.”

“Richie, you are trash.” Stanley smirked.

“Too right you are Stan the Man.” Richie nodded.

“More like your love is all given to Eddie and we are secondary characters to your love story.” Mike laughed goodnaturedly.

“How dare you, Michael.” Richie stood on the couch, everyone telling him to sit and Bill cringing at the potential for a disaster. “I am the lead character in my story and all of you, including Eddie, are secondary characters.”

“Oh, that makes me feel really good, Rich.” Eddie said sarcastically. “Sit the fuck down you lanky turd.”

“I’m the only one who knows how to make you feel good, my almond joy.” Richie leaned over and kissed Eddie’s non-responsive lips.

“Fuck you all, this is taking too long. I’m picking.” Stanley got up, plucked _Back to the Future_ from Bill’s hands and put the movie in.

“I’m thirsty, does anyone want anything?” There was a chorus of different requests. Eddie pointed at his chair, “Fives!”

He went into the kitchen pouring out all the drinks. He recognized Richie’s footsteps coming up behind him. “Hey, Rich.”

“Damn it. I can never sneak up on you.” Richie said as he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist.

“Nope, and you never will.” Eddie kissed the side of Richie’s face then went back to pouring the drinks.

Richie held him a little tighter, “You’re alright, though? Mrs. K isn’t giving you too hard of a time?” 

“She’s always giving me a hard time.” Eddie sighed sadly. “Well, actually, I thought we were getting to a good place but I think her homophobia is still going strong.” 

Richie hummed in understanding then kissed Eddie’s cheek. Eddie leaned his back into him as Richie peppered his neck and shoulders with sweet kisses. Richie’s fingers moved daringly from Eddie’s stomach to hook on the waistband of his jeans.

“Just know, what we feel can’t be wrong.” Richie said. Eddie moved his face to capture his lips pushing his back even more into the embrace. 

“Why’s that?” Eddie whispered against his lips. He wiggled his hips a little which made Richie let out a hiss. 

Richie stilled Eddie's hips and stopped their kissing to gaze into his eyes. They were dark but sparkling with appreciation. “It cannot be wrong to love someone, who loves you in return.”

“Wow…” Eddie said breathlessly. “...that’s so fucking corny.” He laughed. Richie kissed him again, removed his hands and picked up four of the drinks to bring back in. “Don’t spill!” Eddie called after him.  

That left three for Eddie to carry.He took a second to himself calm down, then made his way out of the kitchen. He immediately spotted Richie in HIS armchair. Eddie tried to keep the drinks steady as he blocked Richie’s view of the screen and stomped his foot in rage, "Richie! I called fives!"

A smirk spread across Richie’s face, "It has been 6 minutes."  
  
"What? That’s only because you distracted me." Eddie placed the drinks down. He grabbed Richie’s hands and attempted to yank him to his feet.

Richie resisted by going limp, "The rules are clear. If you are out of your seat for more than 5 minutes, then someone else can take the chair."  
  
"If you don't get out of my fucking seat, I will sit on you." Eddie grunted threateningly, trying and failing to get Richie off the chair.

"Is that a threat or an offer?" Mike chimed in. All his friends laughed which made Eddie’s blood boil with humiliation.

Richie grinned at them, “For me, it would be a god damn blessing.” This just made everyone laugh louder.

"That's it!" Eddie turned around and sat hard on Richie's lap. The boy made a surprised gasping sound as if the air had been knocked out of him. Eddie held the arms of the chair with all his might so he would not be thrown, but Richie did not toss off the smaller boy. He grunted and tried to get comfortable with the new weight on him.  
  
“Great. Now that you are both comfortable. Shut the fuck up and watch the movie.” Stanley chided.

“We’ve all seen this movie anyway,” Beverly said from her new position. Her head was in Ben’s lap with her feet dangling off the couch armrest.

Mike had kicked his legs up onto Stanley’s lap and leaned against Bill. Stanley tutted as he tapped Mike’s shin absently, “Yes, but I don’t know half the dialogue because we have never gotten through it without someone talking.”

“Yo-your the one talking Stanley.” Bill pointed out. That made him go quiet.

"You know, this is more comfortable for me than you think." Richie whispered into Eddie’s ear.

"Don't be fucking gross." Eddie pushed his back up against him so that Richie's face was shoved in between his shoulder blades. Richie planted kisses there giving Eddie goosebumps.

Eddie moved his head to one side so Richie could place his chin on Eddie’s shoulder and properly watch the movie. Richie wrapped his long arms around Eddie’s waist bringing him further into his lap. He reluctantly moved his hands from the armrests and placed them over Richie’s.

“Why don’t you like sitting on my lap? I’m starting to think you hate being close to me.” Richie’s tone was normal but had the tiniest bit of doubt.

“I love being close to you Richie, of course, but sitting in people’s laps has always bothered me.” Eddie spoke quietly, so as not to upset Stanley.

Richie laced his fingers with Eddie, “Why?”

“I don’t know...I guess because people have forced me to do it my whole life. It was fine at 10 or younger but when people still made me at 13, I started to take it personally. Like being small just means I am automatically a baby in everyone’s eyes.” He traced his thumb over Richie’s knuckles. “Even you all tell me to sit on your laps instead of making room on a bench or couch.”

“Don’t feel bad for being fun-sized!” Mike said affectionately.

Eddie snorted out a laugh, “Thanks for that Mikey.”

"What I would give to be fun-sized." Ben said absently.

"Hey," Beverly looked up at him from his lap. "You're perfect sized." He smiled and ran a hand through her hair sweetly. Richie and Eddie eyed each other knowingly but decided not to comment. 

It was not until about halfway through the movie that Eddie started to relax and not be as bothered by their position. He shifted, slinging his arm around Richie’s shoulders. He moved his legs to dangle off one side, sitting sideways. Eddie kissed his cheek gently. Richie grinned as he adjusted them by putting one arm over Eddie’s legs and the other on the armrest. Richie brought his face forward to kiss Eddie. He let him, forgetting they were around the others. Richie deepened the kiss impatiently. Eddie brought his lip between his teeth before leaning in to kiss more feverishly. Then a pillow whacked the side of his head. 

Eddie's face collided with Richie's glasses."Ow!" He rubbed the soon to be bruised area and looked over at the other couch. 

Stanley was angry and holding another pillow threateningly, "That's what you fucking get. Keep it in your pants. This is friendship movie night you selfish dicks." 

"Fuck you Stan." Richie said holding onto Eddie as he readjusted in the armchair. 

"Sorry Stanley," Eddie snuggled into Richie’s side with a contented sigh.

“Pause the movie, I have to take a photo.” Mike got up and grabbed his camera.

“Mikey,” Eddie groaned covering his face.

“Come on Eddie! You two have no couple photos.” Mike argued.

“As if there needs to be documented proof of their disgustingness.” Stanley mumbled. 

“Oh Stanley,” Ben interjected. “You are so mean.”

"I think they are cute." Beverly grinned.

Richie tugged at Eddie’s hands a little, “Can we?” He said earnestly. Eddie did not want to hurt Richie’s feelings and was too tired to fight it. 

“Fine, fine!” Eddie removed his hands from his face smiling softly. Richie leaned his head into Eddie with most likely the goofiest smile he could muster. Mike took one photo then Eddie was caught off guard as Richie grabbed the side of his face and kissed him deeply. Eddie heard the click of the camera. He turned his face quickly toward Mike, “YOU. SHOW. NO. ONE.” Eddie pointed at him. “But also, I want copies.”

“Me too!” Richie laughed.

“Since the camera’s out, I c-could use a more recent photo of the group.” Bill requested.

“Sure, Big Bill!” Mike set the camera on top of the television. Eddie and Richie got up to fit on the couch with the rest of them.

“Once you put the timer on, sit across our laps, Mike!” Beverly suggested excitedly.

“It would be so cute.” Richie agreed with her.

Mike chuckled, “I might crush you all.”

“No, you won’t!” They all chorused.

They positioned themselves as organized as they could. Ben and Bill were on the ends. Beverly sat next to Ben with their heads leaned together. Richie put his arms around Stanley and Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie held Richie’s forearm with his right hand as it wrapped around his chest. Then hooked his left arm with Bill’s right. Once Mike pressed the camera button, it started to flash in a rhythm. Mike sprawled across their laps. They all smiled as if they were the only ones in the world and in that moment, they truly were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art of the Loser pictures: http://thetheatregal.tumblr.com/post/172071187041/these-were-a-birthday-gift-to-me-from  
> I just love writing about my losers so much. I hope you all enjoyed it too! I didn't do as much editing as I usually do, so if you catch a dumb error, let me know.  
> This chapter inspiration goes out to an anon on tumblr who sent me "Okay but like, imagine, Reddie in a heated argument and as Eddie goes to storm off Richie grabs his arm and pulls him back into a kiss and everything around them just melts because UGH."  
> I literally could not have written this chapter without that. SO THANKS. 
> 
> As always any kudos, comments, and bookmarks make my heart soar with love. There were actually a nice about of comments on the last chapter which gave me a push to write this one. 
> 
> I love you all!
> 
> aswellingstorm - I am so happy you are enjoying my fic! Glad I can make you laugh and cry, two criteria I strive for  
> wheezingbees - I hope this chapter makes you weaker. haha  
> Eduardo - I brought the losers back for you!  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - Your request for a pillow to the face because Eddie and Richie are making out...DONE  
> writonic - Thank you for binge reading!! So flattering! Enjoy the new chapter!  
> stphen_kngfannn - Let me know if you are screaming at this chapter too. haha  
> Elisabetkk - The losers are back just for you!  
> Alittlefangirl - Let me quench your thirst with A NEW CHAPTER <3


	13. Ain't Too Proud To Beg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song Title - Ain't Too Proud To Beg by The Temptations  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Snippet:  
> If Richie did not want to talk about it, then Eddie would have to find a different way to comfort him. He reached over to turn the CD player on that sat on the nightstand. The first chords of “Your Song” by Elton John played through the speakers.
> 
> “Listening to sad Elton John songs?” Eddie grinned teasingly.
> 
> Richie turned around crossing his arms and staring at the ground determinedly. “It’s not a sad song. It reminds me of you.”
> 
> Eddie blushed then pushed himself off the bed. He bounded over to Richie, carefully uncrossing his arms to hold his hands. He walked backward toward the bed.

Eddie tapped his pencil nervously against the table. He was shaking his knee and biting his lip desperate to concentrate. Ben, Mike, Bill, and him were studying at the library. Well, they were trying too but Eddie was extremely distracted, which in turn, distracted all of them. Every time they asked what was wrong, he shrugged it off.

Mike and Ben sat across from him, while Bill sat next to him giving annoyed stares. Eventually, he could not take it anymore. “E-E-EDDIE! Stop tapping your pencil. It's dr-driving me crazy!”

“Oh,” Eddie ceased tapping but continued shaking his knee. “I’m sorry.”

Mike closed his book and focused on him. “Seriously, what is going on in that head of yours?” Eddie fidgeted awkwardly from the directness.

Bill and Mike looked at Ben to agree with them except he was writing something down furiously. He finished up the sentence he was working on, felt eyes on him, then glanced up confused. “What’s happening?”

“We can always count on your unwavering attention, Benjamin.” Mike bumped his shoulder good-naturedly.

“Sorry!” Ben laughed nervously.

Bill turned back to Eddie, “Something is obviously b-bothering you.” Bill grabbed his shaking knee and Eddie stilled his leg smiling apologetically. 

“I...it’s something stupid.” He murmured quietly as his hand twitched to tap the pencil again. “Really, I don’t want to bug you with it. How are you guys doing?”

Mike eyeballed him skeptically, “You know Eddie, you can let us worry about you once in a while.”

Eddie’s face turned confused, “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you worry about all of us constantly,” Mike replied patiently. “We can be concerned about you.”

“I don’t _constantly_ worry.” Eddie crossed his arms stubbornly and leaned back into the booth.

Bill elbowed Eddie playfully, “Yesterday, you asked if I got my f-flu shot because I sn-sn-sneezed.”

“Well, I don’t want you to get sick!” Eddie defended.

“You always watch out for us.” Ben piped in. “Even when we first met, you bandaged me up at the risk of getting aids.”

Eddie groaned his cheeks heating up with embarrassment, “I forgot what a stupid naive kid I was.”

“Still are.” Bill laughed.

“Fuck you, Bill!”

“And…” Interrupted Mike. “...after the rock fight when we were 13, you made sure I was safely behind everyone telling me to breathe and that if I needed your inhaler, I could borrow it. You told me it was a big deal because you hate germs.”

“Still not a fan.” Eddie looked around at his friends and let out a shaky sigh. He really did not want people fussing over him.

“Maybe telling us will take some of the burden off you,” Ben suggested.

“I doubt that.” His friends were genuinely curious which gave Eddie some courage. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly before answering, “Alright, I’m trying to decide whether to come out to my mom.”

The boys stayed silent as anxious and concerned expressions formed on their faces. Eddie’s stomach started to become knots at their silence. He knew they were trying to think of how to respond, but none of them knew what it was like to be closeted.

Mike was the first to speak, “That’s great, Eddie. I am so proud of you.” Mike gave one of his kindest smiles and reached across the table to pat his hand reassuringly.

Eddie smiled at him weakly, “Thanks, Mikey. I feel uneasy about it and honestly, have no clue when or how I should fucking do it.”

“How d-d-do you think she’ll t-take it?” Bill asked sympathetically.

“Presumably not well,” Eddie started bouncing his knee up and down again. “Thinking about telling my mother makes me a nervous wreck.”

Ben nodded in understanding as an anxious person himself, “You will just need to take lots of deep breaths before and while you tell her.”

Eddie shook his head viciously as his breathing became shallower, “Talking about it with her will lead to a panic attack by me, I am sure.” His heart was beating faster at the possible scenarios. All of them ending with her crying about her son being a homosexual.

“Hey. Hey...” Bill snaked his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. “Don’t freak out. You d-don’t have t-to t-tell tell…”

“Tell her tonight.” Mike finished.

“But...Richie’s already told his parents.” Eddie leaned his head into Bill’s shoulder. "I should stop putting it off."

“It’s not a competition Eddie.” Ben rationalized.

Eddie gave Ben an exasperated expression, “You don’t know me at all, Ben. Everything is a competition with me. AND HE HAS ALREADY WON THIS MATCH!”

There was a loud ‘SHHHH’ that came from the librarian. Eddie mouthed a ‘sorry’ then packed up all his stuff. “I’m gonna go."

“Do you want a ride?” Mike offered beginning to pack up too.

“No, no. I’ll walk. Thanks, Mike. I’ll see you all later.” Without looking at them, he left the library.

“Eddie wait!” Mike’s voice called. “I wanted to give you the pictures we took at Bill’s. They came out great.” He handed over the photos. “Richie’s copies are there too since I assume you’ll see him sooner than me.” He gave a coy wink.

“Thanks a lot, Mike.” He waved and walked away. Eddie did a once over at his surroundings then carefully pulled out the couple photo of him and Richie. He loved the one of them smiling at the camera, it was sweet and very them. Behind it was the photo of Richie kissing him deeply. It made his cheeks red and stomach contract with longing.

He was going to go home but his feet led him to Richie’s. It was second nature for him to go there when he could. Even though Richie’s dad had come back, Eddie still liked checking on Mrs. Tozier. He was not sure why, he simply suspected she needed as much support as she could get.

When he arrived at the Tozier house, he rang the doorbell. The door opened and it was Richie’s father. The man was tall with greying hair. The only similarities between him and Richie were their heights and jaws. He never knew how to look at or talk to fathers. Something about them was really intimidating. However, when it came to Richie’s father, he especially felt awkward around him. There were a million and one things he wanted to scream at the man but he kept calm.

“Hello, Mr. Tozier.” Eddie nodded politely and spoke as nicely as he could. He considered sticking out his hand to shake but thought better of it. “Is Richie home?”

The man gave Eddie a once over and frowned, “In his room, but I don’t think…”

“You never think Wentworth,” Mrs. Tozier’s voice pierced through. “Come on in, Eddie.” He hesitated before sidestepping the taller man and walking into the room.

“Whatever.” Mr. Tozier grumbled out. He walked away toward his office.

“Is he alright?” Eddie asked cautiously.

“He’s fine.” Mrs. Tozier stared down the location where her husband had walked away. The amount of venom in her voice gave Eddie goosebumps. He really hoped she never spoke about him with such malice. He feared her enough when she was angry and drunk.

Eddie hesitated, “Are you alright?”

She softened a little and placed a small hand on his shoulder kindly, “No, but that’s ok. I’m nothing to worry about.”

“Richie worries about you.” Eddie blurted out before he could stop himself.

She looked at him in surprise then something dawned on her face, as if she was seeing Eddie truly for the first time. “Do you love my son?”

Eddie’s eyes widened and his heart begun to pound in his chest. He had no idea how to answer this question without outing him and Richie.

“He’s my best friend,” Eddie responded after a really long pause. “Of course I love him.”

She squeezed his shoulder, “That’s good. He could use more love in his life.” Eddie was spared having to respond as she walked away.

Eddie hurried toward Richie’s room, knocking lightly. He took off his snow boots outside the room then unzipped his winter coat.

“Go away,” Came Richie’s clipped voice. It sounded like he had been napping or maybe crying. That made Eddie scared.

“It’s me.”

There was silence then some shuffling. Richie opened the door pulling Eddie quickly into the room. He shut it and pushed Eddie’s back roughly against the door. He was completely caught off guard. Richie immediately latched his lips to his in desperation.

Eddie’s hands were holding the door frame as Richie’s were on either side of his face. He was trapped and not sure if he liked this or didn’t like this. It reminded him of the first time they kissed, except that had been sweet this was aggressive.

“Is something wrong?” Eddie gasped out between kisses. Richie stuck his tongue in Eddie’s mouth effectively shutting him up.

 _I guess he doesn’t want to talk about it._ Eddie thought sadly then got distracted by the way Richie was swirling his tongue over his own.

Richie started taking off Eddie’s jacket then unzipped the hoodie underneath pulling the articles off and onto the floor. A heat was pooling in Eddie’s stomach. He was apprehensive about this eradicate behavior but weirdly aroused as well. Richie grabbed Eddie’s arms and placed them around his shoulders. Eddie locked his fingers behind his head. Richie’s hands roamed from Eddie’s chest down to the waistband of his jeans bringing him closer.

Eddie thought for sure Richie was going to commence unbuckling his pants. In fact, he internally hoped that was where they were headed. Instead, he brought his hands to the back of Eddie’s thighs and hoisted him up. Eddie inhaled sharply at being manhandled so abruptly. He almost lost his balance but found it in time to hook his legs around Richie’s waist.

He clamped his mouth onto Richie’s neck: biting, kissing, and licking it. Richie moaned low and deep, vibrating Eddie’s lips. Eddie nursed a single location at the base of Richie’s throat determined to leave a noticeable mark.

“Fuck Eds,” Richie groaned. Eddie felt his body heating up and moved his hips to gain some friction. Richie brought them over to the bed and dropped Eddie down unceremoniously.

“Oof!” Is the humiliating noise that came out of Eddie after being plopped on the mattress. He glared at Richie. “I hate that you can lift me so easily.”

Richie straddled him then bared his hips down slowly into Eddie’s receiving a slight hiss. “I can tell that’s a lie.” Richie continued moving his hips and the contact made Eddie almost whine. He massaged Eddie’s chest with his hands then dragged his fingers down until he was gripping his sides as he rocked down into him.

"Fucking hell," Eddie whimpered breathlessly. His back arched involuntarily and he would have felt embarrassed if his mind was not so clouded. Richie's fingers teased at the hem of Eddie’s polo shirt. Even with the material in the way, every touch was like fire to his skin. 

“Lock the door,” Eddie whispered quickly. He was not sure if the urgency in his voice came from wanting to continue faster or the fear of being walked in on. He could barely register what was going on.

“Who fucking cares.” Richie pulled Eddie’s polo up earnestly to touch his stomach. It felt incredible but Eddie could not enjoy it as his temper flared up suddenly. Richie brought his face forward to kiss but Eddie dodged his lips.

“I care.” He seethed in frustration. It felt like a fight that would never cease between them. Richie being reckless and practically wanting to get caught. While Eddie needing them to be smart and careful. Their eyes were boring into each other. He was leaning back on his elbows with Richie hovering above him. Richie was obviously fuming but Eddie would hold that gaze forever if he had too. “Lock the fucking door, Richie.”

Richie hopped off him and stomped petulantly toward the door then firmly locked it. He stayed standing there for a full minute lost in his thoughts. Eddie was coming down from the high of everything, his anger ebbing away. Something was seriously wrong with him.

If Richie did not want to talk about it, then Eddie would have to find a different way to comfort him. He reached over to turn the CD player on that sat on the nightstand. The first chords of “Your Song” by Elton John played through the speakers.

“Listening to sad Elton John songs?” Eddie grinned teasingly.

Richie turned around crossing his arms and staring at the ground determinedly. “It’s not a sad song. It reminds me of you.”

Eddie blushed then pushed himself off the bed. He bounded over to Richie, carefully uncrossing his arms to hold his hands. He walked backward toward the bed. Richie watched him with a guarded stare. When they got back to the bed, he sat Richie down and straddled his hips.

Richie did not touch him right away, struggling to keep his defenses up. “I thought you didn’t like sitting in people’s laps.” Richie pointed out.

Eddie shrugged, “I don’t. But I’m getting used to it with you.” He grinned resting his hands on Richie’s shoulders to stay balanced. Richie finally placed his hands on Eddie’s hips drawing soothing circles into his sides.

“What do you need from me? How can I help?” Eddie asked with patience and care. Richie burrowed his head in Eddie’s chest and wrapped his arms around his waist, clinging tightly. Eddie hugged his head, content to hold him for life. They stayed in that position a long time. Eddie was seeking to take all of Richie’s pain through their embrace. As if it could be transported from one body to the next.

“I’m sorry I was so aggressive today. I was kinda grateful for the distraction.” Richie mumbled into Eddie’s chest.

Eddie sighed running his fingers through Richie’s hair, “It was actually really...um...hot or whatever, even if I was confused as fuck.”

Richie lifted his head to look at Eddie. “Can we lay down? It would maybe be more comfortable for this pathetic cuddle pity session.”

“Of course.” Eddie leaned harshly sideways, forcing Richie on his back as he laid on top of him. Richie yelped in surprise making Eddie laugh. Their legs tangled together and they laughed boisterously.

When they fell into a comfortable silence, Eddie placed the right side of his face over Richie’s heart listening to the rhythmic beating. Richie played with Eddie’s hair, humming along to the CD player's music. Eddie was in such bliss he was about ready to fall asleep in this position.

“My dad is leaving my mom.” Richie whispered. Eddie heard the beating of Richie’s heart speed up.

He twisted his face to look at Richie properly and placed a hand under his chin. He used his other hand to take off Richie’s glasses placing them on the nightstand. They were fogging up, most likely from the tears brimming in his eyes.

“When did he tell you?” Eddie asked carefully

“This morning, I was going to call you but I threw the phone on the ground to smash it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Richie admitted closing his eyes, trying to prevent himself from crying. “It felt like the most rational thing to do.”

“Your mom seems to be alright,” Eddie observed.

“He hasn’t told her.” He bit out.

“What the fuck?”

Richie let out a deep sigh, “ _He_ told me that he has found a place and will be leaving this week but _he_ doesn’t know how to tell her.” Richie said ‘he’ with a malice that suggested he would destroy his father if the opportunity arose. 

“So he tells his son? And you are just supposed to fucking keep that a secret until he tells her? Seriously, I don’t understand. Are they getting a divorce?”

Richie swallowed hard as tears started falling, “He doesn’t want one. Says his Catholic mother would roll in her grave if he did that.”

Eddie wiped away the tears from Richie’s cheeks with his thumb. “Do you want to stop talking about it?”

“No, it’s fine. Keep asking questions. Better I be a blubbering mess in front of you instead of my mom when he pussies up enough tell her.” Richie rarely used terms like 'man up' or 'grow some balls' preferring to say that women had more strength and courage...even if he said it in a vile and vulgar way. 

Eddie frowned deeply, “So a separation physically is better than a divorce?”

“He separated emotionally years ago, why not go the extra mile.” Richie ran a finger across Eddie’s arm languidly. He seemed to be mulling something over in his head. “Do you ever wonder if your parents truly loved each other?”

Eddie was rarely taken aback by Richie's bluntness anymore, but this question made him really think. He definitely had wondered, from pictures and the way his mother talked about his father, she certainly was in love with him. He did not know how his father felt. His aunts always gushed about his parents’ love like it was a fairytale.

“I think they did. My mom was devastated when he died. It was like a part of her died with him. She is so desperate for me to be in a glass box that she can control and keep safe, she probably doesn’t remember that love anymore. If she did, I don’t think she would treat me the way she does.”

Richie sighed miserably, “Do you remember your dad?”

“I try too.” Eddie thought for a moment. “I remember us walking together a lot. Or rather, we ran a lot. He would chase me and when he caught me, throw me in the air. I can’t remember his laugh but I know he smiled all the time.”

Eddie’s own eyes had started prickling with tears. He almost never talked about his dad but when he did, he missed him. Which seemed crazy because he barely knew him. How can you miss a stranger? Except he did know him. Somewhere deep in his soul, he did.

"I can sometimes recall his voice when I am reading. He taught me how to and we read so many books together. And..." Eddie blushed. "this is embarrassing but he sometimes narrates my life in my head. Or at least the voice that I associate him with does."

Richie pinched his cheek, "Wow...that's so cute."

"Shut up, I'm not cute."

“Do you ever feel like…nevermind.” Richie moved his face to the side, away from view.

“Hey,” Eddie placed his fingers on Richie’s chin and guided them back to face him. “You can ask me how I feel about anything.”

“How do you feel about dating someone who is so blind, you just look like a blob right now?” Richie cracked a smile.

Eddie let out a watery laugh, “That’s fine. You’ve told me before that I am a beautiful blob.”

Richie laughed which vibrated through Eddie, who was still laying on him. Richie placed his hand affectionately on Eddie’s cheek. “Do you ever feel like you love too much? And it’s confusing because you also think you aren’t loving enough.”

Eddie leaned into the touch, “I don’t think anyone could accuse you of not loving enough.”

“Do you know what I mean though?”

“I do.” Eddie nodded slightly. Although, he was not sure he really did. Richie being self-conscious always threw him off but he was grateful for his honesty. “Don’t worry about loving me too much. My limit for receiving love plateaued a while ago.”

“When?”

“When you came into my life.” Eddie smiled softly. “You have given me enough love to last a lifetime.”

“I’m not positive that is a compliment, however, I will be taking it as one.” Richie tapped his lips expectantly. Eddie raised an eyebrow but decided to oblige. He scooted forward and kissed him. Richie relaxed into the kiss as if his tension was easing a little. It was a gentle but heated kiss that made Eddie’s toes curl.

When they pulled away, Eddie took a deep breathe, “I’m going to tell my mom I’m gay.”

Richie’s face was in shock. He did not say anything, he gawked at Eddie like he was insane. Eddie had been hoping for a more supportive reaction and receiving such surprise started to make him a little mad.

“Did you hear me?” Eddie got into a sitting position. Richie reached for his glasses and shoved them on his face.

“I heard you.” Richie’s voice came out breathy. "Holy shit."

“Is that all you have to say about it?” Eddie demanded. He knew his face was turning red with embarrassment.

“Eds, I am more in shock that you even said the word ‘gay’ let alone your plan to tell your homophobic mother.”

“Richie, please, can you be serious for one moment?” He said exasperatedly.

“I AM being serious! You have literally never spoken it aloud. This is huge.” A genuine grin was spreading across Richie’s face. He was filled with pride, while radiating happiness. Eddie had not seen him this thrilled in a while.

“That can't be true. Shit. Is that true?” Eddie wracked his brain attempting to recall a time he had said the word ‘gay’ aloud. Except to tease Richie, he didn’t think he had and that horrified him.

“I swear, you haven’t.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hands squeezing them excitedly.

“It’s not that big a deal.” Eddie huffed out, “Well, I am gay if that was not apparent to you.”

Richie wiggled his eyebrows, “I think all the times we have grinded and jerked each other off were the giveaways.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at Richie’s vulgarness smirking, “I have always tried to be subtle about it.”

“Do you want to do stuff now?” Richie asked through dark eyes. “It is taking my everything not to jump your bones for finally saying you are gay.”  

“I do really want too,” Eddie admitted. “But I need to tell my mom tonight. I just feel like it _has_ to be tonight or I am going to explode.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Richie offered.

Eddie shook his head, “Oh my god. No way. She would fucking murder you, then use your body to murder me.”

Richie smirked, “Mrs. K is into some kinky shit.” Eddie promptly punched him in the chest.

Richie rubbed the spot gingerly, “I meant that I could sneak into your room and wait for you when the inevitable fight happens and you are in tears and need to be held and shit.”

“How dare you assume I will cry.” Eddie frowned then considered the offer. “But yeah, I want you there.”

“I’ve been through this and could have used you right after it happened.” Richie looked at him with a weird shyness.

Eddie ran his hand along Richie’s jaw then placed it at the back of his neck. He brought their foreheads together. “Alright, well, grab your coat and let’s go come out to my mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who sent messages to my tumblr, commented here, kudos, and fangirled at me last week. I AM SO HONORED. 
> 
> I got a suggestion to have Eddie talk about his dad to Richie and I did the thing and I made myself cry. SO YEAH. 
> 
> Also, someone made a gif post about all the times Eddie takes care of the losers in the new movie and I was so struck by it, that I decided to put in some Eddie appreciation. I’m sorry Beverly wasn’t in this chapter, it kinda didn’t make sense to me that she would be studying with the boys. I’ll give her time in the next one!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts and suggestions, I love to read them!
> 
> Elton John Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTa8U0Wa0q8
> 
>  
> 
> Special thank yous to my reviewers:  
> otakuu - MORE IS HERE!  
> mythicalowlsociety - Thank you for loving the group dynamic!  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - Thank you for reading through this chapter before I posted to make sure I didn't screw things up and make poor decisions. I love you so much.  
> PurrsephoneQuinn27 - I hope I have revived enough to read more cute!  
> alex16 - Sexy times just for you  
> Random reader - Your all caps review literally killed me with adorableness. Thank you so so so much for making my day.  
> Salutations - Thank you for saying I am a good writer!  
> ryex - Welcome to my fic, you seem great.  
> lovsers.float - Thank you so much for saying this is your favorite reddie fic, I am so fucking flattered. You are the sweetest.


	14. Smalltown Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song Title - Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Snippet:  
> “I’m really going to do this. I’m going to tell my mom I’m gay.” Eddie said. “Fuck.”
> 
> “I love it when you talk gay to me.” Richie replied.
> 
> “Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is a tag you think I need to add for this chapter, I would appreciate being told. Some heavier themes happen.

Eddie and Richie got bundled up in their sweaters and winter coats preparing to leave Richie’s place. They were oddly silent stuck in their thoughts. At least, that’s what Eddie thought until he realized the other boy was watching his every move.

Without looking at him, Eddie said, “Richie, you are burning a hole into the side of my head. Stop staring.”

“How can you deny me the pleasure of ravishing your body with my eyes?” Richie said fake hurt.

Eddie blushed cocking an eyebrow at Richie. “But you aren’t staring at me in that way, you are giving me a pitying stare.”

Richie put up a hand, “Pitying,” then raised the other like he was weighing the options, “Ravishing. Same difference for me with you.”

Eddie shook his head with misery, “How did I get stuck with someone who can hit on and insult me at the same time?”

Richie put his hand over his heart dramatically, “Sir, I am offended, I am a damn gift in your life.”

“I will need to return my gift.” Eddie grinned.

Richie put on one of his old impressions, a monotoned bored cashier’s voice, “No returns, no refunds, no exchanges, Edsssssss.” He drew out the ‘s’ until Eddie could not take it anymore.

“Don’t call me that!” He cried. “And I’m fine, Rich. I don’t need pity. I can do this.” Eddie said while trying to put on his winter gloves with slightly shaky hands. His mind was buzzing over what he was about to do.

Richie smiled in amusement adjusting his glasses. “Trust me, I’m aware. You’re the strongest person I know.”

He scoffed at the compliment, not believing it for a second. He tried to focus on the gloves that did not want to cooperate. Eventually, he gave up, stuffing them away in his pocket. “Fuck it, who needs gloves. I’ll just hold your damn hands.”

Richie grinned at him with giddiness, “They are ready and waiting for you always my Hershey’s Chocolate bar.”

Eddie took a deep breath and let it out slowly, focusing solely on staying calm. “I’m really going to do this. I’m going to tell my mom I’m gay.” Eddie said. “Fuck.”

“I love it when you talk gay to me.” Richie replied.

“Shut up.” He snipped as he fumbled with the front of his jacket. If he could still his hands for one minute then he could zip up the jacket properly. Richie stood in front of him, pushed his hands aside, zipped his jacket up, and fixed the collar.

“Thanks, babe,” Eddie whispered wrapping his arms around Richie’s waist. Richie placed his head on top of Eddie’s and held him, lightly swaying them.

Eddie was the first to break apart from the embrace. “Also, Mike gave me our couple photos.”

“Fuck yes. Gimme!” Richie jumped from foot to foot in excitement. Eddie rolled his eyes but grinned at his childishness. He handed over the three photos. One of all their friends, one of them cuddling together, and the last of them passionately kissing. “Damn. It should be illegal to be this hot.”

“Oh my god. Stop it,” Eddie laughed. “Hide those Rich.”

“I’ll put the kissing one in my wallet,” Richie suggested.

“What if you lose your wallet?” Eddie asked nervously.

Richie flashed him a confused expression. “Even though you are about to tell your mom?”

“I...I am hoping to come out to her first, give her heart attack, let her recover for a month _then_ murder her with the knowledge of us dating.” Eddie explained all this quickly casting his attention purposely away from Richie. He did not answer so Eddie brought back the subject of the pictures. “You can keep the photo of me hugging you in your wallet but put the kissing one somewhere hidden in your room until further notice.”

His eyes flickered to Richie, who nodded in understanding staying focused on their photos. “I really love us together.” A flicker of sadness passed behind his glasses. “Alright, under my pillow it is. Gonna need it for late night jacking off.”

“Beep beep,” Eddie shook his head, “You are a freak.”

“I get freaky for you.” Richie wiggled his eyebrows.

Eddie turned on his heel, “And we are leaving now.”

They walked out of Richie’s room into the hallway. Eddie stepped aside to let Richie walk them out of the house. When they got to the living room, Eddie shouted, “Good night, Mrs. Tozier!”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” She shouted from the kitchen.

“I can’t believe my mother likes you better than me.” Richie smiled stiffly back at Eddie.

“She only likes me because I cook for her,” Eddie remarked. Richie opened the front door letting Eddie walk out first. He bumped their shoulders playfully as Richie smiled at him coyly.

“You know I can’t cook for sh -“

“Richard?” Richie’s head whipped back to glare at his father looming on the other side of the room. “I need to speak with you.”

Eddie stood half outside and could not see Richie’s face. He watched Richie’s shoulders tense as he said, “Why don’t you speak with your _wife_ , Wentworth. She may want to know you’ll be leaving her for good soon. I’m going out.” Wentworth’s face turned stern and enraged. Richie hooked his arm with Eddie’s ushering him fully out of the house.

They walked to Richie’s car in a tense silence. Eddie did not want to say anything to upset him further. When they got in the car, Richie turned the heat on high and blasted rock music. His hand tapped his knee along to the music, Eddie reached over and held his hand. Richie squeezed back and they stayed quiet the whole drive to Eddie’s house, just enjoying each other’s company.

Richie parked around the corner from Eddie’s house and turned the engine off. They did not get out immediately. Richie turned his head to look intently at Eddie, who stared unblinkingly out the window.

After a long silence, Eddie said, “I need to talk through about my options if this goes south.”

“What do you mean?” Richie asked bewildered.

“If my ma kicks me out, where do I go?” Eddie was surprised at how sad his voice sounded. Living with his mother had never been easy but the thought of her kicking him out made him want to cry.

Richie responded without hesitation, “My place.”

“Your dad wouldn’t like that,” Eddie whispered.

“Then Bill’s place.” Richie quickly suggested.

Eddie nodded as he thought that over. Bill was his oldest friend and his parents were pretty easy going. They might allow him to stay with them. “Ok. What if she sends me off to some kind of gay conversion camp?” He concentrated on breathing calmly while twiddling his fingers in his lap. “I’ve heard people do that.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Richie said sternly. “If it somehow did, I’d break in and steal you away. We’ll ride off into the sunset on a mother fucking unicorn.”

“Why a unicorn?” Eddie’s heart began beating really fast, he was getting himself worked up. If he did not relax, he might chicken out.

“Gayest animal I could think of.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. Is running away an option?" Eddie half-joked. "Because that sounds like the easiest choice.” 

Richie hesitated at this question. “Are you serious?” His voice was anxious but he also sounded a little hopeful. Eddie wondered if Richie had thought of running away before.

Eddie gulped, “I don’t know. Maybe? Would that be totally stupid?”

“Well, I go wherever the fuck you go.” He said this with a certainty that made Eddie shiver. “If you want to run away, great. I have a car, so let’s do it.”

“Good. Good.” Eddie said absently. He let his mind wander as his brain worked out exactly what he would say to his mother. A conversation he wished he had practiced in front of a mirror first. The gears in his mind were on overdrive and he could not sift through his thoughts clearly.

Richie, sensing his apprehension, brought his hand to Eddie’s jaw, who finally looked at him. Richie leaned forward to kiss him. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want too.” Eddie grabbed Richie’s arm for comfort. Richie kept kissing him slowly speaking between gasps. “You can...tell her...whenever you...are ready.”

“I’m ready. Do I not seem re-ady?” Eddie’s voice broke a little at the end of his sentence.

Richie stopped kissing him, running his fingers lightly on Eddie’s face. “I’m just saying, If you want me to just sneak into your room and you walk straight upstairs without telling her, that’s alright. We can just cuddle all night. I will even be the big spoon tonight.”

The edge of Eddie’s mouth twitched, “But you love being little spoon.”

He let out the most dramatic sigh, “It’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.”

“Alright, let’s go.” They walked over to his house carefully. Before sneaking in, Richie kissed Eddie up against the side of the wall. There was a desperation that Richie was displaying as if he could give all his bravery through their lips. Which Eddie would admit, he felt stronger already. When they reluctantly broke from each other, he watched Richie climb the tree next to his window, jimmy the lock on the window easily, and disappear from view.

Eddie went around to the front of his childhood home. He took in every paint crack, the porch swing no one sat on anymore, the old oak door his mother loved, and the worn out welcome mat in front of it. He wondered horribly if this would be the last time he stepped foot in this house. The final time he would be welcome.

He took a deep breath, opened the screen door, then unlocked the door slowly with his key.

“Hi, Ma! I’m home.” Eddie called out extra loud and cheery even though the living room was adjacent to the front of the house.

She smiled at him from her lazy boy chair. “Hello, Eddie-bear.” He walked directly over to her, kissed her cheek and sat on the couch. The only light in the room was coming from the television casting a haunting blue.

“Did you have a nice day?” She asked casually.

“It was alright. How was yours?" He held his hands firmly in his lap willing them to stay still.

"It was fine. I had a wold with our neighbor who insists on walking his dog without a leash." She smiled to herself mischievously. "Afterwards, the menace went out and bought a leash." 

"That's great. So Ma, I need to tell you something.” Eddie began quickly. She hummed to acknowledge that she was listening but he wanted her full attention. “It’s important.”

She tore her gaze from the television to take him in. His face must have been serious because she said, “What is it Eddie-bear? Are you hurt?” Then she muted the television.

He held her stare steadily fighting the urge to throw up. “No, no, I’m fine. I’m more than fine.”

“What is this about?” She reached over and held his hand caringly. She frowned with worry, searching his features for an explanation to his unusual seriousness.

“Sorry, this is really hard to say.” He squeezed her hands, taking a deep breath in and out remembering what Ben had said yesterday about constantly breathing. “It’s something that has to do with me.” 

She retracted her hands suddenly, closing in on herself and looked away from him, “Eddie, I want you to stop.”

His throat constricted, “What?” He choked out.

“I don’t need you to tell me, it doesn’t need to be said out loud.”

“But...but Ma...I’m…”

“No! No. Please, for the love of God, do not finish that sentence.” Her voice was shrill and stern. He stared at her in alarm, as an avalanche a pain fell on him.

He refused to let her get off that easily. He did not work himself up to be denied what he was rightfully allowed to tell her. “Will you listen to me! I’m trying to tell you…”

“I know you think you are but you aren’t. So just stop it.” Eddie could not believe it. She was not even going to let him say it aloud. As if speaking the word would be the end of the world. That if he did not say it, it would not be true. “And I know that boy has made you believe you are. I should have protected you better from him. Your friendship with him is over.”

She was talking about Richie. Insulting the love of his life as if Richie had manipulated him in some manner. His mother’s words were the equivalent to shooting bullets at different parts of his body, enough to cause severe pain but not kill. His breathing started to pick up, the first sign of a panic attack for him, “How can you do this?” 

“Excuse me?” She locked eyes with him in rage.

“How can you take away one of the most important things I’ve discovered about myself?” His heart pounded painfully in his ears. He could feel his face heating up, turning that bright red it did when he got angry or embarrassed. He stood up and paced in front of her. 

“Eddie…”

He turned to her with a hate so palpable, he watched his mother flinch harshly. “How can you sit there and not even want to hear how happy I am that I know who I am? You make me feel so incredibly alone.”

Her mouth gaped open, tears were beginning to fall down her face. Eddie did not care. He suddenly wanted to hurt her, break her heart the same way she was breaking his. She recovered enough to tell him, “Go upstairs, you don’t know what you are saying.”

“You don’t even want to know the real me. All you care about is this fake perfect son created in your mind.” Eddie spat so viciously he did not recognize his own voice. The anger that had been bubbling, sitting on the edge had been released and wanted to drown everything in sight.

She struggled to get out of her chair. He took several steps back in case she tried to touch him. Her tears had become large and streaked her face. Eddie wanted to cry too. It terrified him to realize he did not know if he wanted to cry for himself or because his mother’s sobs made him cry as well. She could even control his tears. “You have only ever made me feel alone in this world.”

“How can you say that to your mother?” She said weakly. "I love you, Eddie. I know and w-want w-what’s best for you.” 

Eddie had gone deadly calm. It washed over him like a tidal wave, storing away the anger and leaving behind a pure rippling sadness. “If I ever have children, I will let them love as powerfully as they can because the loneliness I have felt from not getting to love or be loved by others in this house is more crippling than the the knowledge that you don’t want me to be happy...you want me to be sad, alone, and angry.”

He turned ready to go upstairs then stopped at the edge of the stairs to add, “You want me to be just like you.”

Eddie ran upstairs and flew into his room slamming the door as hard as he could. The door rattled viciously. He placed a hand on the frame and breathed in deeply.

“Eds…” Richie said behind him quietly. Eddie startled, forgetting Richie was there in case things with his mother went horribly.

It certainly went terrible and Richie heard the entire thing. A whole slew of emotions were suffocating him. Any self-control he had completely leaving his body. He felt dazed at the bizarre scenario that happened. Not once, in his many internal imaginings of coming out, did he consider she would not let him even SAY it. The fury over his mother’s complete dismissal of his true self blazed through his entire being. Then he was sad for a split second because he did not get to say he was gay. His chance had been stolen forever.

He almost felt sorry for himself but that quickly changed to an aggressive determination. He turned around marching toward Richie. “Take off your pants.”

“Wh-what?” Richie’s eyes bulged in utter perplexity. It looked comical with his magnifying glasses. 

“Take off your fucking pants Richie. You want to be here to comfort me?” Eddie stood in front of him displaying emotions closer to wanting to punch something rather than hook up. “Then comfort me.”

Richie brought his hands up to hold his shoulders, “Eddie you’re upset and your mom is right downstairs.”

“Exactly. My mom and your parents are horrified by gays? I’ll show them a fucking gay.” Eddie dropped to his knees in front of Richie. He began attempting to unbuckle Richie’s belt roughly. He watched him with a surprise and concern.

“Eddie, you‘re not thinking,” Richie said anxiously. It was a weird tone coming from the most confident person in his life. “Show me how I can make this better?”

There was so much pent up blinding rage inside Eddie, that he did not know how to voice it. In truth, he didn’t want to talk about it. His whole life was spent being someone he was not and doing things he did not want to do.

This, however, he wanted to do. Eddie’s hands were shaking a little which made him struggle more with Richie’s belt. “If you want it. I’m giving you a blowjob.”

“WHAT?” Richie whispered harshly.

“You want it or not?” Eddie bit out frustrated that he could not undo a belt.

Richie’s voice stayed urgent and nervous, “I do, but we shouldn’t, not now…” 

“Great.” Eddie began yanking at the belt again.

“You aren’t thinking, Eds.” Richie put his hands over Eddie’s to get him to let go. This just made Eddie growl at Richie in frustration, so he retracted his hands in haste.

Eddie pulled the belt off and threw it behind his back. 

“Eddie, I really don’t think…” Richie began.

“Just shut the fuck up. I’m doing this.” Eddie said trying to keep any tears of anger back. He quickly unzipped Richie’s fly, while taking deep breaths.

“Fuck...Eddie...what’s gotten into you…” Richie gasped out.

Eddie was about to continue but hesitated. At that brief pause, Richie’s hand went to Eddie’s chin to make him look up. Richie scanned his eyes for something with a type of real concern he had never been given before. “We should stop.” Richie assessed.

“I want this…” Eddie whispered. The truth was, he really did. Maybe this started as a coping method or revenge, but he knew what he wanted. “I want to make you feel good and I don’t want to feel BAD for that.”

Richie leaned down and kissed Eddie. The kiss brought him back to reason. He wanted to be intimate with Richie in this nature because it felt important. This was a step he wanted to take in their relationship. The motivations behind this step did not matter to him. They pulled away and Richie held Eddie’s gaze fixedly.

“Are. You. Sure?” Richie accented every word.

“Yes!” Eddie said firmly. “I need some control in my life.” Richie kissed him again, then Eddie pushed his chest away and settled on his knees.

* * *

After they both came down from their high, the magnitude of everything that happened today clicked into Eddie’s mind. He ran out of the room and burst into the bathroom. His hands were shaking and tears were running down his face. He ran his hands under the faucet, scrubbing them. Then, without even drying his hands, he tried to grab his toothbrush but it slipped out of his hand and into the toilet.

“SHIT!” Eddie whisper-screamed. He rummaged through every drawer and cabinet trying to find an extra toothbrush. If this panic attack had happened at Richie’s, he could have opened any cabinet and found an extra toothbrush from Mr. Tozier’s dentist office. He vaguely heard the door open and close, Richie had walked in then locked the bathroom door.

“Eds, what do you need?” His voice remained calm and filled with understanding. It made Eddie feel even worse. Doing what they just did was not why he was panicking. He did not know why he was panicking yet.

“I...I…can’t find my...” Eddie was sobbing uncontrollably, his throat closing in as his breathing became shorter. “Toothbrush!” He managed to gasp out.

Richie opened a cabinet that Eddie definitely searched through and pulled out an unopened toothbrush. He tore open the package, grabbed the toothpaste and poured it on.

He ran it under water for him, took a hold of Eddie’s chin, “Open.” Eddie obliged without arguing. There was no chance he could have brushed his own teeth, anyway, his hands were shaking too much. He placed them on Richie’s sides needing something steady before he passed out.

“Spit, Eds.” Eddie spit out the toothpaste, slushed water around in his mouth, then splashed it on his face to wash off his tears. Richie handed him a towel, rubbing slow circles on his back.

“Babe,” Eddie began slowly, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Richie did not remove his hand but stopped rubbing his back, “Please don’t apologize. That just makes me feel worse.”

Eddie regarded him through the mirror feeling fresh tears brimming in his eyes.

Richie held his gaze with a sadness so potent, it could make the strongest person weep. “I...I said we shouldn’t do it. I knew we weren’t ready for this. I just wish you hadn’t forced yourself to do something you weren’t comfortable doing. It feels like I took advantage of you. And for what? To prove a point? I’m so confused.”

Eddie shook his head aggressively, “That’s not why I panicked.”

Richie frowned back skeptically. 

“I swear!” Eddie tried to pour every bit of sincerity into his expression he could. “Richie, I just attempted to tell my mom that I am gay. Instead, she doesn’t let me even get the word out, we get into a huge fight, I say some really cruel things to her, and to top it all she doesn’t want you around. I am freaking out over that, not what we just shared.”

He let that sink in, “So what, you channeled your anger and sadness into giving me a blowjob as a fuck you to her?” Richie put bluntly.

“Um...yes.”

“You have the biggest fucking balls,” Richie pulled Eddie into an embrace and Eddie laughed weakly hugging him back fiercely.

Eddie freed his face to glance up at Richie. “And I needed to brush my teeth because I felt so dirty after I kissed you when my mouth was literally around your dick a moment before.”

“Oh please. That was the fucking sexiest thing of my life. I don’t give a shit.” Richie kissed Eddie’s forehead.

They stayed still for a bit, soaking each other in. Richie eventually unlocked the door and led them back to the bedroom. They changed into pajamas and got into Eddie’s bed.

Eddie settled his back into Richie’s chest breathing deeply. “She hates me, Rich.”

“That’s not true, she loves you...in her way.”

“Not after tonight,” Eddie whispered miserably.

“Shhhh. Sleep Eds.”

“I hate that I want her to still love me.”

“I know.” Richie tightened his hold around him, kissing the back of his head.

Fresh tears were running down his face. Eddie turned into Richie’s chest, snaking his arm around his waist and silently cried. Richie sang quietly to calm him down. Eddie had no idea what time he drifted to sleep but eventually, exhaustion overtook him. Safe in the arms of the one person who truly understood him in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature Ending here - http://archiveofourown.org/works/12716508/chapters/31100475
> 
> Notes:  
> “Smalltown Boy” lyrics were far too on point to not use as the title of this chapter. It freaked me out and I found it through a search for coming out songs. 
> 
> I know I said Beverly would get some time in this chapter, but it was getting really long, so she'll be in the next one in all her glory.
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who reads and enjoys my fic. You are all superstars and beautiful people. 
> 
> wheezingbees - I hope I didn't make you cry!  
> alex16 - Thanks for commenting! Hope you like the new chapter.  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec - Thank you for reading this chapter first and letting me know if it was shit. Glad you don't think it was and sorry you ended up a mess of tears and emotions on the floor. LOVE YOU  
> mythicalowlsociety - Hope you enjoyed!  
> fangirl2929 - IURFN(D*HURNEJ Hope you like the new update.  
> ryex - I hope you enjoyed my child  
> AokiAoi16 - Thank you for the review! Hope the light sex isn't too bad here  
> mikecalledfor353days - So....did you predict what would happen?


	15. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Snippet:  
> Beverly hesitated then asked, “So what are you going to do about your mom, hun?”
> 
> Eddie shared a quick glance with Richie. “Again I say, unlock the door so I can fling myself out of the moving car.”
> 
> “Eddie!” She laughed at his dark humor. “Are you going to try telling her you're gay, again?”

“She didn’t even let you tell her?” Beverly said in horror from the backseat of the car. Richie drove Eddie and Beverly to school the next day. They had started doing it when Richie's father gave him his mother's car after her DUI. ' _The only useful thing Wentworthless has ever done for me_.' Richie had said once.

“What a fucking bitch.” Beverly hissed.

Eddie fidgeted awkwardly at Beverly’s brashness. As angry as he was, she was still his mother. “It was awful Bev. Then I was so terrified I might see her this morning that I made Richie help me sneak out the window and down a fucking tree.”

Richie laughed heartily, taking his eyes off the road to say to Beverly. “It was hilarious. He fell on the last branch and landed in my arms like a damsel.”

“EYES FORWARD!” Eddie screeched. “And it wasn’t funny! I saw my life flash before my eyes.” Eddie shoved Richie’s shoulder.

Richie scoffed, “Oh please, you fell like 4 feet.”

“You’re the cutest, Eddie.” Beverly laughed and ruffled his hair affectionately. Eddie scrunched his face at her. He ran his fingers through his hair to flatten it back down.

“I am not cute.” Eddie grumbled.

“Yes, you are.” Richie and Beverly said at the same time. Richie put his hand up and without even looking at it, Beverly perfectly high-fived him.

“How do you two do that?” There was a slight twinge of jealousy at how in sync Beverly and Richie always were.

“Rich might be your soulmate but he’s my other half.” Beverly poked Richie’s side. Eddie could not help but smile to himself at being called Richie’s soulmate.

Richie squirmed away from her poking since he is the most ticklish person around, “It’s true. She could probably guess what I am thinking right now.”

Eddie crossed his arms surveying them with doubt. He zeroed in on Beverly. “Alright, prove it. What is Richie thinking?”

“You don’t want me to say, I promise.” Beverly laughed.

“Do it, Bev.” Richie bounced in the driver’s seat excitedly. “Try to guess!”

She grinned at him and cracked her knuckles as if getting ready for a boxing match. “Alright, three things. One, what you are going to do about lunch since Eddie didn’t pack any food for either of you and you probably forgot your wallet.”

“Correct.” Richie nodded.

“You shouldn’t be driving without your wallet!” Eddie chastised.

Richie shrugged, “I keep my license in the glove compartment.”

Eddie opened the glove compartment to check then closed it roughly. “You’re an idiot. We can go off campus and get food, I brought money.”

Beverly put her hand over Eddie’s mouth to stop him from harping. “Two, if I brought weed for us to smoke later. The answer is yes.”

Eddie pulled her hand from his mouth glaring at the pair, “Guys, seriously?” 

“Listen,” Richie said with an air of superiority. “We are trying to cut back on cigarettes for you.” 

“And because cigarettes are making our lungs shit.” Beverly added in annoyance.

Eddie huffed, “Well, good because not to pull the dead dad card but he died of lung cancer you dipshits.”

Beverly shrugged, “Weed is better than nicotine anyway.”

“That’s true but harder to get in small-town stupidass Maine,” Richie complained.

“What’s the third thing he’s thinking about?” Eddie said bringing them back on task. 

Beverly smirked devilishly, “Three, sorry about this Eddie, he’s thinking about sex with you.”

Eddie's mouth gaped open and his has flushed bright red. He twisted in his seat to scream, “Fuck you, Beverly!”

She put her hands up in defense laughing, “It’s true!!”

“To be fair, I always am, so that one doesn’t really count.” Richie reached over and pinched Eddie’s cheek.

He batted the hand away, “Unlock the door, I’m gonna to fling myself out of the moving car.”

They all started laughing so hard their sides hurt. Eddie was grateful to have two of the best distractions in his life. Beverly and Richie were the best at cheering him up. When they quieted down, Beverly brought her hand forward to hold Eddie’s. They had the same size hands. Her’s were calloused just like Richie’s. He sighed and squeezed her hand kindly.

She hesitated then asked, “So what are you going to do about your mom, hun?”

He shared a quick glance with Richie. “Again I say, unlock the door so I can fling myself out of the moving car.”

“Eddie!” She laughed at his dark humor. “Are you going to try telling her you're gay, again?”

“Nope.” He said definitively.

“Come on, my fruity skittle, you have to try again until she listens.” Richie encouraged. He placed a hand on Eddie’s knee rubbing it soothingly. The attention from both of them was becoming overwhelming. Eddie did not want to have this conversation right now, but he had already decided what he would do after last night.

“No, I’m not going through that again. I will act like nothing happened because I know that’s what she’ll do.” Eddie let go of Beverly’s hand to turn in his seat and talk directly at Richie. “I’m going to get through school, graduate, and move away forever. That’s the only sensible option for me.” 

Richie removed his hand from Eddie’s knee and placed it back on the steering wheel. Eddie observed as his mouth turned into a thin line but he kept his eyes front refusing to acknowledge this latest confession.

Beverly, however, was not going to ignore it. “Eddie, that’s crazy. You can’t live a lie for a year and a half.”

He locked eyes with her incredulously. “I’ve been living a lie under that roof for 16 years, why bother being honest now. I won’t get to be myself until I’m far away from Derry.”

The car fell silent. Beverly was regarding Richie with caution, who was still staring forward in thought. His grip on the steering wheel tightened significantly. There is a deadly calm that passes over Richie when he is angry before he blows up or says what is wrong. Everyone in their friend group finds it extra unnerving because Richie is rarely truly mad.

He took a deep breathe then let it out. Eddie watched him do all this in confusion. He seemed to be trying to control the anger. _What does he have to be angry about?_ Eddie thought.

“I love you for you and always will,” Richie said through gritted teeth. “But please stop talking about leaving forever unless I am in that equation. It is pissing me off.”

Eddie opened his mouth to snap at him but closed it deciding he would not go there. There was too much going on his head to be fighting with Richie. “I love you too.” Eddie whispered. “And of course. I go wherever the fuck you go.” Richie’s intensity eased and he smiled at Eddie for repeating the same words he said last night.

Beverly sighed sadly, “I love you both and I’m sorry your parents suck.”

“I think my mom is coming around. She loves Eddie.” Richie rolled his eyes grinning. “Wants to adopt him and hasn’t insulted me for being gay in a while.”

“Oh my god, that’s so precious!” Beverly squealed animatedly. “Do you think she suspects anything between you two?”

Richie nodded, “Definitely. My mom is too smart not to.”

Eddie felt his mouth dry up with nerves. “Oh god. I hope she doesn’t tell my mom,” Eddie grumbled. “But I really like her too so that’s nice.”

Richie pulled into the school parking lot trying to find a spot. It did not take him long because he had the best luck with parking spots. “How do you always get a front row parking spot!” Eddie laughed in disbelief.

Richie wiggled his eyebrows seductively, “Clean living, baby.”

“Ok. Sure, Trashmouth.” Eddie smirked.

Richie put the car in park but kept the heater running. They had some time before classes to sit in his car. Beverly pulled out a cigarette, saw the evil-eye Eddie was giving her, then put it back in her pocket. “How’s your mom been doing in general, Rich?” She asked.

“Bev, she’s been sober for 2 weeks.” He said with pride. “She went back to AA.”

Eddie gazed at him with surprise. He felt a pang of sadness that Richie had never told him something so important. “I didn’t know she ever went to Alcoholics Anonymous.”

“Oh yeah,” He turned his head toward Eddie. “She’s been going on and off for a decade but this is the most amount of meetings she has ever been too. It’s nice, but it will inevitably come crashing down soon.”

“Why?” Beverly asked in concern.

Richie took a deep breath and let it out. “My dad’s leaving her.”

Beverly immediately put her hand on his right shoulder, Richie placed his own on top of hers. She did not say anything right away. It blew Eddie’s mind how connected the two of them were. They were all an extremely connected group. Shared trauma will do that to you.

Beverly raised her face up and shouted, “Hey, universe! Go fuck yourself! Leave my gays alone.”

“Did you mean guys?” Eddie laughed.

She placed her other hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I did not my love.”

“Alright, Richie,” Eddie decided to change the subject before one of them cried and got sappy. “What is Beverly thinking about.”

“Hmmmm,” He thought for a moment. “What did you have for breakfast Bev?”

She sat back in her seat crossing her arms with a challenging grin on her face. “I didn’t eat breakfast.”

“Alright, she is thinking about: our science test today, if Stanley is going to cancel their shopping plans this weekend, and whether Ben will finally ask her out. 

“Never going to happen,” Beverly sighed dramatically. “Sometimes I wonder if he really likes me or not. Then I see the way he looks at me and I am just like...kiss my fucking face, Ben Hanscom!”

“Why don’t you ask him out? Who says the guy has to do it?” Eddie suggested.

“Oh, I have. Three fucking times but he doesn’t think I am serious. No one ever takes me seriously.” She wrapped her arms around Richie’s shoulders and pretended to weep.

“Same!” Richie joined her fake crying charade.

“I wonder why.” Eddie commented sarcastically. He shoved them apart and added a forehead flick for good measure. “We should probably head inside.”

As Eddie opened the door the icy air hit his face harshly. He hated being cold more than anything. Richie walked around and slung his arm around Eddie’s shoulders knowing this about him. Normally he would berate the taller boy for being too openly affectionate, but the extra warmth was really welcoming. He let himself move closer into Richie’s side.

“I’ll see you two later, I’m going to try and catch Ben before homeroom.” Beverly kissed Eddie on the cheek kindly. “Sorry, again about your mom babe.” Then she looked at Richie. “And sorry about your dad. I love you both.” 

“We love you too, Bevvie.” Richie said smiling. She waved them goodbye and jogged toward the school.

Richie brought his face to Eddie’s ear whispering, “So my most beloved tootsie roll, I know we have already talked about not doing anything on Valentine’s Day next week but I was thinking since…”

“No, fuck Valentine’s Day.” Eddie interrupted him pulling out of the embrace. They were starting to be too obvious anyway.

“Come on Eddie! Please?!” Richie whined.

“No Richie, Valentine’s Day is a stupid commercialized holiday meant to make you buy overpriced flowers or chocolates, It makes single people feel bad and I don’t care for it. If you truly love your loved one then you would show it every day.”

“I wonder what that’s like.” Richie grumbled angrily.

Eddie stopped in his tracks staring at Richie, who turned around realizing Eddie had ceased walking. Eddie’s face was burning with rage. “Richie...what the actual fuck?”

“I’m sorry Eds. It’s just…” Richie grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side of the school building out of hearing range. A couple people glanced at them curiously but no one paid much attention. When they were safely away from others, Eddie pulled his arm away. 

Richie put his hands in his pockets taking a shaky breath, “Eddie, I want to go out on a real date with you.” Richie’s eyes were boring into Eddie’s with a lot of emotion. “As actual boyfriends.”

Eddie’s own face softened at that. “We go on dates, Rich.”

Richie shook his head. “I don’t want one of our usual ‘dates’. Where we go to the Aladdin Theater and have to sit in the back to hold hands. Which only happens if there is no one in the row with us. I don’t want to have a fake date where we have to invite everyone else just to make it look like it isn’t a date. I’m tired of the secrecy. I understand it, honestly, I do, but I am still tired of it. We are going on almost 5 months dating and it just feels like we aren’t moving in any real direction. In fact, sometimes it feels like we are moving backward. I just think we should go on a -”

“Ok!” Eddie yelled to stop his rambling. 

Richie stared at him, not believing he had successfully convinced him. “What do you mean, ‘Ok’?”

Eddie exhaled, “I mean ok. Let’s got on a real date.”

“Are you serious?” Richie searched his face for any sign that he was joking or wanted to take it back.

“Yeah, you have a car,” He went to hold Richie’s hand with a reluctant smile. “Let’s drive out of town and go on a fucking real date.”

Richie pulled him in closer with excitement making Eddie stumble into his chest. Richie kissed his cheek. “Wow, so this weekend?”

“This weekend sounds great.” Eddie paused and played with the zipper on Richie’s coat, then asked, “Have we really been dating for 5 months?”

Richie smirked at his boyfriend’s complete cluelessness. “We kissed September 14.”

“Shit...our 5 month anniversary is on Valentine’s Day. God damn it.” Eddie peered at him hopefully. If he could avoid a Valentine’s Day anniversary, he was going to try. “Alright, but you didn’t ask to be my boyfriend until my birthday in November.”

Richie brushed Eddie’s bangs to the side slowly. “I consider the kiss to be more pivotal than when I asked to be boyfriends. It’s hotter.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Such the romantic.”

“Only for you, babe.”

“Hey, Richie…” Eddie bit his lip anxious to ask this question.

Richie continued running his hand through Eddie’s hair absently. “Yeah?” 

“When Beverly called us soulmates...do you think she is right?” Eddie held his breath for an answer.

A bit of a blush spattered on Richie’s cheeks as he said, “Absolutely.” Without an ounce of doubt.

Eddie smiled up at him feeling just as much certainty. “Me too.”

The first bell rang signaling that they needed to head toward class. Eddie placed his hand on Richie’s shoulder squeezing it. “We’ll talk more later. Let’s go to homeroom.” He turned to walk away but Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie’s waist bringing him roughly into his chest. Richie leaned forward brushing his lips lightly against Eddie’s but not fully closing the distance. As if challenging Eddie to pull away. His hot minty breath washing over Eddie’s face made him shiver. His needs took over any logic and he put his arms around Richie’s neck pressing their mouths together.

Their lips parted quickly, wasting no time as their tongues rolled against each other. Their breathing was heavy and loud as Eddie sucked on Richie’s bottom lip. Both of them were practically panting.

Richie slid his hand under his jacket and up the front of Eddie’s shirt. His touch leaving a trail of burning in its wake. Eddie moaned as their bodies molded closer together. This just encouraged Richie as his other hand grabbed Eddie’s behind. Eddie gasped and kissed him harder practically bruising their lips. Richie kneaded him eliciting another groan from Eddie. He could barely focus with Richie touching him like this. Eddie was hot. Too hot. He needed them to stop right now.

Except he wanted to keep kissing Richie. If he could kiss Richie every day, all day, for the rest of his life, he would. Richie kissed down his jaw as he pulled Eddie even closer, flushing their bodies as one even through all the layers. Eddie rolled his hips against Richie who groaned. His lips pressed against Eddie’s neck, licking and biting into his skin.

“Don’t mark my neck,” Eddie breathed out.

“Fine.” Richie brought his lips back up to kiss Eddie’s. Then the moment was broken by the sound of the second bell.

“SHIT!” Eddie grabbed his bag and started running. Richie following on his tale. They ran up the school steps and flew through the halls until they reach their classroom.

Eddie swung the door open quickly. “I’m so sorry Mr. Clarke!” Eddie said breathlessly.

“My car broke down, had to run ten blocks here.” Richie lied easily.

The teacher frowned, “Sit down Mr. Tozier.” Richie and Eddie went to take their seats. Eddie made eye contact with Mike, who was laughing to himself at their appearance.

“Hold on Mr. Kaspbrak. You are wanted in the principal’s office.” Mr. Clarke held up a pink slip.

“For what?” Eddie wondered aloud. He was rarely called to the principal’s office anymore. His mother used to do it a lot more when she made him go to doctor’s appointments every week.

“I have no idea. Take the slip and go now.” Mr. Clarke insisted. Eddie glanced back at Mike and Richie. They had identical looks of confusion and Richie shrugged.

Eddie walked through the hallway slowly, trying to prevent a panic attack. The only explanation for being called to the office would be something his mother wanted. He mentally kicked himself for not going downstairs to see her in the morning. Sneaking out the window was a mistake. Eddie suddenly got nervous that she was taking him out of school for good. She was going to homeschool him and never let him out of her sight.

When he got to the principal’s office, he was ushered in right away. The principal of the school was an older man named, Jon Filch. He was a stern man, who lost his son years ago. It was one of the children taken from Derry too soon. Eddie always felt awkward around him, but he got that way with most male authority figures.

“Hello, Edward,” Principal Filch said in an exhausted voice. “Had a nice long shouting match with your mother this morning.”

Eddie put his hands on his face in embarrassment. “I’m so so sorry. We are fighting, so she tends to um...take out her anger out on everyone but me.”

He ran a hand through his grey mustache nodding. “Yes, I remember fondly her yelling at me when I was a vice principal at your elementary school.”

“Again, I’m sorry.” Eddie averted his eyes to his hands.

“Edward, she wants to pull you from all your classes with Mr. Richard Tozier. And I think -”

Eddie's anger flared up and he immediately shouted, “What?! That’s completely crazy. We share every AP class together!” His breathing was picking up as his voice rose in pitch, “And not all of them have a second class available. You can’t just - “

Principal Filch raised his hands in defense, “Edward! Relax. You are going to give yourself a panic attack.”

“How do you know I get panic attacks?!” Eddie yelled louder, breathing erratically.

“You used to clearly get them as a child. Please, breathe. Let me speak.” He stated firmly. Eddie’s eyes flashed distrustfully. Most adults in this town could not be trusted but he held back his anger.

“Please sit.” Eddie glanced down and realized he was standing with his hands clenched. He slowly sank down into the seat.

“Contrary to popular belief, I tend to side with students when it comes to their education. You know yourselves better than your parents think.” He picked up a stress ball and handed it to Eddie. He reluctantly took it, letting his hands squeeze the ball methodically. “From my conversation with your mother, I gathered some kind of relationship is happening between Richard that she is not a fan of?”

Eddie pressed his thumb into the ball aggressively, refusing to give the older man his attention. He focused on his finger with the gold pinky ring Richie gave him for his birthday. It calmed him to look at it, thinking about how much he cared about Richie. He wished people would be more understanding of them. People being his mother. 

“It’s not anyone’s business but your own.” Eddie inspected him with scrutiny, not sure he heard him correctly.

“One of the best parts of life is that you get to pick your friends. And they pick you in return. You don’t get to choose your family but you do decide how you handle life’s challenges together.” Flinch held his gaze trying to get a proper read on Eddie. It made him anxious being put on the spot in this way. “I know a little something about overbearing mothers. When my wife and I lost our son…” His voice cracked and he tried to clear it. He grabbed a cup of water on the desk, drinking it.

“Your son was Hughie. Right?” Eddie said solemnly.

“That’s right.”

Eddie nodded thinking back to a boy, who was about the same height as him before he passed. With bright green irises and red hair like Beverly’s. “He invited me to all his birthdays since we were 5. He was really sweet.”

“Thank you. My son always thought you were cool with your inhaler and fanny pack. Don’t ask me why, he was an odd boy.” Principal Filch played with his thumbs for a moment thinking. Eddie handed back the stress ball, which Filch accepted gratefully. “Anyway, when we lost our son, my wife went into superhero Mom mood. It drove the kids and me crazy. She nearly killed herself with how much she was taking on through her pain.”

He held Eddie's gaze steadily trying to see if Eddie understood him. “My point is, you and your mother have had loss as well. I’m sure that grief has manifested into the woman she has become. You just need to try talking to her and if that doesn’t work or feel safe, please come speak to me or any of our counselors.”

Eddie soaked all this in with humility. He could not remember the last time an adult was truly this kind to him. Mrs. Tozier had come around but they started off rocky, leaving him wary of upsetting her. The principal barely knew him and actively cared about his well being. 

“Thank you. I’ll think about it. But what are going to do about my AP courses? I can’t drop them! I don’t want to get stuck in this town.” Eddie gave him an apologetic expression. He knew Principal Filch had lived in Derry his whole life.

He grinned knowingly, “I wouldn’t want that for you either. So what we are going to do is make sure you sit on opposite sides of the classes you cannot switch out of and switch you into the classes you can.”

“That is completely unfair!” Eddie protested. “How can you take her side like this?!”

“I am not taking her side. But it was the best compromise I could come up with that pleased her enough not to take you out of school entirely.” He seemed sincerely sorry but that did not stop Eddie from being angry.

“Fine. Give me the new class schedule.” Eddie demanded. “Please.” He added dismissively. Mr. Filch handed over the schedule. Eddie took it and read it over quickly. He would have homeroom with Bill and Beverly now, so that was not too bad. Richie and him now only shared 2 classes when they were in all 7 together.

He turned around and began marching out of the office. He was ready to be an asshole and not say goodbye, except he stopped himself.

“Thank you for what you said. Richie and I are having a hard time balancing family and our relationship so it means a lot to hear some kind of support from an adult.”

“Anytime, Edward.”

He considered him for a moment, “I prefer Eddie.”

“Anytime, Eddie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact about the title: Queer icons Freddie Mercury and David Bowie collaborated on Under Pressure together. So you should go listen to the song because it is wonderful.
> 
> Thank you for all the amazing feedback on my last chapter. You are all amazing. I am going to try my best to get the Valentine's Day chapter out on Valentine's Day but I may not have time! Stay tuned. 
> 
> alex16 – Please take some fluff for the heart palpitations I gave you in the last chapter.  
> HHHHHHHH – I hope you had a great birthday. I loved your excitement so much.  
> Elisabetkk – Enjoy the update!  
> ryex – I’m sorry…but my boy Eds is still a bit angsty. <3  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec – Thank you so much for looking over this new chapter! And I love you so much for your long reviews. You know they give me a lot of inspiration.


	16. My Funny Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - My Funny Valentine by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart (Listen to Ella Fitzgerald or Frank Sinatra Version)  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Snippet:  
> “My hands are cold. Can I stick them down your pants to warm them up?”
> 
> Eddie groaned into the pillow. “If I have to endure horrible pick up lines, I am going back to sleep.”
> 
> “How do you like your sausage in the morning... scrambled or blown?”

Eddie hated Valentine’s Day with a passion. He thought for sure if he ever got into a relationship, his partner would agree it is a dumb pointless holiday. Except Eddie was not such a lucky person. Instead, he was dating the cheesiest, most dramatic person ever. Which meant they had to celebrate a holiday that was so sappy and gross it was not even romantic to him. 

Richie basically guilt tripped him into celebrating Valentine’s Day. He claimed to be tired of their secret relationship and wanted to go on a real date out of town. Eddie understood those feelings and agreed their situation sucked. They were spoiled during the Vermont trip when they got to kiss, hold hands, and be a couple. Richie wanted to experience that freely again and so did Eddie. He tended to feel this overwhelming dread that Richie would leave him over their closeted relationship, so if he had to suffer the romance for a day to keep things fresh then he would.

Richie also pointed out that they will have been dating for 5 months exactly on February 14. Which seemed to be a cruel twist of fate for someone who hates Valentine’s Day. His main reason for disliking the holiday stemmed from the years his mother has endured being alone. He would make her Valentine’s Day gifts or bring her single flowers, but when she smiled her thanks it never reached her eyes. Apparently, his father really loved celebrating every holiday with as much flash as he could. Constantly embarrassing his mother but she loved all the same. He found it hard to believe she would tolerate that kind of behavior, except his aunts confirmed his father was a corny man.

Eddie snatched up the blank Valentine’s Day card he got his mother, trying to think of something to write. He had gone with Stanley and Bill to Mr. Keene’s pharmacy to pick out cards for their mothers. His two friends had the advantage of picking any generic card since they still had fathers who would pick up the slack of this stupid holiday. Eddie took longer trying to pick a nice one that would not hurt her feelings.

As they were browsing the cards, Eddie noticed Stanley take a second card and admire it with a side smile.

“Which are you going to buy?” Eddie asked curiously.

“What?” Stanley glanced at him in confusion.

Eddie pointed at the cards, “Which one are you giving your mom?”

“Oh, this one.” Stanley held up a card that read _‘Mom, Thank you for always being there. We both know you love me more than dad, just admit it.’_

Eddie smiled, “Are you giving the second one to your dad?” Eddie reached for the card to read the inside but Stanley drew his hand away.

“No,” He said in embarrassment. Stanley was not someone who blushed often, but his cheeks were definitely rosy.

“Stan, are you b-blushin’?” Bill strolled over and pinched his cheek teasingly. Stanley smacked his hand away with a sneer.

“Don’t be like Richie.” He said seriously.

“Who is she?” Bill’s face was filled with giddy mirth as he ruffled Stanley’s curls, receiving another hand smack and a glare.

“Or he!” Eddie corrected Bill with a shove. “You should know better Big Bill.” Eddie tried to grab the card again except Stanley’s long arms extended out of his reach. He was attempting to put the card on the top shelf as far from Eddie as possible.

Bill managed to capture the card, Stanley tried to take it back, letting out an angry shout in the process. He handed it quickly to Eddie like they were kids playing a game of keep away.

“This isn’t funny! Stop guys!” Stanley yelled trying to reach around Eddie and get the card.

“Boys!” Mr. Keene’s voice came from the register. “Knock it off.”

Eddie looked at the front of the card. It had two cows gazing at each other with heart eyes. He opened the inside which read, _‘You moooooove me’_  The card was ripped out of his hands and Stanley put it back roughly. He was livid as he marched toward the register bought the other Valentine’s card and went outside. Eddie felt a bit guilty they had teased him. Even being best friends, Stanley was a pretty private person that got embarrassed easily. Eddie and him had the easily embarrassed part in common. Stanley usually hides it well, therefore, he must like this person a lot to have gotten so defensive.

Eddie grabbed the cow card and a blank one to write his own Valentine’s message for his mother later. He bought the two cards and headed outside where Stanley was standing alone.

“Stan?” Eddie had an idea of who the person might be. There is only one friend who would laugh at a farm animal valentine. Eddie was worried about pushing him with this new knowledge.

“What.” Stanley bit out. “Going to make fun of me more? Go ahead. It was stupid anyway.”

Eddie tentatively handed him the cow card. Stanley looked at it and his expression softened a little as he took it hesitantly. His eyes met Eddie’s warily, “You know who it is, don’t you.”

Eddie smiled encouragingly, “I think Mike would love it.”

“It’s for Mike?!” Bill yelled in surprise when he walked out of the store.

Stanley glared at Eddie, “Thanks for that. I hope Trashmouth makes you wear matching couples shirts and serenades you in front of a giant audience for Valentine’s Day. I know how much you LOVE public attention.”

Eddie laughed to himself thinking about how livid Stanley had been. When he tried to push the subject of Mike and him further, he shook his head saying it was complicated and to drop it.

For the morning of the dreaded holiday, Eddie’s biggest concern was figuring out how to convince his mother to let him leave the house. She had barely given him any freedom since he tried to come out. They had not spoken to each other, or rather, he would not speak to her. Not at dinner or after school, he avoided her whenever he was in the house. There was a guilt that washed over him when he saw her hurt eyes, but if she wouldn’t let him even say the word ‘gay’ then he would not say anything at all.

He decided to go the easiest route for escaping the house, which was to sneak out without her seeing. He would place the Valentine’s Day card on the table downstairs and walk directly out the door. Every part of him wanted to not write her anything but he knew how lonely she would feel when he was not home.

He quickly wrote down on the Valentine’s card, _‘No matter what we go through, I will love you. Even if we don’t understand each other, I will love you. If you stop loving me, I will still love you’._ A little on the depressing side but that has been Eddie’s mood lately anyway.

It was 6:00 AM, an hour earlier than when his mother wakes up on weekends. He put a coat on over his pajamas, grabbed his boots, and backpack with the outfit he was wearing for the date. He tiptoed downstairs, as quietly as possible, put the Valentine’s card on the kitchen table, then carefully walked out the door.

When he arrived at Richie’s, he couldn’t decide whether to use the key Mrs. Tozier’s gave him or go through Richie’s bedroom window. If Mr. Tozier caught him, it would be a disaster. He decided to go the safe route and climb through the window. Richie had left it open a crack, probably just for him. Eddie threw the bag inside then hoisted himself into the first story room. He landed with a bit of a thump on the messy floor. Richie was snoring away, his gangly arms sprawled out covering almost the whole bed.

Eddie slipped out of his boots and coat, then crawled into bed with him. Richie’s body immediately latched onto Eddie’s warmth as if by instinct. He held him tight like a stuffed animal. Eddie put an arm around Richie’s shirtless torso, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the contact. Richie hugged him tighter, throwing his leg over him. His eyes were still closed, which meant he was either half awake or aggressively dreaming.

“Hey Rich?” Eddie whispered. 

He only mumbled a little. Eddie decided on going to sleep instead of waking him up. When he did wake up for the second time that day, it was to lips being planted on every part of his face. The lips kissed both his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, and his neck. When he smiled sleepily, the lips moved to his mouth. They were minty, which meant Richie brushed his teeth just so he could kiss him good morning. Eddie didn’t open his eyes as he deepened the kiss, letting the feeling and smell of Richie engulf him. Richie’s hands moved under Eddie’s pajama shirt. His fingers were warm against his cold skin. Since Eddie was always freezing, this gave him goosebumps. He melted into the touch as Richie slowly traced small circles up and down his spine, making his skin tingle. Eddie rolled himself on top of Richie wanting to be as close as possible. He ran his hands through Richie’s hair receiving a satisfying moan from the man beneath him.

Eddie pulled out of the kiss to open his eyes. Richie looked disheveled but in a frustratingly beautiful way. “Morning, babe.” Eddie said groggily.

“You looked so cute, I had to wake you up and I am glad I fucking did.” Richie grinned goofily still running his hands across Eddie’s skin distractingly. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Eddie rolled off him and shoved his face into the pillow in anguish. “Ugh...don’t remind me.”

“Hey!” Richie poked his side making Eddie squirm. “You have to be receptive to all romantic shit I say to you today. That’s part of our deal.”

Eddie peeked an eye at him begrudgingly. “Fine. Happy Losertine’s Day, loser.”

Richie kissed the back of his neck, putting his hands low on Eddie’s back.  “My hands are cold. Can I stick them down your pants to warm them up?”

Eddie groaned into the pillow. “If I have to endure horrible pick up lines, I am going back to sleep.”

“How do you like your sausage in the morning... scrambled or blown?”

Eddie turned to him with a sly smile. He brought his hands to Richie’s sides and started tickling him. This immediately made him start howling with laughter and trying to wiggle away. “Have mercy, Eds!” Eddie moved his fingers quickly over Richie’s stomach, loving the barking laugh erupting from him. Richie got enough control over him to grab his hands and pin them above him. He hovered over Eddie with his legs on either side of him.

Eddie’s breathing became ragged as he saw the way Richie was looking at him. His eyes blown out and needy. Eddie licked his lips racking his eyes down and back up Richie’s body. This seemed to be the wrong thing to do because Richie let go of his hands and got off the bed.

Eddie looked at him in confusion, suddenly worried. “Are you ok? Did I...um...make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry.”

“Are you kidding me? You were being sexy as fuck just now. But I need to shower and we both have to get ready.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at being called sexy. Then he smirked as Richie went to open his bedroom door, towel, and clothes in hand.

“I think I’ll join you, Rich.”

Richie choked and sputtered looking at him in disbelief. “What?”

Eddie got off the bed and walked toward him, “I didn’t take a shower this morning either. So I’ll join you.” He pulled a barely breathing Richie out of the room and toward the bathroom.

* * *

Eddie got dressed in a nice button up light blue shirt with dark jeans. He wore the rainbow socks Richie got him as a joke a couple days ago and tied the laces of his nice snow boots that would cover them.

Richie wore a black v-neck that Eddie made him buy a couple weeks ago with jeans. Richie looked so attractive that Eddie wanted to kiss him some more. Then he put on a colorful Hawaiian button up. Eddie laughed and rolled his eyes.

“I can’t let you get too distracted by my sexiness with this v-neck.” Richie wiggled his eyebrows. “Gotta keep your head in the game.”

“What game?” Eddie laughed incredulously.

Richie got right up in his face, brought their lips so close they were brushing each other as he whispered, “The game of romance, my rosy redvine.”

Eddie whispered back, “We will lose that game because I hate romance.”

“I know it makes it more fun for me.” Richie smiled and kissed him quickly.

When they got outside, Richie opened the passenger door for him then ran to the driver’s side. He turned the heat on high and reached into his pocket to grab something. “Alright, put this on.” Richie handed him a bandana.

Eddie frowned at it in confusion. “Why am I wearing a bandana?”

“Like a blindfold!” He said excitedly.

Eddie sighed at Richie’s childishness. “For how long?”

“An hour.” He grinned.

Eddie groaned throwing the bandana in his face. “No. I don’t like surprises. You know that.”

“Awwww, come on Eddie! You said I could do as much romantic crap to you today as I want.”

Eddie pointed at him, “I said that on the condition I don’t get hurt or murdered.”

“I am not going to let you get hurt!” Richie whined.

“What about murdered?”

“Eddie! You are just going to sit in the car, with a blindfold on until we get to where we are going.”

Eddie looked at him defiantly then snatched the bandana back to tie around his eyes. “Fine, but you better have brought snacks. I didn’t have breakfast.”

“Do you even know me? I have to eat every two minutes.” Richie waved his hand in front of Eddie’s face and when he was satisfied that he couldn’t see, drove out of the driveway.

The hour ride was really relaxing for Eddie. Richie’s usual loud rock music was replaced by ballad love songs. Richie had bought him a giant chocolate bar that he was eating along with an orange. A very balanced breakfast.

He wouldn’t admit it, but not knowing where they were going was a little exciting. His imagination was coming up with a ton of possibilities.

“Amusement park?” He guessed.

“We don’t have any within an hour near us, fool.”

“Fancy restaurant?”

Richie scoffed, “With my invisible money, yes.”

Eddie huffed out and decided to yell out a silly possibility, “One of those Gay Pride parades.”

Richie laughed, “No. But what we are doing can be considered gay.”

“How so?”

“Because we are together.”

Eddie tried to hit him but since he couldn’t see, missed and hit the stereo making the music skip a beat. Richie laughed at him putting his arm out so Eddie could hit him for real. Which he did. “I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Please do.” 

When Richie finally parked at their mysterious place and let Eddie take his blindfold off, he was super confused. He got out of the car and the cold was even harsher than Derry.

“Are we closer to the coast?” Eddie took in their surroundings. It was a nice town with buildings similar to Derry’s but way more shops and people milling about.

“Nope! We are by Kennebec River.” Richie said gleefully.

“In Augusta? Our state’s capital?” Eddie spun to look at his thrilled boyfriend. “That’s so random.”

“I did research. It’s like the second most accepting gay-friendly city in the state.” Richie took in the town with a huge smile. 

“You did research?” Eddie looked at him impressed. “Where’s the first?”

“Portland, Maine. But that’s about 2 and a half hours from Derry.”

“So we are in a gay-friendly town because…” Richie took Eddie’s hand, kissed it and pulled him along.

Eddie was in shock. Richie really did just want to spend a day as a normal couple. Walk around holding hands and freely kissing each other when they wanted too.

As they walked around the shops, there were tons of couples out and about. They were all straight but no one really cared when Eddie put his arm around Richie’s waist. Some people even smiled as Richie placed his own around Eddie’s shoulders and kissed the side of his face.

They found a sweet little cafe to eat at with decent prices. Eddie held Richie’s hand the whole time, which made it hard to eat his burger, not that Richie cared. Eddie paid, much to Richie’s protesting, but the boy had been paying for them too much all day.

They strolled through downtown Augusta and got to the river. Eddie stood by the edge listening to the quiet flow of the water. He was thinking about how easy today had been, none of the usual stress of being together. Any nerves about their relationship practically non-existent. It was like a dream he never wanted to be woken from. Unlike Derry, the nightmare he is trapped in.

Richie came up behind him, hugging him right below his belly button. Even through all the layers, he was wearing, he felt his body immediately heat up. Richie put his lips by his ear, nibbling at it lightly, “What are you thinking about, my tasty Toblerone.”

“Whether you will ever run out of candy nicknames.” Eddie retorted quickly.

“Nope, never going to happen.” Richie kept kissing him languidly.

Eddie sighed still staring deeply at the water, wondering if he could throw himself into its icy depths before letting slip what he was actually bothering him. “I’m thinking about the only thing I ever think about.”

“Me?”

He refused to answer because giving Richie the satisfaction of hearing yes was not worth the teasing. Richie turned Eddie around still keeping his arms securely on him. He moved his hands in the back pocket of Eddie’s jeans.

Eddie placed his arms on Richie’s shoulders with a smirk, “Are your hands cold? Or are you grabbing my ass?”

“Can it be both?” Richie leaned their foreheads together.

Eddie’s eyes refused to meet Richie’s. He played with his scarf absentmindedly, trying to ignore any insecurities and fears threatening to surface. He wanted to stay in this moment and trying to push his worry aside, but all he ever does is worry. “I’m thinking about how I wish every day was like this.”

Richie shrugged unconcerned, “It can be or, rather, it will be.”

Eddie played with the zipper on Richie’s jacket. He honestly wished his mouth would cease speaking his mind sometimes. Except the words started tumbling out before he could prevent them. “Does it bother you that we can’t be publically out?” He flinched a little at his own pathetic question.

“Yes.” Richie said immediately making Eddie’s stomach clench. “And no.”

He sighed miserably, “What does that mean?”

Richie dug his forehead into Eddie’s harder, which made him look up and concentrate on his words. “Yes, because I want us to be our true selves. No, because as long as I am with you it doesn’t really matter.”

Eddie’s heart soared and he tried to hold back the tears of happiness that threatened to fall. “I love you so much, you know that right?”

“I love you too, Eds.” Richie went to kiss him but he pulled away making Richie chase his lips a little.

He giggled at the boy’s ridiculousness. “Like I love you with every wheezing breath I take.” They both laughed.

“I love you with all my blindness.” Eddie brought his lips forward to kiss him gently. He retracted one of his hands and reached into his pocket for something. He took out a small black stringed up bag.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.” Richie removed his hands to open the bag. Inside was a silver chain necklace. On the end of it were two letters, E and R. Richie put it around his neck trying to lock it on.

“Help.” He groaned. “My fingers are too big.”

Eddie laughed, took his gloves off and went behind Richie to hook the necklace. When he got it on, he went back to facing Richie placing his hand over the necklace that lined up perfectly with his heart.

“So you know I am always close to your heart.”

“Oh Eds,” They stared at each other. “Don’t you know by now? You are my heart.”

Eddie thought his brain would burst at those words. He was absolutely speechless. Richie was cheesy and inappropriate and yet perfect in every way. Eddie did the only thing he could think of. He kissed him hard. Richie was surprisingly slow to get into the kiss but laughed at the enthusiasm. He all but whimpered when Eddie licked his bottom lip, eliciting a moan from Eddie.

“Can we go to your car?” Eddie said desperately. Richie did not respond, he just grabbed his arm and pulled Eddie along.

* * *

When Richie parked in his driveway after dropping Eddie off, he put his hand over his smiling lips trying to calm himself down. He was on cloud nine from how incredible their day had been. His heart was pounding and stomach fluttering just how he used to feel at the beginning of their relationship. It seemed miraculous that Eddie could make him feel so light and wonderful.

He got out of the car and ran toward his house and unlocked the front door. He planned to brush his teeth and go to bed immediately because he was so tired. Although, with how much adrenaline he was on, he wondered if he would be able to sleep at all.

He opened the door to his father sitting on the couch watching television. Richie rolled his eyes out of habit and strolled right past him.

“Richard.”

He wanted to keep walking. The last thing he needed was his father to ruin the best day. Except instead of continuing toward his room, he stopped. There was something menacing in his father’s speaking voice that always made him listen to him. Even if his father said he never listened, Richie always did.

“I’m tired.” Richie replied loudly. The louder his voice, the angrier he could make the man.

“We need to talk.” He said sternly.

“Wentworth," Richie sighed deeply. "I really don’t care what you want to talk about with me right now.”

“Look at me, young man.”

He crossed his arms, thinking he would ignore the request and go to bed. After their conversation, he certainly wished he had.

Richie turned around as annoyingly slow as he could. His father was holding up a small piece of paper. Richie squinted his eyes, even with his strong prescription, seeing was not his forte. He walked toward him slowly then froze. His throat dried up and his stomach felt like it was going to extricate the burger he ate that afternoon. The best meal of his life because he was holding Eddie’s hand the whole time was about to betray him.

Because in his father’s hand was not just a piece of paper. 

It was a photo.

A photo of him and Eddie kissing as if no one else in the world was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art of the Loser pictures: http://thetheatregal.tumblr.com/post/172071187041/these-were-a-birthday-gift-to-me-from  
> ...so yeah. Enjoy that cliff hanger. :D
> 
> NSFW shower scene here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12716508/chapters/31605126
> 
> I HAVE SURPASSED 20,000 HITS ON THIS FIC!! I am honestly so overwhelmingly happy and honored. You are all incredible humans. Thank you so much for sticking with me and this adventure.
> 
> Fan art:  
> http://thetheatregal.tumblr.com/post/170923233170/my-funny-valentine
> 
> wheezingbees - Your comment gave me so much life. Thank you!  
> FinnSkata - I added some Stanley for ya in this chapter!  
> MissUnicorny - Thanks for comment!  
> ryex - YOU ARE THE SWEETEST! I ALWAYS LOVE YOUR REVIEWS!  
> PurrsephoneQuinn27 - I hope you enjoyed the date!  
> Sam - Thank you as always for reading the chapter first and letting me know if it is crap or not. I love your live snaps and texts with my whole heart.


	17. Father's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - "Father's Day" by Frank Turner  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Warning: Use of homophobic slurs

“We need to talk.” His father said sternly.

“Wentworth," Richie sighed deeply. "I really don’t care what you want to talk about with me right now.”

“Look at me, young man.”

He crossed his arms, thinking he would ignore the request and go to bed. After their conversation, he certainly wished he had.

Richie turned around as annoyingly slow as he could. His father was holding up a small piece of paper. Richie squinted his eyes, even with his strong prescription, seeing was not his forte. He walked toward him slowly then froze. His throat dried up and his stomach felt like it was going to extricate the burger he ate that afternoon. The best meal of his life because he was holding Eddie’s hand the whole time was about to betray him.

Because in his father’s hand was not just a piece of paper.

It was a photo.

A photo of him and Eddie kissing as if no one else in the world was there.

Richie was usually a pacer when horrible situations happened. He already fidgets constantly and moving helps him calm down. At this moment, he needed to do the opposite and sit because his knees were about to give out from shock. He thought he was careful hiding the photo under his mattress, knowing his parents never went into his room.

_Wait a minute, why did he go into my fucking room?_

“That photo has nothing to do with you.” Richie said in a shaky voice. His heart was pounding roughly against his chest.

“Sit down, Richard.”

“This is a total invasion of my fucking privacy.” Richie’s voice did not even sound like him. It was angry but most of all, terrified.

“This is my house you selfish shit. Sit down.” He repeated.

Richie’s legs moved automatically toward the empty armchair in the living room. Sitting far away from his father felt better even if he was obeying him. “What are you planning to do with the picture?” Richie said through gritted teeth.

“Nothing, if you shut up for once and do what I tell you.” Their eyes met with matching expressions of hatred. Wentworth put the photo in his pocket. “Here’s what is going to happen. You will break up with this boy.”

“I love him.” Richie replied immediately.

“You what?” His father sneered.

“I. LOVE. HIM.” Richie accented every syllable as if he could slam the words into his father’s brain through speech.

“You don’t know what love is Richard.”

“I’m not you. So yeah, I fucking do.”

“Enough!” Wentworth jabbed his finger toward Richie as his voice became deadly quiet. “You listen to me boy. I will not have any of this disgusting business under my roof. You are ungrateful and have no idea the embarrassment you bring upon this family. We didn’t raise you this way.” It was all words Richie had heard before. Listening to his father’s disappointment was similar to a CD stuck on repeat, persistently aggravating you until the player is turned off.

“You didn’t really bother raising me actually.” Richie said lazily.

“Do you think this is funny? Are you trying to ruin this family?”

“You do that all on your own.” 

“How dare…”

“No! It’s my turn to talk.” Richie stood up and turned off any filter he had ever taught himself. This was the speech he always desired to speak but never did. He hesitated thinking about how Eddie would feel if he could see him now, but then pushed that down. “You say I never shut up. Well, here’s a Richie tirade for you, FATHER...”

“...You leave us for 3 weeks over winter break without any explanation, just completely disappear. You know who held us together? It wasn’t me. It was Eddie. He came by every day to make sure Mom and I were eating, bathing, cleaning the damn house, simple life stuff. Because I could barely handle Mom being drunk every day. Now, she’s trying to get better for me she says. And what are you doing to help this family? Planning to leave her, which she doesn’t even KNOW, and telling me that I can’t be with the one person who brings me any kind of happiness in life. Why are you the world's BIGGEST JACKASS?!” Richie knew his face was on fire. He had never yelled so much and for so long before.

_I can barely breathe. Why can’t I breathe right? Is this what a panic attack feels like? I need Eddie to tell me._

Wentworth stared at Richie with harsh contempt. He seemed speechless, completely unable to defend himself. He brought back his only ammunition, threats. “End whatever this is or there will be consequences.”

A nasty laugh ripped through Richie. The kind of bitter laugh that didn’t reach your eyes and had no trace of mirth. “You think you can threaten me? I’m not scared of you. You are weak and pathetic. There is nothing you can do to me that will get me to break up with Eddie. He’s more important to me than anyone, or anything, or even my own life. Do your fucking worst.”

“If you don’t end it. I will make sure this…” He held up the photograph again. The harmless, beautiful picture of him and Eddie. “...gets into the hands of his mother.”

Richie sat down heavily staring at the man in horror. It felt like a boulder had dropped into Richie’s stomach. He was such a fool. His father was the most manipulative person in his life. He should have realized he would not bother threatening Richie. He hasn’t been able to control his son’s actions for a long time. He would have to threaten Eddie instead. It was like witnessing a cartoon villain threatening his love. Except the villain was real and him and Eddie may not survive this kind of pain.

“No…” Richie heard his voice whisper. “You wouldn’t.”

“I bet Sonia has no idea her son is a fucking faggot.” Wentworth snarled. Richie clenched his hand automatically. His brain craved the possibility of his fist meeting his father’s jaw. But he did not punch him. That was not the kind of person he wanted to be. _I’m a lover, not a fighter._

“As you and mom have pointed out before, I’m a fucking faggot. How does that make you feel to have raised a boy that loves dick? Perhaps that’s why you named me Richard.” His father stood suddenly and Richie followed suit. They were the same height but Wentworth weighed at least 70 pounds more. They had never hit each other before, but Richie wondered if it was time one of them did.

“What’s going on?” Came the sharp voice of his mother. Richie looked at her feeling an irrational rage toward her too. _If she had left him, I would not be in this mess. Why do we both have to be trapped with this monster?_  

“Go back to your room, Maggie.” Wentworth’s voice was low and commanding. Richie glared back at him. It made him sick how controlling he was with both of them. 

“No, I don’t know what’s going on but you two need to cool off.” His mother walked over and stood in front of Richie to move him away. Richie looked at her in confusion, when he realized she was trying to put herself in between them. _No, she’s trying to protect me from him._ The revelation almost made him cry.

“Mom,” Richie said quietly. She put her hand on his shoulder pushing him from the room.

“You end it with that little shit boy or you know what will happen.” Wentworth called viciously behind him. 

“Fuck you!” Richie growled.

“Rich, go to your room, sweetheart. Lock the door and blast music.” She said hurriedly.

He stopped walking, “I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

“I can handle your father.”

“Mom, he told me...that I can’t see Eds that I have to br - ” Richie choked on the words. He swallowed back the sob. “I love him, mom. Please.”

Her golden brown eyes that matched his gazed up at him with concern and fascination. She hesitantly brought her hand up to brush away his tears. He had no idea when he started crying but was too distraught to care.

“Eddie’s lucky to have you.” She whispered kindly.

Richie shook his head as his lip trembled, “I’m lucky to have him.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you for not being your father.” He was hit with so much affection for her. He wrapped his long arms around her slender frame in a hug he hoped would give her strength.

“I love you, mom.” He couldn’t remember the last time he and told her that.

“I love you so much more.” She replied. He definitely couldn’t recall her saying those words to him. They broke apart and he headed to his room. 

He didn’t lock the door or play music. He wanted to listen to everything they had to say. The argument started with Richie, then went to Richie and Eddie, then swiftly got to them. Richie lit a cigarette. It took him five times to light it because his hands were shaking. That first draw from the stick eased his nerves a little. He hadn't smoked a cigarette in almost a month and knew Eddie would hate it but desperation trumped his guilt. He zeroed in on the fighting again. 

“We don’t deserve that kid and this is how you treat him.”

“You act like a fucking saint. You’ve treated him much worse than I ever had!”

“That’s because I am sick, but I'm getting better. You’re just an asshole!” Her screaming was so loud, Richie wondered if the neighbors would call the police.

“You fucking bitch. I provide for this family and give you everything and…”

Richie could barely stomach their argument.He paced around his room, his energy on overdrive. His mother screamed at his father to get out of the house and never come back. He told her he was planning on it anyway but that it was her responsibility to end Richie and  _that boy's defiling of the family name_ _._ It was exhausting to listen to, like a never-ending record scratch.

The front door slammed violently and his mother was screaming at him _to drop dead_.

Richie heard her go into the kitchen and wondered if he should go out there. A part of him wanted to feign being asleep if she tried knocking, but that was their old relationship.

He rolled out of his bed and headed to the kitchen. He stood in the entrance frame watching his mother attempting to make hot chocolate.

“If the stove is too hot, it’ll burn.” Richie walked over and turned it down. _Which I only know because of Eddie._ Then he grabbed marshmallows from a cabinet and cinnamon sticks. He went into the fridge and took out the whipped cream, shaking the container before uncaping it.

She grinned at him weakly. “Where do all these sweets come from?”

“Oh Mom,” Richie said gently. “It’s time you knew that I only eat sweets.” He sprayed a ton of whipped cream straight into his mouth. 

She turned toward the stove and stirred the chocolate. “That must be why you are with Eddie.”

Richie choked on the whipped cream.

He swallowed quickly, looking at her in disbelief, “Mom, that was dirty.”

She laughed a genuine laugh. “Sorry! I meant because he is the sweetest of all. Damn it. That still sounds bad.”

“No, I’m using it on him. He’ll be mortified.” Richie’s laugh filled the kitchen and she chuckled too.

“That poor boy.” She shook her head. The hot chocolate was bubbling, so she took it off the stove to let it cool down. “Sonia has no idea about him does she?”

“Um...well he tried to tell her and she wouldn’t even let him say the word gay.” Richie watched his mother carefully. She didn’t flinch or frown. She just looked like the world was on her shoulders. “They aren’t speaking and he is technically not supposed to see me anymore. But of course, we don’t care.”

“Rich, I…” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I want to say I’m sorry.” She leaned against the kitchen counter with her arms crossed. He crossed his own subconsciously, half sitting on the kitchen table.

“For what?” He pushed.

“For everything. God...this is supposed to be step 9 of the program and I am supposed to have everything written out that I am sorry for.” She hung her head miserably as she tried to find the right words to say.

“If you want to wait until you get there, that’s ok.” Richie reassured her, even if he did want an apology. _Hell, I want an apology for almost 17 years of neglect, please._

She tried again, “No, I want to say now that I’m sorry for how I reacted when you came out. I can barely even remember it because I was so…so...”

“Drunk. I remember. I was there. You also told me if you had a daughter this would not be an issue. You wouldn’t have to deal with a faggot son.” Richie thought about how horrible that night was. He had a perfect memory, practically photographic, so the expressions and words of hate his parents displayed were forever stamped in his brain.

“That’s the cruelest thing I could have said to you and I’m so sorry.” She blinked quickly trying to will her tears away.

Richie sighed not feeling in a comforting mood at that moment. “It happened. You can’t take it back.”

“No, I can’t.” She looked at him steadily. “Do you know why I said that?”

“So you could braid your hypothetical daughter’s hair? I mean mines getting pretty long so you could try -“

She interrupted his ramblings, “Because my biggest fear was seeing my husband in my son’s eyes.”

Richie stayed silent mulling that over. His biggest fear was becoming his father too. He shivered at the thought. Then asked quietly, “Was your fear?”

“I know, now, you could never be like him. You’re everything I want in a child and more. I’m sorry I never realized how good I got it until now.” There were no words for how that made Richie feel. He walked forward and hugged her for the second time that night. They pulled away to make their hot chocolate, adding tons of marshmallows and cinnamon sticks.

They sat down at the table in a bit of an uncomfortable silence. Richie usually avoided awkwardness by talking but he had nothing, in particular, he wanted to talk about. 

“We should talk about your father’s threat to expose you and Eddie to his mom.” She said carefully.

Richie looked at her as he blew on his hot chocolate before drinking it. “Sure.”

“I think, and don’t bite my head off…” She waited for him to nod that he would stay relaxed. “As much as I hate to say it, you may need to temporarily end things with Eddie.”

“I’m not fucking doing that.” He practically slammed his mug on the table. 

“Richie…” She warned

“No! I’m not afraid of him. Like you said, Wentworth can drop dead for all I care.” He yelled. She flinched at him raising his voice and he felt guilty. There had been too much yelling tonight. “I’m sorry.”

She gave him a sad stare. “Aren’t you afraid for Eddie? Our family is too messed for you to bring someone into it.” 

“Mom I…” 

“You love him. I know. It is ultimately your decision but you have to figure out whether he should have pain thrust upon him or choose to bring that pain on himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger x2
> 
> The next chapter is almost ready to go, nobody panic. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or on my [ Tumblr: richiefuckfacetozier](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com)
> 
> I've gotten an enormous amount of comments on my tumblr and here lately, so thank you everyone! You are incredible. 
> 
> omg - The fear for the boys continues...  
> Tyla - I hope I don't ruin your day with this new chapter!  
> wheezingbees - I love you! You are great! I'm so happy my last chapter gave you goosebumps.  
> PurrsephoneQuinn27 - Thank you for thinking the last chapter was perfect and I am sorry...about this new one.  
> FinnSkata - Thank you so much for saying I am worthy of my hits?! Like you are so nice.  
> KhaBrow - I hope you brought your tissues.  
> Madds - Thank you for saying my fic is the best, you are beyond kind.  
> lili - I am sorry about that cliff hanger...and this cliffhanger.  
> I’m crying - So glad you are enjoying my fic!  
> Beachgirl1311 - I hope you remain addicted to my story!


	18. Total Eclipse of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)
> 
> Warning: Grab tissues
> 
> Note: Re-reading the chapters leading up to this you'll notice a lot of parallels. But it's not necessary.

Eddie knew something was wrong.

He knew because Richie did not call him for the rest of the weekend after their Valentine’s date.

He figured the reason must be bad when he tried to call his house and Mrs. Tozier gave him vague replies.

He knew it was truly horrible when he went over and she told him Richie didn’t want to come out because his father left.

They spent some time talking outside about how she was doing. She seemed fine with him being gone, practically relieved. He assumed Richie would take it bad, but he didn’t think he would isolate himself like this. Not to the point where he wouldn't even want to talk to him. 

"I tried a few of the recipes from the cookbook you gave me. I only burned 3 out of 5." Mrs. Tozier said making them both laugh.

"That's alright. Richie usually burns everything he cooks unless someone helps him." At that moment, he wished Richie would come out just so he could see if he was alright. 

His concern must have shown on his face because Mrs. Tozier smiled sadly at him. It was a troubling expression like she was restraining herself from giving more bad news. "I want to thank you for everything. You have been really kind to me even when I have been horrible."

Eddie smiled humbly, "Everyone deserves to be shown kindness regardless of what they are going through."

She wiped away a tear from her eye and gave him a watery smile. "You have been the best thing to happen to my son."

"Oh...um...thank you, Mrs. Tozier. He means a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to him." The conversation was oddly comforting to Eddie. It gave him hope that if Richie's mother could like him, maybe his own mother could like Richie? He doubted this but it was nice to dream. She even gave him a hug goodbye. 

* * *

On Monday morning, Eddie just about screamed when Mike pulled up in his truck to take him to school. “Why are you driving me?” He said in frustration.

Mike was extremely confused. “Richie called and asked me to grab you and Beverly.”

“This is such bullshit. Did he say why?”

He shrugged, “Family stuff. I thought you would know.”

“I knew that much. God damn it.” Eddie got into the truck and slammed the door. He held his backpack in his lap, sulkily glancing out the window. “I thought we were past this.”

“Past what?” Mike said curiously.

“The keeping things from each other. The not talking when something is wrong. It’s like we are back to the beginning of our fucking relationship.” Eddie knew he was being irrational, maybe even selfish but he really hated when Richie ignored him. Most of all, he hated knowing Richie was in pain and not being able to help. 

“Maybe he just needs space?” Mike suggested.

“You’re not in a relationship, you wouldn’t understand.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Eddie wanted to retract them. Mike didn’t respond right away knowing he had hit a sensitive nerve. Eddie wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew something complicated was going on between Mike and Stanley. 

“I’m sorry, Mike.” Eddie sighed miserably. “That wasn’t fair.”

“No, you’re right." Mike said chewing on his bottom lip. "I’m not in a relationship, so I don’t know what you should do. But I do know you and Richie. You’ll work it out. You always do.”

When they got to school, Eddie and Beverly walked to homeroom together. Eddie hated his new schedule with every fiber of his being. He would have to wait until third period before they could speak.

“Is everything alright with Richie?” Beverly asked him as they stopped at her locker to grab some books.

Eddie shrugged. “I have no idea. He wouldn’t speak to me this weekend. I just know his dad has officially left.” 

“Oh shit. Ok, he didn’t return my calls either." Beverly grabbed some gum to pop in her mouth. Then handed one to Eddie, which he took gratefully. "That’s unusual even if he is upset. He tends to WANT to bitch about it.”

“I know.” Eddie said miserably. 

The first two classes were a nightmare. Eddie could barely listen as he checked his watch every couple minutes. He finally understood the desire to speed up time with your mind. After his second class, he ran out of the room to Richie’s locker. Catching him before class to check in was a better plan than trying to talk in class. When Eddie saw him, he froze. Richie looked horrible. His clothes were haphazardly put on and his hair stuck out everywhere. He clearly had not been sleeping because there were bags under his eyes that even his glasses couldn’t hide.

As Eddie approached him, he wanted to put his hand on Richie’s cheek and ask him how he was doing. To run his thumb over his skin in a comforting touch. Except he couldn’t do that in case someone saw the interaction. 

“Hey,” Eddie said softly. 

“Hi.” Richie replied sadly.

“I called.”

“I know.”

“And I came by your place.”

“I know that too.”

“I’m so sorry, Rich.” Eddie tentatively put his arms around Richie’s waist to hug him. He didn’t care if anyone thought more of this hug. Richie needed it. Richie needed him. He hugged back hard, not letting go when Eddie tried to pull away. He dug his face into Richie’s chest trying to give him all the love and support he could. Richie reeked of cigarette smoke, which made Eddie upset. He had clearly started up on the addiction heavily again.

When Richie let go, there was a weird finality to it. As if this would be the last hug they shared today. It made Eddie self-conscious and more concerned.

“Do you want me to come over after school?” Eddie suggested.

“I’m busy.”

“Oh...what about tomorrow?”

“No, I took on a ton of shifts at the record store this week so I will be really busy.”

Eddie crossed his arms leaning against the lockers. “Well, that’s good. Distractions are good.” He couldn’t tell if he was trying to convince himself or Richie. He wanted the distractions to be him.

Richie’s tired eyes searched his for a moment. He opened his mouth ready to say something then closed it abruptly. Then opened it again, clearly changing his mind. “Eddie, have you thought more about telling your mother you’re gay?” Richie blurted out desperately.

He wanted to yelp as he glanced around the busy hallway of students. “Richie! Keep your fucking voice down!” Eddie grabbed his arm and led him into an empty classroom. “Where did that come from?” He hissed. 

“I’ve been thinking about it more and more. You should tell her.” Richie was pacing and talking really fast. He looked half mad. “Why would you want to keep your true self from her? From the world? You should feel free to be you. Then we can be us and everything will be fine.”

“Um...maybe because she will hate me and I don’t feel like living with that for another year? Why do you suddenly care so much? I thought we were ok on this topic.”

Richie rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. “I have always cared. I just think you need to be honest.”

“The truth can hurt the people we love. I’m not willing to hurt her.” Richie held his gaze for a long time. Eddie could see the wheels cranking in his brilliant mind. He seemed to be struggling with some horrible news, the same way his mother was yesterday.

At last, he settled on, “Honesty isn’t such a bad thing.”

Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes, “All you are is honest, Richie.” 

“You should try it sometime.” He rushed out aggressively right as the bell rang, signaling them to go to class. Neither one of them moved, they just stared each other down.

Eddie opened his mouth in rage then closed it with a huff. His expression turned into a glare as his face heated up in anger. This was going to be a big fight for them, he could feel it. “That’s not fair and you know it. I have tried telling her and she wouldn’t fucking listen to me.”

“Eddie, I understand. I’m sorry I said that it wasn’t nice. I just think you shouldn’t give up so easily. In fact, you should tell her today.” Richie pleaded.

“Today?!” Eddie lowered his eyes into angry slits, “Why are you pushing this so hard?”

“I think it is important she knows. The sooner she knows, the sooner we can be out.” He all but demanded. It made Eddie sick to be spoken to like this. As if he was a child, who didn't know what he is doing. 

“Back the fuck off, Richie.” Eddie left the classroom and strode into the hallway which had emptied of students. They were late for class at this point and he still needed to grab his books.

“Eddie, I NEED you to tell her.” Richie was next to him trying to get his attention.

“Tell me why.” Eddie said through gritted teeth. He got to his locker doing the combination a couple times before eventually getting it open.

“The longer you don’t tell her, sooner or later she is going to find out in a horrible way.” Richie warned. 

Eddie sighed heavily and turned to him, “We are done talking about this.” Their eyes met so Eddie could get confirmation that Richie understood him.

He gulped, “Eds…”

Eddie did not answer him as he slammed books around trying to find the right ones.

“Eddie, I think we...should break up.”

His hands stilled, “What?” Surely, he had heard Richie wrong.

“We should break up.” Richie said a little more firmly.

“Yeah, very funny Richie. As if I’d let us break up.” Eddie went back to grabbing books in his locker. Richie was silent. He turned to him and noticed his jaw was tight. “You are joking? Right?”

“No.” 

Eddie’s heart started pounding as a ringing blasted through his ears. His breathing picked up rapidly. He held his locker for support. “Rich, no, I...you...we can’t break up. How can you say that?”

* * *

Richie knew, in that moment, he had to hurt Eddie. Take all the insecurities that he adores about him and throw them in his face. He realized how all the love he has ever felt for Eddie needed to be shattered. His mom was right. It was the only way to protect him from their family. Protect him from his father's wrath. 

“I don’t want to be in a closeted relationship." Richie began shortly. "I want to be able to hug, kiss, and be a couple with the person I love.” _Lies, all lies. Eddie, I am so sorry._

Eddie’s breathing became erratic and Richie was about to reach forward to calm him but stopped himself. Eddie didn't notice as he gasped out, “Richie, w-we can have all that! I will tell her eventually! Just not while I have to fucking live with her.”

Richie felt his stomach churning roughly and his throat dry up. “I am not going to force you to come out. I am tired of all this.” _No, I’m not._ “All we do is fight…” _No, we don’t._ “...about being not together when we are together. We only hurt each other.” _You would never hurt me._

“I don’t mean to hurt you! I can do better. I will be better!” Eddie grabbed the front of Richie’s shirt and brought them closer. Eddie had always been shorter than Richie but he never looked  _small_ and _helpless_. The closest time he last looked this helpless was the horrible summer they don't think about. Richie desired nothing more than to put his arms around him but he had to stay distant.

"What can I do?" Eddie begged quietly. He put his hand around Richie's neck and brought him down so their foreheads touched. Their lips were almost brushing, Eddie waited for any sign this was what he wanted.

Richie peered into those pain filled brown eyes and tried to train his body to show no emotion. “Nothing.” Not a trace of himself could be heard, his voice sounded dead.

Eddie let go like he had been burned and stepped back clutching his chest. His hands were shaking horribly. Richie craved the possibility of holding them, to comfort him but restrained himself. Eddie whispered, “This is all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault!” Richie growled. Eddie’s face was alarmed but hopeful. He mentally kicked himself. He needed to let this break up happen. “It’s mine for letting us go on this long when we can’t truly be a couple.”

His lip trembled as tears started to fall from the shock. “Please, I don’t want to break up. Is what we have not what I thought it was?”

“It’s not enough.” Richie unclasped the necklace Eddie gave him and tried to hand it to him.

Eddie stared at it for a minute without speaking. Even with the tears flowing down his face, he gave a beautiful determined expression. “I’m not taking that. We aren’t breaking up!” He insisted and stomped his foot.

Richie sighed and dropped the necklace at his feet. He backed away then turned around quickly. _Don’t look back at him. Don’t look back at him. It will hurt more if you don’t look._ Richie betrayed himself and glanced back at Eddie, who was crouching on the ground with the necklace in his hands. Their gazes met in an intoxicating moment of love, maybe for the last time.

“Please Richie!” Eddie’s voice cracked horribly as he choked on his sobs. “I love you!”

Richie turned back around letting his own tears fall past his glasses. “I love you, too.”

* * *

Eddie didn’t know how to exist for a solid week. He stopped eating for three days until his mother cried and he forced down some bread. He showered once a day instead of twice or sometimes not at all. He didn’t bother making himself presentable, stopped brushing his hair, using product, even stopped flossing.

The worst was sleeping. The first two days he was able to sleep merely from the exhaustion of crying. He cried more tears than he thought possible. After that, he did not sleep for five days. He went to school but would not talk to his friends or even look at _him_ in class _._

He spent every lunch during the week in an empty classroom barely touching his food with Stanley, who would not talk just sit with him.

On the fifth day of no sleep and the seventh day since they broke up, he sat with his friends at the lunch table again. Except only Stanley, Bill, Ben, and Mike were there. He tried with all his might not to bring it up. He picked at his meal not listening to the conversation, just thinking about the two missing people when he finally could not help himself.

Bill was in the middle of saying something when Eddie spoke over him. “Where is Beverly?”  _And him._ He thought bitterly.

They all looked at him in shock. He had barely exchanged hellos with them in a week. No matter how many times they begged him to say something, to talk to them, because they supposedly cared about him, he would not budge.

“With um...ya know.” Ben said quietly.

Eddie stabbed his food picturing _his_ face, still not taking a bite. “I see. She’s taken his side.”

“There aren’t sides, Eddie.” Mike said reassuringly.

“Oh is that so?” His eyes flashed to Mike’s who seemed to shrink closer to Stanley.

“Of course not. W-we still love both of you.” Bill tried to speak up. “We are your fr-friends.” 

“Do you? You love a guy who would do what he did? Because I thought real friends took the side of the person who was broken up with for being a closeted homosexual, but perhaps that is just my naive thinking.” He shoved his food away and got up abruptly.

Stanley reached up to stop him. “Eddie, you should eat.” He said in a commanding tone. “You are looking really thin and exhausted. Eating will make you feel better.”

“I have no appetite.” He wrenched his arm out of Stanley’s grasp and left the cafeteria. He should have gone straight to class, but a vindictive mood was coming to the surface. He felt beyond exhausted, angry, and slightly insane. He headed to the parking lot. He showed his off-campus pass to the school guard then went searching for _his_ car.

They were parked in a front spot as usual. _Even when he fucks me over, the universe still gives him a good parking spot._ He could see Beverly in there talking to _him_ _._ They did not see Eddie come over to the car and jumped when he rapped on the passenger window. Eddie refused to pay _him_ any attention, he just stared down Beverly until she opened the door to come out.

She crossed her arms self consciously as she looked him up and down with a pitying stare. “Hey hun, how are you doing?” 

Eddie gave her the harshest frown he had ever given his friend. “Pretty fucking shitty. But you wouldn’t know that would you?”

“Eddie...I…”

“No, no. I didn’t come over here to hear any explanations for why you haven’t checked on me or cared about how I was doing before now. You’ve decided who is more important and really I shouldn’t be surprised.” Beverly immediately started to tear up.

She swallowed, “I do care! It’s more complicated than that…”

“Is it now? I don’t think it is really. HE broke up with ME because I wouldn’t come out to my mother. I’m supposed to be the one who gets the friends. But since he’s your ‘other half’, why should I matter to you.” Eddie could barely recognize his voice. 

“Stop. Please, I love you. You’re my best friend.”

“Well, you are no longer my friend. I can barely stomach the sight of you. Just thought I should let you know. Have fun with him. Maybe you can both fuck each other since we all know you’re not getting anything from the person you actually want to be with.” She went to slap him but he moved away before her hand made contact. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and he felt the guilt of his cruelty try to engulf him, but instead, he let it fuel his rage.

He went to the other side of the car and slammed his hand against the window. _He_ flinched but would not look at Eddie. “FUCK YOU!” Eddie screamed then continued walking out of the parking lot, down the street, through downtown, and just kept walking.

He found a tree to sit next to when his legs couldn't go any further and he let his brain think again. His breathing picked up severely as a full-on panic attack finally came. His chest hurt, he wondered if this was how a heart attack felt. He laid on the ground and brought his knees up. An intense wave of dread washed over him as he gasped for air. Not enough was getting into his lungs to calm down. The weight of the world seemed to be crashing down on him. He was going crazy and losing control. He was dying.

He wasn’t sure how long it would take to die by panic attack, but he hoped it would be soon because he really didn’t want to feel this way anymore. He would gladly sleep forever if it meant he could rid himself of these feelings. He tried to keep his eyes open but he was seeing spots and his vision was blurring quickly.

Then there were hands on him and a loud voice telling him to breathe. His eyes went to the one person he didn’t want to see and yet the only one he needed. Richie was there with his hand on his chest, an expression of pure terror on his face. He went into his pocket and pulled out an inhaler.

After all these years and after everything they have gone through, he still kept the inhaler with him. This struck Eddie as both incredibly cruel and wonderful. _Could he still love me?_ Richie stuck it in his mouth and pressed the button on the top. The disgusting taste did the trick to calm him down more than he thought the fake medicine would. Perhaps the familiarity made his mind relax, maybe it was just being near Richie.

He took another hit then sat up slowly. Richie asked if he could stand and he just shook his head miserably. He sank to the ground, grabbed Eddie’s arms to lock around his, neck then put one arm under his knees and the other around his back carrying him bridal style. Eddie didn’t have the energy to be embarrassed, he just let himself be surrounded but Richie’s scent and warmth.

Richie drove him home and carried him to the door, knocking hard. Eddie was probably fine to walk but he was so exhausted emotionally and physically, he just wanted to feel safe with Richie once again. When his mother opened the door, she started shrieking. Eddie held onto Richie tighter when his mother tried to get him to let go.

“He needs to go to the hospital. He hasn’t been eating, drinking, or sleeping I think.” Richie’s voice vibrated through Eddie. This made him get out of the dreamlike state he was in.

“Put me down.” Eddie mumbled. Richie obliged setting him on his feet carefully. Eddie let his fingers selfishly linger on his skin a second longer than necessary. Then Eddie ushered his mother inside the house, ignoring her ranting as he said, “Thank you.” Then he slammed the door in Richie’s face.

His mother didn’t even have to beg him to go to the hospital, he just went through the motions of her panic and obeyed her wishes. When the doctor asked him what was wrong, he said he couldn’t sleep so it was making him sick, so therefore he couldn’t eat. Not a complete lie but also not entirely the truth.

The doctor prescribed him some sleeping pills and if he took more than the dose recommended that first night, he didn’t care.

After getting a full night of restful sleep, a slight switch happened. The fog he didn’t realize was clouding his brain actually started to clear. When he regarded his room, it was a mess. He cleaned it all. The simple act of cleaning made him feel a little human again. 

Then he saw a comic book of Richie’s and his heart hurt. He grabbed a box to put anything that reminded him of their relationship inside: his favorite blue sweater; the keychain with “R”, “E”, and a heart from New Years; CD's; any photos of them; old comics; random toys; absolutely everything. He filled up 6 years worth of friendship in two boxes. Once everything was gathered, he sealed the boxes wondering if he should throw them away. Instead, he brought them to the post office and mailed them to the address he knew by heart since he was 10.

His mother let him take three days off from school. When she called the administrative office, Principal Filch asked to speak with him. He asked Eddie how he was doing and made sure he was getting a lot of rest. They made an appointment to talk when he got back to school.

Most of his friends came to check on him all three days he was out. They brought his homework, ice cream and asked how he was holding up. His mother let them watch movies on her television in the living room. It was the most amount of time she had ever let his friends be in their house. She fussed over him constantly but he let her.

On his third day away from school, him, Bill, and Stanley were watching Footloose. One of the only movies that ever cheers Eddie up, even if it wasn't doing its job today. They sat on either side of him on the couch being his strength and support. They were gorging on candy, soda, and pizza. Stanley eyed him sternly throughout the night until he ate three slices. Then he relaxed to enjoy the movie.

Eddie picked up a snicker bar and hugged it to his chest pathetically. What he wouldn't give to be called by a candy nickname again. He took a deep breath and asked the question he didn’t want to ask. “How is he?”

Stanley and Bill exchanged a glance over his head. “Do you want the truth? Or a lie?” Stanley asked patiently.

“A lie.” Eddie decided.

“The b-best he’s ever been.” Bill replied.

Eddie looked at him skeptically. “Really?”

“Yes, he doesn’t ask about you every second of every day.” Stanley was clearly trying not to roll his eyes. “He doesn’t call me every night to find out every detail about how you are doing. He is the happiest person on mother fucking earth.” 

“If he is so miserable, why hasn’t he called me?” Eddie laid his head in Bill's lap dramatically. Stanley hoisted Eddie's legs into his own lap so he could lay across them.

Bill ran his hand through Eddie's bangs soothingly. “We d-don’t know the full story. But I think s-s-something worse than his dad leaving happened.” 

"Seriously? What happened?" Eddie asked looking between them.

"No idea. I assume something about you." Stanley replied. They stayed silent as Eddie soaked in this information.

“Well, it’s none of my business anymore I guess.” Eddie said resolutely.

Bill hugged Eddie's torso kindly, "Are you gonna to be ok?" 

Eddie thought about that statement for a long time. "I don't know." Then he thought a little longer and sighed deeply. “I need to call, Beverly.”

“Thank fuck.” Stanley groaned out. “She’s also been a fucking nightmare and constantly calling me. Why does everyone think I know how you are doing?”

“Because you haven’t left my side since my mental break down.” Eddie got up and patted Stanley on the head, then went into the kitchen.

“Yes, well. I have some experience with those. As you recall.” Stanley shouted at him.

He dialed the number of Beverly’s aunt. Beverly answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Hey Bev.”

There was silence on the other line for a moment and he wondered if she would hang up. “Hi, Eddie.” It occurred to him that she might have just had an exchange with Richie.

“He’s there with you. I’m sorry, I can call back later.”

“No! Please don’t hang up.” She pleaded.

He held onto the receiver tightly. Then at the same time, they said, “I’m sorry.”

Eddie let out a breathy laugh, “You have nothing to apologize for. I was beyond horrible to you. I can’t believe the things I said.”

“No, you were right." She said seriously, "You are both my friends and I should have checked on you. I fucked up.”

“It’s ok.”

“It’s not! Stanley told me you had gone three days without eating and then five without sleeping. You didn’t know what you were s-saying.” She choked a little on her emotions.

He felt himself getting teary-eyed as well. “I just wanted others to hurt as badly as I did in that moment. I love you, Bev. Friends for life.”

“Friends for life, baby.” She said relieved.

Eddie tried to stop himself but he asked, “Does he even _want_ to talk to me?” There was silence on the other end again and then he heard some muffled speaking. Then it sounded like the phone was being handed over.

“H-”

Eddie interrupted Richie immediately, “I just want to say that I am going back to school tomorrow. I don’t want to see or talk to you until I’m ready. I get that much since you broke it off. I'm too worried about what I might say or do if we are around each other. If you want to sit with everyone, let one of our friends know so I can find somewhere else to be….Alright, that’s it.”

There was silence on the other line and Richie said, “I miss you.”

Eddie prayed to be swallowed by the earth before he let himself say something he shouldn’t. He was never that lucky.

“I miss you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hugs every person who reads this*  
> I'm sorry and I love you all, please don't leave me there is more I swear. 
> 
> Audio recording of a section from the chapter: [Link Here](http://thetheatregal.tumblr.com/post/171395964010/chapter-18-spoiler-audio-excerpt-from-my)
> 
> The messages on my tumblr and in the comments have been wonderful. Keep yelling at me your feelings and thoughts: http://thetheatregal.tumblr.com/
> 
> Next chapter will absolutely be uploaded on March 7th because it is a certain loser's birthday. Can you guess who?  
> Chapter Title Playlists:   
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc5ejsdxktvfL-T0P4JlxyXw5JR113Jik)  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138293710/playlist/5XrrOwk0VpxMq2R1ydGL1f?si=EKblY6Y-QCe1LoxiF5Un7Q)
> 
> CupidGenie - I am holding your hand through this chapter. Since you are someone who has been here from the beginning.  
> hey - It's all a terrible mess. You were right.  
> Trashbaggbabbie - MORE ANGST  
> Crying - Same  
> cassiejones - I hope you still think it is good. <3  
> alex16 - Thank you for loving this chapter and Maggie!  
> Paltita - I appreciated all the question marks in your comment like you were questioning why you enjoyed my fic. haha  
> KhaBrow - I hope you have gathered yourself enough to have yourself wrecked once again by this chapter  
> PurrsephoneQuinn27 - How are your emoceans?  
> mythicalowlsociety - Thank you for commenting!  
> wheezingbees - You are great and I adore you!  
> Sam - I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! I AM SO SORRY!!!  
> NONONONLNONLMASM - I probably broke you more and I am so sorry.


	19. Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Boys Don't Cry” by The Cure
> 
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)

“So how have you been?” Principal Filch asked Eddie. He had popped into his office right before class to say hello, a routine Eddie started a week ago. He rolled his eyes at the man who chuckled. “That bad?”

“It is like I’ve been hit by a bus, trampled by cows, thrown off a cliff, into an icy sea of emotions.” Eddie responded. Mr. Filch full on laughed at his description, which did make Eddie smile a little.

When he stopped laughing, he said more seriously, “I know you are going through a hard time and I’m glad you’ve been willing to talk to someone about it. Probably would be better if it was a school counselor but since you refuse to speak to any of them…”

“I did my research. You have a degree in psychology and were a school counselor for 7 years before becoming a teacher then later a principal.” Eddie grabbed one of the stress balls kept on the desk to play with absently. “You are way more qualified than any of the dipshits you’ve hired.” Then he added. “Sorry, for cursing.”

The man shook his head with humor. “You have to be one of the most brutally honest people I’ve ever met.”

“You clearly haven’t met my ex…” Eddie cringed at the last word.

“I haven’t, but many teachers talk about his...color behavior.”

“Understatement,” Eddie mumbled. “Although, recently, Richie has been practically silent in the two classes we share.”

“I’m sure he is having a hard time with the break up too.” Principal Filch’s face was filled with sympathy.

Eddie squeezed the stress ball hard. “I guess. Except he’s the one who did it, so I don’t know what he has to be upset about.”

“You’re a great kid, Eddie. I know he knows it.” Eddie let that compliment sink in, trying to believe it.

“Thanks.” He stood slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I should get going. Thanks for listening.”

Principal Filch stood to walk him out. “I give you a hard time but you can talk to me whenever. You know that.”

“Great. See you tomorrow morning!” Eddie teased as he walked out of the office feeling a little better but not much. It was going to be an excruciating day. 

Eddie was dreading today, March 7th, with all his heart because he had to do something that he truly did not want to do. If he didn’t get the courage to go through with it he would hate himself.

He strode through the hallway that morning trying to look confident, except the minute he saw him all conviction evaporated.

There he was, just standing by his locker with his effortlessly good looks. His curly hair that Eddie would give anything to run his hands through again, dorky glasses and even dorkier mismatched outfit. 

Eddie took a deep breath. He could do this. He was strong and could stride over to Richie’s locker, hand him the card and walk away.

Now, if his legs would just move.

He begrudgingly strode forward until he stood right next to him. Richie glanced down in utter surprise. Eddie’s courage was ebbing away gradually. He could not meet his eyes because he was scared and embarrassed. He must have looked like he wanted to melt into the ground because he did.

He let out the breathe he was holding. 

“Hey,” Eddie said softly.

“Hi.” Richie replied sadly.

The deja vu of their break up almost made Eddie turn around and run away. They had not said a word to each other since the ‘I miss you’ phone call. Hearing his voice again, even after a week and a half made Eddie’s body ache all over.

“I wanted to give you this,” Eddie held out the card quickly. “And say happy birthday.”

He gingerly took the card. “Thanks, Eds.” He said gratefully. Eddie tried to hold back tears at being called his nickname. He never thought he would crave the sound of that name on Richie’s lips.

“You’re welcome.” They stood there for a moment longer still not looking each other in the eyes. So many words going unsaid. Richie seemed ready to say more but Eddie quickly waved, “Ok. Bye.”

He turned to leave. He did not know why Richie did it but he reached forward and grabbed his hand.

The feeling was electric, like they had been hit by lightning. Eddie turned to look at their entwined hands. Richie ran his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles slowly. He lifted his silver brown eyes to meet Richie’s golden brown ones, which were gazing at him as if his heart still belonged entirely to him. And that’s all it took for Eddie to surge forward stand on his toes and kiss Richie. Their hands stayed firmly clasped together. Richie met his lips hungrily as Eddie brought his other hand to run through Richie’s hair fiercely. Eddie let the pain he had been feeling fade away to make room for this perilous thrill. Breathing in Richie, kissing him with every bit of desperation he had been missing. Deepening the kiss before he could stop himself. He didn’t care they were in the middle of the school hallway, he needed Richie with every cell in his body. He let himself be pushed against the locker as Richie sucked on his tongue. His other hand going to his back to bring them flushed together. Eddie could feel Richie’s desire and knew he felt his too. Richie moaned unashamedly.

Then Eddie's senses came crashing in to shut off the electricity. There were people gasping and talking behind Richie, probably about them. Eddie gave him one last peck on the mouth before ending the kiss. Richie leaned forward to chase his departing lips before realizing what he was doing.

Richie’s eyes were wide with pupils dilated and Eddie suspected his were too. “I shouldn’t have done that.” Eddie whispered in horror. He retracted his hand so fast his nails scraped Richie’s palm. He wiggled his way out of his grasp, then turned on his heel ready to run in the other direction.

“Eddie, wait!” Richie’s voice cracked in his haste. Eddie stopped in the middle of the hallway but he did not face him. Richie placed a hand on his shoulder, “I know you need space from me. I just want...NEED you to know that you’ll always be my best friend.”

Eddie nodded slowly trying to swallow. His throat felt desperately dry. He wished to be anywhere else but here, “You gave me the reality check that I needed.”

“Yeah, right.” Richie said half-heartedly.

Richie agreeing did not bring him solace. If anything, it brought anger and rage. He had the sudden desire to hurt Richie. Hurt him the way he had been hurt. Eddie turned around and frowned up at him, “I mean we were not a good match anyway.”

He flinched at the words. “Eddie that’s…” He looked crushed which sent a pang through Eddie but he held Richie’s gaze, “...that’s not true.”

“I have had some time to analyze everything. Your personality with mine was never going to last.” Eddie kept his face deadpan and serious. The lies seemed to come easier than they ever had for him. “Besides your parents hate me, my mom hates you. What were we expecting?”

“This has nothing to do with our parents.” He lied. It made Eddie’s blood boil to be lied too, especially by someone he loves so deeply. It was hypocritical since that’s exactly what he was doing but all rational thoughts were gone at this point.

“I always know when you are lying Richie. It’s my fault, I get it. I didn’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my mother to be fully with you.”

Richie ran his hands through his hair angrily. “God. You are such an idiot. It is none of these things!”

Eddie raised his hands up in a defeated motion. “Then what Richie?! Why did you fucking break up with me? Is it…” The secret fear Eddie had been harboring decided to come out. “...is it because you realized you wanted to be with a woman?”

“Oh my god, no! What?”

“Is it because I’m not attractive enough?”

“No! You are the most attractive thing in the world to me.” Richie yelled.

“Is it because I wouldn’t have sex with you? Cause I would have!” Eddie screamed louder.

“No, I don’t care!”

“Then why Richie?! Explain to me. Make me understand. Otherwise, there is no way we can EVER be friends again.”

“I...I…”

“SPIT IT OUT YOU FUCKING COWARD.” People had stopped to stare at the exchange. Eddie didn’t care. They could all go fuck themselves. Richie stayed silent and still. “Fine, Richie. You don’t have to explain. You are too incapable of being serious and you couldn’t fucking take a real relationship.”

“It’s not that!”

“Things get too real and Richie Tozier fucking takes off.” Richie’s eyes flashed dangerously. Eddie wanted to say ‘like his father’ but kept those words far down. He would never say that to him no matter how angry he was. “Too afraid to be in love with me. Oh that can’t be it, must be because he isn’t capable of love. Just being an asshole who doesn’t give a shit about me!”

“I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Richie face was flushed pink and his glasses had slipped to the edge of his nose from the outburst. He pushed them back up to the bridge harshly.

Eddie was frozen in shock at being screamed at. Richie rarely raised his voice, let alone truly shouted. Eddie focused on not crying at his words as he took a shaky breath. “That’s not funny. I’m done here.”

“No you aren’t. You are going to listen. I am in love with you, Eddie Kaspbrak.” 

“Please, stop.” Eddie begged as tears fell down his face. He wiped them away as best he could, trying to stay strong.

“I have never loved someone more in my entire life.” Richie had started crying too. He kept getting closer and closer to Eddie. “If it were just us on this Earth, that’s all I would need. I exist in this world for you and you for me. But I don’t deserve you.” Richie stood close but did not touch him this time.

“What the fu-”

“I am protecting you from me. It’s better we end things before they get any more serious because the last thing in this world that I w-want is for you to be hurt.” Richie was full on choking on his tears. Eddie had never seen him cry so hard. “And being the person that hurts you is unbearable.”

They were silent, staring at each other. Eddie could see heaven and hell behind Richie’s eyes. He could not think of any more to say. He did not have the strength to comfort Richie. He wasn’t even sure why he still wanted to do that.

“Well, I am hurt and there is nothing you can do to fix it.” With those last words, Eddie walked away and the worst was that Richie let him.

* * *

Eddie felt miserable for the rest of the day. When he tried to make plans with his friends to hang out and distract him, they were all busy. 

He was so desperate for a distraction, he agreed to go shopping with his mother. She needed some new clothes and she clearly wanted to cheer him up with whatever he wanted to buy. He picked out a couple sweaters and a new pair of jeans.

“This sweater is purple and red, you’re favorite colors!” His mother handed it to him. “It’ll look cute on you!”

“I’m not cute, Ma.” Eddie tried on the sweater. He looked in a store mirror and decided he liked it. His mother came behind him, looking at him thoughtfully through the mirror.

“You look more like your father every day.” She hugged him and he smiled weakly at her.

She noticed his demure meaner and concern fell on her face. “How have you been feeling, sweetheart?” 

“Fine.” Eddie mumbled.

She touched his cheek lightly, scanning his face for something. “Whatever is going on with you will pass.”

“I hope so.” He sighed.

As they were leaving the store, Eddie saw a familiar figure a couple paces ahead of them. That tall, large build made Eddie’s heart sink into his stomach. He tried to walk slower but his mother was not having it.

“Eddie! Why are you walking so slowly?” She questioned, pulling on his arm to move faster. The man in front stopped when he heard her voice and turned around to face them.

“Hello Sonia.” Wentworth Tozier drawled. His ruthless eyes went briefly to Eddie and there was a smugness in his smile. As if he knew a secret about Eddie. It made him more nervous and anxious to run away.

“Hello, Wentworth.” Eddie’s mother said tentatively. She looked to Eddie giving a stern stare that he needed to say hello.

“Mr. Tozier,” Eddie nodded curtly. He tried to pull on his mother’s sleeve to get her to keep walking, but she had already stopped to have a proper conversation.

“How is Maggie?” His mother asked stiffly. She didn’t seem to want to keep talking either but was too polite to leave. He wished she would read his body language.

“She is fine.” He said quickly.

“And your son?”

“You haven’t seen him lately?” He asked curiously that smug smile returning to his face as he glanced at Eddie again. “Doesn’t he usually hang out with your boy?”

“No, not anymore.” Eddie seethed. Wentworth’s eyes met Eddie’s as he seemed to search for the truth.

Once he was satisfied he said, “That is for the best because he is an imbecile.” 

Eddie opened his mouth to yell but closed it at his mother’s harsh stare. He wanted nothing more than to verbally attack this man. He decided to be more underhanded about it. He stood up a little taller and said, “Today’s his birthday, did you even remember?”

“And why is that supposed to be important to me?” Mr. Tozier was watching Eddie’s reactions with a sadistic enjoyment. He could feel his face turning red with rage and his fists clenched.

He was going to respond but his mother beat him to it. “Surely...you will want to do something for his birthday? Our children’s birthdays are as important as they are.”

He scoffed, “Well, it’s a good thing my son is irrelevant and will amount to nothing in life.” He sneered hatefully.

“Well, it's a shame you feel that way.” His mother said horrified at the way Mr. Tozier spoke about his son. She turned to Eddie ready to have them leave.

At that moment, Eddie forgot who was in his company. A rage that had been festering and growing was about to break through the surface. “Shut the fuck up.”

She whipped her head in his direction. “Eddie! Apologize!” Eddie ignored her, keeping his eyes locked on Richie’s father. His eyebrows knitted together, eyes becoming slits as he leered at the heartless man. His mother went to pull Eddie away and keep walking but he held his ground, refusing to move. 

Mr. Tozier straightened to his full height, the same as Richie’s and growled out, “What did you say to me?”

“Do you need hearing aids?” Eddie’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

“Eddie!” 

“How dare you speak to me like this.” He said in a deadly voice.

Eddie took a deep breath, steeling himself for the things he wanted to say. “If you spent even a millisecond getting to know your son, you would realize he is brilliant, caring, and will go very far in life.”

“My son is a hopeless degenerate.” He practically spat the last word. Eddie knew that was a crack at Richie being queer and it just made him angrier.

“Richie kills himself trying to please you. He has taken care of _your_ wife more than you ever have. Not that you would know because you abandon your family more often than you take a piss.” Eddie snarled.

“I don’t have to listen to this insult.” He walked away but Eddie followed behind him in hot pursuit. 

“He is probably going to graduate with full honors and as Valedictorian of our fucking school next year! He is the funniest person I know and cares for everyone in his life more than his own.” Eddie had to practically run with the long strides Mr. Tozier was taking toward his car. He would run all night if that meant defending the most important person to him.

Wentworth wheeled around and Eddie almost crashed into him. He leaned forward forcing them to be nose to nose. Normally, Eddie would have backed down against a male authority. Except Wentworth wasn’t an authority, he was a villain.

“You in love with him you little fruit?” He said fruit like it was the most disgusting word in the English language.

Eddie hesitated, the smallest pause but it felt like an hour. Something flicked in Wentworth Tozier’s eyes and Eddie knew he had caught him. His grimace turned into a cruel smirk. Eddie felt a pang in his chest because it almost looked like Richie’s sneaky smile, except Wentworth’s was the nastiest expression he had ever seen.

He grabbed the front of Eddie’s shirt bringing him closer. Eddie tried to pry his hand off to no avail. “I know you are a faggot just like my son. Well, let me tell you something you disgusting little child, my son learned how to love from me and Maggie. His love will only destroy you.” 

“That’s not true.” Eddie spat. “Fucking let go of me!”

“I wasn’t always like this. I used to love so powerfully it could blow up mountains. Now, look where we are.” Mr. Tozier let go and Eddie staggered back a little.

A scream ripped through Eddie that had Wentworth speechless. “Richie’s love is stronger than yours! His love gives me life. You don’t know what love is. You never have. If you did, you would try to protect and save your son from spiraling instead of encouraging his downfall, Wentworthless!” Before Eddie could react, a hand came flying at his face. His head cracked to the side, the burning of shock hitting him like a ton of bricks. He placed his hand gingerly on his inflamed cheek and looked up. Wentworth was marching away as fast as he could go. Then, out of anger or disbelief from their confrontation, tears started prickling in his eyes.

He slowly turned around and his mother stood there. He didn’t know how much she heard, but it seemed to be enough. She had a trembling hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. Which was the tipping point for Eddie. His own flowed swiftly down his cheeks. He raised his arms tentatively toward his mother hoping she would understand what he wanted because no words were coming out. 

She immediately wrapped him into her arms in a type of hug he had not received since he was a child. The kind that lets you know your parent is there to protect you from all the evil in the world.

Eddie heard himself saying ‘I’m sorry’ repeatedly into his mother’s neck. She was shushing him and rubbing his back. His sobs were making his breathing come in shaky and panicked.

“Let’s go home.” His mother said soothingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never sit on Eddie’s strength and fierceness. 
> 
> It’s Not My Fault Playlists:  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc5ejsdxktvfL-T0P4JlxyXw5JR113Jik)  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138293710/playlist/5XrrOwk0VpxMq2R1ydGL1f?si=EKblY6Y-QCe1LoxiF5Un7Q)
> 
>  
> 
> THERE WERE AN OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF COMMENTS/MESSAGES/ASKS TO ME THIS PAST WEEK THAT HONESTLY MADE ME FEEL SO INCREDIBLY SPECIAL. Seriously, I am honored to write this and have it be loved by so many beautiful people.
> 
> Special thank you to those who commented on the last chapter:  
> Loadsofgay - *places bandaid on heart*  
> Alex16 – I hope you feel less attacked  
> Paltita – Loved your messages!  
> ALY – More is here!  
> Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec – Love you soulmate!  
> Bethica – I hope you don’t cry in German class again  
> Richiescokebottleglasses – Have you risen from your grave?  
> ! – Are you less sad?  
> Trashbaggbabbie – How’s that heart doing?  
> Mythicalowlsociety – Thank you for enjoying my fic!  
> HELP – I have sent help in the form of this chapter  
> Jtgm11 - *picks heart off from the street and puts back in your chest*  
> Why tho – *updates chapter* *hopes reader is ok*  
> Random Reader – I have supplied therapy through writing!  
> Oof – trying to cure that Reddie depression! I still want that reddie drawing!  
> HHHH – Slowly fixing them  
> Richie Tozier – We all know you love Eds.  
> Pls no – I HOPE YOU HAVE BETTER DREAMS AFTER READING THIS!  
> Reddie for life – I want vine references about my work always haha  
> SirDaniel207645 – I hope this has eased the depression a bit.  
> Screwabi – I hope you have recovered from the sobbing  
> Madds – Thank you for the comment!  
> KhaBrow – Please always live comment!  
> Welpfactory – Things will get betterrrr  
> FinnSkata – I am sorry I broke your heart  
> Strangercorndogs – Hope the tears have settled  
> Joe – Day has come!  
> Addie – More angst before I can make it right!  
> Makememsnotdreams – DAB BACK TO ME  
> Lovesosa12 – Only person to catch the title drop!  
> ChildDisrupter – Do you trust me again?  
> Lili - *hands tissue*  
> Popcornmoe – Thank you for no longer being quiet and commenting!


	20. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - "Mother" by Pink Floyd  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)

The drive home with Sonia Kaspbrak was hauntingly quiet. She kept looking at him from the corner of her eye, clearly hoping he would talk first. Tears were threatening to escape every time he thought about speaking, so he kept his mouth determinedly shut. She hesitantly reached across to touch the side of his face. He closed his eyes when she ran a hand through his hair, refusing to let her comforting touch make him cry more than he already had that day.

When they got home, his mother put ice in a ziplock bag for Eddie to hold on his face and keep the swelling down. It didn't hurt too badly, just sore. The slap by Wentworth had been forceful enough that he would probably have a hand shaped bruise on his face by tomorrow.  
  
She asked him to sit on the couch while she made tea. He brought his feet up and tucked them under himself. He grabbed a blanket to cocoon himself in and closed his eyes briefly to gather his thoughts letting the ice cool his face.

They were about to talk about him being _gay_. He felt trapped and blindsided by fate. This had to be the fourth worst day of his life. First being his father’s death, second was his break up with Richie, third was the night in the sewers, and fourth was being outed by basically his archenemy.  
  
Eddie’s heart pounded viciously against his chest. He pulled the blanket over his head wishing it could make him invisible. He had no idea how to have this kind of talk with her. She prevented him from saying the word ‘gay’ the first time. What’s to stop her from ignoring what he had to say right now? Not that he knew what to say.  
  
There was something really cruel about being outed before you were ready. It made Eddie feel a fiery rage in the pit of his stomach because it was his choice when people should know something so personal. He had liked boys for as long as he could remember and lied for so long about it but he was in charge of who got the privilege to know.  
  
There was also an incredible amount of dread and fear spreading through him. His mother finally knew. If she pushed it under the rug, he suspected it would break his already vulnerable state. If she acknowledged it but hated him because of it, he wouldn’t be able to survive that heartache either.  
  
His mother came in and sat on the couch next to him, instead of her recliner. He pulled the blanket off his head and glanced at the table. She had brought snacks, which he immediately took a handful of bread and cheese to shove in his mouth. Maybe if he kept his mouth full, he wouldn’t have to explain himself.  
  
“When I met your dad,” She began quietly. He chewed slowly at the mention of his father. They almost never spoke of him. “I knew immediately he was the only person for me. Smart, handsome, and kind. I had never met someone so genuinely kind. And he made me laugh so hard my sides would ache. Did you know I proposed to him?” Eddie shook his head in bewilderment. This was not how he expected their conversation to start.   
  
“He was telling a joke, except he kept laughing before he got to the punch line. He tried to tell the joke 3 times and I was thinking about how I wanted to hear that laugh for the rest of my life.” A small smile crept on her face as she thought about the moment. “Then I heard myself saying I wanted him to marry me. He was so shocked but he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. He was planning to propose to me that week and wasn’t surprised I had beat him to it.”  
  
She started to tear up so Eddie put the bag of ice down and grabbed the Kleenex box from a side table. He handed it to her and she took some tissues gratefully. He sipped his tea letting the warmth spread through him as she found her voice.  
  
“We had our problems, everyone does,” She continued. “We didn’t have enough money to fix the car, we had trouble balancing time between family and friends and our love life. I felt pulled in too many directions and lost in my own marriage. Then the happiest moment of our lives happened.”  
  
Eddie had a feeling he knew what she was going to say but could not help himself asking, “What was that?”  
  
“You,” She smiled softly. “I got pregnant and we didn’t fight for 9 months if you can believe that. We were just so excited and nervous that we actually started working together more instead of falling apart.”  
  
“And you were born early which brought on complications that you overcame but left us terrified all the time. I didn’t think I could love anyone the way I love your father.” Her voice broke. “Sorry, loved…  
  
Eddie reached forward and took her hands squeezing them. “Love Mom. You never stop loving someone, even if they have to leave you.” He couldn’t prevent his thoughts going to Richie. How even though they weren't together, he still loved him.  
  
She kept dabbing her eyes with kleenex then took a couple sips of her own tea. “I know I’m not the easiest to be around...” An unexpected laugh rippled through him.  
  
She gave him a look and he tried to turn it into a cough. “Sorry, Ma.”  
  
“I know I’m hard and really strict but I am just so painfully terrified of losing you. Nothing made me feel more alone than when your father died. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to live…” She choked back a sob and took a couple breaths to calm herself down. Eddie could understand those feelings. He had been feeling them for the past two weeks.  
  
“But I looked into your innocent 5-year-old eyes and realized I wasn’t alone. So I was going to make sure you never felt the kind of pain I did. Except, I’ve done the complete opposite. I thought that by keeping you close, I could protect you from pain and sickness.”  
  
“You have protected me.” Eddie reassured. Then added honestly, “You’ve just gone a bit overboard and started isolating me as well.”  
  
“I know. And this afternoon. When you ran after Wentworth, I was so scared for you. I couldn’t believe how brave you were. How I have somehow raised a son braver than I could ever hope to be,” She lowered her voice dangerously. “I will kill him for hitting you.”  
  
“I provoked him.” Eddie insisted.  
  
“That is never a reason to use violence.” She said firmly.  
  
“Ok, but Ma, murder is violence.” He held her gaze and then they started laughing together. He couldn't remember if they had ever laughed so genuinely together. They sat for a little bit drinking tea and eating.  
  
Eddie felt he needed to make one really important fact clear. “Wentworth is an evil man. Richie’s nothing like him.”  
  
She nodded her head and seemed to be struggling with the words she wanted to say. “I’ve seen the way you look at Toz...Richard. You’ve always loved him. And when you defended him this afternoon...I saw your face. I barely recognized you. It was as if I saw and heard you for the first time. Or listened I guess. It’s obvious you love him the way I loved your father.” Eddie’s breath hitched at the compliment. He was in complete shock at this conversation.  
  
“But Eddie I am so scared for you,” He looked at her with confusion. “Being...ya know...it’s a really hard life. So many people will be cruel to you and hate you before they even know you. I don’t know if I can handle that.”  
  
Eddie wanted to comfort her but he had no idea how. At the end of the day, he was the one who had to stand on his own. “It’s my life. I’m the one who has to deal with it.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Richie is apart of me, Ma. I love him so much it physically hurts me when he’s in pain. I would do anything for him.”  
  
She searched his eyes for a long time. Something akin to appreciation passed in her gaze. His mother was truly trying to know him. She wasn’t attempting to mold him into her perfect ideal son.  
  
“I can understand being that in love.” She put her arm around him and he kissed her cheek before leaning into the welcoming embrace. "How long have you been together?

He twisted his hands awkwardly in his lap. "February 14 was our 5 month anniversary." 

To his surprise, she laughed. "You must have HATED that." 

He chuckled, "Don't get me wrong, I still hate Valentine's Day. But it was a perfect day with him."

She chose her next words carefully. "I'm glad to know he makes you happy." Not that she was happy for him, but that he was happy.

Except Eddie was anything but happy. He sighed deeply, “We aren’t together anymore.”  
  
She squeezed him tighter, “Is that why...the panic attack happened...”  
  
“Yeah.” He said shortly.  
  
“I knew I recognized what was happening to you.” She said with a deep sadness in her voice.  
  
“What?”  
  
“A broken heart.” She rubbed his shoulder lightly. They stayed silent to process everything they were talking about. Eddie honestly thought she wasn’t going to push the subject anymore. She was never known to be nosy with him, almost fearing his answers. You can’t create the perfect child if they don’t say and do exactly what you imagine.  

She slowly asked, “Why did it end?”  
  
Eddie did not sugarcoat it for her. He was a blunt person and it was time she really got to understand him. “I wouldn’t tell you I was gay.” She flinched. He had a feeling it would take time for her to accept that word. “So Richie broke it off.”  
  
She clicked her tongue disbelievingly. He frowned, "You don't seem convinced."

She immediately said, “I find it hard to believe that I would stand in the way of Richard Tozier trying to be with you. It would take a lot to drag Richie away from you.”

Eddie pulled away to look at her unsure. “You think it’s something else?” He scanned her eyes hoping she was not messing with him. Although, his mother had never been a teasing sort of person.  
  
“His father knew about you two. That was obvious from the argument. His eyes and words gave him away. I have a feeling he got to him.” Eddie let those words sink in. He tried to think back to anything Wentworth may have said implying malicious intent against Richie and him. If Eddie was being honest with himself, everything felt cruel from his words to his secretive beady eyes to the final slap effectively ending the fight. 

If Richie was manipulated and didn’t really want to break up, then maybe there was a chance for them to work it out. The only problem was Eddie wondered if they could be together after everything that was said and done.  
  
“What should I do?” He said softly. He had rarely felt so lost.  
  
She paused for a long time then said resolutely, “Go tell him I know, tell him...I’m ok with it.”  
  
Tears sparked in his eyes as a pure relief, something he had never felt before, engulfed him. “You are?”  
  
She brushed away the bangs from Eddie’s face and held his uninjured cheek gently. “I love you too much to take away someone you love.”

* * *

Eddie grabbed the birthday gift he truly wanted to give Richie from his room and ran full speed to his place. He tried to be careful with the gift but couldn’t find the patience to care. His desperation to see and talk to Richie outweighed the possibility of a ruined present.

He had no idea what he was going to say or do once they were face to face. He planned to wing it, not overthink anything. He always over analyzes everything, but he would not do that tonight.

Richie would find out his mother accepted them. That Eddie is out to her. They would get back together and everything would be fine. It would all go back to perfect and wonderful. Even more so because everyone would know the truth. He was living for this feeling of high euphoria and wondered if this was how Beverly and Richie felt when they smoked weed. If so, he would have to start joining them immediately.

He almost slipped several times running because the sidewalks were icy. There was a light fall of snow that made Derry look almost beautiful. Everything was beautiful to Eddie right then. His feet carried him passed the Tozier mailbox, up the driveway, almost tripping over a bag of garbage Richie clearly had not properly thrown out yet, then landing right in front of a house door he knew as well as his own.

He raised his hand ready to knock, then he stopped himself mid-way. He was wheezing from the 10-minute sprint and sporting a terrible stitch in his side. He took deep breaths trying to calm himself, worried he would have a panic attack from his heightened emotions and uneven breathes.  
  
The need to compose himself forced his thoughts and imagination to take hold as he lowered his arm slowly. He stared absently at the door feeling the adrenaline ebb away to be replaced by irrational fear. Richie still broke up with him. He did it because Eddie was closeted. 

Even if his mother was right and Wentworth made Richie break up with him, he still agreed to do it. He probably didn't want to get back together. 

Not to mention, Eddie went through a personal hell. He said and did really horrible things to himself and others. He had not been in his right mind, but that didn’t change anything. He shouldn't want to date someone who could break him so easily. 

Most importantly, he didn’t want to get hurt again.  
  
“This was a mistake.” He breathed out and started to back away from the door. _So much for being brave._ He thought miserably.  
  
Then he shook his head. Except he was already here and ready to mend their relationship. If that meant only friendship again, he could let himself do that. They were friends first. The best of friends. He owed it to both of them to try.

He walked forward and knocked harshly. “Can’t back down from talking now.” He said to himself quietly.  
  
He listened carefully, clutching the present for Richie tightly and could hear some Pink Floyd song playing inside. Then Mike’s loud laugh broke through on the other side of the door. His stomach churned. He did not factor in any of his friends being there too. They all claimed to be busy tonight. There was no way he could face all of them right now.   
  
He turned on his heel and tried to flee except he went too fast and slipped on the ice. He would have easily righted himself having slipped on ice for years in Maine but he tripped over the bag of garbage by the walkway. This propelled him forward toward the snowy ground. Instead of trying to break his fall with his hands, he attempted to protect the gift he was holding. Eddie sunk into the freshly laid snow with a loud, "FUCK!"

The door swung open. The light from inside spilled out onto the darkened doorstep. He heard footsteps coming toward him and a bewildered glasses wearing boy leaned forward to check on him. Eddie focused on him with a grimace of chagrin. There he was in his tall, beautiful, goofy glory. Richie stared down in awe but was clearly struggling between laughing and concern for his wellbeing.

Eddie wished the snow would fall faster and bury him alive. He wanted to drown in the quarry. Perhaps fling himself off the town’s church steeple. His brain even considered stealing his mother’s car and driving out of Derry with his non-existent driver’s license, never looking back.

He was now frozen head to foot and his jeans would definitely be soaking when the snow melted. Richie stared back unsure whether to help him up or make fun of him.

“Fuck.” Eddie said again aloud. Richie finally let out a blaring laugh. Eddie grinned begrudgingly then let go of the present and started to make a snow angel. This made Richie laugh harder. When he was sufficiently out of laughter, he stuck his hand out to help Eddie out of the snow. 

Eddie held the gift with one hand and grabbed Richie's with the other allowing himself to be hoisted back on his feet. He unabashedly let his hand linger in Richie's longer than necessary but let go when he saw all their friends inside the house. They were eating cake and staring back in amazement, Beverly was definitely laughing.

Eddie’s cheeks heated up in embarrassment as he spoke at lightning speed. “Everyone’s here. Of course, everyone’s here. Cause it’s your birthday. Happy birthday by the way. Even though I already wished you a happy birthday. And it ended in a fight today. I’m sorry about that. And I’m sorry about the kiss. Unless you don’t want me to be sorry about that. In which case, I retract that apology. Because honestly, it’s your day and you get to have whatever you want. Anyway, I’ve had a weird day and needed to see you. To talk to you. Which we are currently doing. Well, I’m doing. Except like alone. Talk alone. But we can do it later, no problem. You can stop my rambling any time.”  
  
Eddie sucked in a deep breathe and held it in. His heart was going a mile a minute, refusing to slow down. Also, he was sweating from falling, running and his nerves which made him feel disgusting. Eddie looked at Richie watching his surprised features relax instantly. Richie beamed at him with a huge beautiful smile.

“But you’re so cute when you ramble, Eds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* Cliff Hangers keep the readers wanting moreeeee  
> Next update will be on my birthday on Monday, March 19! 
> 
> It’s Not My Fault Playlists:  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc5ejsdxktvfL-T0P4JlxyXw5JR113Jik)  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138293710/playlist/5XrrOwk0VpxMq2R1ydGL1f?si=EKblY6Y-QCe1LoxiF5Un7Q)
> 
> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO READS/KUDOS/COMMENTS YOU MAKE MY DAYYYY
> 
> Jaeda – Thank you for loving my story!  
> Trahsmouthing – love ya bitch  
> Mythicalowlsociety – Lots of Sonia being a good mom in this chap!  
> SirDaniel207645 – less escalation  
> Jtgm11 – Thank you for acknowledging Eddie’s fierceness  
> Popcornmoe - How are those emotions going?  
> Addie – I feel like I can hear you scream after this chapter too. And I totally loved your paragraph about how you would picture everything going down  
> This Person loves your writing – WELL THIS PERSON LOVES YOU  
> Wheelersmichael – Thank you for binge reading my story! So flattered  
> Azalea – Love ya sm  
> Strangercorndogs – Any more tears for me?  
> richiescokebottleglasses (Marshmallow_Man) – I hope you can rise out of that grave today!  
> Trashbaggbabbie – How’s that heart doing?  
> urdearestmom – I hope you are dying less!!  
> Sayori – Keep that heart going for reddie!  
> Reddie_4_ever – Thanks for commenting!  
> KhaBrow – Constantly enjoying your long reviews they give me so much fucking life  
> Creeper – Here’s a whole lot more Sonia being a better mom  
> FinnSkata – YOU MAKE ME SMILE SO MUCH!  
> Lili – Thank you so much for saying my fic is your favorite I am so flattered!  
> Lovesosa12 – Always love your comments! Thanks hun!  
> Paltita – Hope you like the update!  
> Elizabeth – Thank you so so so much for your adorable comment!  
> Mileven353days – I HOPE YOU ARE LESS DEAD INSIDE!  
> Madds – Moreeee drama!  
> sparklemish – If this fic is your new religion, then I give you the blessing of a new chapter  
> Morgane – Hope you enjoy!  
> ChildDisrupter – DID I DO GOOD WITH YOUR FATE?!  
> fucking bisexual ass piece of shit – first of all what a fucking great username, second of all I love you  
> BECKY – I am digging you out of the grave to read my fic!


	21. Highway To Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)

Richie beamed at him with a huge beautiful smile. “But you’re so cute when you ramble, Eds.”

Eddie’s heart raced at the thrill of hearing those words, but he tried to keep himself calm. “Not cute. Don’t calls me Eds. We can talk tomorrow. It’s just I wanted to give you the gift I really made for you.” Eddie shoved the slightly snow covered present into his hands quickly. “This was impulsive. It can wait. Bye Richie.” He started to back away, turning to leave and probably throw himself off a cliff.

“Eddie! Wait.” Richie’s voice pleaded. He held the boxed present to his chest tightly as he gazed into Eddie’s terrified eyes. They looked at each other like his next words would decide their entire future. “You haven’t missed one of my birthday parties since we were 10. Will you please stay?”

No words could have prepared him for the complete _relief_ that washed over him. Eddie sighed happily, “Yeah, of course, I will Rich.”

Richie turned gesturing for him to enter the house. He walked forward but as he started to pass, Richie held out a hand over his chest stopping him. His pulse quickened at the touch. Eddie looked up at him, then realized his eyes were on his cheek. The wound left by Wentworth’s slap must have been appearing more prominent.

Richie reached out to touch it. “It’s nothing!” Eddie batted his hand away quickly. “I fell and hit my cheek on my desk.”

Richie was unconvinced and a little hurt at the dismissal but let it go for now. Eddie shrugged off his snow-covered coat handing it to Richie who hung it up. Then he took off his boots and brushed off as much of the snow from his wet jeans as he could. 

He spotted Beverly and immediately went over to her. They had barely spoken outside of classes and a couple phone calls. She took it upon herself to be Richie’s only friend while Richie and Eddie gave themselves space. Or rather while Richie gave Eddie space upon his request.

Seeing her brought a mountain of emotions into his being. She was sitting on the couch, watching him come toward her and began to get up. He launched himself at her, knocking her back into the cushions with a grunt. His body latched onto her, arms wrapped around her neck and legs straddling her lap. She laughed and kissed every part of his face repeatedly.

“I missed you too Eddie!” She clung to him as happy tears fell. He kissed her cheek and turned around to look at everyone else. He was about to get off her lap but she wrapped her arms around his waist to keep him there.

“I guess you live there now.” Mike laughed from a chair across from them.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Richie said a little hesitant with his flirty tone. He handed Eddie a piece of cake. Which he accepted gratefully, letting his fingers brush over Richie’s hand. Richie blushed a little, which made Eddie happy he had the upper hand for once.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t mind.” Eddie said taking a bite of the cake, he kept his eyes on Richie who swallowed staring at his mouth. He wondered if Richie was thinking about the kiss they shared that day since he sure was. 

“So Eddie, that was an embarrassing f-f-fall.” Bill smiled at him with mirth.

Eddie frowned, “Shove that smile up your ass Denbrough.” They laughed at his crudeness.

“Such dignity and grace.” Stanley smirked.

“Any dignity I had is honestly gone as of today.” Eddie answered lightly. 

“Is that so?” Richie said curiously. “What happened today?”

“I fell for you.” He took another bite of cake as everyone stared at him with opened mouths. Then he cracked a smile and they all laughed at his antics. Beverly tickled his stomach and he squirmed in her lap. “Mercy!”

Then something occurred to him. “Wait a minute, why aren’t you all drunk? We were plastered at Richie’s 16th birthday last year.”

“No alcohol in the house this time.” Richie pointed out proudly. “Mom’s had it all removed and has stayed sober for a month.”

“Wow, that’s amazing!” Eddie said excitedly bouncing on Beverly’s knees. She adjusted underneath him. “I can move, Bev. We are like the same weight. I am probably killing your legs.”

“We most definitely are not the same weight. You weigh much less than me.” She insisted hugging him.

Eddie attempted to get out of her lap again and she just held on tighter locking her arms around him. “Why do you and Richie insist on me sitting in your laps?!” He huffed out in frustration then leaned against her back in defeat.

“Because you are the cutest.” Richie stated too fast. Realizing his slip up, he glanced up embarrassed. Eddie laughed instead of getting mad. The group exchanged concerned looks.

“Are you ok Eddie?” Ben asked politely. He was looking at Eddie as if a completely different person had appeared in the room. 

“I’m totally fine!” He was in a weird state of overconfidence. His mom knew he was gay and soon Richie would know too. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops but still held back the information.

It felt important to him that Richie knew before everyone else. So much of their relationship had been strained from Eddie being closeted. Including, as far as the facts went, breaking up over it. Richie deserved to hear about it first, which meant he had to be patient. A trait he never possessed.

He decided a distraction was needed. “So what are we doing?” He asked casually.

“I brought monopoly,” Ben pulled out the game. “Except I know you don’t play anymore since our last game.”

“You mean when Eddie f-flipped my mother’s coffee table after Richie won?” Bill said annoyed. Eddie remembered how Richie was baiting him the whole game then when Eddie went bankrupt he blacked out and thought he just flipped over the game. When he calmed down he realized it was the whole wooden table.

“If he hadn’t flipped it, I would have.” Stanley drawled out probably remembering how he felt when Richie laughed at him losing too. 

“Oh I see. You were all going to play monopoly because you thought I wouldn’t be here to crush you. Well, let’s fucking play it then.” Eddie grabbed the game from Ben. Mike and Bill cleaned the table off. Beverly finally let Eddie slide off her lap and sit next to her on the couch.

“Hey Richie? Can I have a change of clothes?” Eddie felt uncomfortable in the cold slightly damp clothes. 

“Sure, Eds.” He followed Richie out of the room and down the hall. Eddie felt nervous being alone with him, his heart was pounding a little faster. They hadn’t been alone in a week. 

Richie opened his door. Eddie hung out in the entranceway not daring to walk in. He spotted two opened boxes by Richie’s bed. His blood ran cold when he deduced they were the boxes of momentoes Richie gave Eddie over the years. Everything he had packed up and mailed to him.

He felt shorts and a shirt fly at his face. “You left these shorts here and I gave you one of my freshman year school shirts.” Richie shrugged. Eddie glanced at the shirt to see Nirvana's band logo staring back at him. He smiled gratefully and went into the bathroom to change. 

When he emerged, he was thrilled to be dry. He walked back into the living room to see the place cleaned of food. 

He sat on the couch watching Ben set up the game. “I get Vitoria!” Eddie grabbed the metal rocking horse monopoly piece right out of Ben's hand. Then snatched up the battleship piece handing it to Richie.

“Thanks for saving Eduarda.” Richie said excitedly. He hesitated, looking between Eddie and the vacant location next him on the couch. Eddie smiled at him and tilted his head toward the spot. Richie returned the smile and sat beside him. 

“Why did you guys give your favorite monopoly pieces those names?” Mike asked confused.

“We had a joke for a while that we would adopt two daughters from Brazil and their names would be Vitoria and Eduarda.” Richie responded eyeing Eddie cautiously.

He smiled to himself, "I think you mean it was your idea, Richie." He leaned over and bumped Richie's shoulder gently.

Richie bumped him back giving him chills. "But you agreed they were beautiful names."

“You two are so weird.” Bill laughed at them.

They gathered around the game in a circle with Ben and Bill sitting on the floor, Stanley in an armchair, Mike lounging in a chair taken from the kitchen, and Beverly, Eddie, and Richie snuggled on the couch.

The game was one of the most fun Eddie ever had. It had nothing to do with the game itself. Although, he was doing a very good job. He was having fun being the most flirty he possibly could and it was making Richie really embarrassed. As in unable to focus because Eddie wouldn't stop touching him and making flirty comments.

When he was rolling the dice, Eddie pushed his leg up against him running his foot over Richie’s. Richie blushed and the dice went flying into Mike’s forehead.

“Ow! Richie, my face is not the monopoly board!” Mike rubbed the new injury.

“Sorry!” Richie groaned, glancing quickly at Eddie who was giving a sneaky side smile.

At one point, Richie absentmindedly put his arm behind Eddie’s back on the couch. Something he did all the time to everyone. Eddie purposely leaned into the cushions so his back touched his arm. Richie stiffened but did not retract, gingerly shifting closer. Eddie slung a leg over Richie’s thigh getting completely comfortable and he could hear Richie’s breathing pick up a little. 

“It this ok?” Eddie asked with fake innocence as he looked up at Richie. The boy was staring back at Eddie and he seemed to be calculating his next words carefully.

“It’s fine.” He said strained. “We’ve always been touchy...even before.” He didn't comment that it had always been Richie who was touchy, not Eddie. 

Eddie brought his attention back to the game and the rest of their friends were acting nonchalant, once in a while sharing secretive glances. Eddie felt Stanley staring daggers at him from his armchair. He considered ignoring the enraged glare but finally looked at him with a frown.

Eddie mouthed, ‘ _What?_ ’ Richie shifted them a little so he could roll the dice. Eddie pressing further into him.

Stanley mouthed back, ‘ _Stop messing around with him_.’

‘ _I’m not doing anything_.’ Eddie insisted.

Stanley rolled his eyes. ‘ _You’re going to get hurt._ ’

Eddie flipped him off in response.

“Stop having secret convos,” Beverly said laughing. “You know we can’t read your guys’ lips as easily as you can.”

“An important trick Stanley and I taught ourselves.” Snuggling into Richie’s side more with a triumphant smirk. Richie was moving his player across the board choosing to remain oblivious.

“Mostly so we can shit talk about you all in front of you.” Stanley moved his glare to Richie, who reluctantly looked at him then immediately removed his arm around Eddie with a guilty expression. He made it seem like he needed to be closer to the board scooting to the edge of the couch, effectively knocking Eddie’s leg off from his own.

Eddie flipped Stanley off a second time.

Later, his rocking horse had to go to jail meaning his turn would be skipped a couple times. Eddie hugged Richie’s arm and put his head into his shoulder fake crying. “Tell the children that I love them!” He pushed Richie’s shirt sleeve up to let his lips brush over his skin. He swore he could feel goosebumps on Richie at his touch. 

“I won’t be letting the Vitoria and Eduarda visit you. You’re a menace to society.” Richie laughed shakily.

“It’s ok. I’ll sneak them to you on visitation days. That's what Auntie Bev’s are for.” Eddie knew they were all kidding but an excited thrill went through him at this kind of talk. He wanted a future with Richie more than anything and him not rejecting the idea brought hope.

Eddie leaned against Beverly and put his legs across Richie’s lap. Richie made an almost exasperated noise but Eddie just plastered a gloating smile on his face. “Wake me up when it’s my turn again.”

As the others played, Eddie let his foot get closer to a dangerous area on Richie’s lap. He had no idea why he was messing with him so much, but was getting too much pleasure from it to stop. He was starting to understand why Richie loved teasing him.

When his foot almost got to its destination, Richie got up urgently practically throwing Eddie’s legs off him.

“I need soda. Be right back.” He blurted out.

“I’ll come with you.” Eddie said quickly.

“No, I’m the host!” He pushed Eddie back into the couch. Eddie’s eyes met his and he saw the desperation in his gaze. “If you want something, I’ll get it.”

“Then can I have some soda too?” Bill asked.

“Me too!” Beverly added.

“Sure whatever.” Richie left the room. Eddie waited a couple seconds then followed him.

“Eddie, what are you doing?” Stanley asked warningly. He shrugged and kept walking.

He got in the kitchen and watched Richie’s back as he fixed drinks for people. His shoulders were tense and his stance was guarded. Eddie went behind him, slowly putting his hands on Richie’s hips. He jumped a little then rounded on him. “Eddie, I know what you’re trying to do.” He placed his hands over Eddie’s clearly wanting to pull them off but not moving.

Eddie smiled at him keeping his hands firmly there. “I didn’t realize I was that obvious.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“We can’t.” Richie said firmly.

Eddie’s smile fell slightly. “Can’t what?”

“You know!” He hissed. 

Eddie’s heart was speeding up. “Say it, Richie.”

“We can’t be friends with benefits!”

Eddie stared in shock then let go of him and started laughing. His laughter filled the whole kitchen. He was laughing so hard his legs couldn’t hold him so he ended up on the floor. Tears were streaming down his face as he clutched his stomach. When he managed to calm down, he looked from the ground at an angry and confused Richie.

“What’s so fucking funny?!” Richie demanded.

Eddie got off the floor and walked right up to Richie. He didn’t stop until his body was pressed against the other boy. He grabbed the sides of Richie’s face and brought their lips crashing together. Then pushed Richie into the kitchen counter roughly. He immediately deepened the kiss running his tongue along Richie’s mouth with need. Richie held his waist kissing back fiercely. His thumb ran over the skin exposed from the Nirvana shirt rising up. Eddie scraped his fingers through Richie’s hair longingly. He missed being able to do this. Letting himself go with Richie was everything he loved about being with him. Richie made him feel like his true self. Eddie’s skin, veins, his whole being was practically vibrating. He kissed down Richie’s jaw to his neck, biting and licking a mark where he knew he was sensitive. 

“Eddie...” Richie sighed out and Eddie hummed into his skin. Richie let his hands slide down and grab Eddie’s behind to bring their centers closer. He rocked forward making Richie groan deeply. A familiar warmth he hadn’t properly felt in two weeks grew in his lower stomach.

When Eddie finished the mark, he licked it lightly then blew on it making Richie shiver. He kissed his way back to Richie’s mouth but stopped right at his lips. They breathed each other in, feeling their hearts beating against one another’s chests. Practically beating as one.

“I don’t want to be friends with benefits either.” He whispered as their lips brushed lightly together.

Richie held him tighter looking nervous, his eyes darker than usual. “Then what do you want?”

Eddie smiled at him mischievously, “You.”

Then he pushed himself off of Richie and left the kitchen. Eddie practically skipped back into the room, which made everyone concerned. “Eddie...are you sure you’re ok?” Ben asked curiously. “You’re acting differently.”

“I am on cloud nine, Ben Handsom.” Eddie kissed his cheek and sat back on the couch. Ben looked dumbfoundedly around the room.

“I like it,” Mike said nicely. “You have a confident glow about you.

“I think he’s having another b-breakdown.” Bill said as he got on his knees, reached forward and pinched Eddie’s side. Eddie squirmed away giggling.

“That’s an insensitive thing to say Bill.” Stanley chided, hitting Bill’s hand but kept his eyes trained on Eddie.

“He s-skipped into the room!” Bill insisted cradling his hand.

“I think he might be sick.” Beverly put the back of her hand on his forehead to check for a fever. Eddie licked her arm, which made her squeal. “I can’t believe you just willingly licked me!”

“I’m full of surprises tonight,” Eddie said mysteriously. “Hurry up Richie! Some of us would like to kick your ass...at monopoly of course.”

“Maybe we should switch seats, Eddie.” Mike suggested getting up.

“I think you should too.” Stanley added.

He waved them off unconcerned. “I’m perfectly comfortable right here. Thank you.” 

“I’ll switch with you.” Richie said coming back into the room with drinks. Eddie's breath caught and his heart sank.  Mike gave Eddie an apologetic glance and sat beside him.

Now that Richie was across from him, Eddie spent the rest of the game sulking. He kept trying to get Richie to look at him but his eyes focused on anywhere except Eddie. The rejection left him thinking that bit of hope for their relationship was all a manifestation in his head. As soon as the game was over, he was leaving. Stanley was right, he only got hurt. 

He could barely enjoy the fact that he was winning. Which was shocking because Eddie was an insufferably competitive person. Everyone got bankrupt then it was just Richie and Eddie. When Richie landed on his hotel, Eddie blinked in astonishment.

“I won?” He said in disbelief. All of them braced themselves for what was to come. 

Eddie yelled in victory. He stood on the couch and started doing the craziest happy dance. He swayed his hips from side to side singing, “ _I_ _won I won. I’m the best, I ace every test. You all suck because you have no LUCK!_ ” Everyone was laughing or groaning at him.

"God damn it." Stanley complained.

“You literally do this every time!” Beverly said putting her hands in her face. Eddie poked the top of her head repeatedly still singing his song.

“Someone stop him and his terrible dance moves.” Mike whined smacking his hand over his eyes in laughter.

Eddie zeroed in on Richie who was finally looking at him with a surprisingly bright smile. “Think you can still love me after that enormous defeat?” Eddie said to Richie as he jumped up and down with delight.

“I will always love you.” Richie stated calmly, never letting his eyes or voice waver. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Shannon ever cease with the cliffhangers? You’ll just have to keep reading to find out. 
> 
> IT IS MY BIRTHDAY SO YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME AND LEAVE A COMMENT!  
> You don’t actually have to leave a comment but you all know I love them. Haha. I didn’t edit this chapter as much as I usually do, so let me know any errors!
> 
> It’s Not My Fault Playlists:  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc5ejsdxktvfL-T0P4JlxyXw5JR113Jik)  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138293710/playlist/5XrrOwk0VpxMq2R1ydGL1f?si=EKblY6Y-QCe1LoxiF5Un7Q)
> 
> Thank you all my perfect flawless readers!
> 
> e – I love youuuuuu! Sorry for the second cliff hanger!  
> Reddie4ever – Thank you for enjoying my story!  
> Urdearestmom – Only receiving a what from you made me laugh  
> Bethica – Thank you for your comments about Sonia/Eddie!  
> Mythicalowlsociety – I hope you enjoyed the new chapters!  
> CupidGenie - Thank you beautiful person!  
> Popcornmoe – Couldn’t fit what the present is in this chapter! But Next one! Thanks for your comment babe!  
> Jtgm11 – Thanks for commenting cutie!  
> MissUnicorny – Happy to give moms in the IT universe some redemption  
> El – Have you recovered from the last back and forth or is the new back and forth making it worse?  
> Addie – Monday has come! Read and be merry my dear!  
> Mileven353days – I’m glad you are more alive!  
> Shewasthewind – Thanks for commenting!  
> Paltita – Thanks for the comments! Glad you loved Sonia and Eddie bonding!  
> Richiescokebottleglasses – Bless that you have risen from the grave!!!  
> ChildDisrupter – Still suspicious of me?  
> KhaBrow – Thank you so much for your long beautiful comments! They mean the world to me!  
> Lovesosa12 – MORE CLIFFHANGERS FOR YOU. Because I am an angst stirring bitch haha  
> Eddiestenbrough – Thank you so much for your long and beautiful message. It really inspired me the day I read it and has actually inspired me all week to write a bunch on my tumblr. I love you!  
> Riss20 – Thank you for noticing my Africa reference. Haha  
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> Fluffles_Booty – Thank you for your comment!  
> Strangercorndogs – Thank you for always commenting! Glad your sickness was cured by my writing!


	22. A Thousand Miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)

There was not a proper word to describe what Richie had been feeling the last couple weeks.

The closest word would be _numb_. But even that was generous. He went through the motions of getting dressed, going to school, coming home to do his homework, then restlessly falling asleep each night. He became an empty shell of a person who stared blankly ahead everywhere he went. A constant pain running through his body with every step.

He couldn’t make jokes and had no desire to laugh. He was lost.

 _“Please Richie! I love you!”_ Rang in his ears like a never-ending bell. Eddie’s broken-hearted voice begging him not to abandon him. Except that’s exactly what he did. He abandoned Eddie and left him to deal with his pain alone. Something he never thought he would do.

It reminded him of all the times his father abandoned him and he just hated himself more.

The first night without Eddie, he downed almost an entire bottle of tequila. Then called Beverly and she took care of him. That’s how she found out about why Richie broke it off. How his father was blackmailing him and that he lied to Eddie saying they had to break up because he wasn’t willing to be out. He was completely blackout and told her the whole thing, then cried until he fell asleep.

When he woke up the next morning, having gotten sick multiple times during the night, Beverly confronted him. “First of all, never drink that much again or I will kick you so hard in the balls you will never fucking properly walk again.” Beverly said in rage as she hovered next to Richie’s bed placing a water bottle and a few aspirins on the side table.

“Shush, ow. Fuck. My head.” Richie groaned with his dehydrated throat.

“Yeah, I bet it fucking hurts and second Richie, you told me everything last night,” She hesitated before launching into her opinions. “And honestly, who cares what your father thinks? How can you break things off with Eddie and lie to him about the reason?”

“Because…” Richie sat up slowly suffering the effects of his stupidity. “If we stay together and I tell him, he will feel obligated to come out to his mother before he is ready. Or his mother will find out through fucking Wentworthless. I refuse to allow anyone the opportunity to hurt Eddie.”

Beverly sat gingerly on the bed running a hand across Richie’s clammy forehead. “But Rich...Eddie loves you. He would do anything for you.”

Richie grabbed the water bottle and aspirin as Beverly let her hand fall to her lap. He drank to ease his morning hungover voice then swallowed the pills. He cleared his throat, “And that is the problem. Being with me will only hurt him. I will not be the reason he is in pain.”

Her mouth became a thin line, blue eyes looking murderous. “It’s your life. But I don’t understand and I don’t agree.” Beverly left the room to make him some food.

That first week Richie avoided Eddie entirely. Every class they shared together was spent on opposite sides of the room, he ate lunch with Beverly in his car, took as many shifts at the record store he could after school, and smoked practically a pack of cigarettes a day.

Every inch of his body ached with sadness. His blood felt perpetually colder than below freezing. He was surprised a black cloud had not appeared above his head.

The world had lost all its color without Eddie in his life.

He knew from daily calls to Stanley that Eddie was barely speaking to anyone, eating less, and potentially not sleeping. Every day he would go through the same struggle of picking up the phone, starting to dial his number, then hanging up. He convinced himself that it was better he didn’t check on him. He would just make everything worse.

Then the horrible volcanic blow up happened.

Richie was sitting in the car with Beverly. They weren’t talking about anything in particular. Richie saw how tired and unkept Eddie looked in class. He craved the chance to talk and become at least friends again. There was no way he could do that right now with how upset they both were.

There was a tapping on the passenger side window that made them practically jump out of their skin from the surprise.

It was _him_.

Eddie stared at Beverly until she got out of the car. Richie had not seen him this close up in so long. His eyes were red, face unhealthily thin, and clothes hanging of his body more than usual. He was so gaunt. _The break up is killing him. I am killing him._

Beverly got out of the car and Richie listened to the horrible things he was saying to her. Each slice of cruelty breaking his soul. He wanted to get out of the car and defend her but what could he possibly say to help? Richie would start crying then probably confess everything.

He stared blankly out the windshield waiting for the yelling to stop, desperately blocking it out. When it finally did he let out a breath that immediately caught back in his throat when a hand slammed on the window next to his head. He knew whose hand it was and all he could do was flinch. A powerfully vicious, “FUCK YOU!” Was screamed and then the tears did fall from his eyes.

He turned his head to see the short boy walking determinedly out of the school parking lot and out of sight.

Beverly opened the door, “Class is about to start,” She said through her own tears. “I’m going to wash my face before.”

“I…” Richie didn’t know what to do. Eddie rarely ever missed classes. Him running off campus was in direct correlation to their situation. “I’m going to find him.” He said resolutely.

She nodded her head, grabbed her backpack and closed the car door. Richie drove everywhere trying to find him. Through downtown, by both their houses, at the quarry, but he was nowhere to be found.

Eventually, he ended up on the outskirts of town where there were tons of trees and the “Derry Welcomes You” sign.

He was there. On the side of the road, next to a tree in the slightly melted snow with his knees up to his chest. His face was red, slowly turning purple.

“He can’t breath!” Richie whispered to himself before pulling over, wrenching his door open not even caring that he left the car running.

“Eddie! Breathe!” He screamed as he ran up to him. Tears were streaming down his face in full force. Absolute terror screaming in his veins. “Please Eds! Please breath!”

He flew to his knees in front of Eddie’s small shaking body. He pulled off his jacket and placed it over Eddie, ignoring the biting cold. He placed a hand on Eddie’s chest trying to soothe him and another behind his neck to center him. His eyes were rolling back into his head like he might pass out. _Or die._

“FUCKING BREATHE PLEASE! EDDIE I LOVE YOU! PLEASE BREATHE FOR ME!” Eddie’s eyes rolled forward to focus on Richie but he still wasn’t breathing.

Then something clicked in Richie’s mind. He went into his jacket pocket and pulled out an inhaler. It was the one Eddie gave him years ago in case he ever had an “asthma” attack and couldn’t get to his own. 

After they found out Eddie never actually had asthma, Eddie told him to throw it out. He could never get himself to do it. Something about keeping the memento was important to Richie.

He shoved it in Eddie’s mouth and pressed the button. The medicine launched into his mouth and he started coughing. But also breathing. Richie thought he would pass out himself from relief.

Eddie sat up carefully staring at the ground, letting the shock wear off.

“Can you stand?” Richie asked shakily. Eddie did not answer, probably because he could barely speak so he shook his head sadly.

Richie put his arms around him and carried him to the car. Drove and carried him to his house.

Sonia freaked out when she saw Eddie.

“WHAT HAPPENED?! Why does he look like that? What have you done? Eddie-bear talk to me please.” She tried to take Eddie out of his arms but he held on tighter and shoved his face into Richie’s neck. His breathing tickled Richie’s skin and gave him goosebumps.

Richie swallowed and held back his emotions. It took all his strength not to cry in front of Sonia Kaspbrak. “He needs to go to the hospital. He hasn’t been eating, drinking, or sleeping I think.” Richie said scared.

He was surprised to hear Eddie mumble, “Put me down.” Richie put him on his feet, helping to steady him. Then Eddie pushed his mother inside despite her continued protests.

He turned to meet Richie’s eyes with the coldest expression, gave a simple, “Thank you.” Then slammed the door almost knocking Richie off his feet. He hugged his jacket and walked back to his car dejectedly.

Richie continued his concerned phone calls to Stanley, finding out Eddie was taking a couple days off from school.

Not seeing him was almost as bad as seeing him.

“Is he eating?” Richie asked over the phone.

“Yes,” Stanley said.

“And sleeping?”

“Mostly.”

Richie sighed, “I gave Bill a snickers bar to give him. Told him not to say it was from me.”

“You’re weird but ok. I should go over there now.”

Richie went to the Beverly’s Aunt’s place to smoke and feel sorry for himself. They were sitting on the couch in the half living room, half kitchen of the apartment, about to light up a joint but were halted when the phone started ringing. Rarely anyone called her aunt’s landline since she had a personal work phone.

Beverly got up quickly and grabbed the receiver before it went to the message machine. “Hello?”

The person greeted her back and her eyes widened flying to Richie. He looked back in confusion. 

“Hi, Eddie...” She said pointedly. Richie’s heart leaped and so did his legs as he jumped over the couch to crowd beside her.

Eddie must have been about to hang up because she pleaded, “No! Please don’t hang up.”

“I’m sorry!” Then she laughed a little. Richie ran his hands through his hair almost pulling out. He wanted to know what they were talking about so desperately he was tempted to snatch the phone away.

“No, you were right." She said seriously as she gazed at Richie guiltily, "You are both my friends and I should have checked on you. I fucked up.”

Richie reached out and held her hand which she accepted gratefully.

“It’s not!” She insisted to whatever he said. “Stanley told me you had gone three days without eating and then five without sleeping. You didn’t know what you were s-saying.” She choked as tears bunched in her eyes. Richie squeezed her hand.

She wiped at her eyes and said with the utmost relief. “Friends for life, baby.”

She went silent then looked at Richie again. She took the receiver away from her ear then placed a hand over the mouth.

“Talk to him.” She said trying to hand over the phone.

“I shouldn’t.” Richie said quietly staring at the phone like it was a nightmare come to life.

“He asked if you even want to talk to him. Just do it, Richie.”

He reluctantly took the phone, heaved in a deep breath and tried to calm his pounding heart. He brought the phone to his ear and mouth then said, “H-”

Before he could finish saying a greeting Eddie interrupted him, “I just want to say that I am going back to school tomorrow. I don’t want to see or talk to you until I’m ready. I get that much since you broke it off. I'm too worried about what I might say or do if we are around each other. If you want to sit with everyone, let one of our friends know so I can find somewhere else to be…” Then there was a pause. “Alright, that’s it.”

Richie wished he felt sad, which he did but there was too much happiness that Eddie was going to be alright to be truly upset.

Then he realized he still hadn’t responded. _I should say ok and hang up. Or that I understand his wishes. That he can have the goddamn world and I will live in a fucking cave off the side of a cliff if that’s what he wanted._

Instead the words that came out were. “I miss you.”

He would staple his mouth shut after this call.

Then Eddie whispered back, “I miss you too.”

The week after that was a little bit better. Not much but a little bit of life had come back into his being.

All that came to an end when two boxes showed up at his door.

Richie never got mail. He used to get cards from his grandmother before she passed away but now he never got a thing.

Two boxes with no return address brought zero peace of mind. They were really heavy too. He had to make two trips to carry them into his room. As he made the second trip, his mother was about to pass him in the hallway but stopped in surprise.

“Did you buy something, Rich?” She took a look at the top of the box. “There is no return label.”

“I think...I think it’s from Eddie.” Richie sighed miserably.

Her expression turned to pity. “Do you need me to open them with you?”

“No, it’s ok. I can do it.”

Richie went into his room and placed the boxes next to the other. He watched them like his biggest fears, a clown or werewolf, would pop out and eat him. _That was a horrible thought, never allow yourself to think that again._

He ripped open the first one and immediately felt his stomach drop out of him. It was stuff Richie had left at Eddie’s place or given Eddie over the years. Not just things since they started dating, but practically everything since the beginning of their friendship.

Richie used to have weeks where he would not be able to handle being at home and would stay at Eddie’s secretly. He went over after school or snuck out of his house to visit. This meant there were clothes, toys, comics, even shoes from forever ago.

He picked up a Spider-man comic that he left there at 11. Eddie refused to give it back because it was his favorite superhero. An instant rage surged through Richie as he crumpled the comic in his hands and threw it across the room. It didn’t matter that it was now a collectible. He never wanted the comic back in the first place.

There was a stuffed bear that Richie won Eddie when they were around 14 at a fair. They had spent every quarter on this one bottle game, desperate to win SOMETHING. Eddie got down to his last quarter and handed it to Richie because both his hands were shaking too much. Richie remembered Eddie placing his hands on Richie’s shoulders giving him encouragement and goosebumps until he threw the ring toward the bottles. When the ring landed perfectly in the center, they both erupted into huge cheers, hugged and pointed at the same stuffed bear. They barely cared about the prize because it had been so much fun. Richie placed it next to his pillow.

Other things included: a Wonder Woman action figure, two transformers, a G.I. Joe, and more comic books he didn’t want anymore, some shirts and a pair of shoes.

His skin felt hot as he heaved an angry breathe and tore open the second box. Right on top was the blue sweater he gave Eddie during winter break when they were going through a tough time. He hugged it closer and realized it smelled like Eddie. He immediately put it on, letting the scent surround him with warmth and comfort.

He found the “R” and “E” keychain and thought for sure he would start to cry then as he placed it on his side table. He kept going through the motions of sifting through seeing old CDs and 8-track tapes. There were birthday cards, Christmas gifts from years past, even pictures of them together. Eddie truly left nothing to chance. He wanted Richie’s existence scorched from his life.

Every memory of their friendship was in front of him. Each thrilling, funny, painful, and important part of their past together packed neatly in two brown boxes. Richie wanted to stomp on, drown, burn, freeze, regenerate, and destroy the boxes again into ash. Then take the ashes and throw them at Eddie.

Because he was so MAD at him. _How could he do this to me? I was trying to fucking protect him. How dare he. I love him. How can he hate me so aggressively and permanently?_ These irrational thoughts ran through his mind so fast that he almost missed the real gut-puncher.

At the bottom of the second box was a gold pinky ring.

The ring he gave Eddie on his birthday to replace the cereal box one he lost years ago.

The ring he spent half his savings on to get.

The ring Richie would look at that made him think about the future.

Their future.

Together.

He unclasped the necklace Eddie gave him for Valentine’s day and added the ring next to his own R&E charm. Then put the chain back on tucking it into his shirt to remain above his heart.

He laid back in his bed, grabbing the stuffed bear to hug, while he wrapped himself tightly in the blue sweater.

He let himself cry.

Usually, he could silently cry from years of practice but not with this overwhelming pain.

Each scream that ripped through him felt worse than any physical pain he had ever endured.

His sobs were so loud, his mother came knocking. She let herself in, surveyed the scene and went over to him slowly. She hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder but he pulled her down beside him. He cried with her arms around him until he fell asleep.

The next week he spent being angry. Constantly ranting to Beverly about how livid he was. He was pissed at the world for keeping them apart. At his father for the threats. At Sonia Kaspbrak for not accepting her son.

But especially at Eddie.

He got to move on from Richie, while he suffered through the real knowledge of their break-up. Eddie could go on loving someone else while Richie was doomed to pine for the rest of his life. Beverly would say he should tell Eddie the truth. Richie would tell her to support him in his rage. She would call him an idiot.

He hated him.

He loved him.

He hated that he loved him.

The dread he felt for his upcoming birthday was unimaginable. He usually despised his day because his parents didn’t bother to do much for it. He was surprised to get an only slightly burnt breakfast from his mother, a couple CD’s, and the promise she would leave him the house to have a party with his friends.

He had invited everyone a couple days before and the same question came from each of them, “What should we tell, Eddie?”

“That you are busy.” Richie responded to their concern.

Then when the day came, Richie was minding his own business grabbing books from his locker. Thinking about how angry he was at life and Eddie, when the person in question walked up to him.

The anger flared for a moment until…

“Hey,” Eddie said softly.  
  
“Hi.” Richie replied sadly.

It was like all the anger and rage that was building in him had blown into the wind. Looking at Eddie again was everything his body desired. At the end of the day, they were best friends first and he had missed his best friend more than anything. Eddie quickly gave him a birthday card. His emotions immediately turned to shock which flowed into exuberance.

They barely exchanged any words before Eddie was saying goodbye and turning on his heel. Richie instinctively stopped him by grabbing his hand.

He didn’t want this moment to end. 

He wouldn’t allow it to end like this.

Their eyes locked and Richie knew Eddie could see how much he still entirely to loved him. Eddie practically mauled him with a kiss. The breath was knocked out of him and so was every painful thought he had been suffering through the breakup. The way Eddie kissed him proved he still loved him. It brought butterflies to Richie’s stomach like he had never experienced before. They were still holding hands as Eddie took his other hand to entangle in Richie’s hair. They deepened the kiss and Richie pushed Eddie against the lockers, allowing himself to blaze down this dangerous path. Putting every bit of himself on the line because Eddie was worth it.

It was the best birthday gift Richie could have possibly received. Eddie wasn’t JUST kissing him. He was publicly confessing his feelings for Richie to the whole school with this kiss. The whole world even!

 _Maybe we could get back together._  

Then it came crashing down with a fight. One of the most brutal fights he had ever experienced. It got worse when Eddie saw through his lies. Which brought out a cruelty Eddie had never displayed before towards him. Practically calling Richie his father without saying the words. Until Richie was screaming that he still loved him.

Eddie didn’t believe him or maybe he didn’t want to believe him.

Speaking of confessing love. Richie couldn’t seem to stop doing that with Eddie.

But how can anyone expect anything less when Eddie comes to Richie’s house that night on his birthday to tell him something, then stays to party will all of them, FLIRTS REALLY HARD with Richie, to the point where he literally got a hard on and had to leave the room. Then Eddie made it worse by making out with him in the kitchen and said he just wants Richie.

_WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!_

_I AM SO CONFUSED!_

Then when Eddie is dancing in victory at his monopoly win. Looking radiately cute as he asked Richie in a rush of adrenaline, “Think you can still love me after that enormous defeat?”

“I will always love you.” Richie stated calmly, never letting his eyes or voice waver.

_Well fuck..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much for all the WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY MESSAGES! I swear I got more birthday wishes on here and tumblr than I did on facebook, which is nuts. You are all an incredible community of people. Thank you for your patience while I took a vacation, it was important to me to recharge in order to not burn out. 
> 
> I don't have time today like normal to thank every commenter individually, but know that I love you all and you bring me to life with every comment! The encouragement I receive fuels my writing. 
> 
> It’s Not My Fault Playlists:  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc5ejsdxktvfL-T0P4JlxyXw5JR113Jik)  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138293710/playlist/5XrrOwk0VpxMq2R1ydGL1f?si=EKblY6Y-QCe1LoxiF5Un7Q)


	23. I Will Always Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)

“I will always love you.” Richie stated calmly.

Eddie stopped dancing to stare at Richie. His heart had skipped a beat as every part of him felt like screaming. He sat on the back of the couch ledge because his legs felt weak. Everyone was silent. Eddie was vaguely aware in his peripheral that Beverly had her hands to her mouth in surprise.

Richie was gazing at Eddie like he was expecting something from him.

“I still love you.” Eddie said firmly. It's what he had been wanting to say since he got there. Except, this seemed to be the wrong words to say as Richie paled and his mouth became a thin line.

What in the hell was happening?

Stanley made an impatient noise. “Richie and Eddie, are you back together?” Everyone looked at Stanley in shock then between Richie and Eddie. “I mean you make out at school, yes we all found out about that, have a huge fucking fight, there is clearly a fresh hickey from Eddie on Richie’s neck, and now you are acting super weird.”

“We aren’t together.” They said at the same time. It hurt Eddie’s heart to say it and he saw identical pain pass in Richie’s eyes.

“I’m just really happy right now.” Eddie admitted.

“Why is that?” Richie asked confused.

He met his eyes evenly, a hesitant grin on his face. “Because I got outed today...my mom knows I’m gay.” This confession was met with silence.

Then after a moment Beverly and Richie yelled, “WHAT?!” at the same time. All attention was completely on Eddie. The blood rushed to his cheeks and he knew his face was redder than a tomato.

“Um...yeah. She knows about me being gay.” Eddie hesitated then stared directly at Richie. “She knows about us.”

Richie made a strangled noise of shock. His eyes bulging behind those coke bottle glasses.

“Oh my god,” Beverly said in horror. She wrapped her arms around Eddie forcing him to look at her. “Did she kick you out? Is that why you came here?”

“What?” He said flabbergasted.

“E-e-ddie, you can stay with me.” Bill offered immediately.

Eddie was touched, even as he suffocated under Beverly’s hold on him. He opened his mouth to explain properly but was interrupted by an upset Ben. “I can’t believe she would actually do that!”

Stanley sighed heavily, obviously noticing Eddie’s struggle. “Maybe we should let Eddie explain…”

The cushions on the couch shifted as Mike stood suddenly, “I’m going to give her a piece of my damn mind.”

“Everyone calm down!” Eddie choked out. He untangled himself out of Beverly’s grasp and grabbed the back of Mike’s shirt to pull him down. “She didn’t kick me out!” 

“Wait!” Beverly grabbed the side of his face that was injured. He winced at her touch. “Did she hit you?” She demanded viciously.

At that moment, Richie got out of his chair and surged forward. He planted himself between Mike and Eddie to get a proper look at the mark. Mike was pretty much pushed off the couch and went to take the other vacant chair. Eddie had no idea if his cheek was still red or bruising, but Richie’s immediate concern made his face blaze.

Richie looked at the mark and frowned deeply. He placed his hand carefully on the side of Eddie’s face, cautious not to touch the actual wound. The gentleness made Eddie’s body tingle. Richie stopped scanning his face and let his eyes settle on Eddie’s. _He knows._ Eddie thought, holding his breath. _He can still read me better than anyone._

“She couldn’t have hit you this hard and the size of the mark is about as big as...my hand.” Richie said slowly. Eddie let his breath out and licked his lips nervously then cast his gaze down. Richie kept holding the side of his face, softly stroking a thumb over the sensitive skin. Shivers ran down his body.

“She c-could have used something else to h-h-hit him.” Bill said seriously. 

That brought him back to the situation. “Ma didn’t hit me!” He wrenched his face out of Richie’s grasp to gain some composure. Eddie had no clue why he wasn’t telling Richie about the altercation with Wentworth, but something in his gut told him that was a conversation for another time.

“She’s ok with everything.” Eddie’s voice begged for them to hear him.

“What do you mean by everything?” Stanley asked curiously. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, more attentive than he had ever been in the time Eddie had known him.

Eddie turned his eyes to Richie, whose body was so close he could feel heat radiating off him. He gave him a small, nervous smile. “She knows we were dating. And she says she’s ok with it.”

Richie dropped his jaw and parted his lips in disbelief.

He didn’t say anything for a solid minute. The silence surrounded them in a horrible way. Eddie was getting nervous with each second that Richie said nothing and just stared.

There was so much pain and emotion behind his eyes. He seemed overwhelmed and beyond conflicted. His glasses started to fog up from being teary-eyed, so he took them off.

 “I don’t know what to say.” Richie admitted placing the glasses on the table with a clank and rubbing his eyes.

All of them stared at him with different expressions of confusion.

Stanley spoke up, “That’s a first.”

“I mean, you fucking get back together.” Beverly said forcefully. She was glaring across Eddie at Richie like she knew exactly why he wasn’t jumping at the chance to be with Eddie again. Whatever the reason, it made her angry.

“Bev...d-don’t.” Bill warned. Eddie didn’t think Bill actually knew what was happening but he could sense dangerous territory with any of them.

“No! He wants to fucking be with Eddie! It’s just that his bastard father…”

“Beverly!” Richie shouted at her right in Eddie’s ear, making them ring and him jump. She flinched and stopped talking looking horrified. “Shut the fuck up!” He growled angrily.

“Don’t speak to her like that Richie!” Came Ben’s voice. Ben was never an assertive person but right then he was livid. He went over to Beverly and placed a hand on her shoulder. Richie seemed to realize his mistake as he glanced at Beverly’s angry tear-filled eyes.

All of them knew the way she used to be treated by her father. Eddie placed a hand on her knee for comfort, reminding her she was safe.

“I’m sorry. That was horrible of me. I just need to think.” Richie grabbed his glasses and shoved them back on his face. He got up to pace around the room. Eddie missed his closeness already.

“I’m not expecting to get back together if you don’t want to.” Eddie said reassuringly. “But I wanted you to know the tru - that she knows.” He would have said ‘truth’ but since he was keeping half the story a secret, he wasn’t really being truthful.

They all watched Richie pace. Eddie was getting more impatient with each passing second. All of this was making him upset and feel terrible. He finally could not take it anymore. “This was a mistake,” Eddie said quietly. Richie stopped pacing and went very still. “I shouldn’t have fucking come.”

“Eddie...no…” Beverly whispered. “Richie please, do something.”

Eddie got up from the couch, he went to the door and put his shoes on. Richie hurried over and grabbed his coat.

“Give me my coat.” Eddie said frustratedly.

“No.”

Eddie tried to grab the coat and Richie yanked it out of his reach. “You’re being a child.” Eddie sighed.

“Yes, I am.” Richie said defiantly and held the coat to his chest tighter.

“Then tell me what happened with your father.” Eddie gave him a challenging glare.

Richie opened and closed his mouth multiple times then shook his head slowly, unable to form words. Then his mind changed tactic, “Tell me what happened to your face.” 

Eddie ground his teeth together in frustration. “Why should I?”

“Because you are obviously lying about how you got it.” Richie seethed. Eddie had no idea how the argument had managed to be thrown at him. “No, desk did that.” 

“Yeah well, you said our break up had nothing to do with our parents when obviously it has something to do with your father. So you lied to me first!” Eddie stomped his foot and tried to grab the jacket again, but Richie was too fast.

“I don’t want to tell you because...because...JUST BECAUSE!” Richie roared. 

“How can I go from thinking I know you better than I know myself to talking to a complete stranger?” Eddie practically cried. “Why is it so hard for you to just TELL me what is wrong? We are supposed to tell each other everything.” When Richie didn’t answer, Eddie threw his arms up in rage. “Fine, Richie! Happy fucking birthday. Have a great life.” He turned to open the door ready to walk in the snowing, below freezing Maine weather without a coat, in shorts and a t-shirt.

“I had no idea you were such a coward, Eddie.” He whipped his head around to the voice that said it. He could not believe who it came from and felt his blood boil. 

He strode back into the living room, standing right in front of his accuser. “What the hell, Stanley?”

Stanley sat back in his chair glancing up at Eddie’s enraged form. “You came here with the obvious intent of getting back with Richie or at least having a conversation with him about everything. And you are just going to walk out? You’re being a coward.”

“How can you say that to me? He’s the one not telling me what is wrong!” There was a certain way Eddie and Stanley fought. Eddie was all nervous rage and Stanley stayed stubbornly calm. 

“So make him tell you.” Stanley said sternly.

“I am right here, ya know.” Richie said in frustration. They also ignore everyone else around them.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do.” Eddie said through gritted teeth. “I’m apparently not important enough to him to know what’s going on.”

“That’s not true!” Richie moaned.

Without looking at him, Stanley and Eddie both said, “Shut up, Trashmouth!”

Stanley stood up towering over Eddie. “You always think so little of yourself. Well, congratulations, you are living up to your low expectations.”

Eddie lowered his eyes to slits and before he could stop himself said, “You sure you’re not projecting your own fears onto me?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stanley scoffed but there was a flicker of fear on his face. They both had their arms crossed like their defensive shields were up.

Eddie decided not to hold anything back. If Stanley was going to be mean, he would be just as cruel back. “Maybe you should uncomplicate your own relationships before you go attacking mine.”

“Wow…” Stanley glared back harshly.

“Guys…” Mike said in a small voice.

Eddie rounded on him, “I’m surprised you don’t fucking agree with me, Mike.” Mike flinched as his eyes flickered to Stanley sadly.

“You’re in fine fucking form tonight asshole.” Stanley bit out.

“Apologize, Eddie.” Bill said firmly.

“Why should I? Stanley started it.”

“You’re being a b-brat.”

“Yes, well. I’m living up to my low expectations.”

“Alright!” Bill shouted. They all looked to him. His commanding presence always bringing them back. “Everyone n-needs to calm down. A lot has happened t-t-tonight. Also, it’s Richie’s day. We are ruh-ruining it.”

Eddie’s whole body was shaky, his blood on fire. “I would ruin it less, if you let me leave.”

“Richie, you should open Eddie’s gift.” Ben said suddenly, picking up Eddie’s present from a side table. “He told me what he was making a month ago. Open it.”

Eddie’s stomach dropped and he yelled, “No!”

Eddie and Richie lounged for the gift, Ben shrieked in fear. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and tried to swing him away. He ended up being lifted off his feet and kicked out. Eddie squirmed and wiggled as much as he could to get himself free.

Suddenly, Bill and Mike grabbed ahold of Eddie. Richie let got and ran to Ben.  

“Let go!” Eddie whined. He had started crying from his anger and embarrassment. His breathing becoming panicked. “Please!” They were seriously struggling to keep him in their grasp even though both of them outweighed Eddie in strength by a lot.

Richie looked at Eddie with uncertainty, then tore open the gift and the box opened with a plop. The four sides spread out to reveal a message. “Holy shit.” He breathed out. Then read the message aloud:

I have some **GOODNEWS** . It’s your Birthday! I love the way you **ROLO**. I was in a bit of a time **CRUNCH** and you know I have **BUTTERFINGER** s so the best I could do was this. I want to **TAKE5** minutes to tell you I’m **STARBURST** ing with love for you. You’re a **NERDS** who is the **SMARTIES** around. I wish we could go to New **YORK** together but I would settle for traveling the **GALAXY** with you and through the **MILKYWAY**. Maybe get on a rocket ship and head to **MARS BAR**. You’re such a **SWEETARTS** even when you are being an **AIRHEADS**. I would spend a **100GRAND** on you. I look forward to **MOUNDS**  of years together full of **ALMOND JOY**. You’ll always be my **POP ROCKS** and **LIFESAVERS**. Be **TWIX** you and me, I wouldn’t be anything without you. I love you to **REESE’S PIECES**. I’d be your **SUGAR-BABIES** or your **BABYRUTH**. Thanks for being my **HOT TAMALES** with your **GOBSTOPPER** and **JAWBREAKER** looks. I hope this made you **LAFFY TAFFY** and this was **FUN DIP**. I can’t wait to give you **KISSES**.

Love,

Your precious **SNICKERS** bar (AKA Eds)

The message had candy bars used as the words. It had taken him tons of babysitting gigs to get the money for all the candy. Then it took him forever to make the gift, he hadn’t even finished it before Richie broke it off. It required all his strength not to destroy it. As he had packed up anything that reminded him of Richie from his room, he kept going back to the half-finished gift wondering if throwing it out was the best option.

He didn’t want to admit it to himself but he held onto it as a small bit of hope they would work it out and he could finish it.

Eddie had ceased struggling, so Bill and Mike let him go.

Richie tore off the snickers bar and hugged it to his chest. The exact same way Eddie had a week ago when Bill gave it to him. The similar gesture made his heart pound aggressively in his chest.

“Did you make this before we broke up?” Richie whispered, still clutching the snickers bar.

“I stopped around ‘years together full of almond joy’.” Eddie confessed. “But the part about you being my rock and that I would do anything for you, those remain true regardless of anything.” He was already sinking into heart-wrenching territory, he might as well let himself drown.

The snickers bar fell from his hand as Richie crossed the room jumping over the coffee table to get to Eddie. He catapulted himself at him, but the force of the hug made them topple to the ground. Richie's full weight knocked the wind out of him but he laughed ignoring the pain. Eddie managed to push them to their knees, Richie wrapped his arms around his torso, bringing them as close together as physically possible.

Eddie instantly reciprocated the hug, putting his arms around Richie’s waist and squeezing with all his might. He shoved his crying face into Richie’s neck, repeating ‘I’m sorry’ over and over. The second time he had done that today.

Richie shushed him, stroking the back of his head, telling him not to apologize. He knew tears were falling down his face but he didn't care because he could feel his neck wet from Richie's tears. Eddie freed his face and looked around the room at everyone.

“I’m sorry to all of you.” He said sadly. Richie kept hugging him, refusing to let go. 

Beverly got off the couch and bounded over to join the hug. Mike was next, followed by Ben, Bill, and even Stanley. They all stayed like that for a bit until Eddie and Richie had calmed down.

They untangled themselves from the hug. Richie pulled Eddie to his feet and kissed his forehead. Eddie curled his fingers in Richie’s shirt not wanting him to pull away.

His hand landed on something hard above Richie’s heart. He poked it curiously. Richie used a hand to reach into his shirt and pull out the necklace Eddie had given him.

Next to the R&E was Eddie’s gold pinky ring.

Eddie didn’t think he would ever be able to breathe or think properly again.

“We should talk.” Richie whispered. Eddie nodded.

“We can go home, Richie.” Stanley offered.

“But I want to know the outcome,” Beverly said immediately. Then corrected herself, “I mean, insert more sensitive response instead of what I just said.” Everyone laughed at her.

“Well, we were going to watch a movie anyway. Why don’t you all do that, Eddie and I will talk.” Richie looked at Eddie for approval of this plan.

“That’s fine.” He breathed. He turned back to the group. “But if you hear screaming, run.”

Richie laughed heartily, “No! Call the police because Eddie’s killing me.” Richie took Eddie's hand firmly in his and led him to his room.

Before they entered his bedroom, Richie pushed Eddie up against the door and captured his lips in the kind of kiss written in sonnets. All hot, fiery, passionate, and demanding. Eddie pressed his tongue to the seam of Richie's lips and was granted access immediately to delve inside, their breathes and tongues intermingling. Richie held Eddie's head in his hands wanting their faces to be closer and Eddie arched up into his chest, moaning at the contact. If he could dedicate his entire life to this moment, he would. The world was falling away as a comfort beyond explanation washed over Eddie. He let himself get lost in everything that was Richie Tozier. 

And the words, "I will always love you." Were never more true between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE I DID IT BACK TOGETHER  
> THEY STILL GOTTA TALK SHIT OUT! But I better get a boatload of comments from you all or I will feel WORTHLESS. Not really, but you get me.  
> It’s Not My Fault Playlists:  
> [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLc5ejsdxktvfL-T0P4JlxyXw5JR113Jik)  
> [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138293710/playlist/5XrrOwk0VpxMq2R1ydGL1f?si=EKblY6Y-QCe1LoxiF5Un7Q)
> 
> bethica – Thank you so much for your feedback!  
> TheKissAss - I’m glad you enjoyed Richie’s perspective!  
> Worthlessfuck – I am so glad this is your favorite! Thanks a bunch hun!  
> Popcornmoe – Thank you for your constant support love!  
> Reddie4ever – Thanks for reading!  
> losverkaspy – Thank you for calling me the sweetest person, I wanted to cry. Haha  
> Lovesosa12 – Thanks for your fabulousness. Loved your comments  
> Addie – I’m sorry you cried last chapter! Hope the boys being together brings you happy tears.  
> KhaBrow – No mature chapter yet but have a passionate make out  
> wheezingbees – You are the best  
> Azalea – I hope you a sobbing less this chapter!  
> strangercorndogs – I adore your comments ALWAYS


	24. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title - "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John & Kiki Dee  
> [Fan Art](http://richiefuckfacetozier.tumblr.com/post/172660887386/the-losers-club-art)

Richie opened the door, holding Eddie’s hand firmly. Despite their kiss, there was an air of uncertainty between them. Eddie did not like it. He hated walking on eggshells around Richie, someone he was only ever completely honest with. He wanted to act normal, well normal for him, and for things to go back to the way they were. Nothing was more important to him than that.

As they walked into his room, Eddie’s eyes immediately fell to the two boxes on the ground by Richie’s bed. They were the boxes filled with everything that reminded Eddie of their relationship. He reluctantly let go of Richie’s hand, letting their fingertips linger lightly before he went over to a box. “May I?” He asked hesitantly.

“It’s all your stuff, you don’t have to ask me.” Richie said softly. Eddie picked up a comic book and flipped through it, not making eye contact with Richie.

“It’s not my stuff.” Eddie insisted, not really reading the pages of the comic. Too hyper-focused on the anxiety building inside him. “That was the point in mailing it to you.”

“A particularly powerful jab at my heart and gut. So thanks for that Eds.” Richie saddled up beside him looking at the comic.

Anger immediately flared in his chest. No. Blame did not get to be thrown at him when he had been at his lowest point. The only reason they were in this mess was because Richie broke up with him.

Eddie closed the comic and dropped it into the box, not even caring about ruining its condition. “Yes, well, you fucking deserved it.”

Eddie saw Richie cross his arms from his peripheral vision. He stared at Eddie in annoyance. “Did I though?”

Eddie did not know how to answer that. He was self-conscious enough without Richie making him doubt his decisions. “I guess we are getting right into it?” He said barely controlling his anger.

“I guess we are.” Richie responded with that irritating calm he has mastered when being serious. People do not witness it often because Richie is always joking around and being goofy. But when he showed his serious side, it put Eddie on edge.

Eddie looked at him feeling his heart beat fast with apprehension. He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I thought you did. Because you broke up with me, Richie, and broke my heart. So I knew the only way to get over you was to give everything back.”

“But absolutely everything?!” Richie’s voice raised higher. Eddie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at his outburst. “We broke up. I didn’t want to be fucking erased from your life entirely! You must have known that.”

“That’s not. I wasn’t! I...I just...god damn it.” Eddie really wanted to punch a wall or something. He was frustrated that he couldn’t articulate himself properly. His brain was spiraling down a dark chasm. Everything was too overwhelming. “We are too intense together or apart, Rich.”

“Well duh,” Richie scoffed. “We’re gay.”

Eddie blinked at him dumbfounded then slowly laughed. It amazed him that Richie could make him so angry and so happy at the same time. Richie cracked a begrudged smile and Eddie’s laugh.

Eddie’s attention went to the stuffed bear on the ground and he took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I would cry every time I saw our bear on my bed. Or the comics. Or the keychain. And don’t even get me started on the fucking ring.” Eddie stopped, wondering if he had said too much too fast. Taking things slow wasn’t in his vocabulary, especially around his best friend.

Richie hesitated, then unclasped his necklace to slide off the ring. He held it between his thumb and forefinger his eyes boring into Eddie’s. “What about the ring, Eds?”

Eddie eyed the ring worried it would trigger a panic attack but he stayed strong. “Richie...I mean...it’s silly but I’ve wanted to marry you since we were kids. In fact, if I remember correctly, you proposed to me in elementary school and I told you we had to wait until we were adults.”

“Oh my god...that’s right!” Richie said smiling a little. “I said there was no one I would rather be married to than you and got down on one knee because that’s what Rhett does in _Gone With the Wind_.”

“THAT’S why you called me My Dear Scarlett?!” Eddie said giggling. “I have been wondering that for YEARS but never remember to ask.”

“Stanley told us two boys couldn’t get married and I cried.” Richie commented matter of factly. He threw the ring in the air and caught it.

“Well, that too was an issue. It’s probably why it took so long for us to kiss.” Their eyes met remembering the first kiss they had. How special it was regardless of being done in a closet. Eddie could see a light redness grace Richie’s cheeks, which he was grateful for since his own face was feeling hot. “The idea of us being together was laughable with our families and society and our suppressed feelings.”

Richie scoffed, “I’ve never suppressed a feeling about you until the break up honestly. Every single - cute, hot, sexy, smart, clever, amazing - all true statements to you.”

Eddie’s face heated up because Richie had said some pretty hefty things to him before. “Sometimes, you are just too honest.” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I would look at that ring and think about how we weren’t together, we would never be together again, half my dreams thrown out the window, it was crippling.”

Richie smiled as if he was being challenged to confess something more truthful. A challenge he would gladly accept. “I didn’t realize it at the time but I bought the ring as a promise to be faithful to you.”

Eddie contemplated those words in his head. If Richie loved him so much, he should not have broken up with him. It was time he told the whole truth. “So what changed? Tell me what happened with your father.”

Their eye contact was intoxicating. Like two planets off their axis about to hit each other and destroy everything around them.

Richie motioned for Eddie to sit on the bed. Eddie sat on the edge looking at him hopefully. He didn’t join, instead, he moved the boxes to the side and stood in front of him. Richie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Something they both kept doing tonight.

“Wentworth found the picture of us kissing.”

Eddie’s heart sank into his stomach. “Shit.” His breathing started to pick up. This couldn’t be happening. Wentworth knew everything now. That explained his behavior earlier. That was why he smacked him. Eddie knew it was wrong to keep those photos. He should have burned all evidence.

“Eds!” Richie had his hands on both his cheeks. “Breath baby. Don’t go catatonic on me.” Eddie didn’t even realize he was going into a full panic mode, his body shaking, hands gripping the bed painfully and oxygen barely getting into him. He took slow, long breaths, calming himself. Richie let go to continue the story.

“After Valentine’s Day, he was sitting all ominously in the living room and made me talk with him. Then he showed me the photo and told me to break up with you. I, of course, told him I would never fucking do that and there was nothing he could do to me to make me stop seeing you.” Richie said the last sentence looking deeply into Eddie’s eyes. His heart soared at the words and he desperately wanted Richie to kiss him but knew that was just his emotions talking.

Eddie gulped, “Then how did he convince you to do it?”

His brown eyes were full of the deepest sadness and regret. It made Eddie’s heart clench. “Told me he would tell your mother and show her the picture.” 

“Oh no.” Eddie’s hands shook a little bit just thinking about how that would have gone. It would have been terrible. Except Wentworth still ended up outing them. He broke his promise to Richie anyway. Richie would never forgive his father if he knew.

Richie didn’t have to say anymore but he did. “I still wasn’t going to do it Eds. I planned on telling you and hope we could figure it out. But then...my mom...she told me I shouldn’t let you get hurt by our family and I agreed with her. It was a really hard decision and I…” Tears were making their way into Richie’s eyes. He so rarely cried that Eddie was in shock. He opened his arms wide, Richie launched himself into Eddie’s embrace, fully breaking down. Eddie’s neck was wet from his tears, but he didn’t care. It terrified him to see Richie so broken and distraught. “Please, don’t be angry with mom. She really likes you and wanted to protect you. You can be angry with me.” His voice cracked. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Eddie held him as tight as he could. Wishing every bit of pain could fly out of them. “I don’t know what I would have done differently.” Richie’s crying was silent but his breathing short. He wished his crying could be as contained. Whenever he cried, the whole world could see and hear his ugly sobs. Eddie continued to cradle Richie, letting him calm down in his own time. The minutes ticked by and Eddie was sure they had been hugging for 20 minutes. He didn’t want to pull away or look at his crying face or kiss it better. He just wanted to hold him. If he could keep Richie wrapped in his arms forever, he would.

Richie moved away first, lifting his glasses away to wipe away his tears. Eddie took the glasses and cleaned them on Richie’s Nirvana shirt he was still wearing. He placed them back on his face, letting his fingers linger behind Richie’s ears.

Eddie took his face into his hands, kissed Richie’s right cheek, then his left cheek, then his nose, making Richie chuckle. He pulled away running his thumb over Richie’s lip, trying to decide whether to really kiss him.

Richie decided for him, leaning in to brush his lips over his like a ghostly secret. Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut. The kiss was sweet and calm. Exactly what they both needed.

When they pulled away, everything came crashing down violently. “So...it was all your dad.” Eddie’s stomach was in knots. Every part of him was itching to tell Richie that his father outed him. That the man tried to ruin both their lives. Except he stopped himself.

He couldn’t tell him. There was no going back from that kind of admittance. Richie would break. Eddie remembered back to his own spiral when they broke up and could not put Richie through any similar pain. Richie’s father was truly evil. It was one thing for Eddie to know this for a fact. A completely different story for his son to know.

He wouldn’t tell him right now. If he told him, it would be in the future. Richie had been through enough torment at the hands of Wentworth, he didn’t need to bear Eddie’s pain as well. They were so protective of each other that Richie might do something he would later regret. Eddie would not let that happen.

“It was all him.” Richie sighed. He played with Eddie’s hands, entwining their fingers, placing his large ones over Eddie’s, then he brought them to his lips. Eddie’s heart fluttered lightly.

“I want you to know,” Richie’s eyes searched Eddie’s really looking into his soul. “Everything I said was a lie. I would have stayed with you regardless of your mother knowing or not. You are what’s important to me. You will always be the most important person to me." 

Eddie wanted to believe him. He really did. It was all a lot to process. “Anything I said to you wasn’t true either.”

“It felt pretty true.” Richie laughed darkly. “What was it? I am ‘too afraid to be in love. Oh, that can’t be it, must be because he isn’t capable of love. Just being an asshole who doesn’t give a shit.’” Eddie knew Richie was being his usual blunt and honest self but felt frustrated at being called out.

He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, practically teetering on the edge of exploding at him. He removed his hands from under Richie’s and stood up. “What about you?! You said that you couldn’t be with me because I wasn’t out to my mother. It was cruel.” He jabbed a finger into Richie’s chest. 

He rubbed at the spot frowning. Then he ran a hand in agitation through his curls, “Yeah, but it wasn’t true! Your words came from a real place.” 

Eddie gaped at him, “And yours didn’t come from a real place? You’ve been saying how it bothered you that we couldn’t be out together!” 

Richie took a moment to think carefully about his next words. Something he never did. Eddie would have been proud of him if he wasn’t so infuriated. “Sure, it bothered me but I would never have broken up with you…”

“BUT YOU DID!” Eddie shrieked. Then something uncontrollable came over him. He was rarely ever a violent person but his body began reacting in a way it never had before. He started pounding his hands on Richie’s chest as if he could eject his pain physically. He didn’t hit him hard enough to hurt but in retaliation for what Richie had put him through.

“YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!” Right fist went into his chest.

“YOU ACTED LIKE YOU DIDN’T CARE!” Left fist connected. 

“YOU LIED TO ME!” Eddie pounded both his fists against Richie’s chest.

“BECAUSE I HAD TOO!” Richie bellowed. He grabbed Eddie’s hands to stop the assault and stood up looking down at him. “I HURT YOU BECAUSE I HAD TOO.”

Angry tears were threatening to spill from Eddie’s eyes. He yanked his arms out of Richie’s grasp and walked away turning his back. Why did all of this have to hurt so much?

“You hurt me because you wanted too.” Richie said in a much smaller voice.

Eddie went very still as his blood ran cold. Even if at the time, that was his intention, he didn’t mean a single word. He didn’t need his darkest thoughts thrown in his face. He didn’t need a reminder of the side of him that was like his mother from someone he loved.

Eddie whipped around and strode forward. He grabbed Richie’s face, ”It. Was. A. LIE. I wanted to hurt you because I didn’t think you felt anything toward me.” He swallowed down his sorrow. “Try to imagine the love of your life not loving you anymore.” 

“I don’t have to imagine what I already went through, too.” Richie said miserably. Eddie let out a sob, which made Richie’s breath hitch.

His hands slowly slid from Richie’s face but Richie placed his hands over Eddie’s so he would not pull away, “I know it was a lie.” He stated unwaveringly.

“Do you?” Eddie begged. “Because we can’t get past this if you don’t. We have to forgive each other.”

“Yes, and I forgive you for all of it.” The relief that passed through Eddie was the equivalent of receiving a painkiller. The ache that had been constant for so long, a pain he never thought would cease, had finally relented.

They were silent again, trying to figure out what to say. Richie dragged Eddie toward him, while walking backwards to the bed. Eddie sniffled and let himself be guided to a sitting position on the mattress. Richie brought a leg to the other side of Eddie and pulled him in.

“You are obviously trying to get me to sit in your lap.” Eddie grumbled defiantly. His least favorite position always being Richie’s favorite.

“No,” But his sneaky smile revealed that was his intention. “Sitting between my legs isn’t the same as being in my lap.”

“You are such an idiot.” Eddie chuckled.

“Come on. It’s my birthday.” Richie cooed. Eddie raised an eyebrow, then he pushed Richie to scoot back against the headboard, settling himself in between his legs. He took Richie’s arms so they wrapped around his waist. The warm embrace being the most comforting he had felt all evening.

“Where’s the ring?” Eddie said.

“Here,” Richie plopped it in his hand. Eddie placed it on his left pinky without hesitation. An air of relaxation flowed through him for the first time in weeks. Richie held that hand looking at the ring. Then hugged Eddie tightly, breathing him in.

“Are you sniffing me?” Eddie laughed.

“Yep, you always smell great.” He said unashamedly. “I missed you so much.”

“Oh god, that reminds me of our phone call when you said that.” Eddie groaned. “I missed you too, though.”

“I was just glad you were alright after...well ya know...” He trailed off.

Eddie had been wanting to bring this up and felt now was a good time. He tapped Richie’s arm nervously. “Thank you, Rich.”

“For what?” He asked.

He chewed the inside of his cheek trying to get over his pride. Richie poked his cheek and he swatted away his hand. “You have the cutest cheeks.”

“I’m not cute! And focus fool, I am trying to say thank you for helping when I had my meltdown.” Richie poked his cheek one more time for fun then brought his hands back to grasp Eddie’s.

“Couldn’t have you dying over me.” Richie stated. “What a stupid way to go. The headlines would read: _Local Gay Killed Because Boyfriend Was Too Hot To Handle_.”

“Oh my fucking god,” A burst of laughter ripped through Eddie. “And under that would be: _The hot bisexual boyfriend failed to save him because he was too busy hitting on the paramedic trying to save him._ ” They both laughed, wonderful cathartic laughter that vibrated through them. Richie still hugging Eddie and crying into his back at the joke.  

When the laughter settled. Eddie said, “But anyway, you were there and you saved me from myself. So thanks Rich.”

“I will always be there for you.” He stated firmly. “Regardless of what we are going through.”

“Even when I have lost my mind?”

“Even if I have to check you into a mental institution, I will visit you every day and entertain you with my hilarity.”

“Or drive me to the brink of insanity.” Eddie mumbled.

Richie kissed the side of his neck distractingly. He grazed his teeth over his pulse point. Eddie sighed soaking in the familiar tingling feeling Richie always gave him. “Hey, tell me about your mom?” He said lightly. “How did she find out? I’m so proud of you for telling her.” Richie was giving the most encouraging and supportive voice. Eddie only felt dread.

“She um…” Eddie was grateful to have his back to Richie. He didn’t think he would be able to lie otherwise. “She also found the photo.”

“Are you serious?!” Richie laughed in exasperation. “Wow, we fucking suck at keeping secrets.”

Eddie chuckled lightly. “Yeah, we do.”  

Richie ran his fingers over Eddie’s arms lightly. “But she is alright with it all? What did she say?”

“I had to defend you…” Eddie struggled with how to word everything in a convincing way. He decided to stick to as much of the truth as he could. “She said it is obvious I have always loved you.” Richie squeezed Eddie tighter like a life support. “And when I defended you. She finally heard me for the first time. That it is clear I love you the way she loved my dad.”

Richie brought his hand up to move Eddie’s face toward him. He looked really proud, as if Eddie had defeated a dragon for Richie’s love. “My knight and shining booty shorts.”

“RICHIE! My shorts aren’t that short! Jesus H Christ.” His face flushed and he was going to look away but noticed a change in Richie’s demeanor. He opened his mouth then closed it, eyes going down dejectedly.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie whispered. 

“I don’t...I don’t deserve y -”

“Stop. Don’t finish that sentence.” Eddie pleaded. Richie stiffened and his eyes slowly met his. Eddie moved out of his legs and sat cross-legged in front of him.

Richie mimicked the move, so their knees touching. “Are we back to being serious?” He joked. 

Eddie huffed, “You have been saying you ‘don’t deserve me’ since the beginning of our relationship. I bet that’s the reason you thought breaking up would be fine. Because I didn’t deserve to be hurt or something moronic like that.”

“Hey, my goal was to protect you from pain because you are perfect and pure and the best person in the world. How can I deserve any of that?” Richie had a thin smile on his face. Clearly trying to joke but Eddie was not laughing now.

“And I love that you think that babe.” He placed both his hands on Richie’s knees. “I honestly believe all the same stuff about you. But Richie...I hate being put on a fucking pedestal. I’m not perfect.”

Richie frowned and opened his mouth to argue but Eddie kissed him to shut him up. Richie mumbled something into his mouth, so Eddie pulled away to let him speak. “You can’t kiss away anger.” He mimicked what Eddie said to him a while ago.

He grinned, “Just did.” Then continued with his concerns “If these past couple weeks have proved anything, it’s that I am truly not the perfect person. And you do deserve to be happy. And if I make you happy, then you deserve me plenty.” He ended the last word by flicking Richie on the nose.

Richie did not respond. He seemed put out for an unknown reason. Eddie expected a sassy remark but received nothing.

“Hey,” He said softly placing his hand under Richie’s chin to bring it up so he would look at him. “You should hit on me.”

“What?” Richie said confused.

Eddie grinned widely, “You should say a stupid pick up line.”

“Why?” Richie’s lips twitched trying not to smile. “Aren’t we trying to have a serious conversation about our relationship?”

“Wow, didn’t know you hated pick up lines now.” Eddie teased. He placed a hand on his heart and another on his forehead saying dramatically, “However will I survive without them?”

Richie stared back smiling then glanced around for inspiration. His eyes landed on the spider-man comic. He smirked, brought his hand to Eddie’s knee to run his fingers up his thigh slowly. Then leaned toward his face whispering, “If I was Spider-man my spidey-senses wouldn’t be the only thing that’s tingling right now.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and snorted out a laugh, “Beep beep, Richie.”

They both laughed and Richie kept his hand on Eddie’s thigh soothingly. He was too conscious of Richie, of his body heat, his breathing, his presence, the slight tickle of his fingers against Eddie’s bare thigh as he kept his hand there. Then Richie placed his other hand on Eddie’s other leg immediately making him flush. He stirred uncomfortably, a warmth spreading low in his belly.

Eddie watched the motion then brought his hands to Richie’s chest and ran them up to his shoulders, his face, and Richie’s hair as if Richie were a treasure that had been lost. Then when all hope seemed gone, the treasure was found and more precious than anything else.

Richie squeezed Eddie’s thighs tighter and he leaned in closer to kiss his lips lightly. He was being extremely cautious, completely out of character for Richie. The kiss was sweet but he started to pull away clearly nervous to continue. Eddie had too many pent up emotions and needs to deal with any more uncertainty. He added more pressure, then cupped his hands around the back of Richie’s head to bring him closer.

“Kiss me harder, Rich,” he whined frustratedly. Richie moaned as he slid his hands to Eddie’s hips and held him in place while he explored his mouth thoroughly, making Eddie gasp. Richie was kissing him, hard and bruising. Eddie opened his lips and licked the inside of his mouth which tasted of cake, Richie inhaled and pulled him harder against him so he was straddling him eliciting a groan from them both. Eddie relished every time Richie dug his hands into his hips, or pressed him impossibly closer. They continued to explore each other’s lips and tongues, caressing, biting, then kissing to soothe the sting.

Richie sucked Eddie’s bottom lip, his mouth on Eddie’s was warm and rough as he teased the corners of his mouth. Then began ravishing Eddie’s mouth with long strokes of his tongue. Each touch of his tongue against his sent a shock through Eddie’s being. Eddie laid back on the bed, pulling Richie toward him so he was pressing his body helplessly against Richie’s, wanting more, craving more. The hot press of body to body was dizzying, Eddie wrapped his legs around him trying to eliminate any space between them. Richie kissed Eddie again and again, each time harder. He savored the texture of his lips over his, the taste of his mouth, until the intensity of it threatened to tip over from pleasure into pain.

Every kiss was like that first one they ever shared except ten times better, Eddie being sure he would want nothing more than Richie and this moment forever. Richie’s hands went under Eddie’s shirt to graze his fingers over the feverish skin. Eddie wasn’t positive if the room was actually hot or if he was heating up from the frenzied kisses.  

They pulled away to catch their breath, practically gasping for air. Richie’s eyes were blown out, his hair a mess from Eddie pulling on it. 

Richie ran his hands up his sides slowly gazing down at him. “I really love you, Eds.” He admitted. 

“I love you so much, Richie.” He sighed back.

Richie’s lips parted anxiously as his golden brown eyes pleaded desperately, “I want this to work again.”

Eddie hesitated, weighing his feelings. He was so worried about everything and unsure how to approach their issues without another fight. “I didn’t like the person I became when you broke up with me.” He said slowly, placing his hand on Richie’s cheek gently. “I was so distraught to the point where I wanted to die. That’s not healthy. I was cruel to Beverly, to you, pretty much everyone when you broke it off.”

Richie removed his hands from Eddie, leaving a coldness in its wake. Then sat on the edge of the bed. He nodded solemnly, “Yeah. Like a nasty Chihuahua."

“Thanks.” He muttered. He stayed laying down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “But I am serious Richie. The argument you used for our break up, me not being out, what you claim is a ‘lie’.” He made air-quotes peering at Richie. “Was the very thing you knew I feared.”

“Don’t air-quote my words.” Richie huffed. “I mean it when I say it was a lie. I had to make you believe the break-up. Otherwise, you would have fought me tooth and nail to stay together.”

He was not wrong about that. Eddie got back into a sitting position and pointed at him accusingly. “See, that terrifies me. You have always said you would never hurt me. But you used my fears against me because you knew it would work.”

At the same time they said:

“Which I had too!”

“Which you had too!”

“I know.” Eddie put his head in his hands rubbing his face, trying to calm himself down.

“And what about you,” Came Richie’s tired voice. “You weren’t much kinder to me.” 

He released his hands from his face. “But that’s what I’m saying. I used your fears of becoming your…” Eddie didn’t want to finish his words.

But Richie said it for him. “My father.”

“Which you aren’t,” Eddie said angrily. “I can’t believe the things I said to you.”

“I know. Mom says I never could be anyway. Don’t worry.” Richie said absently.

A pang went through Eddie. “How is your mom?”

“Doing great since my father moved out.” Richie frowned a little glancing at Eddie reproachfully, “Don’t change the subject!”

“I’m not! I just…” Eddie didn’t know what he was saying or doing. A small headache was creeping into the side of his head.

“I want us to move on from the lies.” Richie pleaded.

“I want that too.” He agreed. “I worry about us doing this to each other again.”

“I will never hurt you again.”

“You don’t know that!” Eddie could not help thinking about all the ways they could break each other again. Maybe this was too hard.

Richie stared at him sadly, his lips in a thin line. “So you want to break up?”

Eddie felt sick, “We already are.”

Richie rolled his eyes, “You want to stay broken up?”

“No!”

“You want to be together?”

“I don’t know.”

“You gotta give me something, snicker bar.” Richie put his hands on the back of Eddie’s neck. He brought their foreheads together. The simplest gesture giving Eddie heart palpitations.

Eddie came up with the only solution he could. “Well, how about we take some time to figure ourselves out. Put ourselves first…”

“And our relationship second?” Richie finished. 

“Yeah.” He sighed.

Richie kissed his forehead lightly and mumbled into his hairline, “How do we do that?”

Eddie brought his hands up to hold Richie’s wrists, “I don’t know but we’ll figure it out.” 

“We always do.” Richie agreed. They looked into each other eyes, an entire universe of possibilities before them. This agreement seemed so fragile and Eddie was not convinced they had figured everything out. Perhaps that was how relationships grew and thrived, through being vulnerable with an uncertain future.

There was a quiet knock on the door. Richie and Eddie looked at each other in confusion. “Come in?” Richie yelled. They got off the bed walking over to the door.

Richie opened it slowly and their friends filled the entryway. Bill in front, Beverly and Ben sticking their heads out at the side, and Stanley being carried on Mike’s shoulders for a better look. It was a funny sight to see. 

Bill spoke first, “S-sorry, we are all dying out here.”

“Yeah, you’ve been talking for two hours, we finished the fucking movie.” Beverly complained.

Mike smiled at them. “It’s pretty inconsiderate to forget your guests.” 

“I forgot you were even out there.” Eddie laughed. “Sorry.”

Ben took a deep breath trying to find the words to ask them something, “We don’t want to ruin whatever moment you’re having but um...”

“Are you two dumb gays back together or not?” Stanley finished with a roll of his eyes hugging Mike's head.

Eddie stared at his friends encouraged faces with affection and slight annoyance. He looked back at Richie. Their eyes a matching gaze of fear and love.

Richie gave him a shy goofy smile waiting for an answer. Then Eddie smiled back thinking, _Who fucking cares?_

His arms came up around Richie’s neck and Richie pulled him roughly against him. Richie’s hands flattened against his back, and Eddie was up on the tips of his toes, kissing him fiercely. Richie flicked his tongue along his lips, opening his mouth, and Eddie tasted salt and sweet and everything Richie.

He clung more tightly, knotting his hands in Richie’s hair, trying to tell him, with the press of his mouth, all the things he could not say out loud. He kissed him like he was the only person in the world for him.

And if he was being honest...

He was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie, Eddie, Beverly, Ben, Bill, Stanley, and Mike will return in the sequel! 
> 
> Surprise! This incredible experience is ending but I am writing a SEQUEL with a little time jump to their senior year so do not panic about things that went unsaid.
> 
> I want to start by saying THANK YOU SO MUCH. I had stopped writing for years then started up again when this was originally a one-shot. Now it is 24 chapters and the length of a book with more than 30,000 views. It is thanks to all of you. Any time a person told me this was their favorite fic, or they love my characterizations, or any kind of compliment my heart honestly soared. I dedicate this all to you!  
> I have to give a shoutout to my best friend and real-life Eds, Sam, if it weren’t for her I would have given up on this story 10 chapters ago. She has really been there for me.  
> If you are wondering why I am ending it here, it’s because it felt like the natural conclusion to this part of their story. Enough to keep you wondering about somethings and hopeful for the ‘heroes’ as it were.  
> The sequel will not be happening right away as I am working on another fic called Half-Blood Losers (Percy Jackson AU). When I post the first chapter of the sequel I will let you all know here with an update, so subscribe if you want to find out when that happens. 
> 
> Thank you for being apart of this journey.
> 
> Thank you for reminding me why I love to write.
> 
> Thank you for being you.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi [tumblr: richiefuckingtozier](https://richiefuckingtozier.tumblr.com)  
> 


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